Sex and the City

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The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.
Benjamin Disraeli
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Sex and the City is an HBO series that depicts the lives and loves of 4 single women living in trendy Manhattan.


Sex and the City Episodes
Season 1 (1998) Season 2 (1999) Season 3 (2000) Season 4 (2001–2002) Season 5 (2002) Season 6 (2003–2004)
"Sex and the City" "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" "Where There's Smoke" "The Agony and the 'Ex'tasy" "Anchors Away" "To Market, To Market"
"Models and Mortals" "The Awful Truth" "Politically Erect" "The Real Me" "Unoriginal Sin" "Great Sexpectations"
"Bay of Married Pigs" "The Freak Show" "Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman" "Defining Moments" "Luck be an Old Lady" "The Perfect Present"
"Valley of the Twenty Something Guys" "They Shoot Single People, Do They?" "Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl" "What's Sex Got to do With It?" "Cover Girl" "Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little"
"The Power of Female Sex" "Four Women and a Funeral" "No Ifs, Ands Or Butts" "Ghost Town" "Plus One is the Loneliest Number" "Lights, Camera, Relationship"
"Secret Sex" "The Cheating Curve" "Are We Sluts?" "Baby, Talk is Cheap" "Critical Condition" "Hop, Skip, and a Week"
"The Monogamists" "The Chicken Dance" "Drama Queens" "Time and Punishment" "The Big Journey" "The Post-It Always Sticks Twice"
"Three's a Crowd" "The Man, The Myth, The Viagra" "The Big Time" "My Motherboard, My Self" "I Love a Charade" "The Catch"
"The Turtle and the Hare" "Old Dogs, New Dicks" "Easy Come, Easy Go" "Sex and the Country" "A Woman's Right to Shoes"
"The Baby Shower" "The Caste System" "All or Nothing" "Belles of the Balls" "Boy, Interrupted"
"The Draught" "Evolution" "Running With Scissors" "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda" "The Domino Effect"
"Oh Come All Ye Faithful" "La Douleur Exquise!" "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" "Just Say Yes" "One"
"Games People Play" "Escape From New York" "The Good Fight" "Let There be Light"
"The Fuck Buddy" "Sex and Another City" "All That Glitters" "The Ick Factor"
"Shortcomings" "Hot Child in the City" "Change of a Dress" "Catch-38"
"Was it Good For You?" "Frenemies" "Ring A Ding Ding" "Out of the Frying Pan"
"Twenty-Something Girls Vs. Thirty-Something Women" "What Goes Around Comes Around" "A 'Vogue' Idea" "The Cold War"
"Ex and the City" "Cock-A-Doodle-Do" "I Heart NY" "Splat!"
"An American Girl in Paris (Part Une)"
"An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)"
Quotes needing identification Cast Links

Season 1 (1998)

Sex and the City

Carrie : Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember.

Carrie : Samantha had the kind of deluded self confidence that caused men like Ross Perot to run for president.

Big : Oh, I get... You've never been in love.
Carrie : Wait... have you ever been in love?
Big : Abso-fucking-lutely!

Models and Mortals

Carrie : Modelizers are obsessed not with women but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines, but in Manhattan actually run wild on the streets, turning the city into a virtual model country safari where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.

Charlotte : In some cultures, heavy women with mustaches are considered beautiful.
Samantha : And you're looking at me while you're saying that?

Miranda : When did all the men get together and decide that they were only going to get it up for giraffes with big breasts?

Charlotte : I just know no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up!
Miranda : Well, I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and me.

Samantha : I happen to love the way I look.
Miranda : You should. You paid enough for it.

Nick Waxler, Modelizer : Why fuck the girl in the skirt if you can fuck the girl in the ad for the skirt?

Nick Waxler, Modelizer : My friends think I'm shallow. Sometimes I think they're right. Other times I think, hey—I'm fucking a model.

Stanford : Oh my God, look at him. It's like he travels with his own personal lighting director.

Carrie : I thought I had come to terms with my looks the year I turned thirty, when I realized I no longer had the energy to be completely superficial.

Carrie : I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least.

Carrie : I take that back. Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.

Bay of Married Pigs

Carrie : Charlotte treated marriage like a sorority she was desperately hoping to pledge.

Carrie : He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress: you know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway.

Carrie : Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's upper west side rent-controlled ark.

Valley of the Twenty Something Guys

Carrie : Sometimes you need a second opinion. With doctors, real estate... men...

Carrie : Men in their forties are like the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle: tricky, complicated, and you're never really sure you got the right answer.

Carrie : If you keep talking like that I'm going to have to charge you by the minute.

Sales guy [to Carrie and Twenty-Something Sam, who were making out in a Banana Republic dressing room] : Please. This isn't the Gap.

Cab Driver : No! No smoking in cab!
Carrie : Sir, we're talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.

Samantha : All I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was, well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.
Charlotte : What are you talking about??? I went to Smith!!
Samantha : Look, I'm just saying... the right guy, and the right lubricant...

(The girls start laughing when the car hits a hole)

Charlotte : What was that?!
All : A preview?!

Carrie : Why don't you two have a guy's night. You know... talk, cry, shoot bear...

Carrie : Meanwhile, uptown, Charlotte wondered when relationships had gotten so complicated. She yearned for the time when dinner was followed by dessert, not lubricant.

Charlotte : I'm afraid if I don't, you'll dump me, and if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl because, I mean, men don't marry the up-the-butt girl. Who's ever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt?

The Power of Female Sex

Carrie : We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?
Miranda : Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?

Samantha : Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
Miranda : Don't listen to the dimestore Camille Paglia.

Carrie : Where's the line between professional girlfriend and just professional?

Secret Sex

Samantha [on The Rules] : The women who wrote that book—they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.

Carrie : I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly. As an asshole.

Samantha : Don't worry, sweetie, don't worry! Nobody in New York notices a bus until it's about to hit them!

Samantha : There's no such thing as bad publicity.
Carrie : Of course you'd say that, you're a publicist.

Carrie : The truth is, I was dying to sleep with him. But isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?

Big : Interesting dress.
Carrie : Meaning?
Big : Interesting dress.

The Monogamists

Miranda [to Charlotte] : Are you telling me you never perform this act?
Carrie : She'll juggle, she'll spin plates but she won't give head.

Random woman : Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection with another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.

Carrie : Come on, you wouldn't commit to a nice guy, given the chance?
Stanford : I can't even commit to a long distance carrier.

Jared : And the greatest thing about writing a successful book, besides the validation and the acclaim is knowing that I'm pumping my ideas in the world.
Carrie : I thought it was the fact that you could behave like an utter asshole and people would find you amusing. :
Jared : I'm like in love with you, you know that. I'm like in love with you. [pause] Will you go home with me tonight?

Three's a Crowd

Carrie : The closest Charlotte had ever come to getting screwed on a plane was the time she lost all her luggage on a flight to Palm Beach.

Carrie : Charlotte hadn't been that excited since she tried on her JV cheerleading uniform for the first time.

Charlotte : Jack says that I have a fire inside me.
Carrie : You tell him they make a cream for that.

Ken : It's over! I told my wife [about us]!
Samantha : Who is this?

The Turtle and the Hare

Miranda : Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at eleven!

Carrie : I'm not going to replace a man with some battery-operated device.
Miranda : You haven't met The Rabbit.
Samantha : Oh come on, if you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called The Horse.

Samantha [about the Turtle] : Once we get the breath under control, I'm going to take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe. He's a cute little fixer-upper!
Carrie : Sweetheart, he's a man, not a brownstone.

Carrie : I just love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sets, the costumes. It's so romantic!
Stanford : You only like it because she sleeps for a hundred years and doesn't age.

Stanford : It's so brutal out there. Even guys like me don't want guys like me. I just don't have that gay look.
Carrie : I dunno, you look pretty gay to me. C'mon, maybe it's just a phase.
Stanford : Puberty is a phase. Fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle.

Carrie : My Zen teacher also said: the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. Of course, he died penniless and single.

Carrie : And us. We looked like the Witches of Eastwick.

Charlotte : It's a vibrator...it's not like it's crack!

The Baby Shower

Samantha : Frankly, I think it's sad, the way she's using a child to validate her existence.
Carrie : Exactly. Why can't she just use sex and a nice cocktail like the rest of us?

Samantha : So help me—she fucks on my couch, she buys it.
Carrie : Isn't that how you got the couch from me?

Samantha [watching Lanie strip at a party] : Look at her: the poster girl for low self esteem.
Miranda : You know, I have low self esteem, but I express it the healthy way—by eating a box of Double Stuff Oreos.

Miranda : So all I have to do to meet the ideal man is to give birth to him.

Carrie : There's a woman in there breastfeeding a child who can chew steak.
Miranda : You know how I feel about that. If you can ask for it, you're probably too old for it.

Miranda : Maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in Hansel and Gretel—she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.

Carrie [buying a pregnancy test] : Which kind do I get?
Miranda : Here. This one's on sale: half off.
Carrie : I just spent $395 on a pair of open-toed Gucci's last week. This is not the place to be frugal.

The Drought

Carrie : New York City is all about sex. People getting it, people trying to get it, people who can't get it. No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid.

Carrie : There are 1.3 million single men in New York, 1.8 million single women, and of these more than 3 million people, about 12 think they're having enough sex.

Woman on the street : They say the average 33-year-old woman has sex 3.5 times a week. I'd like to know who that woman is.

Miranda : You farted! You're human!
Carrie : I don't want him to know that!

Samantha : Normal is the halfway point between what you want and what you can get.

Samantha : So go over there and fuck his brains out and he'll forget all about it. Men aren't that complicated. They're kinda like plants.

Miranda [to a heckling construction worker] : You got what I want? You got what I need?? What I WANT...is to GET LAID. What I NEED...is to GET LAID. I NEED to GET LAID!

Oh Come All Ye Faithful

Carrie [seeing Mr. Big leaving church with his mother] : There he was, wearing Armani on a Sunday: Mr. Big. I'll admit it was a bit of a shock. Up until that moment I thought he only believed in the Yankees.

Charlotte : So, which church does his mother go to?
Carrie : Park Avenue Presbyterian.
Charlotte : Good church! It's one of the best on the east side!
Carrie : What, are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that?
Miranda : Four stars. Great bread; disappointing wine selection.

Charlotte : Is he a good kisser?
Samantha [crying] : Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin.

Season 2 (1999)

Carrie : That's the thing about friends, they will always hold your hair back when you're sick.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Charlotte : Oh God, seeing someone for the first time [after you break up] is the worst. You never know how to act.
Carrie : Yeah, and then there's the vomiting.

James : And how are the most beautiful women in Manhattan?
Miranda : If we see them, we'll ask.

Charlotte : It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
Carrie : I always like a good math solution to any love problem.

