Bart Simpson

From Quotes
Joy comes from using your potential.
Will Schultz
Jump to: navigation, search
Merge-arrow.svg
It has been suggested that this article or section be merged into The Simpsons. (Discuss)

Bart Simpson is one of the main characters in the animated television series The Simpsons.

Quotations

  • Attention everyone! This is Gabriel my personal social worker. He has to be here, I'm just that nuts.
  • Ay caramba!
  • Bitchin'!
  • Lisa, it's not like you have a choice here!
  • Paintings: lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell, so scary and horrible and gruesome that--
  • Yes, mother
  • MOM! DAD!
  • Wait a minute, you did it!
  • But Sideshow Bob wants me dead.
  • But who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace!
  • Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
  • Come join us Lisa, it's so cool, you get to stay up all night drinking blood!
  • Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
  • D'oh!
  • Stupid mailman squealed on me.
  • Dad, help!
  • Wait a minute, you did it!
  • Don't be a fool, Aunt Selma. This man is scum!
  • Bart Simpson, sir.
  • (in a trance) Hello, Mother, hello, Father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.
  • Say it ain't so, Krusty.
  • Comedy, thy name is Krusty.
  • (to baby Lisa) I hate you.
  • Nub, Nub! Ba-ba-ba!
  • Butt!
  • Booger!
  • Gangway! Gotta poop!
  • Ungh, Ungh!
  • Big deal! It's no different from the basement in Grandpa's rest home.
  • Don't have a cow man!
  • We're all vampires!
  • Don't worry, all the murderers are long dead! And I'm sure that their ghosts are in hell.
  • Don't worry, Stampy. I won't let Homer sell you to that ivory dealer. You and I are going to run away together. We'll keep to the back roads and make our way south. Then, if I know my geography, it's just twelve miles to Africa.
  • Eat my shorts!
  • Get bent!
  • Global Warming did NOT eat my homework!
  • Go to Hell.
  • Satan, eat my shorts!
  • I got my taste of authority, and I liked it!
  • Milhouse, Milhouse, wake up, quick! Look out the window.
  • Otto, you gotta do something! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
  • Lisa in trouble? Ha! The ironing is delicious. (After seeing Lisa write "I will not do math in class" on the chalkboard)
  • He thought that trip to the guillotine factory was just for fun. But it was the perfect place to shoot him. (while standing near Homer's head as a trophy on the wall)
  • Aah! Everybody, there's a monster on the side of the bus!
  • I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
  • (singing) I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me, I am so great!
  • I can't promise I'll try, but I'll try to try.
  • No, no, it's true, there's a monster on the bus!
  • We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!
  • We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad.
  • I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress... Hmm, that gives me an idea. Note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.
  • I didn't do it. No one saw me do it. You can't prove anything!
  • (after Sideshow Bob saying that he can't kill Bart) Why not?
  • Big deal! It's no different from the basement in Grandpa's rest home.
  • I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.
  • I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!
  • I got a D–. I passed. I got a D-. I passed. I passed. I ... kissed the teacher!
  • I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas.
  • I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
  • (spitting) Are you getting lots of bugs in your mouth too?
  • Burns isn't a vampire. And even if he was we're not going to stubble on his secret hiding place.
  • (becoming frightened) You believe me, don't you? You're my friend who believes me: sweet, trustworthy Milhouse.
  • The gremlin's taking off the wheel. Stop the bus or we're all gonna die!
  • Well, now that we're friends, Uter, how about loosening these straps, huh?
  • Look at the bus! I was right, I tell you, I was right!
  • I'm on TV now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My Job. Repetitiveness is my job. (When coming to terms with being the "I didn't do it" kid)
  • I've said it before, and I'll say it again... ay caramba!
  • If I do something bad and there's no one there to catch me, does that make me good?
  • Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy.
  • Ah. At least now I can get some rest.
  • It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing... We're gonna live like kings... Damn hell ass kings!
  • It's craptacular.
  • It's Fuhrerific. (referring to what is claimed to be Hitler's car)
  • Hello world! You can all kiss my ass!
  • I hope this is sweat.
  • (in a trance) I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death.
  • Lisa is a nut, she has a rubber butt, everytime she turns around it goes putt-putt.
  • No. We have to reach people whose opinions actually matter! (when arguing that the Springfield kids should not expose their parents' hypocrisy on the internet)
  • Not even I would do that, and I'm America's bad boy! (upon learning that Homer escaped from the hospital to avoid donating a kidney to his own father)
  • Oh my god, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican!
  • Oh my god, my sister's my best friend... (said in Episode Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore)
  • Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
  • Shove it!
  • That lemon tree's a part of our town, and as kids, the backbone of our economy. We'll get it back, or choke their rivers with our dead!
  • D'omer! (laughs)
  • Got your wallet! (flushes Homer's wallet down the toilet)
  • Well, there's nothing scarier than having to go to school! Ha ha! (groans and walks off)
  • No thanks to you, Homer.
  • (reads the cards) "Krusty visits relatives in Annapolis, Maryland. Krusty poses for trading card photo."
  • Well, at least you got the gum.
  • That's a crud rock, it belongs in crud town.
  • There's no such thing as a soul. It's just some stuff they came up with to scare kids, like the bogey man, or Michael Jackson.
  • You are, as they say in Latin, a dorkus malorkus.
  • You hear that, Dad? You can lay around in your underwear and scratch yourself.
  • Please don't hug me, it sickens me.
  • Well, there is one, but...nah...
  • Well, you have such a beautiful voice...
  • The subject of our first painting tonight is the most foul, evil, vicious, diabolical beast to stalk the earth. Of course I refer to--
  • Mm-mm-mmm! (spits it out, coughing and spluttering) The devil...
  • The guy who carved up George Washington. (After being asked who George Washington Carver was.)
  • I need all my brain cells firing to outwit my invisible enemies.
  • Well, I'll be a son of a witch!
  • (drunk) What are you looking at?
  • Work was hard, so we quit.
  • Wow Mom, I never pictured you as an authority figure before.
  • WAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSUUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!
  • Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
  • I'm not a nerd, I'm a jock whose too cool for sports.
  • I'm flunking math, and the other day, I was a little attracted to Milhouse.
  • The next exhibit in out ghoulish gallery is entitled... "The School Bus"? Oh, oh, they must mean "The Ghoul Bus."

