Airplane!

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Airplane! is a 1980 film that spoofs airport disaster movies. When the crew of an airplane come down with a severe case of food poisoning, the fate of the passengers depends on an ex-war pilot who is the only one able to land the plane safely.

Written and directed by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker.
What's slower than a speeding bullet, and able to hit tall buildings at a single bound? taglines

Striker

  • [To camera, after being rejected by Elaine] What a pisser.
  • [In voice over, with echo] I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate) I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate)
[Looks around, confused -- He hears the echo]
Hello! (...hello! ...hello!) Echo! (...echo! ...echo!)
[Stiffens]
Pinch hitting... for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...!
  • I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?
  • The oil pressure, I forgot to check the oil pressure. When Kramer hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan. [cut to a shot of shit hitting a fan in the airport control room]

Elaine

  • Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used to sit on your face and wrinkle it?
  • Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

McCroskey

  • Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
  • Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
  • Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
  • Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
  • They're coming right at us! (exits control tower via window)

Rumack

  • The last thing he said to me, "Doc," he said, "Sometime when the crew is up against it, the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too good, that's for sure."
  • I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. (repeated several times, once even after the plane has landed)
  • I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

Kramer

  • Loneliness, that's the bottom line. I was never happy as a child... Christmas, Ted, what does that mean to you? It was living hell. Do you know what it's like falling in the mud and getting kicked, in the head? With an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does, that never happens. Sorry, Ted, it's a dumb question, skip that.
  • All right, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
  • Airport management, the FAA and the airlines. They're all cheats and liars. All right, lets get outta here.

Johnny

  • Off to the tower? Rapunzel! Rapunzel!
  • Mayday? Why that's the Russian New Year. You know, we'll have a big parade, we'll serve hot hors d'oeuvre...
  • MCrosky : Johnny, what can you make outta this? [hands him a piece of paper]
Johnny  : This? Why I could make a hat, or a boat, a pterodactyl. . .
  • Reporter : What kind of plane is it?
Johnny  : Oh, it's a big, pretty, white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window, and wheels, and it looks like a big Tylenol.
  • MCrosky : Bad news, the fog is getting thicker.
Johnny  : And Leon's getting laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrger.
  • Towergy : [holding up a newspaper] Captain, look at this!
MCrosky : Passengers certain to die!
Kramer  : Airline negligent.
Johnny  : There's a sale at Penny's!
  • MCrosky : Alright, I'll need 3 men up in the tower. You Newbower, you Maceias. . .
Johnny  : Me John! Big tree.

Capt. Oveur

  • [Capt. Oveur to Joey] Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
  • Joey, do you ever.. hang around the gymnasium?
  • Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
  • Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Others

Talk Show Guest: They bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting in to. I say, let 'em crash!

First Jive Passenger: Shit man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. You know? [Golly that white fellow should stay away from my wife... or I will punch him.]
Second Jive Passenger: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you man. [Yes, he is wrong for doing that.]
First Jive Passenger: I say hey sky, s'other s'ay I wan say? [I knew a man in a similar predicament...]
Second Jive Passenger: UH...
First Jive Passenger: Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'. [and he ended up being sorry.]
Second Jive Passenger: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB'in man. [Don't be so naive, Arthur. Each of us faces a clear moral choice.]
First Jive Passenger: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em. [Early to bed early to rise...]
Jive Passengers (together): Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em [makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.]
First Jive Passenger: Cold got to be. You know? Shiiiiit. [How true! Golly!]
Elaine: Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
First Jive Passenger: Bet, babe. Slide a piece o' da' porter. Drink side, run da' java. [I would like the steak please.]
Second Jive Passenger: Lookie here. I can dig grease 'n chompin' on some buns and draggin' through the garden. [I'll have the fish.]
Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Passenger: 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me
Randy: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
First Jive Passenger: Cutty say 'e can't HANG!
Jive Lady Passenger: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady Passenger: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady Passenger: Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.
Second Jive Passenger: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady Passenger: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help!
First Jive Passenger: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady Passenger: Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!

