The Da Vinci Code

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Remy De Gourmont
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So Dark The Con of Man

The Da Vinci Code is a novel by Dan Brown about a quest for the Holy Grail. It was made into a film adaptation in 2006.


Sophie: I thought Constantine was a Christian,

Driver:(while Robert is thinking about Vittoria Vetra) Did you mount her?

Bezu: Did you approve? (about the Louvre Pyramid)

Robert: Yes, your pyramid is magnificent.

Bezu: (grunt) A scar on the face of Paris.

Leigh:(After being called to the kitchen by Remy) Sometimes I wonder who is serving whom? I'll be right there, Remy. Can I bring you anything when I come?

Remy: Only freedom from oppression, sir.

Leigh: In my experience, men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.

Robert: The keystone is well hidden.

Leigh: Extremely well hidden, I hope!

Robert: Actually that depends on how often you dust under your couch.

Silas: Stand up slowly, and give it to me.

Leigh: Standing is difficult for me.

Silas: Precisely. I would prefer nobody attempt any quick moves.

Robert: Who is that? What... happened?

Leigh: You were rescued by a knight brandishing an Excalibur made by Acme Orthopaedic.

Leigh[To Silas]: I can't imagine your complaint, sir. You trespassed in my home and placed a nasty welt on the skull of a dear friend. I would be well within my rights to shoot you right now and leave you to rot in the woods.

Operator: Will you accept charges for a collect call from Robert Langdon?

Jonas: Uh... sure, okay.

Robert: Jonas?

Jonas: Robert? You wake me up and you charge me for it?

Robert: That's Elizabeth?[Leigh's plane]

Leigh: Beats the bloody Chunnel.

Pilot: Sir, my humble apologies,but my diplomatic flight allowance provides only for you and your manservant. I cannot take your guests.

Leigh: Richard, two thousand pounds sterling and that loaded gun say you can take my guests. And that unfortunate fellow in the back. [Silas]

Bezu Fache: Get a transport up here. I'm going to London. And get me the Kent local police. Not British M15. Kent local. Tell them I want Teabing's plane to be permitted to land. Then I want it surrounded on the tarmac. Nobody deplanes until I get there.

Sophie: Leigh, I was serious about the French police finding your plane before we return.

Leigh: Yes, imagine their surprise if they board and find Remy.

Sophie: Leigh, you transported a bound hostage across international borders. This is serious.

Leigh: So are my lawyers.

Robert: But you tied him[Silas] up and flew him to London!

Leigh: Your honour, forgive an eccentric old knight his foolish prejudice for the British court system. I realize I should have called the French authorities, but I'm a snob and I do not trust those laissez-faire French to prosecute properly. This man almost murdered me. Yes, I made a rash decision forcing my manservant to help me bring him to England, but I was under great stress. Mea culpa. Mea culpa.

Robert: Coming from you, Leigh, that just might fly.

Robert: Leigh, I should turn myself in and sort this out legally. Leave you all out of it.

Leigh: Oh, heavens, Robert! Do you really think they're going to let the rest of us go? I just transported you illegally. Miss Neveu assisted in your escape from the Louvre, and we have a man tied up in the back of the plane. Really now! We're all in this together.

Simon Edwards: I'm afraid your arrival has taken us a bit off guard, sir.

Leigh: I know. I'm off my schedule, I am. Between you and me, the new medication gives me the tinkles. Thought I'd come over for a tune-up.

Police Inspector: I am here at the orders of the French Judicial police. They claim you are transporting fugitives from the law on this plane.

Leigh: Is this one of those hidden camera programmes? Jolly good!

Police Inspector: This is serious, sir. The French police claim that you also may have a hostage onboard.

Remy: I feel like a hostage working for Sir Leigh, but he assures me that I am free to go.

Leigh: Inspector, I'm afraid I don't have time to indulge in your games. I'm late, and I'm leaving. If it is important for you to stop me, then you'll just have to shoot me.

Police Inspector:(draws gun) Stop! I will fire!

Leigh: Go ahead. My lawyers will fricassee your testicles for breakfast. And if you dare board my plane without a warrant, your spleen will follow.

Leigh: On the verge of unlocking one of history's greatest secrets, and he troubles himself with a woman who has proven herself unworthy of the quest.

Robert: Leigh, you lie entirely too well.

Leigh: Oxford Theatre Club. They still talk of my Julius Caesar. I'm certain nobody has ever performed the first scene of Act Three with more dedication.

Robert: I thought Caesar was dead in that scene.

Leigh: Yes, but my toga tore open when I fell, and I had to lie on stage for half an hour with my todger hanging out. Even so, I never moved a muscle. I was brilliant, I tell you.

  • Nobody is more indoctrinated than the indoctrinator.
  • History is always written by the winners. When two cultures clash, the loser is obliterated, and the winner writes the history books – books which glorify their own cause and disparage the conquered foe. As Napoleon once said, 'What is history, but a fable agreed upon?' By its very nature, history is always a one-sided account.
  • Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.
  • British judge man’s civility not by his compassion for his friends, but by his compassion for his enemies.
  • The blind see what they want to see.


