The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

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The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius (2002–on hiatus) was a kids television series that continues to air re-runs on Nickelodeon. The show follows the genius kid Jimmy Neutron and his classmates Sheen, Carl, Libby and Cindy.

Season One

When Pants Attack [1.1]

Cindy: Origami - the ancient art of Japanese paper folding. I will be making the most difficult of all origami sculptures - a snow monkey-
Jimmy: Actually, paper folding originated in China-
Cindy: -riding a flying dragon-
Jimmy: -in the second century-
Cindy: -while drinking tea-
Jimmy: -and was brought to Japan-
Cindy: -on a ladder-
Jimmy: -in the sixth century!
Cindy: -in December!
Miss Fowl: Cindy, I didn't know you and Jimmy were doing your report together!
Cindy: We're not.

Normal Boy [1.2a]

Cindy: Okay, Neutron. How does this thing work?
Jimmy: I don't know, Suzie.
Cindy: It's Cindy!
Jimmy: You're kinda cute...
Cindy: [sigh] I'll wing it!

Birth of a Salesman [1.3b]

Jimmy: Ladies and gentlemen...and Cindy. I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld.
Carl: A llama?
Jimmy: No.
Carl: A baby llama?
Jimmy: No.
Carl: A baby llama with a little hat on?
Jimmy: No!
Cindy: An invention of yours that actually works?
Jimmy: No...I mean yes. I present to you the latest and greatest Neutron invention--Book

Gum. Why spend endless hours reading a book when you can simply chew the book instead?

Sheen: Wow, Jimmy, chewing a book.
Jimmy: Sheen, you don't actually chew a book. See, I reduced the contents of different books to gum form. You chew it, and you know it.
Sheen: Taste fishy. Call me Ishmael. Starbuck, it's the great white whale. I'll get you, Moby Dick!
Cindy: Give me a piece of that. Hmm...It tastes like fried chicken. Oh, Ashley, Oh, Rhett. I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies.
Jimmy: Careful, Carl. It would be very dangerous to eat more than one at a time.
Carl: Mm...William Shakespeare.
Jimmy: That might just be a little strong for you, Carl.
Carl: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand that I might touch that cheek.

Miss Fowl: Class, we're having a candy selling contest to raise money.
(All groaning and yawning)
Cindy: Boring.
Miss Fowl: The student who sells the most boxes will win a free VIP trip to Retroland.

Jimmy: Download candy and chocolate actualities and data...
Hugh: Oh, selling candy, eh, Jimbo? Well, you have come to the right dinner table. Welcome to the Hugh Neutron school of salesmanship. Class is in session. Pumpkin Pants, let's play traveling salesman.
Judy: Who should I be this time?
Hugh: You be the person who's not the traveling salesman. Knock, knock.
Judy: Who's there?
Hugh: It's me.
Judy: Well, come on in.
Hugh: Good evening, ma'am. Want to spice up your life?
Judy: Sure.
Hugh: Well, then what you need is this beautiful four-pronged eating implent.
Judy: But, sir, i already have one.
Hugh: But can yours talk? (with high-pitched voice) Hello. My name is Forky. You're pretty. Buy me! Buy me!
Judy: I'll take four.
Hugh: And that, Jimmy, is how where I got to be...where I am today. Bring on the pie.

Jimmy: The Willy Loman 3000--a super-selling machine programmed to make the sale at any cost. He will not take no for an answer.

(Gears Wirring)

Jimmy: It's the good life, gentlemen. While the W.L. 3000 does all the work we're here enjoying a tall cold one.
Sheen: And plan our VIP trip to Retroland.
Carl: Huzzah!
Sheen: What?
Carl: Huzzah--some goofy way to say cool.
Man: What?!
Willy: Good afternoon, sir. May I say you look absolutely fabulous. Yes, I agree it is beautiful out.
Man: I don't want to buy nothin'.
Willy: Buy? Who said buy? I would like to give you a piece of candy absolutely free-ee-ee with no strings attached.
Man: Forget it.
Willy: You can never have enough ca-a-ndy, sir.
Man: I can, and I do. Good-bye.
Willy: Ye-ye-ye-yes, this is a "good" buy.
Man: What part of "no" do you not understand?!
Willy: How about if I throw in this if you buy a box?
Man: Hmm...what kind of dog is he?
Willy: He's your kind of dog. Congratulations.
Man: Hey, what does he eat? Oh, not on the carpet! Oh, are those lug nuts?

Willy: I have sold 1,000 boxes of candy.
Jimmy: Wow. Way to go, Willy. And now for some good old-fashioned gloating and i-told-you-soing. Oh, Miss Vortex.
Willy: Hey, you look like a couple of intelligent young men.
Carl: Uh-uh. It's just the glasses.
Willy: (Chuckling) And witty to boot. If you buy one measly box of candy you'll receive as my gift to you this handsome custom-made rocket.
Carl: But that's Jimmy's rocket.
Sheen: But it's free.

I Dream of Jimmy [1.4b]

Jimmy: [in Carl's dream, trying to convince him he's dreaming] Genius won't help me now! I need to show Carl something so outrageous, he'll realize the only explanation is he's asleep. But what?!
Cindy: [walks by] I washed your brain, but I had trouble getting the think stains out!
Jimmy: That's it! [kisses Cindy]
Carl: Jimmy kissing Cindy? Oh, that couldn't happen in a million years! I must be dreaming...

Jimmy: Hey Carl, you won't tell anyone that desperate thing I had to do. Would you?
Carl: Of course not, Jimmy. [the door opens and it's Cindy]
Cindy: Not even in his dreams, Neutron. [she smacks Jimmy on the side of his face and then wips her mouth off]

Krunch Time [1.5b]

(Instrumental Music Plays Softly)
Sheen: Do I want something gummy or crunchy?
Carl: Uh, I want sour. No! Salty. No! I don't know which one to choose!
Sam: Oh, the suspense is killing me. Pick a candy and let me get on with my life. Yeah. Yeah.
Sheen: I wish there was a candy that had all the best tastes.
Carl: Yeah. It'll be sweet and sour and nutty and gummy and creamy and Donner and Blitzen.
Jimmy: A mega candy, huh? I can invent that. Come on, guys.
Sam: Yeah, go ahead. Make your fancy candy. You'll be back. They all come back. Oh, I hope they come back.

Jimmy: No one's ever managed to create a candy that maximizes the use of every one of the tongue's pleasure receptors until today. Don't, Sheen. That concentrated essence of sour!
Sheen: Don't worry, Jimmy. They haven't invented the sour that's too sour for the Sheen. (gulping) I stand corrected.

Libby: And now, I will monstrate the Baroque period's influence on today's music by comparing Bach's Air On a G-String to Jammy-J's Stank Dis Bad Thang Up!
(Funky Music Playing)
Jimmy: Guys, guys, I made one last batch. We can try them at lunch.
Miss Fowl: Who is making that noise? It sounds like candy inside a paper bag. Jimmy! I hope you brought enough treats for the entire class.
Jimmy: Well, not exactly. I...
(All Talking At Once)
(All Sighing Happily)
Libby: Mmm! My taste buds just went to heaven with a side trip to paradise. Mm.
Cindy: I guess they're okay if you like sugary, tangy, crunchy...(Ecstatic Sigh) Oh, who am i'm kidding? They're delicious!
Nick: You know, these are as cool as...Me.
Miss Fowl: Oh, don't mind if I do. (Gulping) Yowza! Jimmy, you were born to make candy! (Clucking)

Subsitute Creature [1.6b]

Jimmy: Aw, it's nothing really. Anyone with talent and determination could've germinated this magnificent specimen.
Jimmy: Show-off ratio 18%! Agh, this thing must be busted. But it can't be--I designed it.
Jimmy: Hey!
Goddard: Mmm?
Jimmy: I told you, Goddard. I'm trying to lower my perceived arrogance level so Cindy will stop calling me a know-it-all. But it's hard not to seem like a know-it-all when you do actually know it all.
Jimmy: Oh, who asked you anyway? After all, how many kids could've successfully cloned a 64-million-year-old piece of spinach stuck between a museum dinosaur's teeth?
Judy: Jimmy, Breakfast!

