Cats & Dogs

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It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.
Don Herold
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Cats & Dogs is a 2001 film directed by Lawrence Guterman about the ancient relationship between cats and dogs.


  • I've changed my mind. Call me the Claw of Ling-Chow!
  • See you puppies later.
  • Where's my family?
  • I'm coming Buuuuutch!!!
  • I'm so fast! I can't see myself!
  • [after seeing a dog bully a cat in a cartoon] Dogs rule.


  • Holy Chihuahua!
  • Heel! That's the big button, and you don't just PRESS the big button.
  • HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?! You promised me a professional, and what did I get? A puppy! He's still has his you-know-whats for crying out loud!
  • Son of my mom!

Mr. Tinkles

  • Evil does not wear a bonnet!
  • Is the puppy alive or not?
  • Is the game afoot? [Calico haltingly confirms] WHY IS THE GAME AFOOT?!
  • When I rule the earth, you will be the first on my list.
  • The ninjas failed, and do I need to remind you that failiure is unacceptable?!
  • 'Dark Coud'? Is that what I'm calling my plan, 'Dark Cloud'?
  • Stand still! I need to crush you.
  • At what point did you forget that WE'RE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?!
  • [various fuzzy images of him on a video recording] Hello? Hello? Is this on? Closer, closer! Turn the camera over! Where'd you come from? And about time too! Hello, my puny-minded, dog-faced-- what? Yes, it's on. Because I can see the red light blinking. Oh, start over.
  • Meow-meow-meow-meow-meow! [sung sarcastically over the telephone] How many dogs does it take to overthrow mankind? Just one stupid puppy! Whoo ha ha ha ha!
  • [to Sophie, finally speaking] What's the matter, Large Marge? Cat got your tongue?


  • I'm sure we'll get into the basement lab just fine, right guys? GUYS!
  • Project 'Dark Cloud' should go down without a, uh, hitch.
  • You should keep your hair like that, it's very slimmy.
  • Gas it up down there, step on it!
  • BRAKE! GAS! GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU LUNATIC!!! BRAKE! GAS! BRAKE! Oh, where did you guys get your license?

Russian Kitty

  • I cannot believe I do this job for half-price. That Mr. Tinkles, he is a jerk. He talk too much and shed all over.
  • [after realising that breaking it down will cause commotion] Piece of junk, American door...
  • [being interrogated by the dogs] I will tell you nothing! I may look cute and cuddly, but inside, granite!
  • [battling Lou] You fight like a poodle.
  • What do they know? I work hard, bring home the Meow Mix...


Lou: I'm on to you kitty and you're in big trouble.
Russian Kitty: (deep Russian accent) I think not, baby puppy. It is you who is in trouble. [splits a container in half and slaps a gigantic lump of dog doo in the middle of the carpet] From Russia with love.
Lou: Uh-oh.

Mr. Tinkles: I want you to stay here.
Calico: Why?
Mr. Tinkles: Because I hate you.

Sam: Sir, request permission to pant heavily, sir!
Butch: Granted.

Peek: That'll definitely get his attention.

Peek: Cut the red wire.
Butch: Wait a minute... we're dogs. WE'RE COLORBLIND!

Scotty: Loser.
Lou: Cat person.


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