American Pie (film)

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American Pie is a 1999 comedy about four teenage boys who enter a pact to lose their virginity by prom night. It was followed by its sequel, American Pie 2, in 2001, and American Wedding, in 2003.

Directed by Paul Weitz and written by Adam Herz.
There's something about your first piece. Taglines

Jim's Dad

  • I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

Steve Stifler

  • Mom? Shit-break?
  • Sherman, What the fuck are you doing here?

Chuck Sherman

  • I am The Sherminator. I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.


Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Oz: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Oz: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Oz: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?

Oz: [On being sensitive] All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Stifler: I dunno man, sounds like a lot of work!

Jim's Dad: [talking about masturbation] It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball. You want a partner, don't you, son?
Jim: Oh yeah, Dad. I want a partner.
Jim's Dad: Good. Good. That's very good.

Finch: You have anything to drink?
Stifler's Mom: I believe the kegs are upstairs.
Finch: That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor...the good stuff.
Stifler's Mom: I've got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

Michelle: Oh! And this one time... at band camp... I stuck a flute in my pussy!
Jim: [taking a drink then realizes what she said and spits it out] Excuse me?
Michelle: What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cuz I'm getting kind of antsy!

Kevin: Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale?
Stifler: Fuck You!

Stifler: There's gonna be hot eastern european chick, naked in your house and you're not gonna do anything about it?
Jim: What am I supposed to do, broadcast it over the internet?
Stifler: Yeah!
Kevin: You can do that?

Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?


  • There's something about your first piece.
  • Fill that sticky hole!
  • Come again!
  • Boy gets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets pie.


External links

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