Evolution (film)

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In oratory the will must predominate.
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Evolution is a 2001 film about a fire fighting cadet, two college professors, and a geeky-but-sexy government scientist who are working against an alien organism that has been rapidly evolving ever since its arrival on Earth inside a meteor.

Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by David Diamond, David Weissman and Don Jakoby.

Ira Kane

  • Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same old, boring magazine everyday. The end." ...And although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be, I still could not bring myself to put an A on top of those beauties. I hope you understand, guys.
  • (While mooning General Woodman)
  • Fruit basket for Russell Woodman!
  • (Referring to the periodic table on the back of Allison's shirt) "Take off your shirt and I'll show you."
  • Gimme back my friend you big sphincter!!!

Harry Block

  • They kept us out for almost two weeks. We put our lives on the line to find these little guys, your majesty. We just want to be there for them as they grow up.
  • FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD AND HOLY, GET THIS GODDAMN THING OUTTA ME!!!!!
  • (After watching an alien give birth) Mazel Tov! It's a boy!
  • LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!
  • (While looking at the hole where the metor hit) Is this the point of...penetration?
  • (At the volleyball game) LISA, USE YOUR HANDS! GOD GAVE YOU TWO GODDAMN HANDS FOR A REASON!!

General Woodman

  • Napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.

Wayne Grey

  • Yeah, it's a goddamn meteor! It bounced my car 200 feet in the air!
  • Because you're nothing but a big, fat monkey turd.

Dialogue

Harry Block: Shouldn't we call the government to help us out on this?
Ira Kane: Absolutely not! I know those people.

Harry Block: Keep your chin up. You know she wanted to give you some, didn't you?
Ira Kane: Were you even in that courtroom?
Harry Block: Getting barbecued like baby back ribs? It's all foreplay, baby.
[they return to their lab, to find the door broken in, and all their work stolen]
Ira Kane: Oh, we've been hit!
Harry Block: Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!

[Ira finishes checking the school computer for their research notes]
Ira Kane: They cleaned us out!
Harry Block: I'm calling the cops.
Ira Kane: The cops? Harry, they ARE the cops!

Ira Kane: Hey, cool! Snag one!
Harry Block: Snag one?
Ira Kane: Yeah, snag it and put it in the bucket!
Harry Block: No way!
Ira Kane: Come on, it's for science.
Harry Block: I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. YOU snag it!

Dr. Allison Reed: What are you gonna do?
Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.
Harry Block: WHOA, DOC! DON'T TAKE MY LEG! Ira, don't let them take my leg--
Ira Kane: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
Nurse Tate: Doctor, look!
Dr. Paulson: It's headed for his testicles.
Harry Block: TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE THE LEG!

Dr. Paulson: Look it's going the other way. Maybe we can catch it in his colon.
Nurse Tate: How are you going in?
Dr. Paulson: Rectally!
Harry: in a high pitched voice Noo noo noo noo!
[after the parasite has been removed from Harry's anal cavity]
Allison: [as if to a child] Oh, you're so brave, you're SO brave. Can I get you anything?
Harry: Ice cream... I-I-I would like some ice cream, please.
Allison: Ice cream? Okay, you got it. What flavor?
Harry: It doesn't matter. It's for my ass.

Wayne Grey: [trying to get the alien's attention with an open mike] Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Tookie Tookie!
Harry Block: Wayne, I think we've established that "Ca-caw, ca-caw" and "Tookie Tookie" don't work.
Wayne Grey: Right. Sorry.
[He starts singing into the mike]
Wayne Grey: You are so beautiful to me...
Ira Kane: Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
Harry Block: Uh-uh, stand down! I'm taking this one out myself.
Wayne Grey: Can't you see...
Harry Block: Wayne, would you please stop, because you are embarrasing me.

Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. I took some chemistry in high school.

Dr. Allison Reed: There's something I've been wanting to tell you, but I don't know exactly how.
Ira Kane: Well, we're all adults here and we're all about to die a very horrible death anyway, so?
Dr. Allison Reed: I would've rocked your world.
Ira Kane: You already have.

Harry Block: We're not gonna bend over and take this General!
[Harry and Ira both get in the jeep and Ira bends over mooning General Woodman]
Ira Kane: Fruit basket for Russel Woodman!
Harry Block: Happy Holidays, General!
[Ira turns his head around and salutes the general]

Other

Wayne Grey: [About the alien] Ugh! Now that's a face for radio.

Taglines

  • Have a nice end of the world.
  • Coming to wipe that silly smile off your planet.

Cast

External links

Wikipedia
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