Bob Saget

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My wife heard me say I love you a thousand times, but she never once heard me say sorry
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Robert Lane Saget (born 17 May 1956) is an American actor, stand-up comedian and game show host best known for his role as Danny Tanner in the ABC sitcom Full House from 1987 to 1995, as host of America's Funniest Home Videos from 1989 to 1997 and as host of 1 vs. 100 since 2006.


  • 25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
  • Oh Bob Saget!
 - As mentioned by Danny "Tourettes Guy" Gans
  • There's shit everywhere!
 - Dumb and Dumberer
  • A couple people are absent that I love like Cosby and Seinfeld are not there, for obvious reasons, and Chris Rock doesn't tell the joke.
  • Gilbert Gottfried's scene's an amazing piece of video. Forgetting how foul it is, forgetting how you perceive filth. It was right after 9/11, and this guy is already feeling like 'What does it matter, what does anything matter.' And he's a little bit nutty anyway.
  • I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody.
  • I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.
  • I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
  • I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.
  • I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that I've had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitz's play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months.
  • I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
  • I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.
  • I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
  • I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case.
  • I would actually go up during those; it was kind of scary for the people at first and then they were happy. Now, there's a couple amazing people out on the road like Pablo Francisco and Dane Cook is out there and they're building a huge audience with the craft of stand up comedy.
  • I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.
  • I've had a pilot every single year that didn't sell for the past four years, that'll smack you in the back of the head. I had a really good one last year; I wouldn't have done the play in New York if I had gotten that one.
  • It looked like they went to Paul Riser's office and George Carlin's office, but I don't like to do things around my house, especially not The Aristocrats joke - you know, I've got three kids.
  • It turns into this 'mad as hell and not going to take it anymore' scene from Network and he goes nuts, which I felt was the most compelling part of the movie in a way cause it wasn't airable and he just went into battle attack.
  • What a saget.
  • It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
  • It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive.
  • Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.
  • Paul Reiser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
  • Right before I did this play, I did Entourage and they had written the part for me. I'm friends with a lot of the guys on that show - Doug Allen, Cliff Dorfman and Rob Weiss; we wrote a movie once together.
  • Rock did a great job on the Oscars. I saw him working the set out before. The fact that people can't tell if he killed or bombed is not a bad thing cause he didn't bomb. He could have done a few things different, but the first time hosting the Oscars! Chris Rock hosting the Oscars! I like that!
  • The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.
  • The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
  • There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.
  • This film is so interesting, because it's an urban legend joke, it's not even a good joke, it's a terrible joke; the punch line sucks, but the punch line is 'are we dignified and look what we just did.'
    • On the film The Aristocrats
  • What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone's ringing a lot more and I've got nine lines so when it doesn't ring, it's very frustrating.
  • Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

That Ain't Right

  • Me and my wife used to argue about little things- my penis.
  • There was an old farmer who sat on a rock, stroking his whiskers and shaking his fists at his neighbors who sat on their ricks, teaching their children to play with their kite-strings and marbles in the old days of yore, along came a lady who looked like a decent young lady who and walked like a duck, said she'd discovered a new way to bring up the children to sew and to knit, the boys in the stables were shoveling up contents of stables left after the hunt, the car man was feeling a nice piece of straw from the stables gleaning the walls, in came the dare maid to play with his dog in the dairy where she did belong, if you think this is dirty, well, you're fucking well wrong.


"How dry is your grandmother's vagina?" -- attributed on Roast of Bob Saget[citation needed] by a Producer of Full House.

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Bob singing that ain't right: