Weird Science (film)

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Self-will so ardent and active that it will break a world to pieces to make a stool to sit on.
Richard Cecil
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Weird Science (1985) is a 1980s teen film written and directed by John Hughes and starring Anthony Michael Hall, Kelly LeBrock and Ilan Mitchell-Smith.


  • That's not a bad idea. Making a girl. Actually making a girl. Just like Frankenstein...except cuter.
  • Let me set it straight: No one is as uptight as you, okay? No one. Even your middle name is tense; Wyatt "Tense-Up" Donnelly.
  • She wouldn't have to worry about no titties for the rest of her life. She was set and she was lookin' good, son!
  • Forget it, I'll drive. Gimme the keys! GIMME THE KEYS!
  • Hey, let's go to another party, man!
  • I want you to like me for who I am.
  • Why are you ruining the fantasy? We know the reality. Don't mess with the fantasy, okay?
  • They're gonna shit eggrolls.
  • Okay, but we can deal with shame. Death is a much greater issue.
  • We have to fill this thing up with data. I want her to live, I want her to breathe. I want her to aerobicize.
  • That's Wyatt's brother, Chet. He's kind of an asshole.
  • He's an asshole. Look at that haircut; anyone with a haircut like that, you know he's an asshole.
  • Chet?! OH, SHIT!
  • Now, hold on, man. I know female stats. I mean, anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained thumb.
  • Wyatt, your kitchen is blue...
  • Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that I'm perfect!


  • That's the truth, baby.
  • Well, goddamn!
  • There are motorcycles in my house!
  • We're in trouble, Gary. This is highly illegal.
  • Why are we wearing bras on our heads?
  • Where do you want it?
  • "Accident" my ass, Gary! My parents are coming home, Chet's coming home; they're gonna freak out!
  • A missle! A MISSLE! A missle in my house, Gary!


  • So...what would you little maniacs like to do first?
  • Don't threaten me, Al! You're out of shape; I'll kick your ass.
  • If you were a fifteen year old boy, would this turn you on? I think so too.
  • If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle.
  • I can get anything I want, and right now I wanna party.
  • I can be a real bitch when I don't get what I want.
  • Just for that, I should give you a set of elephant balls!
  • This isn't bullshit, this is a Persian missle.
  • You're sure you're only fifteen?
  • Oh, you know; sex, drugs, rock-n-roll...chips, dips, chains, whips...
  • Do you know how sad it is that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?
  • Cheer up or I'll blow your face off!
  • If you get the chance, shower with them. I did. It's a mind-scramble!
  • You forgot to hook up the doll.
  • When will you learn that people will like you for who you are and not for what you can give them?
  • Ten minutes into my aerobics routine you passed out; you slept. I did my toes.
  • Do you have a bra to match this? Preferably something leather, rubber or barbwire?
  • Okay, drop and give me twenty.
  • I'm so bloody clever.
  • If you don't learn to relax, you're going to have a heart attack by the time you're twenty.


  • Do you know what time it is? Time to pay the fiddler.
  • Here's the bottom line, Wyatt. I'm tellin' Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering making up some shit!
  • That's not a joke! That is a severe mental disorder! Those are women's underpants! Next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head.
  • For Christ's sake's, Weed! Cover yourself!
  • If my room's okay, I won't kill him. I-I'll just hurt him real bad.
  • Chet. My name is Chet! And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.
  • Fine. You die, she walks outta here with a severe limp.
  • Accident? An accident?! Do you realize it's snowing in my room, goddammit?!
  • Stay outta this, bimbo! This is a family matter.
  • You two donkey dicks couldn't get laid at a morgue.
  • How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?
  • He pukes, you die.
  • You're dead meat, pilgrim.
  • This isn't funny, you stupid bitch!
  • You spit in this?


[Gary and Wyatt have hidden from freaks who've destroyed Wyatt's home.]
Wyatt: Gary, do you feel like a chicken?
Gary: Well, if I could shoot an egg outta my ass right now, I would.
Wyatt: But...won't these people think that we're cowards?
Gary: Yeah...okay, but we can deal with shame. Death is a much greater issue.

Gary: Should we give her a brain?
Wyatt: Yeah, we could play chess with her.
Gary: Chess? Look, just give her a brain, okay?

[Gary is mumbling some incomprehensible gibberish over the doll that will become Lisa.]
Wyatt: Gary...? By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Gary: It's ceremonial.

Gary: Fats, man. Lemme tell you my story, man. Last year, I was insane for this crazy little eigth-grade bitch.
Fats: Crazy insane?
Guy 1: Insane?
Guy 2: Crazy?