Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight (2007-), created by Joss Whedon, is a spin-off comic book, based on the television series of the same name about Buffy Summers, a teenage girl chosen by fate to battle against vampires, demons, and other supernatural foes. She is often aided by her Watcher and her loyal circle of misfit friends, the Scooby Gang. The comic series deals with her continued quest battling against the forces of evil, beginning roughly 18 months after the final television episode.

The Long Way Home

Part 1

Buffy [first words, narrating]: The thing about changing the world... Once you do it, the world's all different. Everybody calls me "ma'am" these days.

Buffy [re: her two decoys, narrating]: The guys figured I was a target, set up two other slayers to be me. One's underground. Literally. One's in Rome, partying very publicly -- and supposedly dating some guy called "The Immortal". That part was Andrew's idea. He did research on the guy, said it would be hilarious for some reason. Here at command central, not so much with the hilarious. More with the "what the Hell am I doing?"

Xander [narrating]: I used to be in construction. Pay was good. Hours were way better than this. They even ended occasionally. But when duty calls... you don't exactly get to screen.

Renee: Mister Harris, we've got a development with the Barcelona squad. Vamp nest looks a lot bigger than they thought.
Xander: How many in the squad?
Renee: Seven. Donna's running them, but they're pretty green.
Xander: Andrew's still working Southern Italy -- tell him to pick his ten best, hop over.
Renee: Roger that.
Xander: Tell him ten best. Not ten best dressed. We don't want another Orvieto.
Renee: Yes, Mister Harris.
Xander: "Xander". Renee, I told you, it's "Xander". Or "Sergeant Fury."
Renee: Wasn't Nick Fury a Colonel when he ran S.H.I.E.L.D.?
Xander: I like him better in his Howling Commando days. But your nerd points are accumulating impressively.
Renee: I try, Sergeant.

[Buffy is taking on a trio of demons.]
Demon: Thissss one... looks tasssty.
Buffy: Thanks, I work out.
Demon [to Buffy, who brandishes a large crucifix]: Sssstupid human, I am no vampire. You think I fear the cross?
Buffy [impales him through the head with it]: Might wanna start.
Leah: That were a wee bit repulsive.
Buffy: Went okay. 'Cept I feel a little weird about using a crucifix to kill someone.
Leah: Yeh dinno much about religion, do yeh?

Xander [re: an unusual symbol]: I think it's a frown turned upside down. And then turned upside down again.
Buffy: So you think it's a frown.
Xander: Guy with a monocle frowning.
Buffy: You're a terrible Watcher.
Xander: I'm not a Watcher.
Buffy: Well, clearly.

[Dawn, who has grown to giant size, is sulking in the castle.]
Buffy: You were dating a thricewise.
Dawn: Kenny never said he was a thricewise!
Buffy: I said he was a thricewise. Leah said he was a thricewise. Giles said he was a thricewise and he only ever met him over the phone!
Dawn: I could swat you like a flea.
Buffy: Your butt looks big in those giant pants.

Buffy [narrating]: I miss my home. I miss my mom. I miss the gang. And churros. And sex. Great muppety Odin, I miss that sex.

Part 2

Giles [narrating]: I used to be a Watcher. The organization existed since before there were cities. The Watcher's Council, always moving, always secret, but very much alive. There were hundreds of Watchers. And one Slayer. Scales have tipped of late.
Giles [to the Slayers under his command]: I see some superior fighting out there. Technique and power that might just give Buffy Summers herself a run for her money. Impressive force. It is, of course, useless.
Buffy [to the Slayers under her command]: One Slayer fighting alone is formidable. Two is formidabler. Or... three? Mega-formidable. And after mega, it goes to mondo, then super, hyper, beaucoup d', crazy, stupid... It gets exponentially prefixy. Leah, Rowena, Satsu. Would the three of you please kick my ass?
[Leah, Rowena and Satsu rush her... and are swiftly dispatched by Buffy.]
Buffy: So. Three perfectly valid avenues of attack, good form -- on three seasoned, well-trained corpses, one of whom, sidebar: has her best hair ever; Satsu, you're beginning to make me think I need a new look, see me after.