Jimmy: I'll eat on the way. Wish me luck on my botany project. Bye.
Judy: Good luck, dear. Oh, here's your breakfast, Hugh.
Hugh: Thank you, sugar. Wait a...This is bread! Soft, floppidy, untoasty, noncrunchy, blah bread!
Judy: I know. dear, I may have mentioned to Jimmy how hard it is to wash the outside windows.
Hugh: (Muttering) Another toaster gone. Every time we get a new one he converts it into something else. I'm getting...
(Bell Dings)

Libby: What's that supposed to be?
Sheen: The rare Punching Plant of Malborn Nine as seen in Ultra Lord, episode 64 "Attack of the Salad Vixens."
Libby: Looks like a boxing glove glued to a fern if you ask me.
Sheen: Well...Nobody asked you! Anyway, what did you come up with that's so wonderful?
Libby: I researched plants' responses to musical stimuli. This one got two hours of classic R&B a day.
(R&B Music Playing)
Libby: While this one got two hours of yodeling to the oldies.
(Man Yodeling)
Sheen: That one looks dead.
Libby: It never had a chance.

Hugh: Today's the big toaster show at the convention center. Oh, they're going to have all of next year's models before they come on the market! Can we go? Please? Please? Please? I'll be really good.
Judy: Okay.
Hugh: (Clapping)
Judy: First, let me do my face.
(Bell Dings)

Sheen: Wow. Cindy's plant is awesome.
Jimmy: Hey, if you want awesome, check out my 64-million-year-old plant.
(Flies Buzzing)
Sheen: Cindy's plant is great!
Libby: Check out the colors.
Sheen: That's cool.
Jimmy: What about my plant?
Sheen: No offense, Jimmy, but does your plant smell like a...(Clears Throat) dead rat?
Jimmy: It's 64-million-year-old spinach. What's it supposed to smell like, perfume?
Carl: Wow. Jimmy...Look at Cindy's plant. It's huge and colorful. (Sniffing)
Jimmy: Well, so what? She overwatered it. Carl, you're not seriously more interested in Cindy's plant than in my 64-million-year-old spinach.
Carl: (Gasps) Of course not, Jim. Oh, look, my shoelace is untied...Over there!

Jimmy: Oh, electromagnetic radiation multiplier. Hieroslyphic translator. Extra homework. Here it is. My DNA accelerator.

Miss Fowl: Cindy, your flower is as beautiful as, well...Jimmy's is smelly and unexciting.
Cindy: Thank you, Miss Fowl. Since it's so beautiful and fragrant I thought i'd call it the "Miss Fowl Flower."
Jimmy: (Groans) I'll give you a flower. Advance DNA by 350 million years.
Cindy: And so, class, that concludes my modest presentation.
Carl: (Whistling Weakly) Yay.
Cindy: Top that, P.T. Boredom.
Jimmy: 64 million BC, a huge sauropod gruesomely chews his evening meal. Stuck unnoticed between his massive bicuspids is a piece of spinach!
Miss Fowl: (Thudding)
Jimmy: (Gulps) Oops.

Hugh: (Sighs) I remember my first toaster. A Sondergaard Browner Deluxe with gleaming chrome tail fins and that extra-large slot to accommodate the bagels and such.
Judy: Oh, boys and their toasters. (Giggles)

Jimmy: And so you see my plant is no mere pigmentary oddity--like Cindy's. It required a thorough knowledge of morphology, psyclogy and histology. To say nothing of...
Miss Fowl: Oh, feeling funny. Room spinning. (Clucks) Bah...
(All Gasping)
Jimmy: So, uh, uh, that's my project. Any questions? No? Okay, good, bye.

Cindy: Okay, where is he?
Carl: Well, uh, define "who" and "where" and "is" and "he."
Cindy: You know darn well "who" and "where" and "is" and "he." Jimmy Neutron, spoiler-of-anyone's-glory-whose-botany-project-is-better-than-his.
Sheen: Uh, do you have a photograph to aid in our search for him?
Cindy: (Sighs Heavily) When you see him, tell him I've got proof that he's responsible for whatever's happening to Miss Fowl.
Jimmy: (Sighs) Thanks, guys.
Sheen: Hey, look, Jimmy was in the stall the whole time.
Carl: Yeah, I think you're in trouble.
Jimmy: Well, it's not my fault my plant mutated my seapod launcher for transpecies propagation. Nobody could've predicted that.
Sheen: Or pronounced it.
Carl: Yeah. Well, it's lunchtime. I've got to go.
Jimmy: Carl, you have to help me keep Miss Fowl in class until I figure out how to reverse my DNA ray.
(Loud Crashing)
Jimmy: Okay...Plan "B."

Man: General Abercrombie. We've got a report of a 50-foot green woman marauding through Retroville, Sir.
General Abercrombie: Thank you, Captain, but i'm looking for a shorter woman. One who enjoys long strolls in the park and yodeling to the oldies.
Man: She's not looking for a date, sir. She's terrorizing the town.
General Abercrombie: Is there a difference? Little levity. Call in the military.
Man: We are the military, sir.
General Abercrombie: Boy, we got here fast. We better do something, right?
Man: Should i scramble the jets, General?
General Abercrombie: No, thanks. I'll just have a muffin and some coffee.

Miss Fowl: (Loud Thudding) Confiscate! Must confiscate! (Clucking) (Grunts)
(People Yelling)
Miss Fowl: I'll take this roof, young man. You can have it back after class.
Judy: Drop the toaster and run for your life!
Hugh: Aah, but I want to see the big lady. And it's not just a toaster. It does waffles, too.
Judy: Hugh!
General Abercrombie: Attention, giant woman. If you do not stop being 50-feet tall immediately we're going to fire our boom-boom pointy things at you missing you initially, but then we're going to...
General Abercrombie: Holy cow! It's Winifred Fowl!
Miss Fowl: Is that you Ernest Abercrombie? Where's your homework? (Clucks)
Sheen: Listen to her roar of terror!
Carl: No, that's my stomach. I never ate lunch, remember?
Sheen: Oh, yeah.
Goddard: (Barking)
Jimmy: There you are, Goddard. General. This is Jimmy Neutron. If you hold your fire I might be able to shrink her back to size.
General Abercrombie: Roger, bigheaded kid.
Jimmy: I've reversed the ray, but the battery's weakening. I'll have to use my jet pack to get close. Goddard, town-saving music.
(Dramatic Music Playing)
Miss Fowl: No passing notes in class! (Clucking)
Jimmy: Sorry, Miss Fowl. This is for your own good.
(Electrical Zapping)
Jimmy: Puking Pluto, the ray's still not strong enough. Hey...The new XK-41. Dad! Throw me your toaster!
Hugh: But toast...
Judy: Hugh...
Hugh: My toaster! Mine!
Goddard: (Barking)
Hugh: Oh!
Jimmy: Thanks, boy. I need a clear shot at her mouth. Miss Fowl, look! I'm chewing gum!
Miss Fowl: Gum? Gum! (Clucking)
(Electrical Zapping)
Miss Fowl: (Clucking)
Carl: All right, Jim.
Cindy: If you think you're going to be the hero here, Neutron you are sadly mistaken. These seedpods from your plant prove that you are responsible for this whole thing.
Carl: Ah, finally, for lunch.
Cindy: No!
Carl: Mmm, oh, these are, mmm...
(Electrical Zapping)
Sheen: Whoa...Carl's huge.
Carl: Hey...Hey, this is kind of cool. (Laughs) I can see my house from here.
Jimmy: I can fix him. I just need to get another toaster.
Cindy: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: And you guys need to, uh...Get that DNA ray out of Miss Fowl's stomach. Good luck. See ya. Bye.
Libby: We have to what?
Sheen: You heard him. We have to make our teacher toss the lunch monkey. We need a bucket, an umbrella and whatever they were serving for lunch in the cafeteria on Thursday.

