Pushing Daisies

From Quotes
Life is supposed to get tough.
Kelsey Grammer
Jump to: navigation, search

Pushing Daisies (2007–present) is a Golden Globe-nominated American television dramedy created by Bryan Fuller. It revolves around Ned, a man who can bring dead people back to life with just one touch—but if he ever touches them again, they also die again—forever.

Season One

Pie-lette [1.01]

Narrator: At this very moment in the town of Couer d'Couers young Ned was 9 years, 27 weeks, 6 days and 3 minutes old. His dog Digby was 3 years, 2 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours and 9 minutes old. And not a minute older.
[Digby is hit by a truck]

Narrator:Long after their playdate was over Ned remained under Chuck's spell, until a blood vessel in his mother's brain burst killing her instantly
[Ned's Mother collapses]

Emerson Cod: Sounds like you're narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?
Emerson: [confused] What's the other one?
Ned: Necrophiliac.
Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive Snook: Me too. I used to think that masturbation meant chewing your food. [pauses] I don't think that anymore.

[Chuck and Ned talk after Chuck is revived.]
Charlotte "Chuck" Charles: I had the strangest dream! I was being strangled to death with a plastic sack.
Ned: You were strangled to death with a plastic sack. [pauses] That's probably an odd thing to hear but I wasn't sure how to sugar-coat it…

Ned: [nervously] I used to… When I lived next door to you, I had a cru— I was in— You… were my first kiss.
Chuck: Yeah? [pauses] You were my first kiss too. Do you want to be my last kiss? First and last? Or is that weird?
Ned: [whispers] That's not weird. It's… symmetrical.

[Ned tells Chuck that they cannot touch (because doing so would cause her to die again).]
Chuck: I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around!
Ned: I'm not a fan of the hug.
Chuck: Well then you haven't been hugged properly. It's like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and gives you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety comes shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breathe again.
Ned: That's fine for someone else to do, if I'm choking on something other than emotion, but you can't touch me.
Chuck: [smiles] So a kiss is out of the question?

Deedee: Hey, Charlotte!
Chuck: Hey, Deedee.
Deedee: Now, how'd I know you'd be the first person I'd see when I got to...? Is this...? Which one is this?
Chuck: This is neither. Well, maybe it's both, but, listen, this is the deal: you get to talk for, like, a minute, we're gonna catch up, and then you're not talking anymore.
Deedee: Does everyone get to do this? 'Cause, girl, we gotta break it down.
Chuck: Did you know I was gonna get killed?
Deedee: I thought there might be the possibility, yes. I'm real sorry about that. I probably should've said something. But to be honest, and really, why not, at this point, if it were safe, I would've done it myself. God, this is fantastic! Being honest is fun!
Emerson Cod: Ask her who killed her and you and what's with the monkeys.
Deedee: Who are those people?
Chuck: That's Emerson, I don't really know him, and this is Ned. He was my first kiss.
Deedee: [to Ned] Now, you're adorable. Look at your li-
[touches Ned's cheek and becomes dead again]:
Emerson Cod: You couldn't have… scooted back a little?
Ned: I didn't know she was gonna touch my cheek. Who does that?
Chuck: Actually, she does that a lot.

Dummy [1.02]

Ned: This is not strange. Unusual, maybe eccentric in a quaint way, like dessert spoons.

Chuck: What? You love secrets, you want to marry secrets and wanna have little half-secret-half-human babies.

Emerson: I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry God.

Chuck: I have so many questions. My mind wanders.
Ned: You need to feed it warm milk and a turkey sandwich, let it curl up in a sunny spot and take a nap.

Narrator: Olive often imagined there was an orchestra in her heart. Music heard only by her, except when her heart broke open and it spilled out into the world.

The Fun In Funeral [1.03]

Olive: This is a pie shop, not a herbal crack den.

Olive: Musing on the idea of setting someone on fire doesn't mean you really want to set them on fire, it's just the thought of it that makes you happy, but only for a second and then you feel bad, but that second can be a lot of fun!

Ned: Everything we do is a choice. Oatmeal or cereal, highway or side streets, kiss her or keep her, we make choices and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way we ask for forgivingness, it's the best anyone can do.

Emerson: Lookit here... You need a ticket to *ride* this ride & if you're ticket gets punched then you gotta take somebody else's ticket.
Ned: Why are you still talking?!?
Emerson: I'm ripping off the band-aid!!
Ned: I'm not a ripper. I pull up a corner a little at a time and then I run it under warm water and I pull it a little bit more. It's a process!
Emerson: Let 'er rip.