[Xander and Dawn, who is bathing in a lake, discuss Buffy.]
Xander: She doesn't hate you.
Dawn: She does. She hates me.
Xander: I say thee nay.
Dawn: Fine. Nay. Buffy doesn't hate me. She just wishes I'd go away.
Xander: She wishes you were at Berkeley getting an education in something other than stomping villagers, yeah. Doesn't mean she doesn't like having you around.
Dawn: All she does is yell at me.
Xander: And you, what, recite sonnets? Sisters fight. It's a rule.
Dawn: What do you know? You don't have a sister.
Xander: Have you seen this place? I got all my sister 'n' me!
Dawn: Right. Buffy and all her new and improved Slayer sisters.
Xander: Dawnie... don't roar a giant roar, but... did you make yourself big on purpose?
[SPLOOOSH! A huge torrent of water hits Xander, soaking him.]
Xander: You know I only have two of these outfits.

[In a dream sequence, Buffy is being pulled out of a window by a magical force, and Xander's head is lying on the rug, seperated from his body.]
Buffy: No, no, I can't go outside, I'm afraid of the dark.
Xander: Buffy, you are the dark.
Buffy: That's what I meant.
Xander: This lint is so Scottish.
Buffy: I make a wish that I don't fall I make a wish that I don't fall -- [claws pierce her hands and feet] AGGH! New wish! New wish!
Buffy: I know you...
"Demon": Yesss... Ssscream...
[In reality, Amy Madison has Buffy bound to her bed and is poised to stab her in the chest.]
Amy: I couldn't bear it if this was painless.

Xander: Amy. Long time, no desire whatsoever to see.

[Buffy requires a kiss of true love to wake her from her nightmare.]
Xander: So this doesn't have to be someone she's in love with.
Amy: No, I said. Just someone truly in love with her.
Xander: But not friend-love.
Amy: Right. Someone who wants to kiss her, like, they're passionate about her.
Xander: And not a sister.
Amy: Well, a twisted sister...
Xander: Ha! But no, I hate you.
Slayer: We're under attack! Full breach of the east wall!
Xander: Who's breaching?
Slayer: Living dead, sir.
Xander: Man, Amy, you're doing all the classics tonight.

Amy [surveying the battle between the Slayers and her army of Scottish zombies]: All that time underground with nothing to do but get stronger. A hundred Slayers and there's not one person here who can take me on.
Willow [appears, floating before her]: As a friend of mine once said... I'd like to test that theory.

Part 3

[The man in the long coat is revealed.]
Buffy [narrating]: “My love.” He called me “My love”. And then I threw up in my mouth a little.
Buffy: Ethan Rayne?
Ethan: In the flesh, my love.
Buffy: And again, a slight barflex. You have to stop calling me that.
Ethan: It’s an expression, pet. Like “pet”.

[Ethan explains the concept of dreamspace to Buffy.]
Ethan: In brief. You are always dreaming every dream you could ever dream all the time. Even when you’re awake, a part of you is always stirring that brew. Which one you choose to remember in the morning is based on wishes, anxieties – in your case, your collective Slayer memory and prophecies are mixed in as well. It’s a vast and fascinating place. Everywhere you turn, a part of you. Want to see one?
[He pulls the blackness back like a curtain… revealing a fantasy of Buffy, dressed as a nurse, chained to a nude Angel and Spike.]
Buffy [panics, yanking the curtain back]: Gak! Neh! Ho. No. That’s nothing… worth… [small] It’s just… ah, been a slow year…

[In reality, Willow and Amy duel whilst the Slayer/zombie battle continues below.]
Amy: Oh, man, this craft is weak. Didn’t you almost destroy the world one time? Now you can’t even put up a fight! What happened?
Willow: I saw the big picture. But, you, Amy… you’re as self-involved as your mom was. You think I’m fighting you. I’m just absorbing your mojo. So I can decode it.
[Willow casts a spell that causes the zombie hordes to stop, throw down their weapons… and bow.]
Zombie [offers his hand to a wounded Slayer]: May I have this dance?
Xander [from command central]: Ladies and other ladies… the Indescribable Rosenberg.

[Amy blasts Willow with a powerful spell. Reeling from the shock, Willow’s eyes and hair turn black, and she returns fire angrily.]
Amy: Now you’re starting to make this interesting. What else you got?
Xander [into comm-link]: Say it with me now: Fe fi fo…
Dawn [raising her giant-sized foot over Amy]: F%$#ing fum. [stomps her]
Willow [containing the unconscious Amy]: Language, sweetie. How come you’re a giant?
Dawn: We totally have to talk. Are you evil again?
Willow: It’ll fade. She just really pissed me off.