Carrie : Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.

Miranda : How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.

Samantha : Does he have a pair of lowhangers?
Carrie : Is that a patented phrase?

Carrie : After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.

Carrie : No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

The Awful Truth

Susan Sharon : It's 100% Italian cashmere and light as a feather.
Carrie : God, I love it! It's a cashmere-acle!

Samantha : That can be a turn-on.
Miranda : Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate and I can't. I never could.
Carrie : Why not?
Miranda : Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate -- if not preferable -- to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? -- no thank you.
Charlotte : Just keep talking about his big cock.
Samantha : Correction -- his big, beautiful cock.
Carrie : We're using the C-word now?
Miranda : I can't use adjectives

The Freak Show

Samantha : You're dating Mr. Pussy!

Miranda : I'm sorry, if a man is over thirty and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out or propagating the species.
Carrie : Okay, well, what about us?
Miranda : We're just choosy.

Carrie : When Charlotte really liked somebody she said their whole name. It helped her picture their future monogrammed towels.

Samantha : ...Going down, giving head...
Carrie : ...Eating out...
Miranda : I never understood that. Shouldn't it be "eating in"?

Carrie : The reality was, the only thing that went down with any regularity on Charlotte's dates was a Gold American Express card.

Miranda : Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
Carrie : It got old.

Miranda [looks at watch]: I have to go feed my cat.
Carrie [voiceover]: Miranda had invoked our code phrase, honed over years of bad parties, awful dates and phone calls that wouldn't end. Unfortunately, I wasn't ready to accept defeat. [out loud] I thought you already fed your cat.
Miranda : I have to feed it again.
Manhattan Guy : Cat people are freaks.

They Shoot Single People, Don't They?

Miranda : Orgasm? A major thing in a relationship?
Charlotte : Yeah, but not the only thing. I mean, orgasms don't send you Valentine's day cards and they don't hold your hand in a sad movie.
Carrie : Mine do.

Samantha : Is he that bad in bed?
Miranda : No. He's just... he's a guy. He can rebuild a jet engine but when it comes to a woman... What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx.

Carrie : By now she knew that "we" William wasn't ever going to show up. He was one of those men who faked a future to get what he wanted in the present.
Carrie : When did being alone become the modern-day equivalent of being a leper? Will Manhattan restaurants soon be divided up into sections -- smoking / non-smoking, single / non-single?

Samantha : You should go through life like I do - not expecting men to fill you up, except when, well, you know.

Samantha : If I had a son, I'd teach him all about sex
Carrie : If you had a son, we'd call Social Services!


Four Women and a Funeral

Charlotte : Everyone needs a man. That's why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It's emasculating. Men don't want a woman who's too self-sufficient.
Samantha : I'm sorry, did someone just order a Victorian straight up?

Big : I never really thought about it.
Carrie : Oh come on. Everybody wonders what happens after you die.
Big : I'm too busy wondering who's dinging my car in the garage.

The Cheating Curve

Samantha : Nobody told me it was BYO man!
Carrie : Well, what did you expect? It's a lesbian art show.
Samantha : I know! But don't straight guys usually follow them around to see what they're going to do?

Samantha : Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls: because they can.

Carrie : Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
Miranda : That's moral relativism!
Carrie : I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.

The Chicken Dance

Carrie : It all seemed so familiar. She was having a deja fuck.

Charlotte : I just don't understand. How could you forget someone you slept with?
Carrie : Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.

Miranda : I'd like to forget some of the men I've slept with.
Charlotte : I keep a list.
Miranda : Oh, how sweet. "Men to do today."

Big : This is fun.
Carrie : It's not supposed to be fun. This is somebody's wedding.

Carrie : Are you sure you can leave the Guest Book unattended?
Miranda : Its a bullshit job, Carrie. People know what to do with the guestbook.

Carrie : Samantha could always be counted on to take life's lemons and make them into Spanish Fly.

The Man, The Myth, The Viagra

Carrie : I'm at Big's.
Miranda : You're at Big's? You and I are having dinner tonight!
Carrie : Well, he got this veal...
Miranda : You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat??

Old Dogs, New Dicks

Samantha : If checking out other women is the biggest problem you're having with him, you're lucky.
Carrie : Well, if it's that small, then he should be able to stop.
Samantha : Oh please, you can't change that about a man. It's part of their genetic code. Like farting.

Carrie : You've never seen an uncircumsized one?
Charlotte : I'm from Connecticut!

Samantha : It's not what it looks like, it's what they can do with it.
Charlotte : Well, I don't need one that can make its own carrying case.

Miranda : If 85% [of men] aren't circumsized, that means I've only slept with 15% of the population, tops.
Carrie : Wow, you're practically a virgin!

Random guy : Every girlfriend I've had wants me to change something. Change your job, change your friends, change your attitude... The only thing I change is girlfriends.

The Caste System

Carrie : Now I've laid down a gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm going to have to break up with him.
Charlotte : Well, how long are you going to give him?
Carrie : Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's going to start to curdle in about a week.

Steve : What's wrong with corduroy?
Miranda : I don't have enough time to tell you what's wrong with corduroy.

Evolution

Doctor : Your right ovary has stopped producing eggs.
Miranda : Is it possible it's just on strike?

Miranda : I'm a biological underachiever. And it's ironic because that ovary went to Harvard!

Samantha : I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.
Charlotte : What happens to it?
Samantha : Nothing; I just never go back.
Carrie : Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?
Samantha : That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.
Miranda : And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.

Charlotte : I am so confused. Is he gay or is he straight?
Carrie : Well, it's not that simple anymore. The real question is, is he a straight gay man or is he a gay straight man?
Carrie [voiceover] : The gay straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theatre and antique furniture.

Charlotte : I have never done a number two at a boyfriend's place.
Samantha : Honey, you're so uptight, you need to do a number seven.

Samantha : Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, "this isn't so bad."

La Douleur Exquise!

Stanford : Excuse me, but when did wild sex come back in style?
Carrie : I think that was the weekend you spent at the Barney's warehouse sale.

Charlotte about a waiter dressed in a bondage outfit : How does he wait on tables dressed like that? It's humiliating.
Carrie : Well, the summer I worked at Howard Johnson's I had to wear an orange hat.

Samantha [to Charlotte] : I wonder what your fetish is.
Stanford : Charlotte has a thing for Crabtree & Evelyn potpourri.

Samantha : Men do this all the time. Women walk around thinking "we," and their version of "we" is "me"... and my dick!

Games People Play

Carrie : Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends!
Samantha : Look, we're as fucked up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.

Carrie : Therapy? It's just so self-indulgent. Ancient man didn't need shrinks to survive.
Miranda : Ancient man only lived until thirty.

Samantha : The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs we could run the world!
Carrie : And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.

Carrie : I do not pick the wrong guys. They pick me.
Miranda : So what, you're like a flystrip for dysfunctional men?
Carrie : Yeah, but one of those really pretty floral scented ones.

Carrie : Sports night: every female's fantasy. A room full of captive heterosexual men all looking to be distracted during commercial breaks.

The Fuck Buddy

Carrie : It's a pattern.
Samantha : I don't have a pattern.
Carrie : In math, randomness is considered a pattern.
Samantha : Yes, and I'm what they call a prime number.

Carrie : The idea that someone else was having great sex and flaunting it was more than [Samantha] could bear. So she decided, if you can't join 'em... beat it.

Samantha : Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.
Carrie : Say it a little louder, I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.
Samantha : You're going to take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?

Carrie : A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of... keep him on call.
Samantha : Ooo, he's like dial-a-dick!

Miranda : My fuck buddy moved to Chicago. Now, we have phone sex.

Miranda : You double-booked?
Carrie : How do you conceive pulling this one off?
Charlotte : Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.
Samantha : My god, you're turning into a man!
Carrie [voiceover] : Apparently Charlotte had done more than just break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.
Charlotte : I just don't know how I'm going to eat two dinners in a row.
Carrie [voiceover] : And just like that, she was a woman again.

Shortcomings

Miranda about her divorced boyfriend : I don't wear vintage clothes. I hate flea markets. I don't collect antiques. Is it too much to ask that he not be... I don't know... used?
Carrie : Okay, before this goes any further, just make sure his parts are still under warranty.

Samantha : Here's what I think. Round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound. That way, you get their whole history before you take one home.

Vaughn : Hey, GQ called.
Carrie : Really? They want you to write something?
Vaughn : No, they want me to wear something. It's great to be a writer these days. There's so little writing involved.
Carrie : Just don't be photographed in anything sleeveless. No one who went sleeveless ever won a Pulitzer.

Duncan : I'm just one of those weird male aberrations who prefers to be married. I like stability, I like routine. I like knowing there's people waiting for me at home. I guess that makes me sound pretty dull.
Miranda : Are you kidding? You're the heterosexual holy grail.

Wesley : I need a cocktail. Now where's your vodka?
Charlotte : I don't have any.
Wesley : And you call yourself a WASP?

Samantha : Get out now before he stains all your sheets!
Miranda : Oh, come on, that's harsh! It could be that he was just nervous.
Carrie : The first time is always weird.
Miranda : And he probably had something to drink.
Carrie : And we just spent the whole day with his family.
Samantha : LOOK. This guy could not get his Cadillac into the garage. Honey, I'm sorry. I hate being right about this.

Carrie : I like him.
Samantha : Well, that's real swell, but it still doesn't get the cream in the cupcake.
Carrie : But the thing I like best about him is his family.
Samantha : Mmm! Anyone there you can fuck?

Samantha : I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much of a nerd, but... I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool Aid and chips.
Carrie : Kool Aid?
Samantha : Yeah! Kool Aid! I was thirteen. And honey—you should've seen my tan!

Wallis [Vaughn's mom] : When Frannie told me she was a lesbian, I said "great—just as long as you're not Republican."

Charlotte [to Samantha] : Is your vagina in the New York City guidebooks? Because it should be—it's the hottest spot in town—it's always open!

Charlotte [to Wesley] : You don't know Samantha. I do. She has so many notches on her bedpost it's practically whittled down to a toothpick.

Charlotte : That was a terrible thing I said.
Samantha : Yes, it was. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another tour group coming through my vagina in ten minutes.

Carrie : Wallis was right. The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

Was It Good For You?

Carrie : So what type of movies do you compose for?
Patrick : Really bad ones. You know, the "I Screamed When I Knew What You Did Last Summer on Elm Street" type.

Miranda : I'm trying to change my bed karma. I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be, others will feel the same.
Carrie : Aah, the Field of Dreams.
Miranda : Exactly. If you build it, he will come.

Carrie [about her date who wouldn't kiss her] : I couldn't figure it out. I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-good-night move, I accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.

