David O'Doherty

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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
James Branch Cabell
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David Javier O'Doherty (born Dublin 1975) is an Irish stand-up comedian.

Attributed

  • My name is David O'Doherty. But that won't be the title of my autobiography. To try and sell a few more units, I'm going to call it "Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Book of Sudoku".
  • I've always considered the star rating to be fundamentally ridiculous. Stars are celestial and infinite. They are not out of five. Two-and-a-half stars! What the fuck's a half star? It's a black hole! Move away! One star. Jesus only had one star over his stable on the first Christmas night. It's a good thing the Three Wise Men weren't comedy aficionados. They would have seen it and gone "well that's probably quite disappointing".
  • This is the best feature in this car. See, if you want to create the illusion you’re wearing a baseball cap, without actually wearing a baseball cap. You can just have that there and just hover your head underneath it like that. Hey, ladies- I’ve got a baseball cap on…Whatever. I’m a movie director………..But I don’t!
  • We’ll just have to pretend we’re on holidays, but that will be hard because in that scene 2 people are dressed in Victorian costume. But we’ll just pretend that we’re, you know, Amish people on holidays.
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