Pigeon [1.04]

Ned: [stares at a squirrel waiting for it to die, when a dead bird falls from the sky] It's raining dead birds.

Girth [1.05]

Narrator: The season was autumn. His first year away. Young Ned is at boarding school. The times are not gay. Tucked away in her lair, dark, dank and cool, stood the post mistress of the Longborough school. Every week, young Ned would hope for a letter. Some contact from home to make it all better. But from his father there was never a word. He's grieving your mother, they said. Young Ned concurred. Then, one day before All Hallow's Eve, she gave him the nod. It was hard to believe. He was stunned to be summoned, guessed what he'd been given. Candy corn treats? Or masks of dead risen? But the thing was more frightening than a demon, winged or hooved. A pre-printed card from his father: We've moved!

Narrator: Ned ran away. No one from school saw him go. He needed to see what the postcard would show. His father's new address was the place that he sought. A home to come home to. In his throat, his heart caught. But what came out of the door, scared him for life. His father with two brand new sons and a brand new wife. A hug is what he wanted, a wink and a quick, 'The joke's on you.' But what he got instead was a honeycomb chew.

Chuck: This has always been my favorite holiday. Remember when we used to go trick-or-treating, gorge ourselves on candy. You used to love that.
[Ned looks down]
Chuck: Why don't you like Halloween anymore?
Ned: Remember razor blades in apples? That never actually happened. Uh, not once, just a vicious rumor.

Emerson: Check please.
Olive: [slams two large wads of cash down on Emerson's table]
Emerson: Or cash. Cash is good. [grabs money, puts it on his lap]
Olive: I want to hire you. Technically, I already have, since you were so grabby with the cash.
Emerson: Think of it as an escrow between my thighs.

Ned: Is this a bad idea? Olive as a client? It's a little too close for comfort.
Emerson: [sarcastically] Oh, hang on a second, let me ask the money.
[Emerson makes his hand a telephone]
Emerson: Hey money, it's me Emerson.
[Ned rolls his eyes]
Emerson: I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, thanks for asking. Say, can I still pay my bills and buy stuff with you, even though you was Olive's money first? Uh huh.
Ned: Wait.
Emerson: [laughs] Yeah, okay then. Thanks. [laughs again] The money don't care, touch him.

Bitches [1.06]

Ned: Everyone wants stuff. We wake up everyday with a list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true. But just because we want them doesn't mean we need them to be happy.

Emerson: That girl dropped a bomb in your subconcious with her saliva.

Emerson: Some women love like gangstas. They be like "Ooh baby, you bleedin'! How dat happen?" While dey hidin' the razor in their weave.

[The pie maker lies in bed as Chuck watches over him]
Ned: You’re the only one for me.
Chuck: I know you feel that now, but there are things you want.
Ned: So? Everyone wants stuff, we wake up every day with list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn’t mean we need them to be happy.
Chuck: What do you need to be happy?
Ned: You.

Smell of Success [1.07]

Emerson: Death by scratch and sniff. What the hell happened to people shooting each other with guns?

Olive: We're not at that stage in our friendship yet. Please don't cry in front of me.

Oscar Virbenius: Nothing sells books like a little murder and mayhem.

Vivian: It used to make you so happy the water. I think it's brave to try to be happy. You've gotten so comfortable being unhappy. Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up in the morning and choose to be happy, to let the water wash everything away?

Bitter Sweets [1.08]

Narrator: But young Ned learned that happiness born out of passion was short-lived. Yet, through no fault of his own, he had once again stumbled into happiness...
Chuck: Good morning.
Narrator: Which terrified him.

Emerson: The truth ain't like puppies, a bunch of them running around, you pick your favorite. One truth and it has come a knockin'.

Alfredo: If I loved you... Then I would love you in any way I could, and if we could not touch, then I would draw strength from your beauty... And if I went blind, I would fill my soul with the sound of your voice and the contents of your thoughts until the last spark of my love for you lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind...

Narrator: The pie maker considered how not telling Chuck the truth about her father was a lot like being locked in a prison. Then he considered how being locked in a prison was actually much worse than some silly metaphor about truth.

Narrator: Sometimes a crime of passion is not realizing the passion in time. While other times the crime is not seeing the world as it is. But most crimes of passion are actually a crime.