Dialogs with Bart

Homer: "You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV."
Bart: "TV sucks!"
Homer: "I know you're upset for now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that."

Bart's Brain: "Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Barty boy."
Bart: "Oh great. I get to spend the summer with my brain."

Marge: (after seeing Lisa scream due to free cable) What's wrong with her?
Bart: Beats the hell outta me.
Homer: BART!!!

Bart: Homer!
Homer: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. Homer's what grownups call me. Call me daddy
Bart: Homer!
Homer: Daddy.
Bart: Homer!
Homer: Daddy!
Bart: Da...Da...Da...
Homer Yes?
Bart: D'omer! hah, hah, hah!
Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE--!! (starts choking Bart)

Bart: Hey everybody! (shows his earring to his family) Sparkle, Sparkle!
Homer: BART!!!!
Lisa: An earring, how rebellious! In a conformist sort of way.
Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring?
Bart: Milhouse has one!
Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...
Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there! (tries to run off)
Homer: Get back here, boy! You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.
Bart: WELL, I'M KEEPING THIS EARRING AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!! (runs away)
Homer: Ohhhhh.... I thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced.
Lisa: Can I?
Homer: (angrily scares Lisa) NO!!!!

Jessica: You're bad, Bart Simpson.
Bart: No, I'm not! I'm really...
Jessica: Yes you are. You're bad...and I like it.
Bart: I'm bad to the bone, honey.
Jessica: Let's go have some fun.
Bart: But you're father said...
Jessica: (scoffing) I told the "Rev" I was going to my room to say my prayers.
Bart: (in love) Smart, beautiful, and a liar.

Lisa: The story begins with Hamlet's father being murdered.
Bart: Cool, does he get to marry his mom?
Homer: I don't know, but that would be hot.

(in the future)

Bart: Lisa, looking at you makes me want to get married for a third time. I met this really nice exotic dancer at Hugh's bachelor party.
Lisa: Hugh didn't have a bachelor party.
Bart: We had one in his honor.

[Lisa looks at him in disbelief]

Bart: I had one in his honor.

[Lisa looks at him still in disbelief]

Bart: I went to a strip club.