(Dramatic Music Playing)

Ultra Sheen [1.9]

Broadcast Blues [1.10]

Season 2

Jimmy for President

Send in the Clones

Jimmy: Today is the single greatest day in the history of the universe. Pluto is aligning with Neptune causing space snow flurries to create galactic ice crystals which keep ice cream at the perfect eating temperature! Yes.
Goddard: (Barks)

Jimmy: Cold enough to never melt but not so cold you get brain freeze. This alignment only happens ever 2,000 years. Commence countdown:
Judy: James Isaac Neutron!
Jimmy: (Groans)
Judy: Where do you think you're going, young man? Here's your list of Saturday chores.
Jimmy: "Mail letter at post office. "Sit with Grandma in the park. "Pick up Dad's badmintion shoes. Drop off a pie at school." And "Take a book to Cindy Vortex's mother"?! But, Mom, I can't do that! I have to get into space now!
Judy: Chores first, space travel later.
Jimmy: Goddard--options. Hire Temporay Help to do Chores at $15.75/hour. Too expensive. Use Boyish Charm to Outwit Parental Unit. I don't have time. Clone Thyself. Yes! We'll have to do it mega-fast.

Jimmy: No time to set specifics. Commence cloning at super speed.
Happy Jimmy: Hi, everybody. Isn't it a super, amazing, great day?
Sad Jimmy: (Whining) You call this a great day? I should have stayed in bed.
French Jimmy: (In French Accent) Ah, but romance is in ze air, eh? It is a beautiful day to fall in love, n'est-ce pas?
Comedy Jimmy: (Laughing) Hey, everybody, it's great to be here. Hey, have you seen that Cindy Vortex? Talk about the wicked witch of the elementary. Hey, these are the jokes, folks--come on, laugh with me.
(Laugh Track Playing)
Gangster Jimmy: Who's up for some football, huh?
Evil Jimmy: (Sinisterly) Nice place, kid. You know, I could have some serious fun with this stuff.
Jimmy: Hmm, the speed of the cloning gave each of them a solitary, distinct personality. I should probably do a risk assessment. Nah--I've got galactic ice crystals to get. Here's the list of chores, gentlemen.

Evil Jimmy: Hey, you heard the man--do your chores, boys.
Sad Jimmy: But I've never mailed a letter. What if I get my hand stuck in the box?
Happy Jimmy: Hey, turn that frown upside down, Mr. Gloomy Gus. Everything's going to be terrific!
French Jimmy: Mais oui! Love is all around us.
Gangster Jimmy: 'Ey! Let's do it to it.
Comedy Jimmy: And away...we go!

Happy Jimmy: Hello, Grandmother dear.
Grandmother: Where have you been? This bench is too hard. These birds are getting too close. The sun hurts my eyes.
Happy Jimmy: Isn't it a beautiful day? Aren't these birds absolutely amazing? Isn't it great to be alive?

Sad Jimmy: Ow...
Carl: Oh, hi, Jimmy. I have to do a report on snails or Napoleon. Can you help me?
Sad Jimmy: What's the point of doing homework? We do it and then what? Poof--we're gone. Nothingness, emptiness. We're all just dust in the wind.
Carl: Okay, I don't want to be dust in the wind.

Gangster Jimmy: He shoots, he scores. Neutron is definitely on. Looking good. You the man, you the man. Hey, it's the Nickster.
Nick: Neutron? What are you doing?
Gangster Jimmy: I'm walkin' here! You got a problem with that, skateboard boy?
Nick: Uh, "skateboard boy"? Whoa, check it out--Neutron has the moves.
Gangster Jimmy: Well, how 'bout next time you get a board that can handle the Neutron style? Later, Nick-O-Rama.

Jimmy: Good boy, Goddard. Galatic ice crystal harvesting proceeding as planned. And down on Earth, the clones are performing my chores. Retroville, we have no problems.

Sheen: I am UltraLord, and I will swing my mighty bat of combat. You can't catch me. Yes, I can. Hey, Jimmy, want to see my new action figure?
Comedy Jimmy: Do I? Come on, does Robin Hood wear pantyhose? Hey, why did UltraLord cover himself with mayonnaise? He wanted to make a hero sandwich? Hello--anybody in there? Paging Mr. Sheen. The village called. They want their idiot back.
Sheen: Are you okay, Jimmy? Because you seen really weird.
Comedy Jimmy: I'm weird?! (Laughing) Come on! You should see UltraLord's Uncle Morris.

Cindy: (Sighs) What do you want, Neutron?
French Jimmy: To return a book and to drink in your beauty, Miss Vortex.
Cindy: Very funny.
French Jimmy: I jest not. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? No--even Shakespeare seems inadequate to describe your perfection.
Cindy: Cut it out, Neutron, Before I barf!
French Jimmy: Ah, ah, ah--but before that, would you favor me with a kiss?
Cindy: Is he for real? And what's with the bad French accent?
French Jimmy: (Guitar Playing) (Singing) Oh, Cindy, I love you, more than Albert Einstein's theory of relativity. Oh, Cindy, ma cherie, oh, my little Cindy. Would you please come and kiss me? Wait, why are you sleeping?

Evil Jimmy: Hey, buddy, want a pie?
Man: Yeah!
Evil Jimmy: (Snickers) You can't beat the classics.
Man: Mmm...I'll say.

Jimmy: Mission accomplished: space crystals acquired. Clones should be arriving in T minus one minute. Everything going exactly as...What?!
(People Talking Excitedly)
Hugh: Calm down, folks. Now, just tell me, what did the Jimster do?
Nick: He busted my skateboard, dude!
Carl: He said I was going to be dust in the wind.
Grandmother: He made me smile and my dentures fell out.
Sheen: He mocked UltraLord's family.
Cindy: He made my heart sing and...I mean, he said things to me so vile and despicable I cannot repeat them in mixed company.
Man: And he threw a pie in my face!
Hugh: (Chuckles) You can't beat the classics.
Man: (Growling)
Hugh: I'm sure Jimmy had a good reason for doing all these admittedly strange, bizarre things, so...Who wants pie?
Together: (All Growling)
Man: (Spits) I'm good.
Jimmy: Oh, no, it was the clones. I got to find them so I can explain everything. Goddard, locate clones.

Happy Jimmy: I had the most scrumptious day with my most wonderful grandmama.
French Jimmy: I fell in love with a beautiful mademoiselle.
Gangster Jimmy: I did some cool moves on a dude's skateboard, but it couldn't take my awesome power, know what I'm sayin'?
Jimmy: There you are.
Jimmy's Clones: Hi, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Follow me back to my house so I can explain to everybody...One, two, three, four, five...We're short one clone. We've got to find him, now!
Comedy Jimmy: It's that evil one. He's so bad he makes Attilla The Hun look like Bambi!
Sad Jimmy: We'll never find him--we're doomed!
Gangsta Jimmy: 'Ey, I'll find 'im and take 'im down all by myself wit my bare hands--look out!

Out, Darn Spotlight

Foul Bull

The Science Fair Affair

Men At Work

Season 3

Lights! Camera! Danger! [3.2]

Sheen: "Enter the completely 'legitmate' Hollywood Screenplay Contest".
Libby: "Winning script will get made by famous Hollywood director."
Carl: "If you can read this sign, you too can write a movie."
Jimmy: What a scam! Your serious? You would enter a lame contest like that?
Cindy: Just because you couldn't enter it...
Jimmy: Why couldn't I?
Cindy: Oh, please, when they were passing out creativity, you were locked in the little nerds room.
Libby: Remember his awful short story?

