50 First Dates
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.Thomas L. Holdcroft
- [to his children] You kids suck; you're good at everything!
- My shirt size is medium husky.
- Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts."
- Your golf ball hit the cart, bounced back and hit you in the head. It was freakin' hilarious.
- [after getting beat up with a bat by Lucy] Oh, you crazy bitch!
- Aquariums make me super horny.
- Get your brother out of the dishwasher!
- Can I have one last first kiss?
- [repeated line] There's nothing like a first kiss..
- [watching Ula run off after she beats him with a bat] Yeah, KEEP RUNNING!!!!
- Happy birthday, sir. What are you, like, 200 today?
- You erased me from your memory because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life... but you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams and apparently, I'm the man of yours.
- Sorry I'm not better looking.
- Shit on your pants??? - so did I
- [repeated line] Hi, I'm Tom!
- Aren't you a little old to be having wet dreams... Hi, I'm Tom!
Old Hawaiian Man
- Are you staring at me or her? 'Cause you're starting to freak me out.
- Alexa: [After an aborted one-night stand with a woman] I guess I prefer sausage to taco.
- Dr. Keats: Doug, once again, off the juice.
- Doug: It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake.
- Security Guard 1: Hey Lucy, good to see you again!
- [Lucy walks by quietly]
- Security Guard 1: What the heck's her problem?
- Security Guard 2: She doesn't remember who you are, bro.
- Security Guard 1: Oh yeah. I suck at this job!
- Lucy: [to Henry] I hardly know you.
- Marlin: Actually sweetie, you're kind of dating him.
- [Lucy looks at Henry]
- Henry: Yeah. Sorry I'm not better looking.
- Doug: Thith ith from Nick and Thue. They thend their betht witheth for a thafe trip.
- Henry: That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right.
- Doug: I love Thpam and Reethe's, can I have it?
- Henry: Um, I guess.
- Marlin: Doug!
- Kid: What's wrong with that turtle?
- Henry: He has lung problems because he smoked too much turtle weed, which is bad for you. Right, Ula?
- Ula: What? I don't smoke weed!
- [While playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
- Ula: You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
- Henry: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
- Caddy: I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
- Ula: What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
- Caddy: Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
- Ula: A shark bit me.
- Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!
- Old Hawaiian Man: That was pathetic.
- Henry: Yeah? Why don't you choke on your spam!
- Nick: What did Sue say?
- Henry: She said that if I talk to Lucy you'll kill me with a meat cleaver.
- Dr. Keats: Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
- Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
- Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaction. That's the 'roids talking. Douglas, once again, off the juice.
- Doug: It'th not juice! It'th a protein shake!
- [Henry sticks a tooth pick in Lucy's waffle house]
- Henry: Here, you should try this out. Put this here. Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now.
- Lucy: Oh, are you from a country where it's okay to stick your fingers all over someone else's food?
- Henry: Uh, no, I'm from this country. [pause] Were you gonna eat that?
- [Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car, upsetting Lucy]
- Henry: Hah! I can't believe you fell for that!
- Lucy: My grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...
- Henry: Oh...I'm so sorry...I was just joking around.
- Lucy: I can't believe you fell for THAT! HA HA!
- Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.
- Update Video: Schwarzenegger becomes governor of California!... Not kidding.
- Dr. Keats: Tom was in a hunting accident and he lost part of his brain. His memory lasts only ten seconds.
- Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
- Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you'll totally get over it in about three seconds.
- Henry: [begging Marlin to let Henry see Lucy and apologize after she ate at the diner] I don't want it to end like this.
- Doug: Yeah, well, it's gonna end like this!
- [Doug runs to beat up Henry but then Henry holds him down]
- Henry: Calm down, little fella!
- Doug: Okay I'm calm!
- Doug: I coulda whooped his butt, Daddy but this gravel - I swipped on it and fwell.
- Marlin: Then maybe you need to do a little bit more butt flexes.
- Doug: Cheap shot, Dad.
- Henry: I don't think that's an option, Lisa.
- Linda: Linda.
- Henry: I know. I changed your name for your protection.
- Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!
- Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!
- Lucy: Wonder what's the matter with him.
- Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.
- Kid: Daddy, what's a nympho?
- Ula: Uh, the nympho is the state bird of Ohio
- Kids Ohhh.
- Henry (to Ula): You're the state idiot of Hawaii
- Adam Sandler - Henry Roth
- Drew Barrymore - Lucy Whitmore
- Rob Schneider - Ula
- Sean Astin - Doug Whitmore
- Lusia Strus - Alexa
- Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Keats
- Amy Hill - Sue
- Allen Covert - Ten Second Tom
- Blake Clark - Marlin Whitmore
- Maya Rudolph - Stacy
- Pomaika'i Brown - Nick
- Joe Nakashima - Old Hawaiian Man