- (A person lights a cigarette)
"Excuse me, can't you read the sign? No smoking allowed!" "I'll be very quiet".
- (A person is talking to a Chinese chef)
"Well, what were you doing when you arrived in England?" "I was flying!" "What were you flying? Aeroplanes, gliders?" "I was flying ships!" "Surely you sail ships," "You sail the ships after you fly them!"
- (Same situation as above)
"What is your speciality?" "Well, I am well known for my Soviet Pies!" "Soviet pies? Why are they called Soviet pies?" "Because after you eat them, you go Russian to the toilet!"
- "Digital clock owners! Your days are numbered!"
- (A sign on a piano teacher's door)
"Gone Chopin be Bach in a minuet Try the Handel"
- (A husband and a wife go to sleep)
"Good night, mother of six" "Good night, father of one"