Army of Darkness

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Army of Darkness is a 1992 film about a man who is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., where he must battle an army of the dead and retrieve the Necronomicon so he can return home.

Directed by Sam Raimi. Written by Sam Raimi and Ivan Raimi.
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.taglines

Ash

  • My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a normal life, once. [now Ash is in a flashback] Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart! [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend; Linda. [Flashback: Ash and Linda at the cabin] Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon ex Mortis, the Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumarrian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams] It took Linda, and then it came, for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. [Ash is seen cutting off his hand] But that didn't stop it. so It came back. Big time. [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake! How do you stop it?!
  • Give me some sugar, baby.
  • Good... bad... I'm the guy with the gun.
  • Alright... who wants some?
  • [to the witch] Yo! She-bitch! Let's go.
  • [to Sheila] First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.
  • (sometimes for no apparent reason) Groovy.
  • Don't touch that please. Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and... things with molecular structures and the-
  • Keep your damn filthy bones outta my mouth.
  • Alright, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my boomstick! - [continuing nonchalantly] - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart. Shop S-Mart... You got that?!!
  • Now I swear the next one of you primates even touches me...
  • [dramatically] KLAATU... VERATA... N--... [mutters to self] necktie... nectar... nickel... it's an n-word, definitely an n-word... [dramatically] It's definitely an n-word.
  • Shut the door! Were you raised in a barn?! ... [mutters to self] probably was raised in a barn with all the other primitives...
  • It's a trick. Get an axe.
  • Maybe. Just maybe my boys can protect the book. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.
  • Now whoa whoa whoa right there spinach chin!
  • That's it, go ahead and run! Run home and cry to mama!
  • Say hello to the twenty-first century!
  • Oh you little bastards! All right, I'll crush each and every last one of ya! I'll squash you so hard you'll have to look down to look up!
  • Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I am king. [grabs girl close] Hail to the king, baby. [Ash kisses the girl]
  • Buckle up, bonehead, 'cause you're goin' for a ride.

Evil Ash

  • [after rising out of his tomb] I live again!!!
  • I got a bone to pick with you.
  • You're pissing me off, you ugly son of a bitch!
  • [Admiring Sheila] Well aren't you the sweetest little thing?

Others

  • Deadite Captain: Welcome back to the land of the livin' ... Now pick up a shovel and get digging!
  • Deadite Sheila: I may be bad, but I feel good.
  • Old Woman: Into the pit with those bloody-thirsty sons of whores!
  • Deadite: Let's get the hell out of here!!!!
  • Deadite: I'll cut your gizzard out!

Dialogue

Duke Henry: You're not one of my vassals... who are you?
Ash: Who wants to know?
Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.
Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.

Sheila: But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?
Ash: Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all.

Ash: Klaatu verata nikto.
Wiseman: Well, repeat them.
Ash: Klaatu verata nikto.
Wiseman: Again.
Ash: I got it, I got it! I know your damn words, alright?

Possessed Woman: I'll swallow your soul!
Ash: Come get some.

Ash: Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?
Ash: Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.

Possessed Sheila: You found me beautiful once...
Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!

Sheila: [Being handled by Evil Ash] Don't touch me! You foul thing!
Evil Ash: You're gonna learn to love me, missy.
Sheila: The Promised One will come for you.
Evil Ash: Darlin' I'm gonna save him the trouble.

Evil Ash: [to his skeleton minions, who are digging up corpses in a graveyard] Dig, damn you! Dig faster! I shall command every worm-infested son-of-a-bitch that ever died in battle!
Skeleton: Thank you, sir!

[after Ash chops up Evil Ash with a chainsaw and throws him into a hole]
Evil Ash: You'll never retrieve the Necronomicon! You'll die before ya get it!
Ash: Hey! What's that you got on your face?
Evil Ash: Huh?
[Ash throws dirt on Evil Ash's face]
Evil Ash: I'll come back for ya!

Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
Ash: Yeah, basically.
Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?
Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

[from Director's Cut]
Ash: What are you? Are you me?
Evil Ash: What are do? Are you me? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk!
Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh?
Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes!
[begins to sucker-punch Ash]
Evil Ash: Little goody TWO-SHOES! Little goody TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE!
[honk honk honk]
Evil Ash: LITTLE GOODY TWO-SHOES! HEHEHE
Ash: [cocks shotgun and points it under Evil Ash's nose]
Ash: [fires shotgun] I'm not THAT good.

[from Theatrical version]
Ash: What are you? Are you me?
Evil Ash: I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes!
[begins to sucker-punch Ash]
Evil Ash: Little goody TWO-SHOES! Little goody TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE!
Ash: [cocks shotgun and points it under Evil Ash's nose]
Ash: [fires shotgun] Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun

Taglines

  • Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas
  • 1 Man, 1 Million dead, The odds are just about even.
  • They move. They breathe. They suck.
  • Sound the trumpets, Raise the drawbridge, and drop the Oldsmobile
  • How can you destroy an army that's already dead?
  • In an age of darkness. At a time of evil. When the world needed a hero. What it got was him.

Cast

External links

Wikipedia
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