Bart Simpson

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Bart Simpson is one of the main characters in the animated television series The Simpsons.


  • Attention everyone! This is Gabriel my personal social worker. He has to be here, I'm just that nuts.
  • Ay caramba!
  • Bitchin'!
  • Lisa, it's not like you have a choice here!
  • Paintings: lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell, so scary and horrible and gruesome that--
  • Yes, mother
  • MOM! DAD!
  • Wait a minute, you did it!
  • But Sideshow Bob wants me dead.
  • But who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace!
  • Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
  • Come join us Lisa, it's so cool, you get to stay up all night drinking blood!
  • Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
  • D'oh!
  • Stupid mailman squealed on me.
  • Dad, help!
  • Wait a minute, you did it!
  • Don't be a fool, Aunt Selma. This man is scum!
  • Bart Simpson, sir.
  • (in a trance) Hello, Mother, hello, Father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.
  • Say it ain't so, Krusty.
  • Comedy, thy name is Krusty.
  • (to baby Lisa) I hate you.
  • Nub, Nub! Ba-ba-ba!
  • Butt!
  • Booger!
  • Gangway! Gotta poop!
  • Ungh, Ungh!
  • Big deal! It's no different from the basement in Grandpa's rest home.
  • Don't have a cow man!
  • We're all vampires!
  • Don't worry, all the murderers are long dead! And I'm sure that their ghosts are in hell.
  • Don't worry, Stampy. I won't let Homer sell you to that ivory dealer. You and I are going to run away together. We'll keep to the back roads and make our way south. Then, if I know my geography, it's just twelve miles to Africa.
  • Eat my shorts!
  • Get bent!
  • Global Warming did NOT eat my homework!
  • Go to Hell.
  • Satan, eat my shorts!
  • I got my taste of authority, and I liked it!
  • Milhouse, Milhouse, wake up, quick! Look out the window.
  • Otto, you gotta do something! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
  • Lisa in trouble? Ha! The ironing is delicious. (After seeing Lisa write "I will not do math in class" on the chalkboard)
  • He thought that trip to the guillotine factory was just for fun. But it was the perfect place to shoot him. (while standing near Homer's head as a trophy on the wall)
  • Aah! Everybody, there's a monster on the side of the bus!
  • I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
  • (singing) I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me, I am so great!
  • I can't promise I'll try, but I'll try to try.
  • No, no, it's true, there's a monster on the bus!
  • We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!
  • We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad.
  • I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress... Hmm, that gives me an idea. Note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.
  • I didn't do it. No one saw me do it. You can't prove anything!
  • (after Sideshow Bob saying that he can't kill Bart) Why not?
  • Big deal! It's no different from the basement in Grandpa's rest home.
  • I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.
  • I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!
  • I got a D–. I passed. I got a D-. I passed. I passed. I ... kissed the teacher!
  • I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas.
  • I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
  • (spitting) Are you getting lots of bugs in your mouth too?
  • Burns isn't a vampire. And even if he was we're not going to stubble on his secret hiding place.
  • (becoming frightened) You believe me, don't you? You're my friend who believes me: sweet, trustworthy Milhouse.
  • The gremlin's taking off the wheel. Stop the bus or we're all gonna die!
  • Well, now that we're friends, Uter, how about loosening these straps, huh?
  • Look at the bus! I was right, I tell you, I was right!
  • I'm on TV now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My Job. Repetitiveness is my job. (When coming to terms with being the "I didn't do it" kid)
  • I've said it before, and I'll say it again... ay caramba!
  • If I do something bad and there's no one there to catch me, does that make me good?
  • Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy.
  • Ah. At least now I can get some rest.
  • It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing... We're gonna live like kings... Damn hell ass kings!
  • It's craptacular.
  • It's Fuhrerific. (referring to what is claimed to be Hitler's car)
  • Hello world! You can all kiss my ass!
  • I hope this is sweat.
  • (in a trance) I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death.
  • Lisa is a nut, she has a rubber butt, everytime she turns around it goes putt-putt.
  • No. We have to reach people whose opinions actually matter! (when arguing that the Springfield kids should not expose their parents' hypocrisy on the internet)
  • Not even I would do that, and I'm America's bad boy! (upon learning that Homer escaped from the hospital to avoid donating a kidney to his own father)
  • Oh my god, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican!
  • Oh my god, my sister's my best friend... (said in Episode Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore)
  • Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
  • Shove it!
  • That lemon tree's a part of our town, and as kids, the backbone of our economy. We'll get it back, or choke their rivers with our dead!
  • D'omer! (laughs)
  • Got your wallet! (flushes Homer's wallet down the toilet)
  • Well, there's nothing scarier than having to go to school! Ha ha! (groans and walks off)
  • No thanks to you, Homer.
  • (reads the cards) "Krusty visits relatives in Annapolis, Maryland. Krusty poses for trading card photo."
  • Well, at least you got the gum.
  • That's a crud rock, it belongs in crud town.
  • There's no such thing as a soul. It's just some stuff they came up with to scare kids, like the bogey man, or Michael Jackson.
  • You are, as they say in Latin, a dorkus malorkus.
  • You hear that, Dad? You can lay around in your underwear and scratch yourself.
  • Please don't hug me, it sickens me.
  • Well, there is one, but...nah...
  • Well, you have such a beautiful voice...
  • The subject of our first painting tonight is the most foul, evil, vicious, diabolical beast to stalk the earth. Of course I refer to--
  • Mm-mm-mmm! (spits it out, coughing and spluttering) The devil...
  • The guy who carved up George Washington. (After being asked who George Washington Carver was.)
  • I need all my brain cells firing to outwit my invisible enemies.
  • Well, I'll be a son of a witch!
  • (drunk) What are you looking at?
  • Work was hard, so we quit.
  • Wow Mom, I never pictured you as an authority figure before.
  • Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
  • I'm not a nerd, I'm a jock whose too cool for sports.
  • I'm flunking math, and the other day, I was a little attracted to Milhouse.
  • The next exhibit in out ghoulish gallery is entitled... "The School Bus"? Oh, oh, they must mean "The Ghoul Bus."

