Bad Boys (1995 film)
Bad Boys is a 1995 action comedy film, directed by Michael Bay, produced by Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer and starring Martin Lawrence and Will Smith. The film also spawned a 2003 sequel, Bad Boys II.
Det. Marcus Burnett
- You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.
- This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up.
- Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now? That means this shit is serious. That means me and this motherfucker's not vibin' right now. That's what that shit means.
- You forgot your boarding pass.
- Mike. Go downstairs and have a Coke and smile.
- Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?
- [to Fletch] If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the fuck out.
- He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him DOWN!
Det. Mike Lowrey
- You know you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.
- King Dingaling.
- I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work.
- [on Captain Howard and Captain Sinclair, having another vicious argument] They should just bone and get that shit over with.
- My shit always works sometimes!
- Now that's how you supposed to drive! From now on that's how you drive!
- Marcus, I just have one question for ya bro. How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gun fight to go get the car!
- Captain Howard: Ho, what did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it.
- Casper: Jesus. Could you use a smaller gun? You got blood on me again.
- Store Clerk: Freeze mother bitches!
- Ferguson: Watch your fucking mouth.
- Julie Mott: :[handcuffed to a steering wheel] Hi Julie, what have you been up to the last couple of days?" Oh nothing, just hangin' out, handcuffed to steering wheels.
- Captain Howard: Until then, until then, you are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him.
Marcus Burnett: But I...
Captain Howard: You're him, I don't wanna hear it, you're him. And you, you're you, you be you, but not in front of her. You're him, you're you.
- Mike Lowrey: What the hell are you doin'?
Marcus Burnett: Keepin' my shit quick.
Mike Lowrey: Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.
- Mike Lowrey: Hello?
Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.
Mike Lowrey: Don't be alarmed, we're negros.
Marcus Burnett: Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them.
Marcus Burnett :[In high pitched voice] We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar...?
- [Mike, Marcus, and Julie start arguing, nobody paying attention to his gun; Julie just walks out]
Store Clerk: Hey, freeze bitch!
[as he points the gun her way, in a flash Mike and Marcus stop arguing and point their guns at his head]
Mike Lowrey: YOU freeze, bitch!
Store Clerk: Oh shit, I'm fucked.
Mike Lowrey: Now back up, put the gun down, and get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
Marcus Burnett: And some Skittles.
- Marcus Burnett: Hey man where-where-where's your cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: I don't have one.
Marcus Burnett: What the f- w'you mean you don't have one? Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. It's a limited edition.
Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the fuck along.
- Julie Mott: I don't eat flesh.
Marcus Burnett: Say what?
Julie Mott: That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.
Marcus Burnett: It's just bologna. My bologna has a first name.
- Mike Lowrey: You know what man? I'm so sick of this bullshit. What, I'm supposed to APOLOGIZE for my family leaving me money? All I EVER wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck EVERYBODY that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey.
Marcus Burnett: I love you, man.
Mike Lowrey: Fuck you Marcus.
Marcus Burnett: I do. You're cool. You're my boy.
Mike Lowrey: Shut up, shut up Marcus. Slow-ass driver. Drivin' like a bitch. Slow-ass.
Marcus Burnett: Why I gotta be all that? I'll take you and me off this fuckin' cliff if you keep fuckin' with me. Then it'll be what, two bitches in the sea. Huh, is that it? Is that what you want?
Mike Lowrey: Shut up, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett: My wife knows I ain't no bitch. I'm a bad boy.
- Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Mike] I blow you! [points gun at Marcus] And I blow you!
Marcus Burnett: Blow me? What the fuck? Naw, naw.
- Marcus Burnett: Look, now I ain't no Wesley Snipes! I just hang out with stupid ass friends, that drive stupid ass cars, that attract a lot of mother fuckin' attention!
Mike Lowrey: You know what, I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy ass head that's what I need to do.
Marcus Burnett: Well, you know what you're arguin' over a mother fuckin' french fry.
Mike Lowrey: It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!
White Carjacker: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Black Carjacker: Shut the fuck up!
Marcus Burnett: [to Black Carjacker] Hold the fuck on! [to Mike] You want some bad enough, come get some!
[Marcus suddenly throws coke in the Black Carjacker's face and kicks him in the crotch, while Mike punches the White Carjacker in the face]
Marcus Burnett: [Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground] You like that shit? Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57! Now gimme a mother fuckin' handy wipe!
Mike Lowrey: [Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground] Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.
- Marcus Burnett: Oh, man, that was cold.
Detective Sanchez: Yeah, so was your mama's bed.
- Fouchet: I like it when a woman takes pride in her appearance. Don't you?
Casper: Yeah, I hate it when a bitch lets herself slide.
