Are We There Yet?

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Life is a succession of lessons enforced by immediate reward, or, oftener, by immediate chastisement.
Ernest Dimnet
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Are We There Yet? is a 2005 comedy film, directed by Brian Levant, and starring Ice Cube.

[Kevin opens the car door into a pole. Causing the yellow paint to stain on it]
Nick: Aw, DAMN!!! Boy, didn't you hear what I just said?
Lindsey: (amazed) Ooh, you swore!
Nick: You're damn right I swore! That's about $400 damage worth to my new car!
Lindsey: That's twice. Now you have to put $2 in the swear jar.
Nick: (to Kevin) Yeah, well, he's got to put about $400 dollars in my pocket. You got $400 for me?
Kevin: No!
Nick: And I want it cash!
Kevin: [starts crying]

Kevin: I have to pee.
Nick: What? No, no, no! You do not have to pee. Didn't you just go back at the train station?
Kevin: I tried to go, but there was a man standing next to me, so I just went away.
Nick: But look, man, all this open road. You can hold it I know you can. Just cross your legs.
[Kevin does so]
Lindsey: You should've asked him to go before we left.
Nick: I did.
Lindsey: No, you asked before we got on the train, not before we left the station. You're supposed to ask before every segment. Everyone knows that.
Nick: Evidently not.

Kid: Hey mister, you got any Yu-Gi-Oh?
Nick: What you think?
Kid: Got any Dragon Ball GT?
Nick: Look, you always come in here asking the same question. We ain't got no Pokemon, no Digimon, no Buffy, no SpongeBob, no Beanie Babies, [spots a kid about to steal a trading card, so Nick throws a football at him] and no SHOPLIFTERS!!

Lindsey: I knew you were lying. "Yeah, we're just friends." Yeah, right. You're just usin' us to suck up to our mama.
Nick: What?!
Kevin: Yeah, you're just a dirty, horny sex-man like all the others. Nasty man! You're a nasty, bad man.
Nick: Look, I tried to do your mama a favor, you little booger!
Kevin: You probably wanna kiss her, doncha? [he makes a kissy face on the window]
Nick: Hey, off the glass! Off the glass! [to Lindsey] And you, open this door.
Lindsey: You forgot the magic word.
Nick: Open this damn door!
Kevin: Ooh, you just swore again. Lindsey, he just swore again.
Nick: So what? Hey, I'm not playin' with you.
Lindsey: You can't make us do anything.
Nick: Hey! This is my car! You hear me, little girl? This is my car!
[Lindsey is getting ready to put the car into acceleration]
Nick: Uh uh! You better not! Look at me, I'm serious! I'm playin' with you, little girl, okay? Now if you don't open that door before I count to three, somebody gonna get it.

Lindsey: What was Mom thinking?
Kevin: I don't know, I like him. He's kinda funny.
Lindsey: Hey, don't get soft! This guy is not our daddy. He's the enemy.

Amish man: This is why we don't come to the city.

Kevin: I'm not gonna make it. Do you have a bottle?
Nick: No!
Kevin: How about this ashtray?
Nick: Kevin, there's no recepticle in this vehicle. Now, look, the exit's about a mile away, and you can hold it.
Kevin: How far is a mile?
Nick: I don't know, 5,000 and some kinda feet. Think about something else... football... a math test... uh, puberty.
Kevin: Are we there yet?
Nick: No!
Lindsey: I'm sure the carpet's absorbant.
Kevin: Here it comes!
Satchel Paige: For God sakes, man, he's gonna make his water in your car!
Nick: No, he ain't!

[Nick's car has gone into flames]
Nick: This is about a year's pay!