Damian Spinelli is a fictional character on ABC's daytime drama General Hospital. He has been played by Bradford Anderson since November 13, 2006, on contract since June 2007, and will also be one of the characters in the summer 2007 run of General Hospital: Night Shift.
- [at the wedding of Lucky Spencer and Elizabeth Webber, March 23, 2007]
- Priest: Why do you think these two should not be joined?
- [Seeing that Lulu is about to object to the marriage, Spinelli quickly jumps in.]
- Spinelli [stumbling] : Marriage is out-dated. It's a primitive remnant of a pre-computer age. Y'know, like, 'With this ring until death do us part'? I mean, they're arcane, archaic phrases with no real meaning. I mean, are they internet-compatible? I mean, y'know you could still be using dial-up, and she could be a high-speed chick. Are their servers in-synch??
- Lesley Webber: Who are you?
- Lulu Spencer [reluctantly] : He's my boyfriend.
- Spinelli [plesantly surprised] : Really?
- Lucky Spencer: Grandma, what'd you put in the punch?
- [conversation with Jason Morgan, March 29, 2007]
- Spinelli: Stone Cold! I am in desperate need of your wisdom. I am at Def Con 4! Check that, Def Con 5 . . . Tell me how to make fair Lulu fall in love with me? . . . You are wise in all things Stone Cold, you are. You taught me to escape armed desperados, and to placate Mr. Corinthos Sir. And when it comes to affairs of the heart, look, not only have you managed to win Samantha's undying love, but you also managed to seduce the loyal Elizabeth away from her husband!
- Morgan: That's it, this conversation is done now.
- Spinelli: Look, I'm not passing judgment! I'm just saying, I'm merely pointing out that you have these two, paragons, completely devoted to you. And then you throw Valkyrie Carly in the mix, and, you are a chick magnet, as they say. I mean, you're a true triple-threat.
- Morgan: What does any of this have to do with you and Lulu?
- Spinelli: You possess the secret. Okay? I mean, you can wield your power over a woman's heart, her body, her soul? Y'know like, who else would I go to for wisdom vis-a-vis the Blonde One? I mean, dude, c'mon, please, just if you give me just a little something, about, give me the secret to your mojo.
- Morgan: I've got to get out of here.
- Spinelli: No, mentor of mine, please. Look, I have a confession. Look, okay, I may rule cyberspace. But in reality, well, The Jackal struggles. You know, I mean, this may come as a surprise to you, but there are some people that don't take me seriously. There may even be some who mock me behind my back. So, please, just please, just give me something, anything, anything to make Fair Lulu take me seriously.
- Morgan: Listen.
- Spinelli: Okay. (waits for more) What, that's it?
- Morgan: Yeah, that's it. Listen to Lulu. Women like to talk a lot. They want a guy who's going to listen. Now you may not understand what she's trying to say half the time, but that does not matter. It's the simple act of listening that counts.
- Spinelli: Wow, that is so zen. Deepest gratitudes, Stone Cold. (Spinelli tries to hug Morgan)
- Morgan: What, what'd I say about touching me??
- Spinelli: Alright. Deepest gratitudes. And when Fair Lulu is mine, I will remember your kindness.
- [After a one night stand with Jolene]
- Spinelli: Sex is better than orange soda.