Passenger: Oh…it's my stomach. I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.

Young Girl Passenger: *when offered cream for her coffee* No thank you, I take it black…like my men.

Passenger: Excuse me miss but I speak Jive.

Dialogue

Striker: Surely you can't be serious?
Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

Old Lady: Nervous?
Striker: Yes.
Old Lady: First time?
Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.

Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow, we're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the North, below their radar.
Elaine: When will you be back?
Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

Rumack: What flying experience have you had?
Striker: I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying... altogether.
All (Together): "It's an entirely different kind of flying."

Kramer (Over radio): How's it handling?
Striker: Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Elaine (Dutifully relaying via radio to Kramer): Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Striker (To Elaine): It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine (Over radio): It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.

Elaine: Ted! What are you doing here! You can't fly this plane!
Striker: That's what I've been trying to tell these people!

Tower: Flight two-zero niner, you're cleared for take-off.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower: L.A. departure frequency one two three point niner.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector, over.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Huh?
Tower: Flight two-zero niner, cleared for vector three-two-four.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Tower: Tower Radio, clearance, over.
Oveur: That's 'Clarence Oveur', over.
Tower: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: What?
Capt. Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?

Murdock: Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence?
Capt. Oveur: No, why don't you take care of it.

Joey: Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Murdock: I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with some-one else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.
Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Capt. Oveur: Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Murdock: But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defence. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs.
Murdock: The hell I don't!! ( grabs Joey by collar ) LISTEN KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

Randy: Excuse me sir, there's been a little problem in the cockpit…
Striker: The cockpit…what is it?
Randy: It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now.

Elaine: Would you like something to read?
Old Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine: Uhh…how about this leaflet, Famous Jewish Sports Legends?

Elaine: You got a telegram from headquarters today.
Striker: Headquarters? What is it?
Elaine: Well, it's a big building where generals meet. But that's not important right now.

Dr Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can, this woman has to be gotten to a hospital..
Elaine: A hospital! What is it?
Dr Rumack: It's a big building with patients and doctors and nurses but that's not important right now.

McCroskey: I want the best available man on this, a man who knows that plane inside and out and won't crack under pressure.
Johnny: How 'bout Mr. Rogers?

Striker: (trying to keep the crashing plane under control) Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
McCroskey: Mayday? What the hell is that for?
Johnny: Mayday? Why that's the Russian New Year. You know, we'll have a big parade, we'll serve hot hors d'oeuvre...

McCroskey: [hands over a map on a piece of paper] Johnny, what can you make outta this?
Johnny: This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl… (McCroskey yanks the paper out of Johnny's hands, and Johnny resumes typing on the typewriter.)

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Capt. Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Capt. Oveur: No, I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Capt. Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine: Well, we had a choice, steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

Rumack: Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face a few unpleasant facts?
Elaine: No.
Rumack: Alright. If we don't get this plane down soon, I can't even be sure of saving their lives.

Striker: Surely there must be something you can do.
Rumack: I'm doing everything I can, and stop calling me Shirley.

Capt. Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Capt. Oveur: You ever…seen a grown man naked?

Male PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA Announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA Announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male PA Announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do. If its done safely, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.

Control Tower Worker: Captain, maybe we ought to turn on the search lights now.
Kramer: No…that's just what they'll be expecting us to do.

Reporter: What kind of plane is it?
Johnny: Oh it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window and wheels. It looks like a big Tylenol.

Radar Man: Bad news, the fog's getting thicker...
Johnny: (Leaps in from nowhere) And Leon's getting LAAAAAAAAARRRRGEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!! (Jumps offscreen again.)

Taglines

  • What's slower than a speeding bullet, and able to hit tall buildings at a single bound?
  • Thank God it's Only a Motion Picture!
  • The craziest flight you'll ever take!
  • The Plane's going to Chicago. The Pilot's going to New York. The Passengers are going to Pieces!

Cast

See also

External links

Wikipedia
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