Jimmy: "Call it fate," Ursula said, finishing her pastrami sandwich. "No," Lance said, "Call it binomial expansion."
(Others Laughter)

Sheen: And remember his opera?
Carl: Don't even...
Cindy: That was horrible.
Libby: Yeah, don't go there.
Cindy: Face it, Neutron. You rule math and science, but have the creativity of a tree stump.
Jimmy: Oh, yeah?! We'll see about that. Cut. Exit scene. Fade out.
Sheen: What's he talking about?
Carl: Got me--that was creepy.

Jimmy: I'll show those guys. How hard can it be to write a "screenplay?"

6 Hours Later.
Jimmy: (Screaming) Wait a minute, I have to approach this scientifcally. Goddard, download the most successful movies and let me watch then at hyperspeed.
Goddard: (Barks)
(Mixture Of Voices) I'm king of the...Precious...May the force be...Home...Box of chocolates...There is no try...Nemo! To infinity and...We left Kevin! And your little dog, too!
Jimmy: Go to blast.

Cindy: So, what's your movie about, Libs?
Libby: My movie's called Captain Sheen O' Jones. Hip Hop singer by day, fashion designer FBI agent by night.
Carl: Well, my movie's about a handsome, buff llama rancher who's in love with a beautiful older woman named Judy.
Sheen: Hey, isn't Jimmy's mom named Judy?
Carl: Uh...No, I made that name up.
Sheen: I couldn't think of everything, so I just stapled some pages of the phone book together. I call it, Attack of the People Named Frank Johnson!
Cindy: Mine's about a beautiful blonde girl who gets perfect grades and is extremely popular.
Jimmy: So it's a work of fantasy.
Cindy: Very hilarious. And what did Mr. No Talent write?
Jimmy: Ah, just a little something I call The World's Greatest Movie. And that's a wrap. Cut. Print it.
Sheen: Man, what is wrong with him?

Sheen: Seven? A monkey? Creamed corn?!
Miss Fowl: No! The answer is "George Washington"!
Principal Willoughby: Excuse me, Miss Fowl, we have a call from Quentin Smithee the director from Hollywood. He's chosen the winner of the screenplay contest.
Sheen: Yes! Quentin, baby. Sheen here. I knew you'd love it. What do you think about the title? "Jimmy Won, You Imbecile"? That's a dumb title!
Jimmy: Give me that. Hello? Thanks, Mr. Smithee. Okay...See you soon. Ciao. Hmm, seems I won the contest. Anything you'd like to say...Cindy?
Cindy: I'm very happy for you.
Miss Fowl: Cindy, stop clawing your desk!

(People Jabbering)
Carl: Now that you're a big Hollywood screenwriter, are you going to remember us little people?
Jimmy: And your name is, uh...
Carl: (Whining)
Jimmy: Oh, I'm just kidding. It's Rob, right?
Quentin Smithee: My name is Quentin Smithee, and I'm here to rock your cinematic world.
Quentin Smithee: Mr. Neutron, let me just say that this is the best action-adventure-science-fiction-fantasy-martial arts-historical-romance script I've ever read.
Jimmy: Thanks!
Quentin Smithee: And I have a surprise for you all. I'm shooting the entire movie in Retroville.
(Collective Gasp)
Jimmy: But Mr. Smithee, my story takes place in London, the Atlantic Ocean, a mythical world and Texas. Retroville doesn't look like any of those.
Quentin Smithee: It's called paint, cheap and in a can. As far as casting, this script is too real for actors, so I'll use the actual residents of Retroville.
(Collective Gasp)
Quentin Smithee: I want Sheen, Cindy, Libby, Carl and...Jimmy.
Jimmy: I'm in the movie, too?
Carl: This is so great!
Sheen: I'll be bigger than Erik Estrada.
Quentin Smithee: Now, for my crew: Who wants to spend ions hours for no money doing whatever I tell you to? See you on set tomorrow at 6:00.
Hugh: Please let me be in your movie, Mr. Smithee. I'll do anything--anything!
Quentin Smithee: Sure, you can be...Donut Boy. Now get off my car.
Hugh: Donut Boy? Is the movie called The Adventures of Donut Boy?
Quentin Smithee: No, you bring donuts to the set. Now, get off my car!
Hugh: I pretend to be Donut Boy, but actually I'm am undercover cop who lives by his own rules--I love it! Can you drop me off at my house? Uh...This is fine. See you tomorrow!

Miss Fowl: Libby, you look ten years younger in this makeup.
Libby: What?! I don't want to look one.
Principal Willoughby: Oh, these costumes are scrumptious! You just can't go wrong with basic black.
Quentin Smithee: Ready to make some magic, people? Hook them up.
Bolbi: Bolbi hooking up.
Quentin Smithee: Okay, okay, now, now for this scene, right? You'll be suspended on microscopic safety wires.
Carl: Uh, shouldn't we be using stunt people for this?
Quentin Smithee: What, you mean fake it? No way, cool actors do their own stunts.
Carl: I don't want to be cool.
Jimmy: Uh, Mr. Smithee, this scene is supposed to take place on a ship in the Atlantic Ocean.
Quentin Smithee: And?
Jimmy: We're on a roof?
Quentin Smithee: He not only writes, he has eyeballs. What a find!
Bolbi: Bolbi say, "Quiet, set!" Light go on! Camera roll!
Butch: Mr. Smithee, how do I start this thing?
Quentin Smithee: I have no idea. Just keep pushing buttons until something happens. And...
Nick: Um, director dude, I'm picking up a weird gurgling sound.
Quentin Smithee: Cut!
Carl: Okay, so I didn't have any breakfast. I was kind of nervous about the movie...
Quentin Smithee: Donut Boy!
Hugh: Are you ready for my scene? Okay, I've been practicing--listen. I got your cream-filled, double-glazed right here.
Quentin Smithee: Yeah, feed it!
Carl: Ow. Hmm...
Quentin Smithee: You, go jump in a lake.
Hugh: To practice for the big underwater scene? Gotcha.
Quentin Smithee: And action!
Carl: Zero, you are the chosen one. The world is a computer simulation. Now, let's take a cruise on this brand new ocean liner!
Sheen: Forget the cruise--today we fight.
Crew: (Gasping)
Jimmy: Quick, quick, grab hands!
Sheen: He's got sticky doughnut stuff all over him!
(Screaming Continuing)
Sheen: Hurry up, Jimmy!
Carl: Ow...
Sheen: That was unsettling.
Cindy: Another few seconds and we'd have been toast.
Carl: Yeah, not the good kind of toast either--with the chewy crust and real butter on the top it.
Cindy: You think Smithee knows what he's doing?
Jimmy: Of course he does! You guys just don't know how true artists work.
Quentin Smithee: What a shame. So glad no one got hurt. Accidents will happen. Isn't movie making thrilling? Okay, moving on! Next scene.
Bolbi: Bolbi say, move, people! Time is the money!