- Mike Lowrey: [to the White Carjacker holding a gun to his head] Let me tell you how bad a day you're having: right now you're jacking a couple of cops.
White Carjacker: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a stand-up comedian. And I SUCK! That's why I need your car.
- Marcus Burnett: [while pursuing Fouchet, who is up ahead in a roadster] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.
Mike Lowrey: Yo man, what the fuck are you doing?
Marcus Burnett: Getting it out the way.
- Mike Lowrey: Please, man. Married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy.
Marcus Burnett: Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.
- Theresa Burnett: And you don't even have your wedding ring on. [Slams bedroom door shut]
Marcus Burnett: Damn. Um. Naw Naw I went undercover. And it uh required the taking off of the ring that's all for a second. But I got the ring, look I just put my hand in my pocket 'cos that's where it was and it's right back on baby. [sighs] Damn. Can I get a pillow?
- Marcus Burnett: [trying to imitate Mike] Hello, this is Mike Low-rey...
Captain Howard: He doesn't talk that way. Try to talk like him, like him! Try to talk sexy. Sexy, you don't talk sexy enough!
Marcus Burnett: Cap, Cap! I've been there.
- Marcus Burnett: You better do something quick, 'cause we're running out of road.
Mike Lowrey: Who picked this dumb-ass road? On the goddamn road in Miami, you run out of it!
Marcus Burnett: You better come up with an idea fast!
Mike Lowrey: Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?
- Julie Mott: Can I help you?
Theresa Burnett: Yes, I'm here to kill my husband, Marcus Burnett.
Julie Mott: Uh-huh, and that'd be the tall one or the short one?
Theresa Burnett: The short one.
Julie Mott: I thought so.
- [Driving the "ice-cream truck"]
Marcus Burnett: What am I smellin'?
Mike Lowrey: Just drive!
Marcus Burnett: What am I smellin'?
Julie Mott: [Sees barrels hanging in the back of the van. Reads the label] Ether. Extremely... flammable... ether. Oh shit!
Mike Lowrey: God-damn...
Marcus Burnett: Oh, you-you-you-you da man. Oh you're the fuckin' man tonight! You go and pick an ice-cream truck that's a damn bomb!
- Mike Lowrey: Hey, hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?
Marcus Burnett: Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, OK? Don't deny me this.
Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.
Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.
- Theresa Burnett: Oh oh. Don't kiss me, Mike. I don't know where your lips were last night. Move.
Quincy Burnett: Uncle Mike, did you have a date last night?
Mike Lowrey: Whooo. Did I. Let me tell you, this girl was...
Theresa Burnett: Hey hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.
Mike Lowrey: Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
Marcus Burnett: Hey.
Theresa Burnett: Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.
Marcus Burnett: Why are you doing this to me, man? I'm with my babies. Okay? Thank you.
- Stake-out crook: Watching the place was my first gig.
Detective Sanchez: Oh, so does that make you union?
- Marcus Burnett: [to Mike] I'm not understanding, I - I really don't.
Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Marcus] Shut up!
Marcus Burnett: I mean, do you just attract violence?
- [Cell phone rings, Casper answers it]
Mike Lowrey: Yeah, can I speak to Romeo?
Casper: No, there ain't no Romeo here, asshole.
Casper: [to Ferguson] What the fuck are you laughing at?
- Ferguson: [as Julie reaches into her bra for a hidden handcuff key] What you got an itch? I'd love to scratch it.
Julie Mott: [gives Ferguson the finger] Scratch this, okay?
Ferguson: Yeah I'll scratch anything you want to you blue-eyed bitch.
Julie Mott: Did you go to college?
- Mike Lowrey: [to store clerk, who is pointing a gun at Mike] I'm gonna reach for my badge, ok?
Store Clerk: Badges? Do you want badges motherbitch? I give you badges! 99 cents each. [throws some badges at Mike] I sell you some.
- Marcus Burnett: What are our chances?
Mike Lowrey: Remember Club Hell?
Marcus Burnett: Yeah.
Mike Lowrey: Worse.
- Martin Lawrence ... Det. Marcus Burnett
- Will Smith ... Det. Mike Lowrey
- Téa Leoni ... Julie Mott
- Tchéky Karyo ... Fouchet
- Joe Pantoliano ... Captain C. Howard
- Theresa Randle ... Theresa Burnett
- Marg Helgenberger ... Capt. Alison Sinclair
- Nestor Serrano ... Detective Sanchez
- Julio Oscar Mechoso ... Detective Ruiz
- Saverio GuerraSaverio Guerra ... Chet, the Doorman
- Michael Imperioli ... Jojo
- Anna Levine ... Francine (as Anna Thomson)
- Vic Manni ... Ferguson
- Frank John Hughes ... Casper
- Mike Kirton ... Andy
Whatcha gonna do?