Miranda : Perineum. Latin for "not without an engagement ring."
Carrie : (voiceover) " That night I got to thinking about bed. Are we secretly being graded every time we invite someone to join us in it? A plus, B, D, incomplete.- Is making love really nothing more than a pop quiz? If sex is a test, how do we know if we're passing or Falling? How do you know if you're good in bed?"

Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women

Charlotte : It's a really cute three bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.
Carrie : Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.
Samantha : We could always burn sage.

Carrie : The Hampton's Jitney is just like the bus to summer camp. Only instead of singing songs, everyone ignores each other and talks on their cell phones.

Charlotte : ...if he asks, he thinks I'm 27.
Carrie [voiceover] : Evidently while we had taken the midtown tunnel, Charlotte had taken the time tunnel.

Carrie : Are you seriously telling me that you've never had sex with a man?
Laurel : That is correct.
Carrie : Okay, aah, now, what do you consider sex?
Laurel : Are you implying I'm some kind of Lewinsky?

Carrie : And then I realized something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.

Ex and the City

Samantha : I've never been able to be friends with any man. Why would I? Women are for friendships, men are for fucking.

Samantha : Honey, you have got to learn to form an opinion.

Carrie : There is no way that the love that I had with Big is the same thing that he has with Natasha.
Miranda : "Natasha"? When did you stop calling her "the idiot stick figure with no soul"?

Miranda [crying] : I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I just... I hadn't seen you in so long and I missed you, and then I did that shitty thing!
Steve : It wasn't that shitty, really.
Miranda : It was! It was a shitty thing! I'm a shitty person!
Steve : You're not a shitty person.
Miranda : I am! I am shitty! You would never do anything so shitty!
Steve : What do you call showing up in the middle of the afternoon to call you shitty?
[PAUSE]
Miranda : Yeah, that was pretty shitty!

Carrie : An hour later I had solved the unsolvable friendship equation. It seems the answer is this: cosmopolitans plus scotch equals friendship with an ex.

Carrie : You broke up with James because he was too small. This guy's too big. Who are you, Goldicocks?
Samantha : Yep! I'm looking for one that's juuuust right.

Carrie : Your girl is lovely, Hubble.
Big : I don't get it.
Carrie : you never did.

Samantha : You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.

Carrie : Then I had a thought, maybe I didn't break Big. Maybe the problem was he couldn't break me. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild, to run with.

Season 3 (2000)

Where There's Smoke

Charlotte : I got us some Staten Island Ice Teas.
Samantha : Is that like Long Island Ice Tea?
Miranda [after taking one sip] : Hello, I'm drunk!

Miranda : What is it about fireman, even when they aren't that cute, they're cute... ya know?!
Samantha : Its that whole hero complex
Carrie : And then there's the weight restriction
Charlotte : Its because women just really want to be rescued.

Miranda : Who would've thought an island that tiny would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends?

Miranda : I do not have Steve. There is no having of the Steve. We're just friends.
Samantha : No, we're just friends. I don't put my dick in you.

Charlotte [drunk] : I'm nice. I'm pretty, and smart! I'm a catch!

Charlotte : I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted! Where is he?
Miranda : Who, the White Knight?
Samantha : That only happens in fairy tales.

Carrie : Little Miss Hangover is right. Can we lighten up on the cock talk 'till cocktail time?

Charlotte [hung-over] : My hair hurts.

Carrie : I lost my Choo!

Politically Erect

Carrie : I figured we made a good match. I was adept at fashion; he was adept at politics. And really, what's the difference? They're both about recycling shop-worn ideas and making them seem fresh and inspiring.

Charlotte : I can't believe you're dating a politician. You're not even registered to vote!
Carrie : It's the undecideds they're really after.

Samantha : I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties.

Stanford : I can only stay a few minutes. I got tickets to the Vagina Monologues.
Carrie : Why?
Stanford : Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
[Upon seeing a firefighter stripper]
Samantha : Hello, 911. I'm on fire!

Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman

Carrie : There are very few things this New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section.

Miranda : I love how they say "until recently, the bride [worked]."
Carrie : Yeah, meaning she quit her job as soon as she found her soul-mate-slash-investment-banker.

Carrie : You know who these women marry? The roman numeral guys.

Samantha : I find the higher the number the worse the sex. I went out with somebody the third who couldn't even get it up.
Miranda : Imagine how bad Henry VIII must have been.

Miranda : Do you have a rolling pin?
Carrie : On me?
Miranda : In your kitchen.
Carrie : Are you kidding me? I use my oven for storage.

Carrie : I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like frickin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.

Miranda : What's in your goodie drawer? Robert's Rules of Order?
Charlotte : I don't have a goodie drawer.
Carrie : Oh, everybody has a goodie drawer.
Samantha : I have a goodie closet!

Samantha : Hello, my name is Fabulous.

Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl

Samantha : You know, women dressing like men is very popular right now.
Carrie : And here I thought it was Pokemon.

Samantha : I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear but I've never gone the other way.
Stanford : See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear.
Charlotte : That's hygienic.

Carrie about her date : He's not that young.
Miranda : He's twenty-six. His generation has a totally different letter than ours.

Sean who's ice skating with Carrie : I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking.
Carrie : Smoking is the only thing that keeps me balanced.

Carrie : He's a bisexual.
Samantha : I could've told you that, sweetie. He took you ice skating for god's sake!

Samantha : I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.

Carrie : I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to gaytown.
Miranda : Isn't that next to Ricky Martin-ville?

Samantha : The bad news is youre fired. The good news is now I can fuck you.

Carrie : Vodka, rum, gin, gay, bi, straight...this party was a veritable pu pu platter of sexual orientation.

No Ifs, Ands Or Butts

Charlotte : ...you shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha, it's rude and politically incorrect.
Carrie : Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.
Miranda : She's an equal opportunity offender.

Charlotte on her date who's a very bad kisser : He raped my face! I'm never seeing him again!

Samantha : Adeena, I'm a lovely woman. At least get to know me, then hate me.

Are We Sluts?

Charlotte : Do you think I'm a whore?
Samantha : Oh please, if you're a whore, what does that make me?

Miranda : I can't tonight, I have chlamydia.

Carrie : Wow! It's like a Danielle Steele novel in here!
Aidan : From a writer, I'm pretty sure that's an insult.

Samantha : They practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein!

Drama Queens

Carrie : I realized I was in the throes of an existential crisis. One that not even the sight of this season's Dolce & Gabbana strappy sandals could lift me out of.

Miranda : Steve is completely predictable but that's one of the things I love about him. He's just so comfortable and safe.
Carrie : Are you dating a man or a minivan?
Samantha : Your relationship is my greatest fear.

Samantha : From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.

Miranda : I just don't get it. Why do men get skidmarks? Is it laziness or are they just in a rush?
Carrie : I don't know, but whatever it is it goes hand in hand with urinating on the seat.
Miranda : I tell you one thing: when your boyfriend is so comfortable he can't be bothered to wipe his ass, that's the end of romance right there.

Charlotte : You kept all of your great single friends away from me just so you could cheat on your wife? [Slaps him] You should be ashamed of yourself!
Guy : You're such a spark plug! I love that about you!
Charlotte : I am not interested in starting some married man's car!

The Big Time

Carrie : So you're "everything but" girl.
Charlotte : I like to think of it as "kissing with extras."
Carrie : How very ninth grade of you.

Charlotte : Did you know I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become re-virginized?
Carrie : And, I would imagine, quite frisky.

Charlotte : How old were you [when you lost your virginity]?
Carrie : Eleventh grade. Seth Bateman. His smelly rec room. Half a joint, three thrusts, finito.
Charlotte : Eew!
Carrie : And P.S.—it was on the ping pong table.

Charlotte : Listen to this: sometime in the ten years before menopause, you may experience symptoms including all-month long PMS, fluid retention, insomnia, depression, hot flashes or irregular periods.
Carrie : On the plus side, people start to give up their seats for you on the bus.

Charlotte looking at a catalog : Oh my god! Vagina weights!
Samantha : Honey, my vagina waits for no man.

Steve : Oh come on, I want a baby. It would be fun.
Miranda : It's not like owning a foosball table, Steve.

Charlotte : Do you have another?
Carrie : Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list: buy tampons.
Charlotte : Well, I have them at home but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse.
Miranda : Wow—Kate must have a tiny vagina.

Miranda : I do not want [a baby] eventually and my clock is running out... I mean, I've only got like a million viable eggs left.
Carrie : Three hundred of which we just killed with those martinis at lunch.

Easy Come, Easy Go

Carrie : I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.

Big : Hey, have you got a light?
Carrie : I quit.
Big : Aw, we always used to share a cigarette together.
Carrie : We did a lot of things that were bad for me together.

Samantha : Well, let's just say it: you won.
Carrie : Was there a contest?
Samantha : Oh please! There's always a contest with an ex. It's called "who will die miserable."

Charlotte : Trey is this close to proposing, I can feel it.
Carrie : Oh my god, really?
Miranda : You just met! I've had pairs of pantyhose longer!

Samantha : The guy I'm seeing has the funkiest tasting spunk.
[Charlotte abruptly leaves the restaurant]
Miranda : And she's never coming back!

Samantha : Maybe there's something he can eat to make it sweeter.
Carrie : Maybe you should write to Martha Stewart.
Miranda : "Dear Martha: Funky spunk. Help."

Miranda to Carrie, who's listening to an answering machine message from Big : We could analyze this for years and never know, I mean, they still don't know who killed Kennedy.

Aidan : Don't take this the wrong way but this place could use a little work.
Carrie : I know, but I can't afford it.
Aidan : You've got eighty thousand bucks' worth of shoes over there.
Carrie : I needed those!

Charlotte : I proposed to myself!
Carrie : What?
Charlotte : Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.
Carrie : Wait. What exactly did he say?
Charlotte : Alrighty!
Carrie : Alrighty? He said alrighty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "alrighty."
Charlotte : Oh, Carrie, stop!
Carrie : Alrighty.

Adam : Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!
Samantha : Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!

All or Nothing

Samantha : Don't beat yourself up. Aidan hasn't said "I love you" yet. Until he does, you're a free agent.
Carrie : What is that, The Rules according to Samantha?
Samantha : See? I'm more old fashioned than you think.

Miranda reviewing Charlotte's prenuptial agreement : Listen, this is just their opening offer. It's totally standard to go back in and negotiate.
Charlotte : Negotiate? I can't even buy stuff on sale!

Carrie : There'll be no next time. This is going to be like Bridges of Madison Avenue, a very brief affair I'll write about in sappy letters to my grandchildren.

Samantha : I'm starving! Where's the food?
Miranda : They're WASPs. There's never food, only booze.
Samantha : Fine. One martini, six olives.

Samantha : There's two kinds of guys. The ones who hold your hand and the ones that fuck you.

