The Way of the Gun

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Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
Guillaume Apollinaire
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The Way of the Gun is a 2000 film.


  • [After being beaten to a pulp in the opening scene.] For the record I'll call myself Mr. Parker. My associate will be Mr. Longbaugh. (A reference to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid characters, whose real names were Parker and Longbaugh)
  • There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says the good guys always win, that you die when it's your time or when you have it coming, that the ending is always happy-if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear that our path had been chosen for us and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage, so we stepped off the path and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us. Once off the path you do what you can to eat, keep moving. You don't blow your ghost of a chance with nickel and dime, no possessions, no comforts. Need is the ultimate monkey. A pint of your blood can fetch you fifty bucks, a shot of cum—three grand. You keep your life simple and you can literally self sustain.
  • I think a plan is just a list of things that don't happen.
  • The longest distance between two points is a kidnapper and his money.
  • We don't want your forgiveness; we won't make excuses. We're not gonna blame you, even if you are an accessory, but we will not accept your natural order. We didn't come for absolution, we didn't ask to be redeemed, but isn't that the way it is? Every goddamn time. Your prayers are always answered, in the order they're received.
  • We're not talking about how long you're gonna live, but how slow you're gonna die.
  • You take Los Angeles, okay? If I say that Los Angeles has become, over the years, a Mecca for homosexual migration, I am in the right. But look what I am saying; I am making it sound like faggots are nomadic if not predatory miscreants who have some implied need to move around. I am also likening them to Muslims, or Muslims to them. Whereas saying L.A. is filled with faggots is just being honest.


  • What are you gonna tell God now?
  • There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
  • A heart is the only thing that has value. If you have one, get rid of it.
  • Follow me Tonto.
  • Wanna get out now? Wanna quit? This is never gonna come your way again.
  • But, you know then you got the otherside. You got these trigger-happy cocksuckers all about shooting and posturing and "you don't know who I am" kind of thing..."I been to prison".
  • To tell you the truth, I don't think this is a brains type of operation.
  • You know what I'm gonna tell God when I see him? I'm gonna tell him I was framed.
  • [Before he and Parker walk into a shootout]If we die, we die alone.
  • Until that day, then.

Joe Sarno

  • The only thing you can assume about a broken down old man is that he's a survivor.
  • Not money, 15 million dollars. Fifteen million dollars is not money, its a motive with a universal adaptor on it.
  • I'm the guy who you might see one day when you wake up with a pillow over your head, and the only thing you hear is a little bang.
  • I promise you a day of reckoning you won't live long enough to forget.
  • To let live.
  • Karma is justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice.


  • She knew what she was doing when she got out of that elevator. I consider the girl to be just as much a threat as the two men. Right now my primary concern is for the child.
  • Robin, we're going to take your baby out now.
  • Robin, get in the car.


Longbaugh: You have too much faith in people.
Parker: How can you kidnap someone without it?

Parker and Longbaugh lean against Bar Patron's car as the alarms go off
Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car!
Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass off the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass!
Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!
Bar Patron and Raving Bitch leave the line and menacingly approach Parker and Longbaugh
Raving Bitch: You're gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend's gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he's fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I'm gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads!
Bar Patron: Go ahead.
Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He's gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He's not even gay but he'll do it just to fuck wi…
Bar Patron: Honey honey. She's got a big mouth but she's not kidding. I'm gonna whip you silly and I'm gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.

Employee: What would you say qualifies you as a donor?
Parker: Well, I'd say I'm a fairly intelligent, good-looking man, physically fit, stable…
Employee: Ok... heterosexual?
Parker: [pause] Can I ask you something?
Employee: Sure.
Parker: Are you a faggot?
[The employee, taken aback, doesn't respond.]
Parker: See, you asked me if I was heterosexual. I asked you the same question, only I was clear about the answer I was looking for.
Employee: I just asked if you were heterosexual.

Longbaugh: Well, I've never killed a man…
Employee: I beg your pardon?
Longbaugh: I said I've never killed a man.
Employee: I didn't ask if you had.
Longbaugh: You asked me why I think I was qualified, and I think that's qualification.
Employee: And I'm just wondering why that in particular strikes you as an important qualification for semen donation.
Longbaugh: I would say that's a big fucking qualifica—excuse me, a very important qualification.
Employee: No one's ever said that before…
Longbaugh: Have you ever asked?
Employee: No.
Longbaugh: You should.

Longbaugh: Why is that a big deal?
Employee: Because nobody brings up sex with dead people!
Longbaugh: Course they don't, it's sick.
Employee: You brought it up.
Longbaugh: To say I never did it.
Employee: I didn't ask that.
Longbaugh: You should.

[While kidnapping a pregnant woman named Robin in the hospital]:Parker: Allright guys I want this to go down nice and quiet. So put the guns down.
[The bodyguards do not respond]:Parker: Come on guys this is no good.
Longbaugh: Hey man. The people, the people.
Parker: Can't you people see we have guns here?
[The people do not move]:Parker: Get the fuck out! Get out!
[After everyone leaves]:Parker: Alright guys, come on we've got you dead to it. Now I am gonna count to three.
[The guards cock their guns]:Longbaugh: Ah fuck.
Parker: What the fuck are you doing. You're supposed to be protecting her.
[The guards lower their guns down to Robin's stomach.]:Longbuagh: Ah fuck. Man, what'd I tell you.
Robin: Walk away. Walk away. They don't care about dying, just losing. You're not gonna make it out of here alive. Someone could've called the cops by now, you know they're gonna come! Just walk away.

Parker: Faggot. Just say it.
Employee: No.
Parker: Just say it.
Employee: I'm not going to say that.
Parker: Don't you think it's funny that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches me, she's fighting for her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, I'm a homophobe?
Employee: Let's just move on.
Parker: Are…you…a faggot?
Employee: Any trace of mental illness in the family?
Parker: It's not what you say anymore, is it? It's all in how you say it.

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