Quentin Smithee: Okay, okay, now, in this scene you begin a quest to find the mystical and all-powerful Lord of the Rugs.
Jimmy: Uh, Mr. Smithee, this scene was supposed to take place on a misty mountain top with everyone riding white stallions.
Quentin Smithee: Yeah, yeah, but when I read it, it just screamed "roller coaster."
Jimmy: But when I wrote it...
Quentin Smithee: Oh, writer versus director...Hmm, I win.
Cindy: Hey, wait a minute. This is a love scene? I have to kiss...Neutron?
Bolbi: Bolbi say let's get the showing our way.
Hugh: I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Smithee. (In High Voice) We wants it. We needs it. We must have the precious doughnut ring. No, no, master, not listening. I hate you. I hate you, too.
Quentin Smithee: Oh, Donut Boy, take a hike!
Hugh: So look sweaty for the action scene? Love it!
Cindy: You planed this all along, Neutron. You wanted to kiss me.
Jimmy: Hey, I didn't know any of us were going to begin this movie. But make sure you do justice to the material.
Cindy: Just remember i'm acting. I'm not enjoying this.
Quentin Smithee: And action!
(Roller Coaster Rumbling)
Jimmy: One rug to rule them all, one rug to bind them, one rug to bring them all and one rug to cover up that spot in the living room.
Cindy: Kiss me, my love, before we are attacked by dinosaurs, aliens, pirates and gladiators!
Jimmy: Wait! Stop!
Cindy: What?! Oh, you big-headed...Oh, I was in the moment!
Jimmy: We're about to fly off the tracks! Hold on! Goddard, deploy crash pad.
Goddard: (Barks)
Jimmy: Everybody, jump on three!
Sheen: Where's my stunt double?
Jimmy: One, two, three...
Quentin Smithee: Oh, are you okay? Oh, man. I'm so sorry, heads will roll. Well, see you tomorrow--bring smiles.
Cindy: We just almost got killed again.
Sheen: Yeah, if it wasn't for the free food, i'd quit!
Jimmy: You can't quit my movie, I mean, our movie.
Libby: Who is this Quentin Smithee, anyway? Has anyone ever heard of him?
Jimmy: Of course--he's very famous. He made that movie...You know, with that actor, and it had that scene. Goddard, data check: Quentin Smithee.
Goddard: (Barks)
Libby: "No match."
Jimmy: He's a young, fresh, undiscovered talent?

Jimmy: Mr, Smithee, we have a little problem. The other actors want to quit.
Quentin Smithee: Why?
Jimmy: It was either falling off the 40-story building or almost crashing on the roller coaster.
Quentin Smithee: Oh, what a bunch of babies!
Jimmy: I know--I told them making great art can be dangerous, but they won't listen.
Quentin Smithee: I'll speak to the others.

Quentin Smithee: Okay, okay, you guys, look. I know you've almost been killed twice in the past 24 hours. But that was the past--it's a new day, a new scene. Any questions?
Carl: Um, yes. Are you going to finish the croissant?
Quentin Smithee: Knock yourself out. Let me assure you that nothing can possibly go wrong in this next scene, because it's a big musical number.
Libby: We get to sing and dance?
Sheen: And shake our tail feathers?
Jimmy: Hold on--there's no musical number in my script.
Quentin Smithee: Studio wanted it. You'll love it.
Hugh: Hey, Quentin! Is this the scene were Donut Boy sings the Donut Boy theme song? (Singing) Who's the super-cool cop. That always gets the bad guys. (In Fatsetto) Donut Boy. (In Deep Voice) That's me, yeah. He brings a delicious assortment of sweet delights. (In Fatsetto) Donut Boy. Got a creamy filling.
(Song Ends)
Quentin Smithee: No, this is the scene where you get lost!
Hugh: Donut Boy goes missing to increase the suspense? I love it! Bye-bye now.
Quentin Smithee: All right, let's do this! Five, six, seven, eight!

(Music Playing)
Libby: (Singing) Come on, boys, we've got to stop that ghost and save the day.
Cindy: (Singing) Halt the alien invasion or we'll be toast and save the day.
Sheen: (Singing) Destroy the sinkhole forming lava before the cyborgs march.
Carl: (Singing) Get rid of the mummies, save the seven dwarfs.
Both: (Singing) Win the big fight at the coliseum put the dead guys back in the mausoleum.
Jimmy: (Singing) Blow up the shark and find the ark.
Together: (Singing) And save...The...Day...
Sheen: Yah-cha-cha-cha!
(Music Pauses & Short Drum Solo)
(Music Resumes)
Quentin Smithee: And now for the big finish. (Laughs Evilly)
(Blades Ring)
(All Screaming)
(Blades Whirring)
(All Screaming)
Jimmy: Stay down! I can take them out with my watch!
(All Sigh)
Quentin Smithee: (As Calamitous) Curse that Jimmy and his inventions. How hard can it be to eliminate five obnoxious kids? (As Smithee) Sorry! Those hats must have been left over from When Hats Attack.
Libby: I am out of here!
Cindy: Your script is not worth getting killing over.
Sheen: Yeah--maybe wounded, but not killed!
Jimmy: But, guys, the odds of another accident happening are 1,456,782 to one.
Sheen: Hmm...Nah!
Jimmy: But...But my movie...Sorry, did I say "my" again? We can get other actors, right?
Quentin Smithee: No, no--impossible--they're irreplaceable. Cindy is Princess Butterface. No, we got to get all of them back.
Jimmy: Okay, I'll get them. They're not going to stop this movie. We're not dead yet.

Sheen: Okay, I'm not saying I would have won the Oscar, but I would have been nominated.
Jimmy: There you all are. Look, I know we've had so minor mishaps, but I'll guarantee your safety. We have to finish my movie.
Together: Our movie!
Jimmy: Right. Sam, another round on me. Come on, you could be movie stars. Think of it: Iimousines, swimming pools...
Sheen: Monkeys...
Jimmy: By the barrel full.
Sheen: I'm in!
Cindy: No way--forget it. We almost got killed three times.
Jimmy: Guys, just think of the Hollywood parties with those little weenies on the little buns. Designers begging you to wear their clothes. Your face on a screen 20 feet high.
Sheen: And the monkeys! Tell me about the monkeys, Jim.
Jimmy: Monkeys as far as the eye can see. So will you do it for your old pal? Will you do it for the Jimster?
Together: (All Speaking Softly) No!
Cindy: But--we'll do it for the fame and fortune.
Sheen: And the monkeys! Are they spider monkeys? can they open up bananas with their teeth?

Quentin Smithee: Okay, the climax of our film. This is where you become magicians, visit a dinosaur park and rescue the ruby slippers.
Together: What?
Quentin Smithee: He wrote it. I just directing. All right, I decided to set this scene in the 13th century, and they didn't have watches, so I'll take this, and here's your magic wand.
Cindy: This isn't left over from a movie called, When Sticks Shoot 50-Foot Flames, is it?
Jimmy: Goddard, analyze. It's just a piece of wood.
Quentin Smithee: That reminds me. I know how sensitive a robotic dog's ears can be. You! Get that mutt off the set!
Bolbi: Striking the doggy!
Goddard: (Barking)
Quentin Smithee: Okay--follow me.

Jimmy: Uh...Quentin, I noticed you made some changes to this scene--87 to be exact--and there's no ending.
Quentin Smithee: Oh, yeah, there'll be an ending, trust me.
Jimmy: But shouldn't we know what it is?
Quentin Smithee: Oh...Let's just have fun with it. Lights, camera, action!
Jimmy: So, you are the evil one whose name is really hard to pronounce.
Carl: Yes, and this is the end of you, Perry Bladder.
Jimmy: Klaatu Barada Nikto!
(Remote Beeping)
Quentin Smithee: Oh, crumpets! What's the matter with this? Nothing ever works. (Voice Changes To Calamitous) Oh, why couldn't I ever...
Jimmy: Finish anything? The half-eaten croissant, he forgot to write an ending, no record of "Quentin Smithee", he didn't know how to start the camera--it's...It's...
Calamitous: Professor Finbar Calamitous. And welcome to the last scene of the movie and your lives. (Laughing Cruelly)
(Loud Banging)
(All Screaming)
Snake: (Roaring)
Calamitous: (Laughing Cruelly)
(All Shout)
Hugh: Quentin, baby! I'm back and I'm ready for my next big scene! Hey, gramps, have you seen Quentin around here?
Jimmy: Help! (Stammering) Help!
Hugh: Ooh, I bet this is the scene where Donut Boy saves the day. Come on, big, giant, uh, slither beast! Taste the sugary fury of Donut Boy! Butch, you getting the good side?
Calamitous: Donut Boy, you've made your last delivery.
Jimmy: Wait a minute. Donuts!
Sheen: No, thanks.
Jimmy: No, the gooey glaze of those donuts could short-circuit the wiring on that snake. Dad, throw your donuts in the snake's mouth!
Hugh: I don't think my character would do that! All right, you're the writer.
Snake: (Hissing)
Hugh: Eat donuts, you fiend! Honey-glazed! Chocolate! Chocolate with sprinkles! Lemon custard!
(Electricity Zapping)
Calamitous: No! No! No...! Oof! I hate show business. Oof!
Jimmy: Cut! That's a wrap.
Hugh: (Laughing) That was totally cool! Yeah, well, you know I'd love to stay and chat, but I'd bet get back to the house and wait for my fan mall.
Calamitous: (Straining) Get me out of here!
Jimmy: No, problem. I'll get you out there and back to your nice, warm jail cell!