Dialogs with Bart

Homer: "You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV."
Bart: "TV sucks!"
Homer: "I know you're upset for now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that."

Bart's Brain: "Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Barty boy."
Bart: "Oh great. I get to spend the summer with my brain."

Marge: (after seeing Lisa scream due to free cable) What's wrong with her?
Bart: Beats the hell outta me.
Homer: BART!!!

Bart: Homer!
Homer: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. Homer's what grownups call me. Call me daddy
Bart: Homer!
Homer: Daddy.
Bart: Homer!
Homer: Daddy!
Bart: Da...Da...Da...
Homer Yes?
Bart: D'omer! hah, hah, hah!
Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE--!! (starts choking Bart)

Bart: Hey everybody! (shows his earring to his family) Sparkle, Sparkle!
Homer: BART!!!!
Lisa: An earring, how rebellious! In a conformist sort of way.
Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring?
Bart: Milhouse has one!
Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...
Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there! (tries to run off)
Homer: Get back here, boy! You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.
Homer: Ohhhhh.... I thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced.
Lisa: Can I?
Homer: (angrily scares Lisa) NO!!!!

Jessica: You're bad, Bart Simpson.
Bart: No, I'm not! I'm really...
Jessica: Yes you are. You're bad...and I like it.
Bart: I'm bad to the bone, honey.
Jessica: Let's go have some fun.
Bart: But you're father said...
Jessica: (scoffing) I told the "Rev" I was going to my room to say my prayers.
Bart: (in love) Smart, beautiful, and a liar.

Lisa: The story begins with Hamlet's father being murdered.
Bart: Cool, does he get to marry his mom?
Homer: I don't know, but that would be hot.

(in the future)

Bart: Lisa, looking at you makes me want to get married for a third time. I met this really nice exotic dancer at Hugh's bachelor party.
Lisa: Hugh didn't have a bachelor party.
Bart: We had one in his honor.

[Lisa looks at him in disbelief]

Bart: I had one in his honor.

[Lisa looks at him still in disbelief]

Bart: I went to a strip club.