Weird Science (film)

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The vitality of thought is in adventure. Ideas won't keep. Something must be done about them. When the idea is new, its custodians have fervor, live for it, and if need be, die for it.
Alfred North Whitehead
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Weird Science (1985) is a 1980s teen film written and directed by John Hughes and starring Anthony Michael Hall, Kelly LeBrock and Ilan Mitchell-Smith.


  • That's not a bad idea. Making a girl. Actually making a girl. Just like Frankenstein...except cuter.
  • Let me set it straight: No one is as uptight as you, okay? No one. Even your middle name is tense; Wyatt "Tense-Up" Donnelly.
  • She wouldn't have to worry about no titties for the rest of her life. She was set and she was lookin' good, son!
  • Forget it, I'll drive. Gimme the keys! GIMME THE KEYS!
  • Hey, let's go to another party, man!
  • I want you to like me for who I am.
  • Why are you ruining the fantasy? We know the reality. Don't mess with the fantasy, okay?
  • They're gonna shit eggrolls.
  • Okay, but we can deal with shame. Death is a much greater issue.
  • We have to fill this thing up with data. I want her to live, I want her to breathe. I want her to aerobicize.
  • That's Wyatt's brother, Chet. He's kind of an asshole.
  • He's an asshole. Look at that haircut; anyone with a haircut like that, you know he's an asshole.
  • Chet?! OH, SHIT!
  • Now, hold on, man. I know female stats. I mean, anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained thumb.
  • Wyatt, your kitchen is blue...
  • Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that I'm perfect!


  • That's the truth, baby.
  • Well, goddamn!
  • There are motorcycles in my house!
  • We're in trouble, Gary. This is highly illegal.
  • Why are we wearing bras on our heads?
  • Where do you want it?
  • "Accident" my ass, Gary! My parents are coming home, Chet's coming home; they're gonna freak out!
  • A missle! A MISSLE! A missle in my house, Gary!


  • So...what would you little maniacs like to do first?
  • Don't threaten me, Al! You're out of shape; I'll kick your ass.
  • If you were a fifteen year old boy, would this turn you on? I think so too.
  • If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle.
  • I can get anything I want, and right now I wanna party.
  • I can be a real bitch when I don't get what I want.
  • Just for that, I should give you a set of elephant balls!
  • This isn't bullshit, this is a Persian missle.
  • You're sure you're only fifteen?
  • Oh, you know; sex, drugs, rock-n-roll...chips, dips, chains, whips...
  • Do you know how sad it is that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?
  • Cheer up or I'll blow your face off!
  • If you get the chance, shower with them. I did. It's a mind-scramble!
  • You forgot to hook up the doll.
  • When will you learn that people will like you for who you are and not for what you can give them?
  • Ten minutes into my aerobics routine you passed out; you slept. I did my toes.
  • Do you have a bra to match this? Preferably something leather, rubber or barbwire?
  • Okay, drop and give me twenty.
  • I'm so bloody clever.
  • If you don't learn to relax, you're going to have a heart attack by the time you're twenty.


  • Do you know what time it is? Time to pay the fiddler.
  • Here's the bottom line, Wyatt. I'm tellin' Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering making up some shit!
  • That's not a joke! That is a severe mental disorder! Those are women's underpants! Next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head.
  • For Christ's sake's, Weed! Cover yourself!
  • If my room's okay, I won't kill him. I-I'll just hurt him real bad.
  • Chet. My name is Chet! And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.
  • Fine. You die, she walks outta here with a severe limp.
  • Accident? An accident?! Do you realize it's snowing in my room, goddammit?!
  • Stay outta this, bimbo! This is a family matter.
  • You two donkey dicks couldn't get laid at a morgue.
  • How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?
  • He pukes, you die.
  • You're dead meat, pilgrim.
  • This isn't funny, you stupid bitch!
  • You spit in this?


[Gary and Wyatt have hidden from freaks who've destroyed Wyatt's home.]
Wyatt: Gary, do you feel like a chicken?
Gary: Well, if I could shoot an egg outta my ass right now, I would.
Wyatt: But...won't these people think that we're cowards?
Gary: Yeah...okay, but we can deal with shame. Death is a much greater issue.

Gary: Should we give her a brain?
Wyatt: Yeah, we could play chess with her.
Gary: Chess? Look, just give her a brain, okay?

[Gary is mumbling some incomprehensible gibberish over the doll that will become Lisa.]
Wyatt: Gary...? By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Gary: It's ceremonial.

Gary: Fats, man. Lemme tell you my story, man. Last year, I was insane for this crazy little eigth-grade bitch.
Fats: Crazy insane?
Guy 1: Insane?
Guy 2: Crazy?