Reba (TV Series)

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Reba (October 5, 2001 – February 18, 2007) is a sitcom that aired on the defunct WB Television Network and now airs on The CW at 7/6c.

Barbra Jean: Aw, there's my Reba-Rooba-Roo!

Reba: [cheerfully] Call me that again and I'll slap the blonde right off ya!

Brock: There are three things a man thinks about. I want a sandwich. I want a woman. I want a woman who can make me a sandwich

Barbra Jean: [Hugs Reba]

Van: [Walks in from kitchen with Cheyenne] It was then that they realized neither one of them needed a man. [Audience laughs]

Cheyenne: Kyra, guess what Elizabeth's first word was.

Kyra: Help?

Reba: Do you know what a teenager is?

Barbra Jean: A demon... But I'm scared.

Reba: Of course you're scared - you're living with a demon!

Barbra Jean: [to Kyra] You bring people together. You're like a little Reverend Al Sharpton.

Barbra Jean: Maybe next time I'll marry someone who's ex-wife appreciates me!

Reba: Kyra, what on Earth would make you wanna hit someone?

Cheyenne: It's her way of showing affection.

Kyra: Yeah, that's right. Now why don't you come over here for a little hug.

Reba: I know what Kyra is doing!

Brock: Like you did with Cheyenne?

Reba: Oh, one time! The one time our daughter gets pregnant and I never hear the end of it!

[Cheyenne, 18, is planning her shotgun wedding] Cheyenne: Oh my gosh, honey, this is so much fun! We should have gotten married our junior year!

Reba: No, sweetheart, you were right to wait.

Reba: [when Kyra is helping B.J. feel better after she and Brock separate] You're a beautiful young woman.

Kyra: Or maybe you just raised me right. And I watch a lot of "7th Heaven".

Barbra Jean :I can't live with an evil presence in my house.

Reba: Then you shouldn't have married him

Electrician: [to Barbra Jean, about Reba] Wow, your mom's a real grouch. [Barbra Jean looks flattered]

Electrician: [pause]

Barbra Jean: I know, right?

Reba: If Thanksgiving were a concert, the turkey would be Cher.

Barbra Jean: So, you want to have Thanksgiving here, and you want Cher?

Reba: That's right. I've got turkey, babe!

Reba: Hey, Jake. What are you watching?

Jake: The Weather Channel. More rain for Brazil.

Reba: [when Van gets an injury involving his spine and tail bone] It's a mother-in-law's job to make the best of a bad situation.

Van: [sarcastically] I thought it was a mother-in-law's job to make butt-jokes about her son-in-law.

Reba: We wear many hats.

[Reba is shocked by Barbra Jean's new Reba haircut]

Barbra Jean: So, what do you think? Is it me?

Reba: [furiously] No. It's me!

Barbra Jean: [in the hospital, after Cheyenne had a false labor,

Barbra Jean sits down on a chair] Oh, my God! I think my water just broke!

Reba: Oh no, you're sitting on my purse!

Reba: Jake Mitchell Hart are you lying to me?

Jake: Yes! No one mocks me and gets away with it!

Reba: So, did that boy even go upstairs? (Boy as in Krya's friend)

Jake: No! And I didn't know he was a boy, I thought he was an ugly girl!

Reba: You are in big trouble! no tv, no dessert, and Grandma gets her cell phone back! [She takes the gameboy SP back and Jake runs upstairs]

Barbra Jean: Boop! You've got mail! [opens Kyra's laptop and makes poses]

'Reba: [to Brock] Boop! You've got a goof-ball!

Reba: You treat that animal like it can walk on water!

Barbra Jean: What is "dog" spelled backwards reba? [conversation about why barbara jean's dog is missing goes on for another 2 minutes]

Van Montgomery: GOD! it spells god.

Kyra: I thought you said Barbra Jean is where brain cells go when they die.

[Van is sleeping, drooling on his sheets. Reba comes in telling him to wake up] Van Montgomery: Awwww! I was dreaming about waffles!

Van Montgomery: I'll be with my friends, you'll be with yours. Then we'll hook up later. It'll be just like junior year! Except we're married, you're pregnant, and everything is different.

Reba: You want me to sign a permission form for bigamy?

Cheyenne: [about the guest list for Thanksgiving] Who did you invite, Mom?

Reba: Well, let's see; there's you and Van and not Barbra Jean;

Mom and Dad, and not Barbra Jean; Kyra and Jake and not Barbra Jean and your dad and not Barbara Jean.

Cheyenne: So, Barbara Jean isn't coming?

Reba: How did you guess?

Reba: [reading a card] Oh, no! It says here that Barbara Jean told Buzzard it was okay for him to write me and visit when he's in town!

