Bedknobs and Broomsticks
My happiness derives from knowing the people I love are happy.Holly Ketchel
- Children and I don't get on.
- [reading from Professor Browne's letter] "Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise."
- Victory for England, and St George!
- You see, Colonel, things are not always what they seem to be.
- [Miss Price, after turing the lion into a rabbit.]
Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work.
- Women always lose things.
- [An old man is playing dreary music on a piano which he is selling.]
Oh, Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you?
- [Mr. Browne is approached by two scantily-clad dancers who take him by either arm.]
Lovely to see you—goodbye!
- The college, alas, is now defunct.
- Will you please get this child off my leg?
- Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.
- It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?
- Stallkeeper: The snippers that clipped old King Edward's cigars.
- Mr. Browne: Made in Hong Kong—two bob a dozen, I'd say.
- Bookman: Close your mouth, Swinburne!
- Mrs. Hobday: Another package from Professor Emelius Browne in London. He sent you a cat last time, did he not?
- Charlie: Knock his block off!
- [A British army officer's car stops at a junction on a country road where an elderly man is painting over signposts.]
- Captain Greer: You there! Which way to Pepperinge Eye?
- Elderly Man: Couldn't say, sir—said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.
- Captain Greer: I'm not a Nazi, I'm a British officer!
- Elderly Man: …that's what you say if you was a Nazi, isn't it sir?
- [Miss Price has just arrived on an old motorbike, emitting blasts of yellow smoke. After she has gone, the two army officers begin to speak.]
- Captain Greer: Who is that?
- General Teagler: Miss Price—splendid woman. Her late father served with me at Vimy Ridge.
- Captain Greer: What's she burning in this thing?—It smells a bit like sulphur.
- General Teagler: Nonsense! One can't make a motor fuel out of sulphur!
- Carrie: Who else lives here?
- Miss Price: I live alone—it suits my purposes.
- Miss Price: Supper is at six. You will wash, thoroughly—
- Charlie: Wash?!
- Miss Price: You will wash yourselves, otherwise there will be no supper.
- [Miss Price leaves the room.]
- Charlie: A house of horrors, that's what this is.
- [Charlie notices an odd bottle on a shelf in Miss Price's office.]
- Charlie: Poisoned dragon's liver?!
- Miss Price: Poisoned dragon's liver.
- Paul: Is this London?
- Carrie: 'Course it is. Can't you smell that lovely sooty air?
- Mr. Browne: I found the door open, the curtains closed—the house was deserted.
- Miss Price: Why on earth would someone do a thing like that?
- Mr. Browne: I would say this may have something to do with it… [gestures towards an unexploded bomb]
- Miss Price: Merciful heavens! I should be terrified at the very idea of living here.
- Mr. Browne: You would have thought so, wouldn't you? I am, by nature, a little bit of a coward—but then I pondered, as I often do: in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is probably the best friend I ever had. It has enabled me for the first time in my life to live like a king. Shall we go in?
- Charlie: Why d'you keep the curtains closed?
- Mr. Browne: So we can enjoy our cheese and wine in the gentle glow of candlelight.
- Charlie: I bet it's so the coppers won't catch you hiding out here.
- Paul: What is this—a toyshop?
- Carrie: No, it's a nursery. Ain't you ever seen a nursery before?
- Charlie: [to Carrie] No, and neither have you.
- [Miss Price is searching in Mr. Browne's library, standing on a ladder attached to a rail on the high shelves.]
- Mr. Browne: What's your name?
- Miss Price: [Disinterestedly.] Miss Price.
- Mr. Browne: No—I mean your first name.
- Miss Price: Eglantine.
- Mr. Browne: Eglantine…Eglantine… [He pushes the ladder upon which Miss Price is standing along the rail, startling her.] Oh, how you shine!
- Miss Price: [reading from the book she has found at last] Ah! "Substitutiary locomotion. The ancient art of…" [She reads for a few moments in a whisper.] Ah! Here we are: "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are—" [She pauses incredulously, and turns over the tattered leaves of the book.] …But the rest of the book is missing!
- Mr. Browne: Now you see why I closed down the college.
- Mr. Browne: I will cause the bed and all its occupants to disappear.
- Bookman: Disappear? I'd like to see a cheap jack entertainer do a trick like that.
- Mr. Browne: Cheap jack entertainer. Now that was naughty.
- [Miss Price's belongings inadvertently come to life after she recites an ancient magical spell. Mr. Browne begins to dance with a nightdress.]
- Miss Price: That's my nightgown!
- Mr. Browne: Is it really, my dear?
- Miss Price: Yes, and I'm not responsible for its behaviour.
- Mr. Browne: Obviously not, my dear.
- [Miss Price and the children are being held captive in her house by German soldiers.]
- Miss Price: Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?
- Colonel: Be quiet, please.
- Miss Price: Paul, kindly fetch me my notebook from my office.
- [The officers restrain Paul in much commotion. Miss Price stands up, points at the Colonel, but cannot remember the correct words to the incantation.]
- Miss Price: Filigree, apogee, epigee…!
- Paul: That's not a rabbit—that's Mr. Browne, that is!
- Miss Price: If you are Mr. Browne, would you kindly get down off my lap?
- [Carrie tries on some elaborate jewellery at a market stall and admires herself in a mirror.]
- Stallkeeper: Who do you think you are, the Queen of Sheba?