Blazing Saddles

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Blazing Saddles is a western comedy film directed by Mel Brooks and released by Warner Bros. in 1974. In a parody of westerns, a black railroad worker is appointed Sheriff of an all-white township by a nefarious politician.

Never give a saga an even break!

Bart

  • Uh sir, sir. He specifically requested two niggers! Well, to tell a family secret--my grandmother was Dutch.
  • Well, don't just stand there looking stupid and holding your hands in pain. How 'bout a little [cocks gun] applause for the Waco Kid?
  • See, I knew you wasn't no Waco Kid. You was just pullin' my lariat!
  • [taunting Klansmen] Hey, where all da white women at?
  • Baby, please, I'm not from Havana!
  • Well raise my rent! You are the Kid!

Jim, The Waco Kid

  • Well, my name's Jim. But most people call me…Jim.
  • Well, you devious son of a bitch.
  • Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day I was just walking down the street, when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around, and there I was face-to-face with a six-year-old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
  • Another twenty five years and you'll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight.
  • What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?
  • What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter?" You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know…morons.
  • Well, Mongo ain't exactly a "who", he's more of a "what".
  • [about Mongo] No, no, don't do that. If you shoot him you'll just make him mad.

Hedley Lamarr

  • That's Hedley. [Repeated line]
  • [to himself] Maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage... if I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town. [To camera] But where would I find such a man? ...Why am I asking you?
  • Where's my froggy?
  • Shut up, you Teutonic twat!!
  • You will merely be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.
  • Taxi! Drive me off of this picture!
  • [Last words - at the footprints of Douglas Fairbanks] How did he do such terrific stunts... with such little feet?!

Taggart

  • What in the wide wide world of sports is a-goin' on here?! I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!
  • Horses! We can't afford to lose no horses you dummy! Send a couple-a niggers.
  • Dang, that was lucky! God darn near lost a $400 handcart!
  • Don't just lie around getting a suntan. Ain't gonna do you no good no how!
  • An uppity nigger went and hit me on the head with a shovel.
  • Piss on you, I'm workin' for Mel Brooks!
  • Send a wire to the main office, and tell them that I said... [Bart hits him on the head with a shovel] OW!!!
  • [when confronted with a toll booth] ..."Le Petomane Through Way"? Now what'll that asshole think of next? Has anybody got a dime? [cowboys grumble] Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!

Lyle

  • Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert an' twenty degree!... Can't be more than a hundert an' fourteen!
  • [after worker faints from the heat] Dock that chink a day's pay for nappin' on the job.
  • [writing telegram] Send a wire to the main office... tell them you said "ow". Gotcha.

Others

Mexican Outlaw: Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!

Mongo: Mongo only pawn in game of life.

Lili: Hello handsome. Is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?

Lili: Ooh, a wed wose. How... womantic.

Lili: [with Bart in the dark] Is it twue what they say about your people being... gifted? [loud unzipping noise] Oh it's TWUE! It's twue, it's twue!

Olson Johnson: All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the IRISH.

Reverend: Oh Lord, can we complete this mighty task in one night, or we all just jerking off?
Everyone Else: AMEN.

Lyle: [after Lyle and a bunch of other guys farted for 3 minutes] How about some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
Taggart: I'd say you've had enough.

Dialogue

Charlie: Bart?
Bart: What?
Charlie: Am I wrong, or is the world... rising?
Bart: I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it!

Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out...
[People cringe back and a woman screams - he pulls out a letter - people sigh, almost sounding disappointed]
Bart: By the power invested in me by the honorable William J. Le Petomane--
[People start cocking guns and pointing them at Bart]
Bart: --I hereby assume the duties of sheriff in and for the township of Rockridge.
Reverend: Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not let anger rule the day! [waving Bible] As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to saaaayyy!
[A hole is shot through the Bible; the Reverend turns to Bart]
Reverend: Son, you're on your own.

[The people are about to shoot Bart at his opening speech - until he takes himself hostage]
Bart: [in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar] Hold it! The next man that makes a move, the nigger gets it.
Dr. Johnson: Hold it men--he's not bluffing! [all but one man drop their guns]
Dr. Samuel Johnson: Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it!
Bart: [still gruffly, to the one still with a gun] Drop it, or I swear I'll blow this nigger's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN!
Bart: [pickaninny voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he saaaayyyy... do what he saaaayyyy... [the man slowly drops the gun]
Harriet Johnson: Isn't anyone going to help that poor man? [Bart is slowly moving towards the sheriff's office, still holding himself hostage]
Dr. Samuel Johnson: Hush, Harriet! That's a sure way to get him killed!
Bart: [pickaninny voice] Oh, Oh he'p me! He'p me! He'p me! Somebody He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! [gruffly] Shut up! [covers his mouth, pushes into the office] Oh, baby, you are so talented. And they are so dumb!