Corpsicle [1.09]

Olive Snook: Boy it's cold. [laughs] You know, you could use a witch's bosom as a hot water bottle on a day like today.
Ned: Any sign of Chuck?
Olive: [imitating Ned] And how are you today, Olive?
I'm fine, thanks for asking, Ned!
[imitating Ned] That was a funny joke about the witch's bosom, Olive.
Well thanks, Ned!
[imitating Ned] And, and I appreciate you using the word bosom.
Why, Ned? Because it's less offensive than other words?
[imitating Ned] No, I just simply like the word bosom. I say it to myself all the time. Bosom bosom bosom. I just can't help myself. I'm a bosomoholic.
Ned: Are you done?
Olive: Think so.
Ned: You promise you don't know where she is?
Olive: Why would I know where she is?
Ned: Because I keep going over it in my mind and Chuck doesn't know many people, and you're not one of the many people Chuck doesn't know.
Olive: Have you slept at all?
Ned: Do you know you have a tell when you lie?
Olive: Do I?
Ned: You answer questions with questions.
Olive: Maybe I know I have a tell, and I know you know I have a tell, and I'm doing it now to confuse you, because you don't know what tell I'm telling.
Ned: But why would you go through the trouble of answering questions with questions and pretending to lie if you really don't know where she is?
Olive: [whispers] Can you tell me?

[Ned walks into Olive's apartment, where Chuck has been hiding from Ned]
Ned: Been looking.
Chuck: Been hiding.
Ned: How much does Olive know?
Chuck: Don't worry about what Olive knows. Even if I told her the truth, that I died and you brought me back to life, she wouldn't believe me.
Ned: You don't know that.
Chuck: Yes I do, because I told her and she wouldn't believe me.

Narrator: The facts were these. Abner Newsome was a happy child for the first thirty-four seconds of his life, whereupon it was discovered that he suffered from a debilitating heart condition. As the single mother of a sickly, surly child, Emma Newsome was a raw nerve her son would often peel like a potato.

Narrator: As Madeline McLean prepared to grant one last deadly desire, Bobo the bonobo monkey had a wish of its own, to play with the ball on a stick called: the shifter. And so, its wish was granted... as was the wish of Madeline McLean, for though her sanity was torn asunder by a boy named Abner Newsome, and her body was torn apart by a bonobo named Bobo, her heart was still intact, which allowed her to grant one final wish, and that was for Abner Newsome to have a change of heart... Madeline McLean’s heart.

[Lily hallucinates after eating a pie with an overdose of anti-depressants.]
Lily Charles: When Charlotte was young, after we moved in, she used to stand right, right there, where you're floating, and watch the snow with me. At night, while she slept, I'd sleep into the backyard and make two snow angels. She never said anything, and I'd always play dumb. She thought they were her parents. One was her father, and the other one was me.
Olive Snook: You?
Lily: I'm Charlotte's mother.

Season Two

Bzzzzzzzzz! [2.01]

Chuck: There are a thousand dead bees here. I don't want a thousand butterflies to die because you bring my bees back to life.
Ned: Think about it as a pest control issue. There's a water bug infestation in the drain pipes. If I touch a thousand little dead bees to life, maybe a thousand little water bugs will no longer be a problem.
Chuck: Last time I asked you to bring something back to life you said "No".
Ned: It was your Dad, that would've been weird, if not actively traumatic.
Chuck: You bring my Dad back, even for a minute, it may be ghoulish, but it's also sweet. Like a taxidermied pet, or stuffing someones ashes in a teddy bear.

Ned: Could that have happened to me on the roof? Could I have be swarmed?...In my underwear too. I could've been swarmed in my underwear.
Emerson: Hey, you dont just get to put them pictures in my head. That's an assault on my imagination.
Chuck: Poor Kentucky, what a horrible way to die. Thousands of little stingers stinging you.
[Olive walks to the table while overhearing Chuck]
Olive: Like little stinging secrets that don't just sting you once, they keep stinging you until your bloated and full of pus.

Chuck: Boy, Kentucky sure had it in for Betty but, who had it in for Kentucky?
Ned: The Terrifying Bee Man.
Chuck: What if he was made entirely out of bees and thats why she couldn't see his face because he didn't even have one. I mean, what if there's a whole "Bee-folk society" who'd walk around shaped like people?
Ned: Your thinking about how you can train your bees to walk around in people shapes, aren't you?
Chuck: Yeah.
[Both smile at one another]

[Olive comes in while Ned, Chuck and Emerson discuss the case]
Olive: I know, they were lovers at the same-sex persuasion, and the key is for their love nest.
Ned: We've ruled out "Workplace Romance".
Olive: Oh...I'll just, cross that off my list then.
Chuck: I haven't ruled out "Workplace Romance".
[Chuck and Ned smile at one another]
Emerson: Romance does give you motive. Somebody's always lovin' somebody they shouldn't be lovin'.
[Glares at Olive, who glares back.]