Running With Scissors

Carrie : When Charles Dickens wrote "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," I believe he must have been having an affair with his married ex-boyfriend.

Carrie : Our affair, like our hotels, had gone from elegant with crystal to seedy with plastic cups.

Carrie : You've heard those stories about affairs where people realize how great their other relationship is and end it without anyone being the wiser.
Miranda : I don't watch Lifetime television for women.

Carrie : It was a typical downtown male mix. Ten percent Wall Street, ten percent real estate, and ten percent [Samantha had] already slept with.

Miranda looking at a bride magazine : Ooh! Cute purse!
Charlotte : No purses! There's no time for purses! This is gown-specific!
Miranda : What's your theme again? A Nazi wedding?

Samantha : What if I have it?
Carrie : You don't have it.
Samantha : Sometimes it takes me a really long time to get over a cold.
Carrie : That's not AIDS, it's central air conditioning.

Carrie : Charlotte was thrilled. Anthony was like the pushy Italian mother she never had.

Nurse : Do you swallow?
Samantha : Only when surprised.

Carrie : We're so over, we need a new word for over.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Samantha on kilts : I like the idea of men in skirts. Easy access.

Miranda [talking about a man wearing a kilt]: I wonder what they wear underneath thoses?
Samantha : I'll find out!

Charlotte : Carrie, you're right, you have to tell him. But not before the wedding. It's supposed to be my week.
Miranda : It's your day. You get a day. Not a week.

Charlotte [whispering] : Could you please not use the F-word in Vera Wang?

Charlotte : Is it so much to ask that you not wear your dress up around your see you next Tuesday?
Samantha : My what?
Charlotte [drawing characters in the air] : C - U - Next -
Carrie : Tuesday? Oh my god! Was that a schoolhouse rock I missed?

Charlotte [After the wedding] I finally get to sleep with Trey.
Carrie : Excuse me?
Miranda : You haven't slept with him yet?
Samantha : Honey, before you buy the car you take it for a test drive!

Charlotte [drunk] : I want to do things to him that I have never done to anyone. Like the other night I was thinking about putting whipped cream all over my body.
Samantha : Low fat Kool Whip is the best. It's less sticky than other brands.

Escape From New York

Charlotte : I can't believe you're all going to LA without me.
Miranda : We still can't believe you went on your honeymoon without us!

Charlotte : So how are you?
Carrie : I'm good. How are you?
Charlotte : Great.
[pause]
Carrie : I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
Charlotte : Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.
Carrie : You win. So. Should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?

[Carrie is having trouble driving a stick-shift car]
Miranda : Why didn't you just get an automatic?
Carrie : I love this car! It goes with my outfit.

Samantha : I've got something to make you feel better. [Hands Carrie and Miranda packages]
Carrie : Oh! Dildos before 10 am! I'm all perked up!

Guy : This floor's non smoking!
Carrie : I have an addiction, sir!

Carrie : If I could master a stick shift, could a successful relationship be that far behind?

Sex and Another City

Carrie on her Brazilian bikini wax : I got mugged! She took everything I got!

Samantha : That's the thing about the Brazilian. It makes you do crazy things. You have to be very careful who you invite to Brazil.

Samantha : Drinking with three blondes! I guess that's a regular day for you.
Hugh Hefner : A slow one, yes.

Miranda : Maybe it's time that I stop being so angry.
Carrie : Yeah, but what would you do with all your free time?

Charlotte : Could you have more condoms?
Samantha : I did, yes.

Carrie : One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.

Charlotte : My marriage is a fake Fendi!

Miranda to Samantha, who's offered to take Charlotte to a Playboy Mansion party : Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy?

Samantha : That bunny's got my bag!

Hot Child in the City

Wade : I know you've heard of Wonder Woman.
Carrie : Ooh, with the bracelets and the tiara. I used to love that even her accessories had superpowers.

Carrie : I'm scootin' in heels!

Carrie : So are you saying there's no way you'd go out with a guy who lived with his family?
Samantha : Well... maybe Prince William.

Samantha : Are you in pain? I'm in pain just looking at you.
Miranda : I'm a 34-year-old woman with braces and I'm on a liquid diet. Pain doesn't begin to cover it.

Carrie : When you're a teenager, all you want to do is buy beer. But once you hit 30 all you want to do is to get carded.

Psychiatrist : One client rather whimsically dubbed his anus "the chocolate starfish."
Trey : Are you quite sure you went to Yale?

Carrie's answering machine message : Hi. I'm not here but my shoes are, so leave them a message.

Carrie [laughing uncontrollably] : Wait, Wade, Wait...The Chicken Wings! If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know
[more laughing]
Carrie : ....that we were smoking the POT!

Carrie : In the end I decided I was definitely 34 going on 35, but in a city like New York, with its pace and its pressures, sometimes it's important to have a 13-year-old moment. To remember a simpler time when the best thing in life was just hanging out, listening to records and having fun with your friends. In your very own apartment.

Frenemies

Miranda on being stood up on a first date : He doesn't even know me. The least he could do is wait to get to know me before he rejects me.

Miranda : They're starting to die on us.
Charlotte : Oh my god.
Samantha : Well, at least you weren't stood up.
Miranda : 35 and they're dying! We should just give up now.
Carrie : Well, on the bright side this could explain why they don't call back.
Charlotte : How did he...
Miranda : Heart attack. At the gym.
Carrie : See? This is why I don't work out.

Charlotte : We've been trying, you know, to...
Samantha : Fuck?
Charlotte : Whatever. And it's just not...
Samantha : Getting big and hard?
Carrie : What is this, dirty Mad Libs?

Samantha : Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.

Miranda : Everybody masturbates.
Samantha : Mmm, I did it this morning.
Carrie : Well, that explains why I got your voicemail.

Carrie : Do you know that there are no available men out there?
Miranda : Ahh, we're at my date's wake, so—yes.

Carrie : Awww, wow, he's cute!
Miranda : Was. Damn.

Miranda at her date's post-wake party : He set money aside for this.
Carrie : That's nice. "I'm dead, you're not, enjoy the buffet!"

Jim : I'm an engineer now.
Carrie : On the railroad?

Samantha on Charlotte : That girl needs the stick out of her ass and a dick in her coochie, pronto!

Miranda : I'm staying way out of this one.
Carrie : Way out. New Jersey out.

What Goes Around Comes Around

Miranda : After years of odd men, the universe is throwing me a bone.
Carrie : And if you 're lucky, a boner as well!

Carrie : I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong and I'm sorry.
Natasha : Are you through?
Carrie : Yes. Thank you for listening.
Natasha : Wait.. I'm sorry too.
Carrie : You are?
Natasha :Yes, I'm sorry about it all. I' m sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you and I'm sorry that i pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery this tooth is still a different colour than this tooth. Finally I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you 've ruined my lunch.

Carrie : The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

Cock-A-Doodle-Do

Carrie: You can't run. Your shoe straps will break!

Charlotte: It's infuriating! Women sit around, obsessing about what went wrong, while men just say "alrighty", and move on

Samantha : Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rearview mirror.
Miranda : Relationships may appear closer than they actually are.

Big: She left!
Carrie: I heard.
Big: How?
Carrie: I think it was on the news.

Carrie: We're like war buddies! War buddies in Calvin Klein robes.

Samantha: (At a BBQ) Who wants a weiner?
Transexual: Girl, I'm trying to get rid of one!

Samantha: Shut up you bitches I called the cops!
Transexual: Suck my cock!
Samantha: Keep talking and I'll come down there and cut it off for you!

Season 4 (2001–2002)

The Agony and the 'Ex'tasy

Samantha : That's the postal equivalent of a drive-by shooting.
Carrie : Yeah, and I thought those fifty-seven menus I get every day from Hunan Munan were annoying.
on dating service flyers

Miranda: (Reading from a singles introduction pamphlet) Don't let him slip away
Carries: I know. It's almost like a threat. We have him, but he's slipping away, slipping, oops, there he goes!

Carrie : I'd like to think that people have more than one soulmate.
Samantha : I agree! I've had hundreds.
Carrie : Yeah! And you know what, if you miss one, along comes another one. Like cabs.

Carrie : If two people only have one thought between them, something is very wrong.
Samantha : Well, I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.

Carrie : I'm thirty-five.
Samantha : Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.

Samantha on her filling out the age portion of a survey : Honey, welcome to my box.

Miranda : Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?

Miranda : He couldn't remember my name?
Carrie : Maybe you should have shown him both boobs.

Miranda : I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once. What do you think that means?

Carrie [on masturbating to George Clooney] : Clooney's like a Chanel suit, he'll always be in style.

Drunken Birthday Girl at a restaurant : Twenty five!? FUCK I'm old!

Samantha : Look at his robe. So "Robin and his Merry Men."

The Real Me

Miranda : Smart, yes, sometimes cute, but never sexy. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.
Carrie : You win men over with your personality?

Carrie : Your vagina's depressed?
Charlotte : The mood elevator sort of corrects the imbalance.
Miranda : Wait a minute, how do you know your vagina's depressed?
Charlotte : There are symptoms!
Carrie : Like what, it can't meet its deadline?
Miranda: It always wants to go to Krispy Kreme?

Charlotte: So every day, I have to keep a vagina diary.
Miranda: No, come on? Dear vagina, why so blue kind of diary?
Carrie:Dear vagina. Guess who I have a crush on?
Charlotte:No! More like "itchy today, not itchy....
Carrie: Sounds like a bestseller!

Charlotte: (talking about her vagina) I don't want to look. I think it's ugly.
Miranda: Well maybe, that's why it's depressed!

Miranda : I'm fine...but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm hmmm" would like an order of fries?

Lynn Cameron (fashion show producer) [to Carrie] : You're fucking doing my show if I have to hunt you down, skin you alive and have one of the other models fucking wear you.

Stanford : Ooh! Gucci and Dolce and Dior!
Carrie : Oh my!

Stanford : Oh my god! She's fashion road kill!

Charlotte : I was a teen model when the Ralph Lauren store opened in New Canaan.
Miranda : Okay, it was amazing that I could keep my lunch down just now.

Anthony on his cell : Sorry, thought it was my Mother. FIFTEEN phone calls to make sure I get her the cheapest possible sheets from Bed, Bath and Friggin Beyond!

O (Dolce & Gabbana Designer) : Oh look what the pussy's dragged in.

Samantha : Who knows, he's a man. You could lay your pussy on a table right in front of one and still not know what he's thinking.

Anthony : What, because he's gay and I'm gay? Look let me clear something up for you. I'm a nice little package. I have good arms and a high, tight ass. I could do a lot better.

Carrie: (Carrie is fallen on the runway and she gets up) When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep on walking."

Defining Moments

Samantha : Oh, who cares what you are! Just enjoy it.
Charlotte : No, I need to know where we're going.
Carrie : Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.

