Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.Carl Jung
- [Wakes up nude next to dead deer] Oh no, not again
- I was in Thailand, playing Ping-Pong in Ding Dang. I was in a real high-stakes game in some opium den. Turned out the guys I was playing aren't the kind of guys who like to lose. After I beat them... they beat me. Worked me over pretty good. And this is hard to say... but they held me down... and they shoved a ping pong paddle up my ass. It's never been the same. I'm damaged goods.
- Back the fuck up Mantonio! My dick!
- Why don't we get you out of those wet clothes and into a Dry Martini
- I wish it were winter so we could freeze it into ice blocks and skate on it and melt it in the spring time and drink it!
- [Shrugs] I'm better when I'm drunk
- I wish i could give you guys a discount but my boss is a real hard ass
- God Damn Brewery!
- Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath?
- What's a ZJ?
- We're the party brigade and we're here to play some drinking games
- Real funny deutch bag
- Looks like we got the Brits in round 1. We already kicked their asses in WWII. Cheer-i-o, let's do it again!
- Let's get sour on some krauts!
- It's fwustwating, it's fwustwating.
- Jim Tobleson's a fucking Chatty Cathy! I did my three years up at the county pen. Made some friends, went Muslim. Now I'm out, praise Allah.
- They brew 10,000 bottles a day, I take 45 off the assembly line and I'm the ass hole
- I wanna put my dick in it!
Charlie 'Fink' Finklestein
- Oh that's rich! I've got a cowboy on one side and an Indian on the other! It's like the wild west!
- I show you how to drink a beer, mother fucker!
- I'm gonna puke! Hey guys... I don't think sitting on a rooftop drinking ram's piss is the way to go. We should get out there, and mix it up with some randoms.
- Drunken recall. I gave my subjects massive quantities of alcohol and then I taught them things while they were blacked out. When they woke up the next morning, they couldn't remember anything. But when I got them drunk again, they remembered everything that I taught them the night before. I got it published.
- I once saw him fart a plum... I was plum surprised.
- I want it to put it's dick in me!
- Yeah, fuck it! Give it a rim job!
- Get bent, Umlaut
- So you fancy yourselves drinkers eh?
- You go, I'm never leaving this place
- [Hungover] No need to yell...
- He's got the eye of the Jew!
- Gam Gam a whore? I think something must have been lost in the translation.
- Loser takes a paddle up the ass!
- Gunter: Yeah, you Americans, why don't you go back to strip malls und drink your Zimas and Smirnoff Ices!
- Rolf: It was ze greatest beer in all ze world!
- Otto: Typical Americans, this is why we don't let you in our beerfest, you get a few drinks in you und you become ze Dirty Harry
- Wolfgang Von Wolfhaus: I start to feel all cooped up in these U-boats, I had a bad experience once
- Pim Scutney: You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are.
- Rog Gobshire: We're gonna put the skitters in your allen wickers you plonker!
- Great Gam Gam: I always sleep better with a little sausage in me.
- Partygoer: Hey who ordered the queer guy makeover?
- Krista Krundle: Landfill 2 you're twice the man Landfill 1 was!
- Herr Referee: DAS BOOT!
- Barry Badrinath: Oh man that's the most disgusting thing I've ever drank
- Landfill: I doubt that much playboy
- Charlie "Fink" Finklestein: I'm gonna puke! Hey guys... I don't think sitting on a rooftop drinking ram's piss is the way to go. We should get out there, and mix it up with some randoms.
- Barry Badrinath: Let's get bombed!
- Jan Wolfhouse: So yeah, I heard you got fired from the brewery?
- Landfill: [Gets very angry and throws trophy] God damn brewery! You know that brewery makes 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 of them off the assembly line, and I'm the asshole!
- Barry Badrinath: I was in Thailand playing ping-pong in Ding-Dang. A high stakes game in some Opium den. Turns out, these aren't the types of guys who like to lose. When I beat them, they beat me. And this is hard to say. They held me down and shoved a ping-pong paddle up my ass.
- Charlie "Fink" Finklestein: Ah geeze Barry! I don't know what I'd do if someone shoved a paddle-handle up my ass!
- Barry Badrinath: It wasn't the handle! I've been shitting pancakes ever since!
- Great Gam Gam: You and I are not so different Mr. Badrinath. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. But you know what I did? I got over it!
- Pim Scutney: You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are.
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I'm sorry, one more time?
- Rog Gobshire: Shove off! We're gonna put the skitters in your Allen Whickers, you plonker!
- Barry Badrinath: [Looking to Fink] Do you know what he's saying?
- Barry Badrinath: [smashes mug with hit] What do you think about that, fuckhead?
- Hammacher: [Chews on broken glass] What do you think about that, headfuck?
- Barry Badrinath: It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ...
- Landfill: What's a ZJ?
- Barry Badrinath: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I've got $4.
- Gunter: He stole it und now instead of Deutschland's greatest beer we merely have fourth best behind Steinemarzen, Rottenburger, und... und...
- Rolf: Und Beck's?
- Gunter: Und Beck's? Ja und Beck's!
- Jan Wolfhouse So you fancy yourself as drinkers eh?
- Rolf Yeah, considering we just beat the Irish.
- Great Gam Gam they also drink urine of a ram.
- Jan urine of a ram?
- Great Gam Gam Rams piss!
- Jan Rams Piss? Why?
- Fink For the pH balance?
- Great Gam Gam No! because if you can drinks ram's piss, fuck, you can drink just about anything
- Fink Did you hear that? She said Fuck!
- Cherry Whose drinkin piss now?
- Great Gam Gam I was just saying that it was a tradition back in the old country
- Cherry DAMN thats nasty! The old country must have been fucked up!
- Bring on the beer. They've got the nuts.
- Comedy on tap
- From the comic geniuses who brought you the phenomenon "Super Troopers".
- Brewed in 2006
- Prepare for the ultimate chug of war.
- Paul Soter (Jan Wolfhouse)
- Erik Stolhanske (Todd Wolfhouse)
- Jay Chandrasekhar (Barry Badrinath)
- Kevin Heffernan (Phil "Landfill" Krundle/Gil "Landfill" Krundle)
- Steve Lemme (Charlie "Fink" Finklestein)
- Jürgen Prochnow (Baron Wolfgang von Wolfhausen)
- Will Forte (Otto)
- Eric Christian Olsen (Gunter)
- Ralf Moeller (Hammacher)
- Gunter Schlierkamp (Schlemmer)
- Nat Faxon (Rolf)
- Mo'Nique (Cherry)
- Donald Sutherland (Johann Von Wolfhausen)
- Cloris Leachman (Great Gam Gam)
- Blanchard Ryan (Krista Krundle)
- Philippe Brenninkmeyer (Herr Referee)
- Candace Smith (Naomi)
- Willie Nelson (Willie Nelson)