Rat Race (film)
Optimism and humor are the grease and glue of life. Without both of them we would never have survived our captivity.Philip Butler
- I can do anything I want, Owen. I'm eccentric. Rrrow.
- And, they're off!
- Theoretically, you have been racing for about forty seconds now, and so far, Mr. Schaefer is winning, because he's nearest to the door!
- It's a race! It's a race! I hope I win!
- Now, I know what you are thinking. Enrico is a girl's name.
- Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him!
- I am getting goose pimples.
- I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are.
- I know you, you're the referee, the bonehead!
- Oh good! A scam!!
- You might break your neck, but that's a chance I'm willing to take.
- What are you talking about, brother? I'm not giving up and neither are you. And neither am I! If we're not flying out of here, nobody's flying out of here!
- Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car!
- You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield!
- Honey, wake up! Third Reich's here! You wanna have a good life, right? Okay, let's see. SS in the parking lot! Not good! Not good!
- They're always pissed honey.. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job.
- I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!
- Look dad, I'm Mrs. Hitler!
- I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!! I do NOT work for the bus company! All right?! I... I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform! See this jacket? This is not my jacket! Remember Marty, the bus driver? Huh?! This is his shirt! I stole it! And these pants, you think I'd WEAR these pants?! These aren't my pants! These are Marty's pants! I stole them! I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!!
- (Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl) You know what this is...its actually a commemerative coin.
- Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? I was talkin' to Vera!
- [A hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill.]
- Nick Schaffer: Wait - what's this $110?
- Employee: Oh, those are your in-room movies.
- Nick Schaffer: Oh, I didn't watch any movies.
- Employee: Let's see..."Afro Whores".
- Nick Schaffer: "Afro Whores"?
- Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times.
- Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch that.
- Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched "The Grinch" for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores".
- Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
- Hotel Clerk: This is not a record, sir.
- Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
- Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
- Nick Schaffer: None! I didn't watch it!
- Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...”
- Nick Schaffer: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! I didn't.
- '[hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]
- [Sinclair has told the teams repeatedly to "go", to no avail.]
- Merrill : So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
- Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about forty seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.
- Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
- Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
- Vicki: So far so good.
- Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails, and you shave my buttocks.
- Kimberly Pear : Dad, I'm prairie dogging back here!
- Randy Pear : Well, what the hell does that mean?
- Jason Pear : You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
- Randy Pear : Oh. [Five seconds later]
- Randy Pear : Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!
- Randy Pear : You're playing Hitler's harmonica!
- Jason Pear : Well, you're driving his car.
- Randy Pear : Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not suckin' on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!
- 563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!
- Breckin Meyer — Nick Schaffer
- Amy Smart — Tracy Faucet
- Cuba Gooding Jr. — Owen Templeton
- Seth Green — Duane Cody
- Vince Vieluf — Blaine Cody
- Whoopi Goldberg — Vera Baker
- Lanei Chapman — Merrill Baker
- Jillian Marie — Kimberly Pear
- Brody Smith — Jason Pear
- Jon Lovitz — Randall 'Randy' Pear
- Kathy Najimy — Beverly 'Bev' Pear
- Rowan Atkinson — Enrico Pollini
- John Cleese — Donald P. Sinclair