Samantha : There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you—a lot of them were hung.

Samantha [to Carrie about Big] : Have fun, just don't have amnesia.

What's Sex Got to do With It?

Carrie : You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing.
Samantha : That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace.
Carrie : Or Birkenstock.

Miranda to Carrie's answering machine : Your good friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic.

Ghost Town

Charlotte : Your mother decorated this entire apartment, didn't she.
Trey : Of course! Mother does all our houses.
Charlotte : I should have known. The plaid, and the mallards...
Trey : You don't like them?
Charlotte : No! It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!

Maria : You call this a relationship?
Samantha : Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, YES!

Samantha : Well what am I supposed to say, "hi this is my lesbian lover and p.s. I'm done with dick?"

Carrie: Miranda, I'm still asleep. How can you have had an emotional mini-drama already?

Samantha : Would it be bad to have a martini with my muscle relaxant or bad in a good way?"

Carrie : It's not a party. It's a parade of our failed relationships.

Baby, Talk is Cheap

Charlotte : I promise I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about diaper genies.
Carrie : Good.
Samantha : What the hell is a diaper genie?
Carrie : I don't know... someone you hire to change a kid's diaper?

Miranda : He kind of... licked my butt.
Samantha : Be specific. Do you mean the cheeks, or...?
Miranda : It was more localized than that.
Samantha : Wait a minute. Are we... are we talking tookus lingus?

Carrie : How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
Miranda : I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this!'
Carrie : Who is this guy?
Miranda : Who's the woman who loved it?
Samantha : Don't knock it 'till you've tried it!
Carrie : Bingo!

Miranda : Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.

Carrie : I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.

Samantha : You've got to get online, honey. If only for the porn

Time and Punishment

Samantha : Fuck men. We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them? How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk?
Carrie : Plant their bulbs? I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we?

Carrie : I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter.

Charlotte : I choose my choice!

Samantha : And you should see the bush on him. I need a weedwacker just to find his dick!

Samantha : Every time I blow you I feel like I'm flossing.

Samantha : You have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back.

Aidan : Snug as a bug in a rug!

My Motherboard, My Self

Charlotte : Whose legs bend back that far?
Miranda : This is like sex for the boneless!
Samantha : See, that's what I love about this guy, Nick, I'm seeing.
Miranda : He's de-boned?

Charlotte : You exchanged keys? That's big!
Carrie : No, that's the opposite of Big.

Samantha : I've lost my orgasm.
Carrie : In the cab?
Charlotte : What do you mean, 'lost'?
Samantha : I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.
Carrie : It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there.
Samantha : I can always get there.
Charlotte : Every time you have sex?
Carrie : She's exaggerating. Please say you're exaggerating.
Samantha : Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

Carrie : Now let's retrace your steps. Were you on top?
Samantha : How is that relevant?
Charlotte : You mean you can have them on the bottom?
Samantha : Top, bottom, upside down...
Carrie : All right, now you're just showing off.

Carrie : Philadelphia. Just a hop, skip, a cab, a metroliner and another cab away.

Charlotte : Those flowers were supposed to say "We're so sorry, we love you," not "You're dead, let's disco"!

Sex and the Country

Trey : She's expecting us. If we miss the orchid show she'll be devastated.
Charlotte : Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's.
Trey : People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything.

Carrie : You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit.

Carrie : Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, large fries and a cosmopolitan.

Samantha : Who's the farmer with the delts?
Carrie : Young MacDonald?
Samantha : Oooh! E-I-E-I-O!

Samantha : What is it with the weekends now? I swear to God every guy I've fucked since Memorial Day wants to know what I'm doing this weekend. They just don't get it. My weekends are for meeting new guys so I don't have to keep fucking the old ones.

Samantha while milking a cow and squirting herself in the face : I usually get a little warning before that happens.

Samantha : Anything else around here need milking?

Carrie : What's he doing out here?
Samantha : Pushups, by the look of it.

Carrie : The only thing that I have ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several little fires.

Samantha : These [fast food apple pies] are surprisingly delicious!
Carrie : I know! Why would anybody go to the trouble of making one when you can buy one that is so perfect and individually sized?

Carrie : If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.

Carrie : The only way to get anything to eat in the country is to make it yourself...I'm in no mood for Bisquick!

Belles of the Balls

Miranda : There's nothing to be embarrassed about; he's still got one.
Carrie : Miranda, they come in a set. Like earrings.

Carrie : I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it.

Charlotte : We're having Trey's sperm tested.
Miranda : Is it not doing well in school?

Miranda : [Women] care about nice arms, great eyes, big dick! I have never once heard a woman say "he had such a big, full scrotum."

Miranda : Men—wait, let me rephrase that—some men...
Carrie : Good move, counselor. That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner.

Charlotte : I bought you this.
Trey : Juggs?
Charlotte : I know how much you like them!

Charlotte : Look. She's got big boobs. So does she. It's the big boobs bonanza issue..

Samantha on not getting hired because she's a woman : What does he think I'm gonna do? Get my period and ruin his empire?!

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

Carrie:I know, I'm 10 minutes late.
Miranda:Well I'm three weeks late.
Carrie:What?
Miranda:I'm pregnant.

Miranda : Which is why I called you to meet me here on the corner of 23rd and I'm in Hell!.

Carrie:You're pregnant? Really?
Miranda:No, I just thought it would be a fun thing to say. Fuck!

Miranda : He only has one ball and I have a lazy ovary. In what twisted world does that create a baby? ... It's like the special Olympics of conception!

Charlotte:Do you know how many times Trey and I have done it without a condom? 73! Have you any idea how much perfectly fine semen that is?
Carrie:No. Samantha? Rough estimate?

Carrie : If I weren't perpetually 10 minutes late, would my life be totally different?

Aidan : Well, if Miranda doesn't want the kid, can't she just give it to Charlotte?
Carrie : No... it's not like a sweater.

Samantha on the Hermes Birkin bag : Oh honey, it's not so much the style, it's what carrying it means!
Carrie : It means you're out four thousand bucks.

Carrie : 'Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.

Carrie : I made him swear on Chanel.
Miranda : Well, as long as he took the oath of fabric!

Samantha : If it's so hard to get pregnant, how do you account for the number of crying children on planes?

Carrie : Did you ever get a girl pregnant?
Aidan : Not that I know of.
Carrie : GodDAMN, it must be nice to be a guy sometimes.

Just Say Yes

Carrie : Maybe this is all happening because my building is going co-op. Is this a real estate merger? Am I a real estate bride?
Miranda : If there were unlimited apartments in Manhattan, we'd all be single forever.

Charlotte : We're not barren, we're reproductively challenged!

The Good Fight

Carrie : Someone once said that two halves make a whole. And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff.

Samantha : This is why I've never lived with a man. This and the fact I want them out an hour after I climax.
Miranda : You let them stay a whole hour?

Miranda on Samantha actually liking a Guy : Oh my God we're gonna have to ice skate home. Hell just froze over.

Samantha : Okay, you want details? Okay. He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. Long, pink, amazing. It's dickalicious!

Miranda : I don't know... is it okay to fuck one guy when you're pregnant with another guy's baby?
Carrie : If one more person asks me that today...

Miranda : This is the last chance. Last chance for sex.
Carrie : You're not on death row.
Miranda : Yes I am! Dead woman fucking!

Carrie : I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know: They are people who have recently moved in with someone.

All That Glitters

Samantha [answering the phone] : Well, it's about fucking time! Get over here and do me!
Carrie : Is that your standard greeting now?

Miranda : Why don't straight men have bodies like this?
Carrie : Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym. If straight men had that they'd be working out all the time too.
Samantha : I've had sex at the gym.
Carrie : See? Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses!

Carrie : Are you two together?
Anthony : No, but I'm hoping we will be around 3:30 [am].

Charlotte : I can't believe you took ecstasy from a stranger!
Samantha : It's not a stranger, it was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby.
Miranda : Oh, well then we know it's safe. Will we be going to a rave later?

Stanford : I saw the way you were behaving. You're sleeping with the beautiful man!
Carrie : The beautiful man is gay.
Stanford : Damn! That accent always throws me. (referring to Australian accent)

Charlotte : Aaah! It's gay porn!!
Miranda : What was your first clue?
Charlotte : You said we were watching an independent film! I brought biscotti!

Carrie : Gay boyfriends are the loophole of monogamy.

Carrie : I'd been so preoccupied by my gay boyfriend, I kept forgetting about my gay husband.

Change of a Dress

Carrie : Ooh! I forgot about the washer and dryer! I've been dreaming about that my whole New York life!

Miranda : I just faked a sonogram.

Carrie : You know what they say: If it ain't broke...
Samantha : Don't marry it.

Samantha : You get married and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out you'll get divorced. You can take tap with Bojangles over here.
Carrie : No I can't take a vow of for ever and ever if what I mean is for the foreseeable future. I couldn't do that to Aidan.

Miranda : It's amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder. In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.

Samantha [to the girls]: I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.
Carrie : Yes, it's airborne.

Ring A Ding Ding

Carrie : Great love stories are supposed to end with tragedy and tears, not papers from the law offices of Gold & Vogel.

Carrie : I'm homeless! I'll be a bag lady! A Fendi bag lady, but a bag lady!!

Miranda : (While reading the card Richard wrote Samantha) "Style for Style. Best, Richard."
Carrie : Best. Yikes.
Miranda : "Best" is the worst.
Samantha : "Best" is like signing "Not Love."

Woman on the street to Carrie : Why do you have to take the bus if you're on the bus?

Miranda : I'm telling you: the fat ass, the farting .. it's ridiculous. I am un-fuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life. ... That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant, so somebody is obligated to have sex with you.

Carrie : I've spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!

Samantha : Roger, honey, you've seen my bush. We're a little past acting coy.

A 'Vogue' Idea

Samantha : Is a three-way with a 21-year-old a bad idea for Richard's birthday?
Carrie : What are you going to give him next year? A four-way?

Miranda : But who would I invite [to my baby shower] besides you guys?
Samantha : All the bitches who made you go to theirs!

Samantha : Oh honey, I have tricks she hasn't even seen!
Carrie : And those tricks ain't for kids!

Carrie : Maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand weve been given and accessorize what weve got.

Samantha : Can we cut the cake? I have to go to a Three-way.

Carrie : OK, pants up Freud! Show some respect! This is Vogue!

I Heart NY

Carrie [to Big] : You can't leave New York! You're the Chrysler Building! The Chrysler Building would be all wrong in a vineyard!

Carrie [after hearing Big is moving to Napa, California] : If you're tired, you take a napa. You don't move to Napa!