Cheyenne: Wait, this is Barbara Jean's brother Buzzard; right? Reba: Cheyenne, I would hate to think that I knew more than one person with the nickname 'Buzzard'.

Cheyenne: [as Van eats cereal directly out of the box] Honey, what are you doing?

Van: I'm trying to get the prize, and if I do it with my hands it's unsanitary. Cheyenne: Oh, and that's a lot better than a giant bulging cereal gut.

Van: [laughing] Oh! Ha,ha! You're funny, sweetheart. That's why I married you - your sense of humor. Oh wait, no. It was the baby.

Dolly Majors: And you are gonna be the prettiest woman in the office!

Reba: Oh, Second to you!

Dolly Majors: Hey, we're not comparing apples and melon's here.

Cheyenne: [about Kyra living with Barbra Jean and Brock] She must be making their lives a living nightmare.

Reba: [laughs] I know! [Straightens up]

Reba: I mean... [firmly]

Reba: I know.

[Van laying on the bed because he cant play football Friday night] Cheyenne: Wanna go to the movies? Van: No.

Cheyenne: Wanna fool around? Van: No.

Cheyenne: Wanna eat some pizza? Van: No.

Cheyenne: [Yells] MOM!

Brock: Reba, where'd this come from?

Reba: Wrong Answer.

Reba: Who would spennd 4,000 dollars on a diamond princess tiara, foxy women linguire, and go on a 175 dollar shopping spree and Joy for Jesus Bookstore.

Kyra: Barbra Jean

Barbra Jean: Yoo-hoo,I'm here and I'm thin!

Reba: Thin as a stick and dumb as one.

Van: They look like the number 10.

Reba:[wakes up]It was just a dream.

Barbra Jean: Yoo-hoo,I'm here and I'm thin!

Reba: And the nightmare continues.

[Kyra walks through the door] Reba: Kyra, where have you been?

Kyra: I went to get something to eat.

Van: Where are you going?

Kyra: To get something to eat.

Van: See you next year!

Barbra Jean: Give me a boost.

Reba: Me boost you? You'll pound me into the ground!

Barbra Jean: Ding dong!

Reba: Yes you are.

Barbra Jean: Whst if I said "knock knock"

Reba:Then I would say "You're a ding-dong!

Cheyenne: Huh?

Van: Huh?

Cheyenne: Well?

Van: Well?

Kyra: I think the score is tied.

Van: Yeah, Cheyenne, who'd you rather see across the breakfast table. My mom or your mom?

Cheyenne: -smiling- My mom..

Reba: Of course. Van's mom never sits at the breakfast table. She might accidentally eat


Jake: Don't you think it would be cool to be on a TV show?

Reba: A TV show? Nah. I think it'd be cool to be a singer.

Van: He didn't hurt me..... You can't hurt steal!

Brock: {About Barbara Jean} You don't understand, Reba. She shot me!

Reba: Brock, honey, The gun I own doesn't shoot paint. Go ahead. Make my day.

Barbara Jean: Yoo-Hoo! I'm here! And I'm...

Reba: Oh, Shut up and have a doughnut!

Cheyenne: Mom, that's my cupcake!

Reba: Well, you're on a diet.

Cheyenne: So are you.

Reba: So is she!

Cheyenne: Okay, Mom. The truth is this is the first time I've cheated on our diet.

Reba: I've cheated every night this week.

Reba: Come on, guys. What are we, some desperate hungry animals?

{Bell dings;Reba, Cheyenne, and Barbara Jean Runs to the kitchen}

Reba Dolly, make yourself at home. My house is your house. Just don't sell it, OK?

Reba: {to Dolly} I'm sorry the house is so messy. I have kids.

Barbara Jean: {From background} Reba!

Reba: She's not one of them.

Reba: {To Dolly about Barbara Jean} If you don't leave now,this is the moment that you will regret for the rest of your life.

Reba:{To Dolly} You're right. I'm not a shark. I'm more like one of those cute little fish from Finding Nemo.

Reba:{About Dolly} Yeah, I'm starting to see the resemblance between her and Barbara Jean.

Van: Sometimes I like to pretty.

{Reba and Barbara Jean at a karaoke bar hearing Cheyenne sing The Morning After off-key}

Barbara Jean: You think that used to be a song?

Reba: No wonder Elizabeth used to cry every time she sang to her.

{Reba and Barbara Jean listening to Cheyenne Sing}

Reba: Oh, boy. I don't understand it. Why didn't she just tell us she was singing?

Barbara Jean: Would you?

Jake {Imatating Reba} Look at me. I'm Mom. I like bossing people around.

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Reba: Jake! You wouldn't let your sister (Kyra) get eaten by a dinosaur, would you?

Jake: Do you know any?