[Chuck hides with Emerson while her aunts are in the Pie-Hole.]
Chuck: They're here, because you stopped delivering their special pies, all this time I've been making special pies and what have you been...?
Olive: [Cutting Chuck off] And dosing them with God knows what you claim that is Vanilla, but that aint vanilla.
Emerson: I'm gunna dose the both of you, with a scoop of "Shut the Fudge up".

Narrator: Olive wanted to let loose the secrets and lies shes been force fed by her friends, that Chuck was still alive, that Lily was her mother, but instead what came out...was this.

Circus Circus [2.02]

Chuck: Look, I took care of Lily and Vivian for Twenty years, they never even left the house. What happened was incredibly unusual.
Ned: Please take this the right way, but so is being dead but not dead.
Emerson: Amen.

[Ned and Emerson enter the 'Circus of Fun']
Emerson: This ain't no circus. A circus is supposed to smell like popcorn and cotton candy, not wet sawdust and underarms.

Narrator: In less then sixteen seconds, the dead girl who was not dead would be involved in the smallest of ironic coincidences, for just as she said to herself...
Chuck: I wish I were where the action were at.
Narrator: ...she was where it were at.
[Door opens in the Pie Hole]
Chuck: Sorry, we're closing early today.
[Chuck sees Vivian attempting to get through the door while her umbrella gets caught, Chuck then runs, jumps and rolls over the counter to avoid being sighted]
Narrator: Her Aunt Vivian, who would've dropped dead from shock of seeing her niece alive again...
Vivian: Hello?
Narrator: ...arrived again.

Ned: I wanna be happy too, but, I miss her. It's hard enough being in a relationship where we can't touch but...we improvise, figured out ways around that, I've even...built contraptions.
Emerson: Do you understand how a head works? Do you? see, because everytime you say somethin', I got to think it. You say "Monkey the bell hops whos drivin' a car" I think "Monkey the bell hops whos drivin' a car". Don't tell me what you all do together.

Chuck: There was a young man named Von Deenis.
Ned: Who they said had a very big... [commercial break]

[At the convent]
Lily: I've forgotton how much I hated this morning porridge when I was here.
Olive: I just threw up in my mouth a little and I don't even know the difference.

Ned: Could I just say that I know you can take care of yourself. When you moved out I panicked because i thought everything was changing...
Chuck: Everything is changing.
Ned: Way to ruin a good apology.
Chuck: What is so terrible about starting fresh?
Ned: Because starting fresh means something else is ending stale. Chuck, who I destroyed Play-Doh cities with, Chuck, my best friend, my first kiss, I don't want that to change.
Chuck: Yeah, and I'm also Chuck, who went on a pleasure cruise and got a plastic bag put over her head.
Ned: That's not as much fun to remember.
Chuck: But it happened, and when it was happening I was thinking...well, actually I was thinking "Son of a bitch, why did I have to go get ice for my gingerale" but, really I was thinking "I finally get to live my own life and it's already over"...And then, you, you came and you gave me another chance.
Ned: So it's my fault
Chuck: My first time around I was terrified of change and I'm not gunna make that mistake again, I can't.

[Ned and Chuck roleplay in the morning]:
Ned: Hi.
Chuck: Hi.
Ned: You must be the new girl in 44, I'm Ned.
Chuck: I'm Charlotte, but you can call me Chuck.
Ned: Hi Chuck...I...really wanna kiss you now.
Chuck: But, we've only just met, we're two strangers in a big city, these things take time...I work at the Pie Hole downstairs.
Ned: Really? I own the Pie Hole downstairs. May we walk together?
Chuck: Well, that'd be swell Harvey.
Ned: It's Ned, actually.
Chuck: Ned, thats a very nice name.

Bad Habits [2.03]

Olive: [Praying] Father, I wish to stay here forever and serve. If this is not thy will, then drop me a line.
[Sister LaRue falls to her death and lands infront of Olive]

[Ned and Emerson standing infront of Sister LaRue's body]
Ned: I'm not sure how I feel about doing this...Here...with her [Indicating the Statue of Mary]...and him.[Indicating Jesus on the crucifix]
Emerson: Well it ain't like he ain't never done it before, remember Lazarus?

[Chasing Sister LaRue after reviving her]
Ned: Nun on the run! Nun on the run! Nun on the run!
[Catches up to LaRue and touches her again]
Ned: We are so going to hell.


External links