[Buffy, still in her mystical catatonia, reacts within her dreamspace to Willow’s instruction for the person in love with her to come forward and kiss her.]
Buffy: I have a funny feeling on my mouth.
[In reality…]
Buffy [jerking awake]: Cinnamon buns!

Demon: We are not amused.
Giles: No-one’s exactly giggling on this side of the fence either.
Demon: Three of our brood were slain!
Giles: They broke protocol.
Demon: They were lured out there!
Giles: I think they were, yes. Someone engineered that conflict – and sacrificed two young men in the process. I think we need to know who.
Demon: This symbol is meaningless to us. And we are not convinced this is not some Slayer trick. We have ever been enemies.
Giles: And ever shall be. We’ll come to grips one day, but on a day we choose. We’ll not be led there like cattle.

Xander: Well, this is really unimpressive. One attack by the undead and Renee has to take a nap, “Oh, I’m all run through with a broadsword, I have to lie around and heal…” Back in my day, which was about a week and a half ago, we took our lumps and we got back up and we cried like babies and quit and then put on weight.
Renee: I should’ve seen ‘em coming. They shoulda never got over that wall. We lost girls because of –
Xander: Oh, are you still talking? You mess up, Buffy’ll kick your ass. Assuming she’s not in a mystical coma, in which case I or a qualified representative will kick your ass. You raised the call and you stood your ground. It was solid soldiering, so shut up and heal.
Renee: You’re so butch.
Xander: Almost a kind of masculine vibe, don’t you think?

Buffy [catching up with Willow]: Well, how you been? How’s Kennedy? Are you still –
Willow: She died.
Buffy [shocked]: Willow…
Willow [quickly]: Oh no! She’s fine! Mystical thing, only lasted a month. We’re just taking it slow for a while. She’s sort of in her own space, but it’s cool. I always tell that wrong.

[Willow has been tricked into teleporting to a military base, where she is mystically bound to an operating table.]
Amy: Great big all-powerful earth-mother witch goddess… and she still falls for the rope-a-dope. Of course, we’re contracted to bring in the Slayer, but I’m pretty sure she’ll show. Too late, of course…
Willow: “We”…?
Amy’s Boyfriend [lurking in the shadows]: I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this. Well, I can. To the hour. Killing Buffy Summers is gonna be a party. She’s pissed me off more than a little. But you, Rosenberg…
[Warren Mears, skinless and wielding a bonesaw, enters the light.]
Warren: …You really got under my skin.

Part 4

Warren: [preparing to torture Willow.] "Bored now." Do you even remember that that's what you said? Last two words of my human life, so I remember probably better. You were upset. Kinda spiraling, is what they say. Which is, hey -- I'm not excusing where I was at, so don't think -- I mean you -- if Amy hadn't been watching you, she would never have started watching me. Watching over me. Do you know she had maybe a four-second window after my skin came off before I died of shock alone? That flash-paper disappearing trick was pretty hokey, we kid about that, but thinking on your feet? This is the girl. Her magic is my skin. That time we came up with the spell for you and your new girlfriend -- and hey, that was quick, I was still learning to walk again and you're already in the fresh trim... I remember thinking and it comes up again in this situation, I just have to wonder... [He holds a scalpel over Willow's eye.] Are you bored now?

[Dawn, enraged, punches the outer wall of the castle, dislodging masonry.]
Buffy: Dawnie, you know you're not as proportionally strong as you are large.
Dawn: [clutching her bloodied knuckles.] I know! I just -- this really hurts -- I can't let something happen to her.
Buffy: If they manage to re-open the portal --
Dawn: I'm too big! I get it! I've been super-sized! I'm useless.
Buffy: That's not --
Dawn: Just bring her back. I trust you to do that, I do, Buffy, but do it. I'm not trying to slam you, I swear, but... Will is like a mom to me.
Xander: Oh I bet you loved hearing that.

Buffy: [Picking who will fight alongside her.] Satsu. Get your favorite blade and be ready for anything and the mother of anything.

Suit: We heard screaming.
General Voll: And you've disabled our cameras.
Amy: I know, I'm sorry, but guys: there is no way Buffy is not gonna come after this subject. You just have that big atomo-phallic thing pointed at the portal and you'll get your Slayer. She'll come after this witch like a dog after dogs$#%, I swear to God. But the witch belongs to my boyfriend. They have a history. She's kind of a history major.

