David Spade

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David Spade (born 22 July 1964, Birmingham, Michigan) is an American actor, comedian and producer. He is perhaps best known for his tenure on Saturday Night Live.


  • You can't get a big head about [fame]. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'
  • The "new" Fleetwood Mac were singing "Don't Stop". I've got a message for the new Fleetwood Mac: DO Stop! Touring; recording; saying you're legends.
    Michael Bolton, big star, popular musician, guess what? You're bald and we all know it. I don't care how long you grow your hair in the back but we all know what's happening on top. I know you sold nine million albums but guess what? I don't know anyone who's got one.
    Steve Martin. What about Leap of Faith? I was going to see it but I was sick that day.
    I finally sat through The Bodyguard and: [imitates the song] Iiiiiiiii-eee-iiiiiii-want my money back!
  • I only know three songs by REM and guess what? I don't like two of them! That's right, I'm not cool- I don't like REM. Don't hang out with me, I'm a nerd.
    I saw REM, they're the best. [the lead singer is]] so serious and heavy, he comes out, all, 'This next song is about the overcommercialization of rock and roll and how corporations have come and' -- hey, just sing the goddamn songs, alright buddy? I'm already depressed, I want you to make me shiny and happy!
    The thing about Showtime is, it's basically softcore porn. I'm into it. I forget I have Showtime, until like, Saturday mornings when I get home from work, and it's: cartoon, cartoon, cartoon, 'Warning: This program contains massive nudity.' Yeeeah!
    • David Spade: Take the Hit, HBO Special, 1997
  • Cindy (Chris Farley): That reminds me, I have a joke: I heard Michael Jackson went shopping at K-Mart because there was a sale! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
    Christy (Spade): You messed it up, dumbbell! He went shopping at K-Mart because he heard little boys' pants were half off.
    • "Gap Girls", Saturday Night Live
  • Steward (Spade): [sarcastically ushering passangers off of the plane] Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-Bye [to a fat passanger]Buh-bye. You're very heavy.
    Fat Passanger (Chris Farley): What did you say?
    Steward: I said buh-bye! I just said buh-bye 40 times in a row why would I say anything else? It doesn't make sense! Did I just say something without knowing it? No! Go! Buh-bye!

    Passenger (Adam Sandler): I'm gonna be waiting for you outside in the terminal.
    Steward: Great, buh-bye.
    Passenger: No, no, no, there's more. I'm gonna pound your face in.
    Steward: Okay, Slick. Buh-bye!
    Passenger: I'm gonna destroy you!
    Steward: Buh-BYE!
    Passenger: I am gonna KICK THE CRAP OUTTA YOU!
    Steward: YEAH?! BUH-BYE!
    • Saturday Night Live


  • I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.
  • There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.
  • As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.
  • Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.
  • I have no detectable hair style.
  • I just couldn't have gone in a room where Chris was in a box.
    • On not attending Chris Farley's funeral
  • The hard part about [Saturday Night Live] is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there.
  • When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.
    • On the suicide of his stepfather
  • You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

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