Calamitous: I'll get you, Jimmy Neutron, and when I do, i'm going to do something really...Well, evil, of course. That goes without saying. I'll have to get back to you on the specifics.
Jimmy: Well, it looks like Calamitous only did my screenplay to destroy us. I guess I don't have any artistic talent.
Together: (All Speaking Softly) Nope!
Libby: Still, it's too bad we couldn't finish the movie.
Jimmy: Hey, maybe we can. We still have the camera and film. This time we'll do it exactly the way I wrote it.
Cindy: No way! This time we do our movies.

(Dramatic Movie Soundtrack Playing)
Carl: Judy, my love, this ranch and all my llamas could be yours if you'd marry me.
Cindy: I can't. I'm too blonde, too smart and too popular.
Libby: (Shouting and Whooping) Hold up, y'all. Captain Sheen O' Jones is here to bring the sass and kick out the jams.
Sheen: Behold, I am the Monkey King.
(Circus Music Playing)
Sheen: I command you all to dance! Dance, I say! Dance!
(Monkeys Screeching)

The Tomorrow Boys


Crouching Jimmy, Hidden Sheen

The N Men

Space: Near Van Patten Belt
Sheen: Engines down! Losing power! Abandon ship!
Libby: You're enjoying that massage chair a little too much.
Sheen: Set boosters on "Lower back"! Engage!
Carl: Thanks for taking us miniture golfing on Mercury, Jimmy. Hey, you want some of my extra orange juice my mom packed me?
Jimmy: Thanks, Carl...(Gulping Loudly) But we're not home yet. I still have to steer us past the Van Patten Radiation Belt.
Cindy: Ha! Neutron probably thought the low gravity would throw off my backswing. Wrong! As usual.
Jimmy: Hey! How about instead of bragging, you thank me for inviting you along at all?
Cindy: You're right, Jimmy. Thank you...For letting me kick your butt on the back nine!
Jimmy: What is your problem, Vortex?
Cindy: What's your problem?
Jimmy: Oh, I think you do have a problem.
(Arguing Over Each Other)
Carl: It's so hard to digest when they argue like that. (Belches)
Libby: All this space travel has given me a zit! (Groans) I need vanishing cream.
Cindy: You can't admit that I smoke you in athletics.
Jimmy: Oh, yeah? You want to go right now?
Cindy: Bring it on, Brain Boy!
(Both Grunting)
Carl: (Belches)
Libby: I need more vanishing cream.
Sheen: I gotta get me one of these!
(Grunts Louder)
Cindy: Getting angry, Neutron?

The Evil Beneath

Steve: Check it out. I'm a speed demon. You getting this, baby?
Jenny: Sure am, honey.
Steve: Whoo-hoo!
Announcer: You're watching vacation footage of Steve and Jenny Bissell, who set out for paradise but sailed smack-dab into the mystery of the Bahama Quadrangle.
Steve: Uh, honey, what's the deal with this fog?
Jenny: Uh, I don't know. Steve, I'm frightened.
Steve: Well, don't panic, it's probably nothing. H-Hey! What's happening?
Jenny: Steve, where are you?
Steve: Honey!
Jenny: Steve?
Steve: No! Stay back!
(Static Crackling)
Announcer: They were never seen again. Had the Bahama Quadrangle taken two more victims into it's watery clutches?
Sheen: Cool.
Carl: Spooky.
Jimmy: Oh, what a bunch of baloney. You don't believe the Bahama Quadrangle is haunted, do you?
Carl: Well, how else do you explain all the boats and planes that went missing there?
Jimmy: It could be anything--sudden tornadoes, freak electrical stroms...
Sheen: Ghosts of the undead hoarding human flesh to feed their ravenous hunger?
Jimmy: Sheen, do you even believe half the stuff you say?
Sheen: Yes. Or do I?
Carl: Well, have you ever been there, Jimmy?
Jimmy: No, but I've read all about it. It's where one of my favorite scientists, Dr. Sydney Moist, used to conduct his groundbreaking oceanographic research.
Carl: Used to? What happened to him?
Jimmy: He went missing.
Sheen: Aha!
Jimmy: That's just a coincidence.
Sheen: It's sorcery, I tells you!
Carl: Or evil porpoises.
Sheen: Or fish-headed octo-men.
Jimmy: Get up.
Carl: Where we going?
Jimmy: To the Bahama Quadrangle, so I can prove that this "mystery" is perfectly explainable.
Sheen: Hmm...Nah.
Carl: I'll pass.
Jimmy: Fine, then we'll start our essays on the Habsburg Empire.
Carl: Quadrangle it is.
Sheen: Right behind you, Captain.

Sheen: Are we there yet? How about now? Are we there now? How about now?
Carl: I hope it's soon. I need to use the little boys' ocean.
Jimmy: According to the Neutronic positioning unit, we're now entering the Bahama Quadrangle. Notice the complete lack of anything creepy...
(Electronic Interference)
Jimmy: Until now.
Carl: Uh, Jimmy, flying into a fog bank on a perfectly sunny day is normal, right?
Sheen: Of course it is. Happens all the time, right, Jimmy?
Jimmy: Actually...
Sheen: We're doomed!
Jimmy: We're not doomed. The only thing to fear is total engine failure.
(Engine Sputters and Stalls)
Jimmy: Now we're doomed.
(All Shouting)
Jimmy: Guys, there's something fishy going on here.
Carl: Fishy? As in evil porpoises? Well, this was fun. Let's go home!
Jimmy: Carl, we need to go underwater and investigate. Everyone take some air-gum.
(All Chewing)
Carl: Okay, now if we get lost, let's meet back here so we don't...(Shrieking) Wait for me! Jimmy was right--nothing mysterious here. Bye!
Jimmy: That's strange. I'm picking up humanoid bio-signs from that direction. Follow me.
Sheen: Can't we just take a moment to appreciate this? We're young, we're in the Bahamas, we've got our whole lives ahead of us. Perhaps I spoke too soon!
Carl: Jimmy, what's happening?
Jimmy: I don't know. Can't...Fight...Current! Too strong! (Shouts)
Sheen: This place has seen the last of my tourist dollars. (Shouts)
Carl: All right, Evil Porpoise, I don't like you and you don't like me, so...(Shouts) Yike!
Jimmy: (Grunts)
Sheen: (Shouts)
Carl: (Screams)
Sheen: Good-bye, world! The horror! So, where are we anyway?
Jimmy: Seaweed. It looks like we've been sucked into some sort of kelp processing plant.
Sydney Moist: Bravo! Excellent deduction.
Carl: Hey, Jimmy, isn't that...
Jimmy: Dr. Sydney Moist, the world's leading researcher in the field of phytechemical compounds.
Sydney Moist: And a deliciously graceful tap dancer. Yeah!
Jimmy: But you were reported dead years ago.
Sydney Moist: Oh, I can assure you i'm quite alive--marvelously, resplendently alive! And Charleston. Huh! (Scatting)
Sheen: Hey, Jimmy, you didn't tell us Dr. Moist was completely out of his...(Grunts)
Sydney Moist: Ah, my apologies for sucking you into my lab. The ocean is full of spies. But enough Jibber-Jabber--who's hungry, hmm? Hipsey, Russell! (Tinkles Bell)
Sheen: Oh, look! Dr. Nut-job has some slimy green friends.
Sydney Moist: Show our guests to the table. I hope you boys are hungry.
Jimmy: Incredible! They're some type of plankto-humanoid life forms.

