Blades of Glory (film)

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Blades of Glory is a 2007 comedy film about figure skating championships.

Directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck. Written by Jeff Cox & Craig Cox and John Altschuler & Dave Krinsky.
Kick Some Ice (taglines)

Chazz Michael Michaels

  • This is my brother! And this is my brother's new girlfriend. And she is not a whore!
  • [phone message] Think of it as a boob handshake... between me and your lady's boo -- look, that's not coming out right, just call me back so I can explain, okay? It's me, Chazz.
  • [Title of his book] Let Me Put My Poems In You.
  • If we went to a Halloween party as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin. That's how much you mean to me.
  • I swear to god, if you cut my head off...
  • No exaggeration, I couldn't love a human baby as much as I love this brush.
  • Whoever invented rope was a real a-hole.
  • Hey, I was on Quaaludes, I don't even remember Oslo. But I remember Boston... and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie for which the town was named.
  • They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was going to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them.
  • Michaels and MacElroy are a freight train from Hell, okay? We're going straight up the ass of the competition, Scott.
  • Troubled childhood? If you call being a nine year old kid with a thirty-five year old girlfriend troubled.
  • Was it good for you, Stockholm? 'Cause it was good for me! Let's have a smoke!


  • He loves food, and he likes dreams, [whispers] and his favorite movie is Short Circuit... and Fried Green Tomatoes.
  • I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday... it's coming up.
  • I started working with that Ukrainian skater, you know, the one that looks like Elvis? And I moved to the Ukraine, and it was cold, and everyone had guns and smelled like soup.
  • Jimmy! I sent you a cup of my blood. Did you get my blood?
  • You smell like a winner. You smell like USA!
  • No one can obsess like I can!


Jimmy: So, Coach. I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Coach: Really?
Chazz: We're gonna skate to one song, and one song only: "Lady Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I'm gonna get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps."
Jimmy: [disgusted] I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means.
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative!
Jimmy: No, it's not.
Chazz: ...It gets the people going!

Chazz: Bunk beds?
Jimmy: I don't share rooms.
Chazz: I don't share shit. The night is a very dark time for me.
Jimmy: It's dark for everyone, moron.
Chazz: Not for Alaskans or dudes with night-vision goggles.
Coach: All right, this has got to stop right now. From here on out, you guys are a team. You understand? You are going to eat together, sleep together. You are going to pee together. You're going to file a joint income tax return. Practice starts now. End of discussion.

Chazz: Mind-bottling, isn't it?
Jimmy: Did you just say "mind-bottling"?
Chazz: Yeah. You know when things are so crazy, you get your thoughts trapped, like in a bottle.

Chazz: Why would we step in baby food?
Jimmy: He's talking about the carpet. Berber?
Chazz: What are you? The rug doctor?
Jimmy: Maybe I am.
Chazz: I'm the rug master.
Jimmy: What does that even mean?
Coach: Shut up and take off your damn shoes.

Jimmy: Get out of my face!
Chazz: I'll get inside your face!

Jimmy: Ugh, I'm getting sick! You smell like aftershave and taco meat!
Chazz: Yes, I do!

Fairchild Van Waldenberg: What's that, mother? You and father are sad that you were killed, driving Katie to her ice-skating lesson all those years ago? Yeah, me too.
Stranz Van Waldenberg: Remember how they used to be alive?

Darren MacElroy: I'm un-adopting you.
Jimmy: What?
Darren MacElroy: I don't think "un-adopting" is the right word for it. Well, legally I'm disowning you.

Jimmy: That was disgusting.
Chazz: That, young man, is how babies are made.

Jimmy: I see you got fat!
Chazz: I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl but not hot!
Jimmy: You crush my dreams.
Chazz: Dreams? Shit. I haven't had one of those in years.
Jimmy: Zip it, Chazz! Zip it or I will punch you in your crap, lousy face!
Chazz: Hey, This ends tonight!
Jimmy: It's daytime, you douche!

Jimmy: I call top!
Chazz: No, I already called it in my head.
Jimmy: What?? No, you can't do that, that doesn't count.
Chazz: Yes it does. Get used to it, Jimmy -- you're in Chazz's world now.

[Chazz shows Jimmy the tattoo of him he got on his arm.]
Chazz: That's you. The wolf.... that runs with the lone wolf. So the lone wolf never has to be alone again.
Jimmy: You were drunk when you got it, weren't you?
Chazz: Yes, absolutely hammered. Welcome to the pack.

Grublets on Ice Manager: ...Are you drunk?
Chazz: No. [Breaks the top off of the bottle of liquor he's holding] But this oughtta do it.

Jimmy: This ice has not been properly zambonied. And where's the warm-down room?
Coach: We don't have any of that. What we got is a cold storage unit that a buddy of mine let me flood with a garden hose.

Chazz: This guy could not hold my jock sweat.
Jimmy: I could hold it all day long; try me!
Chazz: Maybe I will.
Jimmy: Maybe you should.
Chazz: You challenging me, princess?
Jimmy: I'm not inviting you to the Skating Federation's Annual Christmas Party!
Chazz: Then bring it on!
Jimmy: It is on!
Coach: Good. We're in an agreement, then.

Chazz: You know what, dude. Your hand has to be on top.
Jimmy: No way. The girl's goes on top.
Chazz: Yeah, ergo. Chick.
Jimmy: I'm not the girl, I'm stronger.
Chazz: No, I'm stronger and don't have a vagina.


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