8 Simple Rules

From Quotes
In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there's no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.
Les Claypool
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8 Simple Rules (originally 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter) is an American sitcom which aired from September 17 2002 to April 15 2005. The show starred John Ritter, Katey Sagal, Kaley Cuoco, Amy Davidson, Martin Spanjers, James Garner, and David Spade. The show is now in syndication on ABC Family.

Season 1

Pilot

Paul: So Rory, what do you like most about James Bond?
Rory: Hmm...I like that he has a license to kill.
Paul: (doorbell rings) Me too.
Paul: Well, maybe that's why your generation is so angry. You're walking around with a wedgie.

Wall of Shame

Cate: Keep Bridget off the phone and out of the mall.
Paul: I'm a man, not a miracle worker.

Wings

Paul: Mom also said I was ready for fatherhood.
Paul: Off you go.


Son-in-Law

Kerry(When Bridget tells them her new beu Travis is a Basketball player):He's a baller. Travis:Holla. Kerry:Holla back brotha. Travis:Uh-huh.

Kerry(Making fun of Bridget shaking her head from side to side)Like oh my god! I'm Bridget. I can't believe how much my head shakes when I talk.

Cheerleader

Paul:Is my little girl a cheerleader?

Cate is motioning to him to shut up

Kerry: Yes, she is!
Cate:Tell me, Paul. What part of (does the motioning again) do you not understand?
Kerry: 2, 4, 6, 8, these mashed potatoes are really great!

Trick or Treehouse

By the Book

Two Boys for Every Girl

Give It Up

Paul Meets His Match

All I Want for Christmas

Kerry: (trying to get people to adopt a dog) Make it a real Christmas. Take home a homeless animal...(scoffs at the person walking away) Idiot.


Rory:This isn't the home of the Big Boy.
Paul:You know, in a way it is.

Rory's Got a Girlfriend

Career Choices

Kerry's Big Adventure

Come and Knock on Our Door

Paul: This seems awfully familair.
Paul: (after overhearing Bridget and Kyle talking about what he thinks is them having sex) Aha! Get away from-(sees they were talking about cinnamon buns) those cinnamon buns. They're fattening.
Bridget/Paul: You are dead!
Kerry/Kyle: It's not what it looks like!
Paul: I have one question for you. Are you gay?
Kyle: No.
Paul: Wrong answer.


Drummer Boy (1)

Drummer Boy (2)

Cool Parent

Every Picture Tells a Story

Kerry's Video

Good Moms Gone Wild

Career Woman

Queen Bees and King Bees

Bake Sale

The Doyle Wedding

Sort of an Officer and a Gentleman (1)

Sort of an Officer and a Gentleman (2)

Season 2

Season 3

Unknown episode(s)

Kyle: (answering cell phone) Wassup my brotha from anotha motha?

[Bridget walks downstairs dressed in tight pants and a short shirt]
Paul: Uh, Bridget, why are you dressed like that?
Kerry: Must be casual sex day at school.
Bridget: Hey, at least I get...
[Paul turns to Bridget]
Bridget: ...to look good.
Paul: Okay, Cupcake, I think you missed the word "under" in underwear because I can see your bra and that slingshot your wearing under your pants.
Bridget: It's a thong.
Paul: It's floss.
Bridget: I can't wear anything else. Panty lines - Hello?
Paul: Panty lines - Hello, are fine. Actually they were a pretty big deal in my day.
Bridget: Well, we're the thong generation.


Bridget: I need more boyfriends.

Kerry: Don't mess with the middle child!

Cate: (reading Paul's last article) Okay readers, today we're having a little pop quiz, it's multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Ready? Here's a quote: "Dad, you're an idiot." Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? A: Coming to the breakfast table wearing pajamas and black socks? B: Asking my oldest daughter if that guy I saw her talking to yesterday at school was her boyfriend? C: Referring to rapper Fiddy Cent as "Fifty Cents"? or D: Entering the room? Okay, pencils down. Actually it was a trick question. The answer is all of the above. Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Zero. Why? Because I feared him. Back then we didn't share our deep personal feelings, our deepest conversations usually revolved around the tigers bull pen. But my kids, I can't get them to shut up! There's not a feeling that my kids are afraid to express over and over and over. And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she's always right. So do I wish that my kids feared me? Well my house would be quieter, and I'd spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no. Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it's a "You're an idiot," "You're a geek," or an "I hate you," an "I love you" isn't far behind. And it's the knowledge that my wife and kids love me that makes it safe for me to wear pajamas and black socks to the breakfast table.

Bridget: The last thing I told him was "I hate you!"

CJ: But I won't say [what club it was] because it's a little embarassing.
Guy Bridget met at bar using CJ's drivers license: I'm looking for a goregus blonde named CJ.
CJ: I have NEVER seen this man before in my life!

External links

Wikipedia
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