Samantha : I'm always surprised when anyone leaves New York. I mean, where do they go?
Miranda : The real world?
Samantha : A homeless man showed me his dick on the way here. It doesn't get any realer than that.

Samantha : Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore. If it's bad, you just had sex with an ex.

Samantha : This love stuff is a muthafucka.
Charlotte : Did you just say 'love'?

Samantha : If you want out of this, just say it.
Richard : I don't want to have sex once and I want out?
Samantha : What about yesterday?
Richard : We were at the opera!
Samantha : I was bored!

Richard : I heard the weather this morning but they didn't say anything about a shitstorm!

Charlotte : Miranda has a son!
Samantha : Just what the world needs: another man.

Charlotte: Why are you wearing that wig?
Samantha : Because my hair underneath looks like shit.

Carrie : Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Big: I can't believe you actually talked me into this...a buggy ride in Central Park, very corny.
Carrie : Nope, classic.

Season 5 (2002)

Anchors Away

Samantha : Come and get me sailors.

Charlotte : I read it in a magazine.
Miranda : What magazine? Convenient Theories For You Monthly?

Carrie : It's over for me. Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots 'o' shoes.

Samantha : Ladies! Seamen, twelve o'clock!
Miranda : I pray when I turn around there are sailors, because with her, you never know.

Samantha : I can't even be around that man. He's dangerous and toxic.
Carrie : So he's manthrax?

Carrie [to Samantha] : This past week I've seen Miranda's boobs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me your boobs too and the circle is full?
[Samantha flashes her boobs]
Carrie : I was kidding!

Anthony : When's the last time you had sex?
[Charlotte pauses to think]
Anthony : If you had to think about it it's been too long.
Charlotte : Well, when was the last time you—
Anthony : 10 :30 today at the gym!

[Samantha is posting signs about Richard on a street pole]
Female police officer : Ma'am, it's against city law to deface public property.
Samantha : This man said he loved me and I caught him eating another woman's pussy.
Female police officer : Carry on, ma'am.

Sailor : Evenin', ma'am.
Samantha : Ahoy matey! Nice dickey!

Carrie : Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.

Carrie [about Miranda and Steve] : Steve may not be a core shaker, but he was there when she was shaken to the core.

Unoriginal Sin

Samantha : I'll tell you how to babyproof. Use a condom!

Miranda : He got scared? ... When I get scared, I hide under the covers, not between somebody's legs.

Samantha : My friends don't believe you.
Richard : Am I dating your friends?
Samantha : With your track record I wouldn't put it past you.

Miranda : He has to get baptized and wear a dress.
Carrie : Baby's first drag show!

Carrie : So you're a pessimist, right?
Miranda : Have we met?

Carrie : Men who are good looking are never good in bed because they never had to be.

Luck Be an Old Lady

Carrie : People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates: hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.

Miranda : Why do we get stuck with old maid and spinster and men get to be bachelors and playboys?

Miranda : Today's the baby nurse's last day. From now on you'll have to book me a year in advance.
Carrie : Wow, you're like Nobu.

Miranda : I am so excited! I have been dreaming of being alone with these for months.
Carrie : I love that The New Yorker is your porn.

Samantha : No wonder the house always wins. These guys are smothered in breasts. I don't know what I was thinking bringing a cheating man to Atlantic Titty!

Cover Girl

Courtney [showing Carrie her book cover] : Let me talk you through it. Blurred background, aah, fast paced city. And you, naked with nothing but your ideas.
Carrie : I get it. But, see, no matter how fast paced the city, I always manage to get my clothes on before I leave the apartment.

Charlotte : What kind of diet book are you looking for?
Miranda : I don't know. Something with a title like How to Lose That Baby Fat by Sitting On Your Ass.

Stanford : His name is Marcus.
Carrie : And is he a Roman?
Stanford : No, he is not.
Carrie : Aww, too bad. I always adore a metal breastplate on a man.

Stanford : Before I tell you, you have to promise not to judge.
Carrie : Do I judge?
Stanford : We all judge. That's our hobby. Some people do arts and crafts; we judge.

Stanford [about to enter a women's dressing area] : Knock knock! Nothing in here I haven't seen and ruled out in junior high!

Samantha : I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever—and blow whomever—I want as long as I can breathe and kneel!

Carrie : Miranda went out with an overeater and he overate her.

Plus One is the Loneliest Number

Charlotte : He should've mentioned her earlier.
Samantha : But not too early. I hate it when men do that. "I have a girlfriend." Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken!

Miranda : I didn't tell Walker I had a baby.
Charlotte : How could you not mention it?
Miranda : It didn't come up! If Walker had asked me directly, "have you given birth recently," I would've said... first of all, define "recently."

Enid : That's the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like. It's true of the fall lines, and it's true of relationships.

Stanford : I don't want to seem like a nobody now that I have a somebody.
Carrie : Oh, so it's okay to be a nobody when you have nobody?
Stanford : Well, apparently you're nobody until somebody loves you.

Critical Condition

Miranda : No, he's not sick. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he just wants to scream. I'm doing everything I can but I can't please him. If he was 35 this is when we would break up.

Miranda : This thirteen pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge!

Carrie : Damn! Why is that girl still bothering me?
Samantha : Honey, you have to let it go. If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house.

Samantha [critiquing "neck massagers" at the Sharper Image] : That one actually works against you. If we wanted to work that hard, we'd get us a man, am I right?

[Samantha arrives at Miranda's house and offers to baby-sit]
Miranda : I can't believe it!
Samantha : Neither can I, but here I am—Mary fuckin' Poppins.

The Big Journey

Charlotte: You should go say Hi.
Carrie: No, no I don't want to say 'Hi.' I want to say, can one of you lie on top of me for awhile? I need to feel the weight of a man on me.

Miranda: It's times like this I wish women could go to male prostitutes.
Samantha: Women do.
Carrie: No, only in bad screenplays and first novels.

Samantha: Rumor has it a group of guys not resembling the elephant man just got on and they're having a bachelor party in the bar cart. Get dressed!

I Love a Charade

Miranda : How long have you two known each other?
Bobby : Oh, let's put it this way. Cats was just Kittens.

Samantha : All married couples stop having sex eventually.
Miranda : That's not true, you've had sex with plenty of married people.
Samantha : That's how I know!

Carrie : Why did she need to tell me the sex was amazing?
Samantha : Because it is amazing. She's amazed he's able to get it hard without another penis in the room.

Harry : Charlotte, I have to marry a Jew.
Charlotte : She can marry a gay guy and you can't marry an Episcopalian?

Carrie :Some people are settling, some people are settling down, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

Season 6 (2003–2004)

To Market, To Market

Samantha : I love the stock market. A room full of screaming, sweaty men, all trying to get it up.

Carrie : I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Miranda : Twenty dollars for a hamburger. Oh, that's reasonable.
Samantha : Pathetic! When I moved to this neighborhood, the only thing that cost twenty dollars was a hand job from a tranny.

Samantha : Just look at this street! Stella McCartney, Alexander McQueen. The only designer name that belongs in the Meatpacking District is Oscar Mayer.
Carrie : I never liked his clothes. Too fatty.

FBI Agent to Samantha : Ma'am, can you undo your cuffs so we can use ours?

Great Sexpectations

Miranda : They don't cook the food here?
Samantha : That's why they call it Raw. The raw food movement! People love it: Sting, Demi, Soon-Yi... soon me!

Samantha : Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.

Carrie : Meanwhile, I was finally confident I could heat up my sex life, because I was a sex columnist, I was resourceful, and I was drunkitty drunk drunk.

Berger about Carrie's furry heels : What do you have there, a pet?

The Perfect Present

Samantha : Tell me why we're going to this again?
Carrie : She's an old friend going through a breakup. We're being supportive.
Samantha : On a Friday night?
Charlotte : She tried to kill herself!
Miranda : It was six Advil!
Charlotte : On an empty stomach!

Charlotte : Carrie, you have to know where he's been so you know what you're getting.
Samantha : As long as what you get doesn't itch, I say you're fine.

Charlotte : Doesn't that waiter look familiar?
Samantha : I fucked him.
Carrie : Oh! That guy!

Carrie : Charlotte, always the straight-A student, took to her Judaism class like a Gefilte fish to water.

[Miranda pulls a chain of condoms out of her diaper bag]
Samantha : Oh, honey, isn't the baby birth control enough?
Miranda : They're Steve's. And Debbie's, his new girlfriend, that's her name. Debbie.
Carrie : Where are they doing it, Gymboree?
Samantha : Debbie does daycare.
[Brady picks up the condoms and puts them in his mouth. Charlotte is horrified.]
Samantha : Oh, honey, relax. I have those in my mouth all the time.

Miranda : I'm just getting Brady ready to go out for a night with his dad. Packing up the old diaper bag, making sure he has everything he needs: bottle... binky... TROJANS...
Steve : Look, Miranda—
Miranda : I'm not exactly thrilled that our baby is having sex already, but I sure am glad he's using protection!

Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little

Samantha : I tell you, it is so refreshing to be with someone who likes to fuck outside the box.

Samantha : Your parents named you Jerry Jerrod? No wonder you drank.

Lights, Camera, Relationship

[Berger is shocked by the price of a Prada shirt]
Prada Sales Guy : But you will wear it forever!
Berger : Yeah, I'd have to! Does it also somehow open into a small studio apartment?

Carrie : It's a check from our publishers. They sold my book in Paris. It's an advance from France!

Samantha : All of Manhattan is here.
Stanford : Who's watching the island?

Hop, Skip, and a Week

Smith looking at his Absolut Hunk billboard : Fuck me!
Samantha : Well, that's the first thing every woman in town will be saying after she sees it.
Smith : It's huge!
Samantha : And that's the second.

Samantha : You know what I think? I think, don't do that.
Carrie : What?
[Samantha does an impression of Carrie's pout]
Carrie : Well, I'm sorry, I'm upset.
Samantha : Well, don't be! You'll be even more upset when your face is all lined.

The Post-It Always Sticks Twice

[Miranda can fit into her "skinny jeans."]
Charlotte : How'd you do it?
Miranda : Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, and stopped having any time to eat.
Samantha : Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying.

Charlotte : I just feel kind of silly that I made such a big fuss about my ring earlier.
Samantha : Oh, honey, a diamond that big deserves a parade!

Miranda : I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman. "I'm sorry Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."

Carrie : People say 'Everything happens for a reason.' These people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a 'Goodbye,' But, apparently, women have to either get married or learn something.
Why are we in such a rush to move from confused to Confucius?
Do we search for lessons to lessen the pain?

Billy : All I'm saying is that there's no good way to break up with someone.
Carrie : Well, it's funny you should mention that Billy, because, actually, there is. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy but, I think that, you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation Because, here's what; Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy. And just so you know, Alan;
Andrew : Andrew...
Carrie : Uh huh. Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that... That is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this; There is a good way to break-up with someone, And it doesn't include a post-it.