Sydney Moist: I decided to make men out of algae. I call them..."Algae-men"!
Sheen: And I thought he was insane.
Sydney Moist: Well, eat up, there's plenty for everyone.
Sheen: (Flatly) Mmm. It's scrumptious. (Gags)
Jimmy: Yum, yum.
Carl: (Meekly) Yeah, that really hits the spot. (Whimpers)
Jimmy: Why live underwater when you could share with other scientists?
Sydney Moist: Ha! Never! They all laughed at me and called me "Dr. Looney-pants." Well, who's laughing now, hmm? Who's crazy now?! (Laughs Maniacally) I'll go check on dessert.
Jimmy: Guys, what'd I tell you? There's nothing mysterious about the Bahama Quadrangle.
Carl: Oh, no? We're having dinner at the bottom of the ocean with a crazy lunatic and his seaweed friends.
Jimmy: Okay, granted, he's a little eccentric...(Stares To Camera and Points Sheen)
Sheen: A little eccentric?! The guy's crazier then a sackful of spider monkeys!
Sydney Moist: So, how are we doing, hmm?
Jimmy: Dr. Moist, can you explain to my friends here that there's nothing mysterious about the Bahama Quadrangle?
Sydney Moist: I'd be happy to...Right after your transformation.
Jimmy: (Gulps) Transformation?
Sydney Moist: Into algae-men, just like all the other fools who've passed this way to spy on me!
Jimmy: Huh?
Sydney Moist: That's right--your food was checkfull of mutant algae seeds.
Jimmy: Huh?
Sydney Moist: Which even as we speak are infusing your every cell with kelpy goodness!
Jimmy: Huh?
Carl: Guys, I'm turning green!
Jimmy: But you ate it, too--we saw you.
Sydney Moist: Yes, but I have the antidote. (Gulping Loudly) Ah, that is good antidote! (Knocks Softly)
Jimmy: You're insane!
Sheen: Oh, gee, you think?
Carl: What was your first clue?
Sydney Moist: Seize them!
(Boys Yelling)

Jimmy: So, Dr. Moist kidnaps anyone passing through in the Bahama Quadrangle and turns them into algae-based manservants. I told you it wasn't anything supernatural.
Sheen: Gee, you were right, Jimmy. I'd congratulate you if I weren't being turned into a 85-pound walking salad!
Carl: Oh, I don't know, maybe being algae isn't so bad. I mean, all we have to do is keep our coats moist and slimey.
Sheen: And be butlers to a tap-happy mental case!
Carl: Oh, right.
Jimmy: That's it!
Carl: What's it?
Jimmy: Every room in the lab is kept extremely humid so the algae-men can thrive.
Sheen: So?
Jimmy: So watch.
Hipsey: (Coughing Violently)
Jimmy: It's working.
Hipsey: (Coughing Continues)
(Keys Rattle On Floor)
Jimmy: Now we get his keys.

Sydney Moist: (Singing) I know a young lady named Eloise Crocker whose beauty could knock a man right off his rocker. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to knock her Buthe stank like the sweat socks in Davy Jones' Locker.
(Control Thuds)

Jimmy: Guys, you distract the algae-men while I go for the antidote.
Sheen: Right. Shall we?
Carl: Do let's. Step right up, fellas. Find the pretty lady. That's right--find the pretty lady. Nobody goes home a loser.

Sydney Moist: (Scatting)
Jimmy: (Knocks Softly) An electrical-vectors entry? I expected more from Dr. Moist.
Sydney Moist: (Scatting While Tap-Dancing)
Jimmy: Or not.

Carl: That's right--up and down and all around. Find the pretty lady. Oh! Tough luck, chief.
Hipsey and Russell: (Growling)
Carl: (Laughs Nervously)
Jimmy: Carl, Sheen--catch!
Carl: Oh, what this isn't high in sodium, is it? Because I'm not supposed...(Screams) (Gulping) Yay, I'm pasty again!
Sydney Moist: (Scatting) You'll never escape! My algae-men will get you!
Jimmy: I'd like to see them try!
Sheen: Yeah! You would?
Sydney Moist: Crush them!
Hipsey and Russell: (Groaning Menacingly)
Jimmy: Guys, chew as much air-gum as you can.
Carl: Sorry, it's my breath, isn't it?
Jimmy: No, Carl, algae thrives on C02. There's enough in this gum to cause the algae-men to grow exponentially.
Sheen: And how is that good again?
Jimmy: No time to explain. Just chew for your lives! Quick, guys, follow me.
Hipsey and Russell: (Groaning)
Sydney Moist: (Screams) Stop! What are you doing? Stop growing this instant! Don't make me do my angry dance! No! (Voice Becomes Muffled)
Jimmy: Swim! Hurry!
(Loud Explosion)
Carl: (Screaming)
(Both Screams)
Carl: (Screaming)
Jimmy: We did it. Dr. Moist's reign of terror is over.
Sheen: The mystery of the Bahama Quadrangle is solved.
Carl: I'm just glad it wasn't evil porpoises. That would have been terrifying.
Sheen: Oh, not again with the fog.
(High-Pitched Whining)
Jimmy: Uh, guys? What say we let this mystery slide?

Carl Wheezer Boy Genius

(Music Playing)
Jimmy: Can you turn off the music, Sheen?
Sheen: Sorry.
Jimmy: Notice the Miscellana octoria's distinctive tibial spurs and scierotized pedipalps.
Sheen: Fascinating. Can you make it do the hokey-pokey?
Jimmy: Sheen, go home.
Carl: Guys! Guys! Guys! I've got a girlfriend!
Jimmy: Huh?
Sheen: (Gasps)
Jimmy: Who is she?
Carl: Well, she's my pen pal from Sweden and she's coming to Retroville and her name is Elke Ekberg.
Sheen: That was weird. I thought I heard Carl say he had a girlfriend.
Carl: I do! Here's her picture.
Sheen: (Gasps)

Carl: She's a teen model, tennis star, gymnast, masseuse and ballet dancer.
Jimmy: Don't take this the wrong way, Carl, but you're kind of a nerd. What does she see in you?
Carl: Well, I sent her some pictures.
Sheen: Man...Where was I when you did all this stuff?
Jimmy: Carl, these are all pictures of me!
Sheen: (Gasps)
Carl: Yeah, I didn't think she'd like a hefty boy with glasses who's into llamas and sleeps with a blanky and has unsightly spots all over his...
Sheen: Too much information!

Carl: So I told her was a boy genius and I invented cool stuff and had a neat lab.
Jimmy: So you said you were me?
Carl: Huh? Oh, yeah, kind of. Anyway, Elke has a one-day stop over in Retroville on her way to a tennis tournament, and I'm afraid when she sees me, she'll find out I've been lying to her.
Jimmy: Because you have!
Carl: Huh? Oh, yeah, kind of. And then she won't like me anymore.
Jimmy: And by you, you mean me!
Carl: Huh? Oh, yeah, kind of.
Jimmy: Well, if you're looking for help, count me out!
Sheen: Oh, come on, Jimmy, just let Carl pretend to be you. He could show her some inventions, fly her in the hover car, and she'll never know.
Jimmy: No way. I'm not letting Carl touch my stuff.
Carl: Oh, please, Jimmy. This may be my only chance to impress a tennis-playing, teen-modeling, ballet-dancing, gymnasticking masseuse.
Sheen: Yeah, come on, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Okay, for one day only you can be Carl Wheezer, Boy Genius.
Carl: Yay, thanks, Jim! You're the best friend in the whole world. Oh, by the way, I told her you're my dimwitted assistant.
Jimmy: What?!
Carl: I said you were an experiment that went horribly wrong.
Sheen: Sweet!