Bart: Are we awake?
'Jim: We are not sure. Are we... black?
Bart: Yes we are.
Jim: Then we're awake, but we're very puzzled.

Sheriff Bart: So, since I am your host, and you are my guest, what's your pleasure? What would you like to do?
Jim: Oh I don't know... play chess... screw...
Bart: Well, let's play chess!

Bart: Man, why you do that to yourself?
Jim: Oh, you don't really wanna know...
Bart: I do, I do!
Jim: Well, if you must pry...
Bart: I must, I must!

Taggart: I got it. I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: You do?
Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em.
Hedley: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...
Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley: You spare the women?
Taggart: NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
Hedley: Marvelous.

Hedley: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto!
Hedley: "Ditto"? "Ditto", you provincial putz?!

Hedley: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
Hedley: Shit-kicker.

Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir?
Hedley: I want you to round up ever vicious criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists!
Taggart: [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?

Hedley Lamarr: Raise your right hand... [Nazis raise left] ...Right hand. [Nazis switch] Repeat after me: I...
Brigands: I...
Hedley Lamarr: ...your name...
Brigands: ...your name...
Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] Shmucks. [aloud] pledge allegiance...
Brigands: ...do pledge allegiance...
Hedley Lamarr: ...to Hedley Lamarr...
Brigands: ...to Hedy Lamarr...
Hedley Lamarr: That's Hedley!!
Brigands: That's Hedley!!
Hedley Lamarr: ...and to the evil...
Brigands: ...and to the evil...
Hedley Lamarr: ...for which he stands.
Brigands: ...for which he stands.
Hedley Lamarr: Now go do that voodoo that you do so weeeell!!!

Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.

[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain]
Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.
Bart: Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky! Sign here. [Bart begins to sign, his dark-skinned hand shows]
Jim: [thinking fast, talking mock-southern, pretending to scrub the back of Bart's hand] Rhett, how many times have I told you to wash up after weekly cross-burnin'? [turns Bart's hand up, exposing naturally light palm] See, it's comin' off!
[Taggart pulls Bart's hood off]
Bart: And now, for my next impression... Jesse Owens! [Bart and Jim sprint away]
Hedley Lamarr: Chase them! [fires a shot in the air] Catch them! Get them!
Taggart: Hold up, men! We'll head them off at the pass!
Hedley Lamarr: "Head them off at the pass"?! I hate that cliché! [Shoots Taggart in the foot]

Jim: Where you headed, cowboy?
Bart: Nowhere special.
Jim: Nowhere special. Always wanted to go there.
Bart: Come on.

Lyle: [Taunting the mainly-black rail workers] When you was slaves, you sang like birds. Come on! Let's hear a good, old-fashioned nigger work song!
[Enraged ("Nigger work song...?"), the workers move to attack him, but are stopped by Bart: He promptly proceeds to sing...]
Bart: [Crooning, Sammy Davis, Jr.-style, with fellow railworkers providing backing vocals] I get no kick, from champagne... Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all...[the bullying supervisors look immensely confused] so why then should it be true?... that I get a belt - outta you... Some get a kick from coca-yeai-yeaiiiinnnneee...
Lyle: Hold it! Hold it! What the hell is that shit?! I meant a song! A real song! Like [singing] "Swing low, sweet chariot"...
[The railworkers mumble to each other in mock confusion]
Lyle: Don't know that one, huh. Well how about "De Camptown Ladies"?
Bart: De Camptown Ladies?
Railworkers: De Camptown Ladies?
Lyle: Oh, you know! "De Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah! Camptown Race Track five miles long, oh-de-do-da-dahy!"
[The white supervisors begin joining in, complete with ludicrous dancing actions, much to the amusement of the railworkers. Suddenly, Taggart rides in aboard a galloping horse, shooting wildly into the air, interrupting the song scattering the white supervisors aside.]
Taggart:What in the wide wide world of sports is a-goin' on here?! I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!

Bart: Good mornin' Ma'am! And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Old Lady: Up yours, nigger!

Charlie: You shifty nigger, they said you was hung!
Bart: And they was right.

[The townspeople are waiting for the new sheriff]
Samuel Johnson: Hey Gabby! You see him yet?
Gabby Johnson: [Looks through telescope] Sure comin'!
[Band starts to play and the bell starts to ring, Gabby looks through the telescope again and sees that the sheriff is black] Hey! The Sheriff is a nig- [Bell cuts him off]
Samuel Johnson: What did he say?
Olson Johnson: The sheriff is near!
[Upon hearing this, Gabby breaks into a fit of Frontier gibberish] THE SHERIFF IS A NIG- [Bell cuts him off yet again as Bart rises into view. The townspeople get quiet and many have disgusted looks on their faces.]
Howard Johnson: [Oblivious to Bart] As chairman of the welcoming committee, I extend to you a laurel, and a hearty handshake to our new... [Looks up and notices Bart] nigger.

Bart:A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is goin' to die!
Jim: When?

Cast

External links

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