Carrie : Hi! We're leaving ... I just learned you should never go to Bed angry!

Charlotte : Is it safe to buy pot from strangers?
Carrie : They're not strangers, they're our new friends with pot!

Carrie : I said doobie!

The Catch

Stanford : You're queen of the world.
Carrie  : You're queen of the world!

Carrie : Stanny, are you watching? I'm about to try a catch!
Stanford : Maybe you should quit while you're a... live?

Carrie : I tried the trapeze yesterday for that piece that I'm writing.
Charlotte : I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.
Carrie : Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.

Harry : I'm just here to drop off the photo proofs and the seating chart. We're going to have a quick bite to eat and then I'm going to take the place cards to the calligrapher.
Howie : And after that, if there's time, we're going to go around the corner and try to find our balls.

Miranda : He was funny. And cute.
Carrie : Yeah, and in town for a week! What's the point?
Samantha : That IS the point! It's the best possible scenario, because you know he's leaving.
Carrie : But it's like whatever happens, there's an expiration date. It's expiration dating.

Anthony : I want nothing but lilies on the huppah. The theme is yentil chic!

Charlotte wearing her wedding dress : Is it okay?
Anthony : Okay? You're Audrey Hepburn... awitz!

Samantha : Listen, when you're on location, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Smith : What's that rule out?
Samantha : Mmmm, there are things. Karaoke, I don't do that.

Carrie about Steve's new girlfriend : Well, did you see her?
Miranda : Just her shoes and her nails.
Carrie : And?
Miranda : Both acrylic.

Stanford : He's certainly acrobatic.
Carrie : Oh yeah, he's a regular Jerk de Soleil. Do you think everyone knows I slept with him?
Stanford : Yes. And they all think you're a big hora.

A Woman's Right to Shoes

Stanford : I also got them a CD of Free To Be... You And Me.
Carrie : I loved Marlo Thomas! I played that album all through the fifth grade. I wanted to run as fast as the wind.
Stanford : I played "William Wants A Doll" so many times I almost turned my little sister into a gay man!

Carrie after being told to take off her shoes : But... this is an outfit!

Carrie : We've had a swell time, it's just... it's midnight, he's gay, he's got to start his night.

Samantha : I'm so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu—
[A child runs by]
Samantha : Look at that. This place is for double cappuccinos, NOT double strollers.
[Glances at Miranda]
Samantha : I'm sorry.
Miranda : Hey, no need to apologize. I wouldn't bring Brady here. Mommy needs two hands to eat her eight-dollar cake!
Charlotte : You're not going to defend children?
Miranda : No, I don't like any children but my own.

[Harry has moved in with Charlotte and tends to leave teabags sitting around]
Charlotte : There's just one thing and it's small, but it really grosses me out. We have a teabag situation.
Samantha : Oh, I understand. Just breathe through your nose.
[Charlotte looks confused]
Samantha : When you're sucking his balls.

Carrie : She's become this whole other person. It's like she's had two caesarians and a lobotomy.

Carrie : And how are [your chicken pox] today?
Miranda : Biblical. There's literally a pox on my house.

Carrie : Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?

Carrie : The fact is sometimes it is hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones now and then, to make the walk a little more fun.

Boy, Interrupted

Miranda : I just got Brady to sleep.
Dr. Leeds : Now, do you sing to him?
Miranda : Only if he's been bad.

Charlotte : You're marrying him!
Carrie : Will you stop? He doesn't even live in New York, he lives in Denver.
Charlotte : People move! It would be so romantic.
Carrie : Or tragic. Seriously. If I had the guy in high school, what have I been doing for the last twenty years?

Stanford : God, I hate him. Come on, we're going over there.
Marcus : Why?
Stanford : Because you're in a tank top.

Stanford : ...we have to go get our tuxes for the prom.
Charlotte : Did you say the prom?
Stanford : Yes, it's a big fund raiser at the gay/lesbian/bi/transgender center. I'm on the decorations committee.
Anthony : What's the theme, Queer and Queerer?

Anthony : Oh, honey, wake up and smell the KY.

Charlotte : He and Stanford are in love!
Anthony : Well, according to "Honcho," he used to be in love all over town.

Charlotte : Did I ever tell you I was a cheerleader?
Miranda : No, because you knew I would mock you endlessly.

Carrie : I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific.

The Domino Effect

Carrie : Bet you can't get steaks like this in your little Napa village, now can ya?
Big : Where do you think this cattle comes from, a ranch on Canal Street?

[Carrie is crying in a restaurant]
Big : She's fine. Can you bring some extra napkins... and some violins?

Charlotte : Big is in town?
Carrie : Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.
Miranda : What, is he on the wait list to get one?

Samantha : He did something to me that was so perverse! Okay, I'm just going to say it. He tried to hold my hand.
Carrie : You mean to tell me that Smith is a hand-holder? And to think he once served us food.

Carrie : Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?
Samantha : I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.

Big : So I guess this is what we'd be like in our 70's. No sex and board games.
Carrie : Aww, you're already thinking about your next birthday?

One

[A performance artist is starving herself and refusing to speak while on public display]'
Aleksandr : You don't think it's significant?
Carrie : Oh please! There are depressed women all over New York doing the exact same thing as her and not calling it art. I mean, if you put a phone up on that platform, it's just a typical Friday night waiting for some guy to call.

Samantha : It's red! ... I'm Bozo the bush!

Carrie : I was specifically told there would be no clowns. There's nothing scarier than a clown.

Let There be Light

Charlotte : I could see it going somewhere.
Carrie : Oh please, listen, half the time I can't even understand him. We have nothing in common, he's in and out of Europe...
Charlotte : That could be good!
Samantha : Honey, you're not listening. She only wants him to be in and out of her.
Carrie : Yes, but in a much less obvious-sounding way.

Samantha : Don't play "hard to get" with a man who's hard to get.

Charlotte testing fragrances : Maybe cucumber basil?
Samantha : Why would you want to smell like a salad?

Charlotte : How about pomegranate patchouli?
Carrie : No, you need something classic, clean.
Miranda : With just a hint of neuroses.

Anthony : Can we please talk about something else? I'll give you a hundred dollars if you say something bitchy about someone we know.

Charlotte : When did it become fall?
Anthony : Somewhere between your ovaries and my boredom!

Charlotte : Imagine, being blind and not being able to see a beautiful day like today. Can you think of anything worse?
Anthony : Stonewashed jeans and a matching jacket.

Samantha : So, how were they?
Carrie : The pancakes? Delicious, exactly what I wanted. I couldn't get enough.
Samantha : No, I was referring to the moves.
Carrie : Delicious, exactly what I wanted. I couldn't get enough.

The Ick Factor

Charlotte : Well, it all sounds very old world to me. Very 18th century Russia.
Carrie : Yes, and I live in New York City circa now. I think it's romantic when someone offers me a seat on the subway.

Carrie : You know that song he wrote for me?
Miranda : Yeah. Ick.
Carrie : Well, it had a name. La Femme Avec Les Yeux Lumineux.
Charlotte : The Girl With The Eyes That...?
Carrie: : ...Sparkle.
Samantha : What's French for ick?
Miranda : Eek! [ - actually "Beurk!!" ]

Samantha : I had a cold, hard dose of reality. From this! Look!
Charlotte : You're in In Touch magazine?
Carrie : And that's your dose of reality?

Charlotte : I can't believe you would actually consider having a boob job.
Miranda : I can't believe you went to Planet Hollywood.

Carrie : How about I read you a little bit of my favorite poetry?
Aleksandr : Please.
Carrie [Reads from Vogue] : "Cocktails at Tiffany's calls for classic charm. Oscar de la Renta sleeveless silk full skirted dress with black patent leather bow belt." Now that is pure poetry.

Miranda : I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says virgin. I have a child. The jig is up.

Carrie : So yesterday, the Russian read me a Russian poem. But, you know, in English.

Miranda: I don't even care about the wedding. I just want to be with Steve.
Charlotte: (Crying) Oh, Miranda!
Miranda: Ok, this is exactly what I don't want. No tears.
Carrie: (Crying) Oh my God.
Samantha: (Crying) I can't believe it.
Miranda: That's it! You're all freakin' me out. (Gets up to leave) Samantha, I expected more from you.

Miranda : Are you just making this stuff up now?
Carrie : No. And this might sound crazy but I don't think it's an act. I think he actually means it.
Miranda : That doesn't make it okay! Has he considered your feelings?

Aleksandr : Are you okay?
Carrie : No! I'm an American. You gotta take it down a notch.

Miranda : Tell me what you're talking about.
Samantha : I'll tell you tomorrow. I don't want to ruin your special day.
Miranda : Forget about my special fucking day and be normal, please, I beg of you!
Samantha : I have breast cancer.
Miranda : What?
Samantha : See? Now it's my special fucking day.

Charlotte: Samantha, you look nice today.
Samantha : Thank you. I have cancer.

Catch-38

Carrie : It was hard to be huffy in a cloth robe but somehow Samantha pulled it off.

Miranda : What I don't understand is, if they got it all, why do you need chemo?
Samantha : Because he's an asshole!
Carrie : Evidently there could be something microscopic.
Samantha : Like his dick!
Carrie : Excuse me, do you have cancer or Tourette's?

Miranda on Magda : She's made plans! She's going to Nannypalooza or something.

Charlotte on Brady : I'll take him! I'd love to take him! He's adorable.
Miranda : It's four days. Adorable stops after a day and a half.

Charlotte : Is it safe? Are there stairs? What about sharp edges?
Carrie : Charlotte, it's a death trap. We're just going to strap a pillow around the kid and hope for the best.

Carrie : Brady knocked the vase over.
Aleksandr : That's pathetic, blaming the baby.

Carrie : That attitude, by the way, that awareness on the part of a woman that time is a-tickin'—it's very sexy to a man.

Charlotte : Why should you give up having a baby for a man you hardly know?
Carrie : Why should I give up a man for a baby I hardly know I want?

Miranda : I'm in the woods in my negligee and my cell phone only has two bars left. HELP!

Miranda : Last night Steve and I held hands for an hour and a half watching... the fire. He was looking into my eyes; I was looking for the remote.

Miranda : I'm sorry, Steve, I'm an asshole.
Steve : Yeah you are. But you're my asshole.
Miranda : That's sweet. And gross, at the same time.

Out of the Frying Pan

Aleksandr : I love your house. It's so you.
Carrie : Small and artless?
Aleksandr : No, warm and lovely.

Aleksandr : It was a rodent. You don't want this in your house.
Carrie : Well, maybe he was just crossing through to get to the much nicer apartment next door.
Aleksandr : You call this denial.