Carl: You think I should put on something nice to meet her?
Jimmy: (Softly) Like a mask.
Sheen: Carl, what you need is a total makeover from nerd guy to science guy.

Carl: There she is. (Bashfully) Elke...
Elke: Ja? Carl Wheezer!
Jimmy: Hi, I'm, um...
Carl: My dimwitted assistant. Take Elke's bag, and be quick!
Sheen: I'm Sheen.
Elke: He really used to be a monkey?
Sheen: Monkey? What kind--flying monkey, squirrel monkey, a chunky, funky monkey?
Elke: Ooh, I love your car which hovers.
Carl: Yeah, well, it's just a little something threw together one afternoon. Après vous. Oh, that's French for "get in." Okay, uh...
Jimmy: Go ahead, Boy Genius, start her up.
Carl: Hmm, let's see...I'll, uh, maybe...
Jimmy: May I suggest that instead of the arm-missiles button, you push the one right below it?
Carl: I know what button to push! I was just testing you. I'm teaching him how to drive.
Jimmy: Yeah, I'll teach you how to...
Sheen: Okay, Monkey Boy says "Let's get this show on the road."
(Engine Roaring)
Elke: It is so nice to finally meet you in the person. You are such a genius.
Principal: (Singing) His name was Rico he was a show boy...(Screams)
Carl: Uh, Dimwitted Assistant, remember what I taught you about setting the hover car under control?!
(Horns Honking)
Carl: Whew. Are you okay, Elke?
Elke: Ja.
Carl: You nincompoop! You must have put the wrong fuel in my hover car!
Jimmy: What? Your hover car?! I...Ugh! Sorry, Carl. My mistake.
Carl: Well, don't ever let it happen again, and it's Mr. Wheezer to you. You just can't get good help these days.
Elke: May we go to see your lab now?
Carl: You got it. To the lab, Dimwitted Assistant.
Jimmy: Uh, yes, sir.
Carl: "Yes, sir, Mr. Wheezer."

Sheen: Don't you love the Swedish language?
Elke: Carl, what are these fantastic things?
Carl: Uh...
Jimmy: Yes, Mr. Wheezer, go ahead, tell her what all these inventions are and how they work.
Carl: Okay, well, that's the bring-back-people-from-another-time machiney thingy. And that's the thingy that goes (Blows Raspberry) and that's the yellow thingy, I know that.
Elke: "Yellow thingy"--you are so the modest boy.
Carl: Oh, well...
Elke: Can you bring back my favorite Swedish poet, Ingmar Ibsen?
Carl: Of course. I'm a genius, aren't I? Now, let me see...Poet, poet...I...Oh, yeah, I think it's these ones.
Jimmy: Mr. Wheezer, wait!
Attilla the Hun: (Grunting Madly)
Jimmy: Attilla the Hun!
Carl: Is he a poet?
Jimmy: No, he's one for the most ferocious warriors of all time.
Attilla the Hun: (Grunting Madly) Destroy! Attack! Kill! Malm! Conquer! Pins! (Grunting Madly)
Jimmy: That's my...Uh, I mean, Carl's nuclear reactor. He could set off a radioactive meltdown!
Elke: You make with the saving the day now, Carl?
Carl: Uh, yeah.
Attilla the Hun: (Grunting)
Carl: Who wants fudge brownies?
Jimmy: Brownies?
Attilla the Hun: Plain or with nuts?
Carl: Nuts.
Jimmy: Nuts?!
Attilla the Hun: Nuts! (Cheering)
Jimmy: Whew.
Carl: You supreme bonehead, this was all your fault! You must have got bubble gum in my machine! You're fired!
Jimmy: I'm what?!
Sheen: Take off!
Jimmy: Okay, I will, and you're coming with me.
Sheen: But I want a brownie, too.

Jimmy: I got kicked out of my lab. I'm the genius, not that llama-loving jerk. I'm going back in there and tell Elke the truth.
Sheen: No, Jimmy, this may be Carl's one chance at love, and Elke might have a sister, or twin, or cousin, or youngish aunt, or what about...
Jimmy: If Carl touches one thing in there, if he moves one atom...If he even breathes on anything...
Carl: Next stop: the moon!
Sheen: You were saying?
Jimmy: He's out of control!
Sheen: Relax, he's probably just writing her name in the sky. Must be the Swedish spelling.
Carl: (Screaming)
Elke: Carl, it's too fast. Make with the slowing down.
Carl: How about I point out interesting things in space, okay? Um...That's a big flying rock, and that's another big flying rock, and that's a gigantic flying rock coming right at us!
Jimmy: I've got to get him out of the meteor shower.
Elke: Look--Dimwitted Assistant and Former Monkey.
(All Screaming)
(All Moaning)
Elke: Carl, I...I must say to you something.
Carl: Hold that thought. Way to go, Dimwitted Assistant! I had everything under control until you messed it up!
Jimmy: Under control?! I saved your life, Genius!
Carl: Go home and play with your llamas, you big, dumb, dummy, dopey, little-brain, dum-dum dummy.
Jimmy: Okay, that's it, Wheezer. Elke, you want to know the truth?
Sheen: Jimmy, no! Remember that cute Swedish sister or neighbor. Think of the accent, the meatballs, the socialized medicine. Abba!
Elke: Carl, I have confession to make. I'm not teen model, tennis star or other cool things. I am just simple farm girl who comes here with parents to buy llama feed from American cousin.
Carl: You mean...
Elke: Ja, I am big fake! I am not right for genius boy of many adventures.
Carl: No! I'm big fake, too!
Elke: What?
Carl: Yeah, I'm a nerd. I don't even know how to spell "science," and I love llamas more than people.
Elke: No, Carl, don't try to make feel better with lies.
Carl: But I...
Jimmy: Sheen, let me go!
Carl: Wait!
Elke: Llama Love Society? I'm a member, too!
Carl: Your photo is nice, too.
Elke: Oh, Carl, it is the truth. You were lying. You are a nerd.
Carl: A heavyset, glasses-wearing nerd with a blanky and many fears and numerous medical problems.
Elke: Come. Let me kiss you so many times, Nerd Boy.
Jimmy: Hey, I'm a nerd!
Sheen: I'm a nerd, too!
Jimmy: I'm a huge nerd.
Sheen: I'm the nerdiest kid in town.
Carl: Elke, there's a brand-new baby llama at the petting zoo.
Elke: What are we doing here?
Carl: Let's boogie!
Jimmy: What just happened here?
Sheen: Oh, love is strange, Jimmy. It's like the Swedish poet once said, "Herda gerda gaberda shamerda curla hurla herda..."
Jimmy: Just stop it.
Sheen: Okay.

Lady Sings the News

Quotes from the movie

Cindy: [speaking about Jimmy] You know, for a nerd, he sure comes in handy.

Jimmy: [speaking to Cindy] Cindy? Why are you being so nice to me?
Cindy: [speaking to Jimmy] Because... there are a lot of kids in here that need you. And... I do too.

Jimmy: [speaking to Cindy] Hey Cindy, thanks.
Cindy: [speaking to Jimmy] If you tell anyone that I was nice to you, you'll end up looking like that guy. [points to blasted yolkian]


External links