George Lopez (TV series)

George Lopez (also known as The George Lopez Show) is an American sitcom starring comedian George Lopez that originally aired on ABC from March 27, 2002 to May 8, 2007.

George Lopez

  • Don't do anything crazy, Carl. No job, no protein shake money.
  • Mom, why you have a "2pac lives" bumper sticker on your car is none of my business.
  • Oh, Qué La, mom.
  • A quarterback with straight "A"s who drives his disabled brother around in a van. Can't she do better Angie?
  • Angie...(in high-pitched voice, while patting his chest) I got this!
  • Great news, I didn't kill anybody!
  • (to Benny) Hey, bat, eyes on the road, wings on the wheel!
  • We deal with things the Lopez way!
  • He's dealing with it the Lopez way!
  • I've never been to counseling, and I saw my mom stab a Repo Man.
  • These aren't my friends, and none of them is fine.
  • I can't ever do nothing in this house!
  • Taloca!!!!!!!!!

Angie Lopez

  • Why does everything happen to us? Are we cursed? Did you cut off a voodoo priest's head in traffic?
  • We don't hit our kids, Benny. We threaten to send them to your house.
  • You sent them to the house of the woman who's responsible for everything that's wrong with you?

Benny Lopez

  • Smoke or talk to Angie? Well, both shorten my life...but the tax on these things help pay for public schools. (Takes out a cigarette) This one's for the kids.

Veronica Palmero

  • I'm not in there. I never shower when Max is home. Not since I found him in the hamper.


  • Benny: You can't make us stop smoking. I know my rights.
    George: Of course you do. They've been read to you every New Year's Eve since I was 7.
  • Angie: What did you say to convince her to quit?
    George: The same thing I wrote on her Mother's Day Card. "You're old, and you better not lose your job, because ¿Sabes Qué?, I'm not taking care of your ass. Warmest regards, your son, George.
  • Angie: Daddy, why are you still wearing your scrubs?
    Vic: Oh, I didn't have time to change before I left the hospital and...
    George: He wears them to the grocery store so he can meet women. (imitating Vic) "I need 200 c.c.s of Macaroni Salad, stat. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was still at the hospital saving lives, and making mad stacks of cash."
  • George Mom, what do you think about a teenage girl wearing a thong?
    Benny Well, I used to think it was pretty trashy, but Randy likes it and it pretty damn comfterble!
  • Max: There's even racism in my school. I'm pretty sure I'm getting a "D" in math because my teacher hates latinos.
    Angie: Max, 50% of your class is latino.
    Max: No way. There are, like, 30 kids, and only 15 are latino.
    Angie: Oh god.
    George: You're not helping the cause! Now, I want you to go up to your room, and don't come back down for 50% of an hour. (to Angie) You know we're gonna have to go up there and get him, right?
  • Max: Do I want to hear this, or should I leave now so I can pass the Lie Detector test later?
    George: No, you can stay. If it has "test" in the name, you're probably not gonna pass it anyway.
  • (George runs from behind a tree dressed as Santa)
    George: I'm real! (pushes Kenny into the bushes and runs off)
    George: Ho ho ho!
    (Gets in Ernie's car)
    George: Punch it, Rudolph!
    Ernie: I'm an elf!
  • George: Max, your grandma stood up for something she believed in. Was it a for Rosa Parks to sit where she wanted on the bus? Was it a crime for Cesar Chavez to protest in the fields? Was it a crime for President Nixon to sneak in the hotel and watch "Deep Throat"?
    Angie: George! That's not what happened.
    George: I'm pretty sure it was Nixon at the Watercrest Motel.
  • Angie: What happened to those cute little poems you used to write about death and despair?
    Carmen: I'm still writing.(points to ceiling)
    George: I'm pretty sure we can have her committed for this.
  • Taylor: He's not my boyfriend. If he was my boyfriend, I'd know his name.
    George: Oh, Que la.
  • Angie: (about Benny) What if she has a nervous breakdown or something? Who's gonna take care of her then?
    George: The church. She's small enough. We'll put her in a basket...leave her on the doorstep, ring the bell and vámanos! Ding-dong ditch.
  • Max: Dad, Veronica's hogging the bathroom again. She's in there drying her hair and she won't let me in.
    George: Do you really need to use the bathroom, or are you just trying to sneak in there and peek at your cousin blow-drying her hair again?
    Max: Dad, if I really wanted to spy on her, I'd lean a ladder against the tree and use the periscope I built in shop class. So thank you for not trusting me.
  • Benny: (about Jason) Wow.
    George: Mom!
    Benny: If I was 35 years younger, he would have been your daddy, George.
  • Carmen: (answers phone) Jason?
    George: Yes, it's Jason. Listen you talk on the phone too much. I don't love you anymore, get your mother!
  • George: I got Max everything on his list to Santa.
    Angie: Everything?
    George: Well, everything except the monkey. We can just lock my mom in the yard, throw some bananas out there and watch her through the glass.
  • Angie: When did you start having your period?
    Carmen: I don't know, what's the date on the note?
  • George: I'm sorry mom, but I have to do what's best for the company!
    Benny: What's best for the company? I'm your mother! Was the company there when you won your little league trophy!?
    George: Mom, you weren't even there! You dropped me off at the curb!
  • George: Max, do you remember when you got in trouble for spying on your sister?
    Max: Yeah, you said it was wrong.
    George: Well son, as you get older you're going to find out that the line between right and wrong is going to move around alot. Go spy on your sister.
    Max: What should I look for?
    George: If they do anything bad like, swearing or stealing, or anything that makes you feel happy in a way you don't understand.
  • George: I've said it before, but this time I mean it. I am gonna kill Carmen!
    Angie: I'm so tired of you not including me in the parenting. WE are gonna kill Carmen!
    George: So we'll have one kid left.
    Angie: Max is a good boy. He'll be our future.
  • Vic:(about wearing a nicotine patch) Benny, you can't wear three patches! It'll make you sick!
    Benny: I know that, you idiot! This one is so I don't get knocked up!
    George: Now all you have to do is find a guy with a patch over each eye.
  • Carmen: I can't believe you! You're the worst dad ever!
    George: How can I be the worst dad ever? There's Macaulay Culkin's dad, and O.J.'s still out there.
  • Angie: Why don't we open these to see how our love has grown.
    Benny: Or dried up and died.
  • Dr. Lispy: You can't put a price on a family member.
    George: It depends. My son...5 grand. My daughter....$2,200. My mom, free if you tow her away.

  • Benny: (about Carmen's new boyfriend) Two cute boyfriends in a row! Maybe I should start wearing my jeans lower.
    (Phone rings)
    George: Look mom, it's all of America calling to ask you not to.
  • Benny: Should I smoke, or talk to Angie? Both reduce my life expectancy, but the taxes on these babies (points to cigarettes) help pay for public schools. (Pulls out a cigarette) This one's for the kids!

External links

Wikipedia has an article about:
George Lopez (TV series)
Last modified on 17 November 2008, at 21:50