Carrie : At least it didn't happen in a room I actually use, like my closet.

Miranda : Samantha, I have to say, you are amazing.
Samantha : I am. And if you love me in chemo, wait till you see me at Smith's movie premiere. I'm getting a hot dress, fantastic shoes... I'm going to kick cancer and that red carpet's ass!

Cab Driver : Where to?
Miranda : Um, Brooklyn, please.
Cab Driver : I don't go to Brooklyn.
Miranda : Yeah, neither do I.

Carrie : Is this who I'm seeing—a man who kills mice and optimism?

Wig store clerk : Would you like natural hair or acrylic?
Samantha : Sweetheart, does it look like I do acrylic?

Samantha : What if it comes back? I could die, Carrie. With really bad hair.

Samantha : Maybe I should just shave it all off.
Carrie : Yeah, you could be one of those fantastic bald women who's all about earrings.
Samantha : I'd better not look like fucking Kojak.

Miranda : Oh my God... I'm married.

Carrie : Samantha is my friend. She's my family. My insides. She will be fine because she has to be fine. That's how important she is to me.

Charlotte : It's just a subway ride away.
Carrie : A subway that goes underwater! That's not normal!

Miranda : Why do I think living in Manhattan is so fantastic?
Carrie : Because it is.

Carrie : It would be childish of us to deny that our lives weren't changing. But for this night, none of us were going anywhere. That's the thing about really good friends and a really great Manhattan.

The Cold War

Aleksandr reading from Carrie's column : It is my belief that the last time anyone actually enjoyed the 69 position was in 1969.

Anthony : That is the fourth person to stop and gush. I swear that dog's getting cruised more than me, and we're on the corner of gay and gay.

Miranda : I had to walk all the way from the subway in these heels. My feet are killing me.
Steve : Why didn't you just carry them and wear sneakers like everyone else?
Miranda : Stop. You can take me out of Manhattan but you can't take me out of my shoes.

Stanford : Let's say hello [to Smith]
Marcus : I'm nervous. He's so incredibly hot in that Gus VanSant movie.
Stanford : Oh! But can he pull off a fuscia Oswald Botang shirt?

Samantha : Well, I decided to turn a little hair loss into a lot of hair gain.
Stanford : Oh, you're gettin' wiggy with it!

Charlotte : Smith is not gay.
Miranda : Of course not!
Charlotte : So this makes you his beard.
Samantha : I'm a beard in a wig.

Miranda : I don't talk to Steve about my work.
Carrie : And he doesn't mind?
Miranda : I think he prefers it that way.
Carrie : But you guys share everything else.
Miranda : Because we're in Brooklyn. There's no one else to talk to!

Samantha : Everyone's talking about me! In the blink of a tabloid I went from Demi to Liza.

Carrie : Oh, you are a good friend. All the way from Brooklyn to see a bunch of dogs run in a circle.
Miranda : She came to watch my baby get baptized, I came to watch her baby get judged.

Miranda : I thought you weren't going to sweat the small stuff.
Samantha : Look, I can't have cancer and be a fag hag!

Anthony : The frickin' dog just got her period! ... Show's over!
Charlotte : Don't say that! We can still compete. I once won a junior gymnastics meet when I had mine.
Anthony : It's a dog! What are you going to do, run around looking for a teeny tiny tampon?

Carrie : Trouble! Elizabeth Taylor just got her period.
Samantha : What?
Carrie : Mmm hmm, backstage. That time of the month.
Miranda : I thought she looked a little bloated.
Stanford : And she was so bitchy earlier.

Smith : Are you sure you want to do this?
Samantha : It worked for Paris Hilton. I need to set the record straight—literally!

Miranda : Elizabeth Taylor got gang-banged in the park?
Samantha : Oh god, that's so 80's!

Splat!

Enid : Do you even like dorado? Because if this is a pity dorado, I can have crab cakes!

Aleksandr : Is this really how one finds love?
Carrie : No, it's just what we do to distract ourselves until the real thing comes along.

Samantha about her vibrator : I'm telling you, I went into the kitchen to get it—
Miranda : Wait, why was it in the kitchen?
Samantha : I like to mix it up.

Samantha : Now, maybe in the Dominican Republic, people like to share vibrators, but this is America—land of plenty!

Charlotte about Elizabeth Taylor : She's getting a little fat.
Pet store clerk : Oh, she's not fat.
Charlotte : You're right, that's an ugly term. She's... full figured.

Samantha : We're not going to encourage you to cross an ocean. We're selfish bitches who like you in New York!

Carrie : Maybe I can't leave New York. I don't know how I'd do someplace else.
Samantha : Believe me, your fabulousness would translate.

Carrie : He's very sweet. And smart!
Enid : He's a Hobbit!

Samantha : This funeral is better than fashion week!

Lexi : I'm so bored, I could just die!

Charlotte : I didn't know Lexi had so many friends.
Carrie : Well, she wasn't always so tragic. Remember the 80's? She was the it girl.
Samantha : I thought I was the it girl.
Miranda : Well, it's your word against a dead girl's, so—you win!

An American Girl in Paris (Part Une)

Mr. Big : You're moving to Paris with a Russkie?
Carrie : You do this every time! Every time! What do you have, some kind of radar? 'Carrie might be happy, it's time to sweep in and shit all over it!'

Carrie : Forget you know my number, in fact, forget you know my name... and you can drive down the street all you want, because I don't live here anymore!

Samantha : Would you like another cocktail?
Carrie : No, no, no, I can't be drunk on the plane. I want to arrive stunning and impossibly fresh looking.

Carrie : Today I had a thought. What if I... what if I had never met you?

Carrie : I fell. I fell in Dior. So I decided that the more I purchased the less they'd think of me as the American who fell in Dior.
Aleksandr : They don't think like that.
Carrie : Well, not anymore they don't. This is the shopping equivalent of a lobotomy.

Big : You're the loves of her life and a guy's just lucky to come in fourth.

An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)

Charlotte : I cannot believe this is finally happening. I hope nothing goes wrong.
Anthony : Well, if it does, I know some gays who got a Guatemalan kid for 100 bucks
Carrie : I'm someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.

Big : It took me a really long time to get here, but I'm here. Carrie, you're the one.

Carrie : Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Carrie : I miss New York, take me home!

Misc quotes

Unattributed quotes

So what are we going to do? Sit around bars, sipping Cosmos and sleeping with strangers when we're 80?

Miranda: What's really going on here is sex. Good, old-fashioned, eager-to-please, do-what-I-tell-you-to sex.

It's my stuff. It's not you.

Carrie:Having been raised in the church of be nice to people... (on karma?)

Unknown Season/Episode


Charlotte : Allow me to get right to the point, guys. After careful consideration, I have decided that I am getting married this year.

Samantha : Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.

Samantha : This photo is just for me! So that when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes I can say, "damn I was hot."

Miranda : Can't you bring it up?
Charlotte : Noooo! We finally got the penis working. I don't wanna scare it!

Miranda : Yeah a finger is more like a third of dick so technically Maria has three and a third dicks.

Charlotte : TREY! I'm tired of being married to your penis. I'm a person! And this is supposed to be a relationship! And I am DONE walking on eggshells. Ooooooo, don't talk about moving in, in front of the penis cause it might go soft. And, and the penis likes this and the penis doesn't like that and THE PENIS WANTS TO BE MEASURED!

Samantha referring to her baby-talk talking I finally had to sit on his face to shut him up!

Steve on getting a replacement ball that's still in clinical trials : He says it's perfectly safe.
Miranda : That's what they said about the Ford Pinto. Think about it Steve, you want a Pinto near your penis?

Miranda : You haven't had a crush since Big.
Carrie : Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.

Carrie : One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.

Samantha : I have a date with a dildo.

Stanford : It's so not fair. All the good ones are straight...even the gay ones.

Trey : You're learning Chinese?
Charlotte : Well, just in case, I want to be able to speak to the baby.

Samantha : Well, I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.

Carrie : She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.

Carrie : I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are back.

Carrie : If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.

Miranda : Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.

Miranda : I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him - I yelled at my friend the cancer patient - then I made him cry.

Miranda : I don't want a boyfriend who does that! It's never ok to do that. Wait your turn, shut the door, do your business.

Charlotte : If you had a patient who had a very, very slim chance of living, would that be good news? Would you tell the family, "Buck up, he's got a shot in hell?"

Carrie : That's another reason I love New York. Just like that, it can go from bad to cute.

Charlotte : You pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your 'Schooner' deep inside my 'Rebecca'!

Samantha : The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon; no one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.

Carrie [about therapists] : First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says...'
Miranda : My therapist says that's a very common fear.

Lew : You want to go grab a drink?
Miranda : Yes please, the sight of all these white teeth is blinding!

Carrie : You think it's as simple as my dad walked out therefore I'll always be screwed up about men?
Miranda : My father came home at seven on the button every night and I still have no clue.

Miranda : Men are like cabs. They drive around dating women and picking them up, but their light isn’t on. When they want to get married, they turn their light on. And the next woman they pick up, they marry. Unlike most women, who have pretty much have had their light on since birth.

Charlotte : You're engaged!
Carrie : I threw up. I saw the ring and I threw up. That can't be normal.
Samantha : That's my reaction to marriage.

Miranda : I don't know why they call it morning sickness, because it lasts all fucking day long.

Charlotte : For something called a fling, it looks like a lot of work.
Bunny : That's what I used to tell Trey about you!

Carrie : As we speed along this road towards who we want to be, sometimes you can't help but wonder... are we there yet?

Miranda : I'm more like... we didn't work out. You need to not exist.

Samantha : I don't have a pattern.
Carrie : In math, randomness is considered a pattern.

Samantha : Your relationship is my greatest fear realized.

Miranda : Maybe you don't believe its real unless someone is playing hard-to-get.

Carrie : Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy.

Carrie : It's very strange when the life you never had flashes before your eyes.

Samantha : Sex is a barometer of what is going on in a relationship.

Carrie : Are we dating? I thought we were just sleeping together.

Carrie : Odd, how normal can sometimes feel so uncomfortable.

Charlotte : I think that a relationship has to be based on honesty and communication if it has any chance of succeeding.
Samantha : Ok. If you were 25, that would be adorable. But you're 32 now, so that's just stupid.

Miranda [looking at Manhattan from the ferry]: I don't believe such a small island can hold so many of our ex boyfriends



Carrie : Damn! That would have been so awesome if I hadn't looked back.

Carrie : Little Miss Hangover is right. Can we lighten up on the cock talk 'till cocktail time?

Carrie : Let's be honest. Sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else. Like lottery winners. Or extremely successful people who are 27. And then there's that hell on earth that only your closest friends can inflict on you -- the baby shower

Cast

Main characters

Reoccuring characters


Guest stars and cameos

External links

Wikipedia
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