Buffy: Kill any demon you see. Humans you go for the wound unless they get stupid.
Satsu: Humans?
Buffy: Willow said Amy's magic was mixed with technology. You fight with me, not next to me, do I need to say that again?
Satsu: No ma'am.
Buffy: Did you bring any lip gloss?
Satsu: Oh yeah.
Buffy: I'm all cracky. [Satsu passes her a lip gloss, and she applies some to her lips.] We get Willow and we get out. If she can't leave for any reason then neither can I. If I tell you to bail you do it without a word, you get out and you regroup. [tastes lip gloss] Hnh. Cinnamon.

[The soldiers fire a huge death ray through the portal... which is reflected on the Slayers' side by a huge mirror and sent back through the portal. The weapon is obliterated, scattering soldiers everywhere.]
Xander: Magic. It's all done with mirrors.
Officer [extinguishing a burning soldier]: Sound off! Who's hurt? Stay calm, dammit!
Buffy [emerging out of the smoke]: No. Panic.

Buffy [re: the military base]: You got any idea where all this is?
Xander [via comm-link]: Yeah, G.P.S. is coming up... Wow.
Buffy: Where are we?
Xander [via comm-link]: About two miles south of Sunnydale.
Buffy [narrating]: Sunnydale. Well. I'm the one who wanted to go home.

Water Elemental: Your body is almost dead. You cannot come back from a natural death, dear. Not even you. Do you not fear?
Willow: Did I ever tell you about my friend?
Buffy: I like to think, in a way, that she's a part of me. That even when she's gone, a part of her is with me. [her eyes turn black] 'Cause it is.

Warren: This isn't over, Slayer. [dematerialising with Amy] I just do not get tired of saying that...

General Voll [revealing the meaning of the symbol on his chest]: Twilight. Is coming. For you, for all your monstrous spawn... it all ends very soon.
General Voll: You've been to war with demons, with the First, but believe me you picked the wrong side. 'Cause God help us, if you win then you'll decide the world still isn't the way you want it and the demon in you will say just one thing. "Slay." We're not waiting for that to happen. We will wipe you out. Not just monsters anymore. It's you against the world. You're at war with the human race.
Buffy: Oh. [pause] 'Kay.

The Chain

Buffy Decoy #2 I tried to feel it. I tried to face the darkness like a woman and I don't need any more than that. You don't have to remember me. You don't even know who I am. But I do.

No Future For You

Part 1

Faith: You've got apocalypse written all over your face.

Giles: The only chance you have at finishing this Slayer is by getting close to her through subterfuge and cunning.
Faith: Hey, I likes me some kink, but if you think I'm going downtown on this chick, you chose the wrong Chosen One.

Faith: So. How we doing here?
Giles: Five by Five.

Part 2

Faith: Anyway, live and learn. Almost die and learn way more.

Dawn: You don't understand, he was the only guy on campus who treated me like a friend, not a... a walking pair of boobs.
Willow: Oh, sweetie. Don't talk like that. Boys are into you because of your legs, not those itty-bitty things.

Genevieve [re: Faith smoking]: Mind if I bum a fag?
Faith: What do I care? You can bum whoever you... oh.

Part 3

Genevieve: The mighty Slayer who's the very fount of all our power is called Buffy. Can you believe it?

Buffy: So you decided to start you own evil Slayer club? Why am I not surprised?

Part 4

Anywhere but Here

A Beautiful Sunset

Twilight: The Chosen One. Always in pain...and always complaining.

Twilight: One Slayer was all right, but all these girls...the world can't contain them. And they will suffer for that. I'll not kill you now. My first gift is my last. I know that you meant well. But you have brought about disaster. And it falls to me to avert it.

Satsu: You were explaining how people who love you get hurt. Should I look out for that then?
Buffy: So I can skip the PowerPoint presentation, huh?
Satsu: Are you okay? That creep did such a number on you...
Buffy: I'll heal. We'll heal.

Wolves at the Gate

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Time of Your Life

Part 1

Buffy: Bad day. Started out bad, stayed that way.

Buffy: Dawn? Are you sick? Can you stand?
Dawn: I am standing!
Buffy: You..You mean you...got shrunk?
Xander: Wuzzis? Shrunk? Whuh?
Buffy: Yey! Dawnie, yey?
[Dawn's revealed to have turned into a centaur]
Dawn: Neigh.

Willow: She's never been in New York.
Buffy: I'm the King Kong of the worrrrld!
Willow: Or, apparently, a limo.

Fray: This is toy! You think you can spin me with a half-coi glam of a slayer been dust more than two cen? You're lower than a lurk.
Buffy: Uh...English?

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4