Robert Langdon

  • From trailer: What is this?
  • I'm into something here that I cannot understand.
  • My grandfather got me a wagon.

Sophie Neveu

  • We are what we protect, what we stand up for.
  • It's a cryptex. Da Vinci's design. Sauniere made me one for my birthday once.

Sir Leigh Teabing

  • (After landing in Kent, to local police) I have a medical appointment to go to, sir. If you wish to keep us here longer, you'll just have to shoot us. (Points at Remy) You can start with him.
  • We are in the middle of a war. One that has been going on forever to protect a secret so powerful that if revealed it would devastate the very foundations of mankind.
  • As long as there has been a single God, there has been killing done in his name.


Remy (at the hangar while police are searching plane): You know, I could run them over if you wish, sir.


Sophie Neveu: Maybe there is something about this Priory of Sion.
Robert Langdon: I hope not. Any Priory story ends in bloodshed. They were butchered by the Church. It all started over a thousand years ago when a French king conquered the holy city of Jerusalem. This crusade, one of the most massive and sweeping in history was actually orchestrated by a secret brotherhood: the Priory of Sion and their military arm, the Knights Templar.
Sophie Neveu: But the Templars were created to protect the Holy Land.
Robert Langdon: That was a cover to hide their true goal, according to this myth. Supposedly the invasion was to find an artefact lost since the time of Christ. An artefact, it was said, the Church would kill to possess.
Sophie Neveu: Did they find it, this buried treasure?
Robert Langdon: Put it this way: One day the Templars simply stopped searching. They quit the Holy Land and travelled directly to Rome. Whether they blackmailed the papacy or the Church bought their silence, no one knows. But it is a fact the papacy declared these Priory knights, these Knights Templar, of limitless power. By the 1300s, the Templars had grown too powerful. Too threatening. So the Vatican issued secret orders to be opened simultaneously all across Europe. The Pope had declared the Knights Templar Satan worshipers and said God had charged him with cleansing the earth of these heretics. The plan went off like clockwork. The Templars were all but exterminated. The date was October 13th, 1307. A Friday.
Sophie Neveu: Friday the 13th...
Robert Langdon: The Pope sent troops to claim the Priory's treasure but they found nothing. The few surviving Knights of the Priory had vanished and the search for their sacred artefact began again.
Sophie Neveu: What artefact? I've never heard about any of this.
Robert Langdon: Yes, you have. Almost everyone on earth has. You just know it as the Holy Grail.

Robert Langdon: The ancient male symbol was the blade, it's a basic phallus. It's still used today on military uniforms.
Sir Leigh Teabing: Yes, and the more penises you have, the higher your rank. Boys will be boys!

Robert Langdon: Hey.
Sophie Neveu: She has some things she wants to tell me. About my family.
Robert Langdon: What will you do? The legend will be revealed when the heir reveals himself.
Sophie Neveu: They just got the pronoun wrong. She said when Sauniere died he took the location of Mary's sarcophagus with him. So there's no way to empirically prove that I am related to her. What would you do, Robert?
Robert Langdon: Okay, maybe there is no proof. Maybe the Grail is lost forever. But, Sophie, the only thing that matters is what you believe. History shows us Jesus was an extraordinary man, a human inspiration. That's it. That's all the evidence has ever proved. But... when I was a boy... when I was down in that well Teabing told you about, I thought I was going to die, Sophie. What I did, I prayed. I prayed to Jesus to keep me alive so I could see my parents again, so I could go to school again, so I could play with my dog. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't alone down there. Why does it have to be human or divine? Maybe human is divine. Why couldn't Jesus have been a father and still be capable of all those miracles?
Sophie Neveu: Like turning water into wine?
Robert Langdon: Well, who knows? His blood is your blood. Maybe that junkie in the park will never touch a drug again. Maybe you healed my phobia with my hands.
Sophie Neveu: And maybe you're a knight on a Grail quest.

[They both laugh]

Robert Langdon: Well, here's the question: A living descendent of Jesus Christ - would she destroy faith? Or would she renew it? So again I say, what matters is what you believe.
Sophie Neveu: Thank you. For bringing me here. For letting him choose you, Sir Robert.

[They both laugh]

Robert Langdon: You take care.
Sophie Neveu: Yes.

[They hug, Robert kisses Sophie on the forehead and they both walk away from each other]

Sophie Neveu: Hey. [Sophie walks up to a nearby pond, sticks out a foot to see if she can walk on it and fails] Nope. Maybe I'll do better with the wine.
Robert Langdon: [Robert smiles] Godspeed.

Tag lines

Seek The Truth

Seek The Truth

Seek the truth, seek the codes.

So Dark The Con of Man


Stephen Fry: We were apparently rather resistant to the idea of destroying witches in England, unlike views espoused in so-called books - and I use the word "book" very loosely - like The Da Vinci Code. [pretends to spit in disgust] It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind.

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