Grand Theft Auto: III
- Sorry, babe. I'm an ambitious girl, and you... you're just small-time!
- Were you followed?! You know what goes on around here is our little secret, amigo!
- Here's your S.P.A.N.K., squealer! Now talk!
- We've always got a choice, you dumb bastard!
- The real question is, did you turn up to rescue Maria or to get me back? Well, I got news for you! Shooting you will be a pleasure, but dating you was only business! You are muy pequeñito, amigo! Throw over the cash!
- You have been a busy boy! But you haven't learned! I'm not to be trusted! Kill the idiot!
- There's a new high on the street. Goes by the name of 'S.P.A.N.K.'. Some wise guy's been introducin' this trash to my girls down Portland Harbor. Go and introduce a bat to his face! Then take his car; respray it! I want compensation for this insult!
- Some Diablo scumbag has been pimpin' his scuzzy bitches in my backyard! Go and take care of things for me! If you need a piece, go round back of Ammu-Nation opposite the subway.
- Experience has taught me that a man like you can be very loyal for the right price, but groups of men get greedy.
- A lesson in business, my friend. If you have a unique commodity, the world and his wife will try to wrestle it from your grasp... even if they have little understanding as to its true value.
- Nothing drives down real estate prices like a good old fashioned gang war, apart from an outbreak of plague... but that might be going too far in this case.
- C'mon, enough of the speeches. We better get out of here before we get more hysterical Italians wanting less friendly reunions.
- We have certain issues to clear up before we can continue any form of relationship, business or otherwise. Let's lay our cards or the table, I am Yakuza and I know you worked for Salvatore Leone's family. I can give you work with our organization, but first you must prove to me that your ties with the Mafia are truly broken. Salvatore Leone will be leaving Luigi's in about three hours time. Make sure he doesn't reach his club alive.
- Salvatore Leone's death comes as pleasurable news. You're an efficient killer. I like that in a man. This is my brother, Kenji.
- Just like Kenji, always trying to play with my toys.
- So the whore got away! But you've done me a favor. You're not the only one that has a score to settle with the Cartel. This... worm killed my brother!
- Miquel... certainly has some of that... famous Latin stamina! I'm quite exhausted!
- Asuka has a little job for you, but when you're done, drop by my casino and we can talk.
- My sister (Asuka) speaks highly of you, though I am yet to be convinced that a gaijin can offer anything but disappointment. Perhaps you can help deal with a situation that has me at a disadvantage. Of course failure has its own disgrace. A Yakuza Kanbu is in custody awaiting transfer for trial. He is a valued member of the family. Break him out of custody and get him to the dojo at Bedford Point.
- To be truly strong, it is important that you never show weakness. The business's fortunate enough to have our protection settle their accounts today. Go and collect the money immediately, so we can enter it into the casino accounts.
- YOU! How fitting you should choose this moment to show your worthless face! It would appear your attempts to dissuade the Jamaicans from becoming bed fellows with the Cartels were wholly inadequate. Yardie pushers line Liberty's streets selling packets of SPANK like they were selling hotdogs! Those Cartel pigs are laughing at us, at me! I will give you one last chance to prove my sister's faith in you well founded! Run these scumbags into the ground and wash your shame in rivers of our enemies' blood!!!
- That scumbag McAffrey, he took more bribes than anyone. He thinks that he's gonna get an honorable discharge if he turns states evidence. He just squealed! He's under armed protection in WitSec property down in Newport, some apartment behind the car park. Torch that place, that should flush 'em out, and you'll hunt 'em down, make sure he never talks to nobody.
- I know a real important man in town, a soft touch, with shall we say, exotic tastes and the money to indulge them. He's involved in legal matter and the prosecution has some rather embarrassing photos of him at a morgue party or something. The evidence is being driven across town. You are going to have to ram that car and collect each little bit of evidence as it falls out. When you've got it all, leave it in the car and torch it. We're both gonna do pretty well outta this kid.
- I think my partner's a rat. We gotta shut him up, permanently. He goes fishing out of his boat near the lighthouse on Portland Rock most nights. Steal a police boat and make sure his back stabbing plans are sunk! I want him sleeping with the fishes, not eating them.
- You useless bastard! You totally messed up! My ass is one the line and you can't even kill a goddamned fly! I paid you good money to kill that witness and he ain't dead. And today he's gonna make a Federal Deposition! He's being moved any second now from the Carson General Hospital up in Rockford. If he squeals, I squeal...
- Okay, kid. Drive me to the laundry in Chinatown first. I got a bit of business to take care of. Those washerwomen ain't been payin' their protection money. And watch the car, Joey just fixed this junk heap! So no fancy crap, okay?
- The Triads think they can mess with me, the Triads, with me! Drop by later and we'll give them something to launder, their own bloodstained clothes!
- Newscaster [Intro]: Liberty City is in shock today, as the police and Emergency Services deal with the aftermath of a devastating attack on a police convoy this morning. As yet, no details have been released about the prisoners being transferred in the convoy, and no group has claimed responsibility. The convoy left police headquarters early this morning for a routine transfer of felons to the Liberty Penitentiary. The attack took place on the Callahan Bridge, leaving few witnesses, and the bridge itself severely damaged. Some of the convicts are thought to have perished in the explosion that followed the initial attack. Revelations as to the professionalism of the attack struck police hours afterward, when identification of the missing felons were further hampered by an attack by computer hackers on police headquarter databases. With the Porter Tunnel project falling behind schedule, this disaster leaves Portland isolated from the rest of the city.
- Toni Cipriani: No fancy crap.
- Toni Cipriani: You did good back there kid, real good. C'mon let's introduce you to the Don.
- Salvatore Leone: Hey Luigi!
- Luigi Goterelli: Oh, my girls have been missing you so much. Salvatore, you've been away too long.
- Salvatore Leone: You tell them, when this unfortunate business has been taken care of, we'll go down to the club and celebrate. There is my boy.
- Joey Leone: Hi, Pop!
- Salvatore Leone: Have you got yourself a good woman yet? You know your Momma, god bless her soul would be turning over in her grave, if she ever saw you without a wife.
- Joey Leone: I know, I'm working on it.
- Salvatore Leone: TONI! How is your Momma? She's a great woman, you know! Strong, firenze.
- Toni Cipriani: She's good... fine.
- Salvatore Leone: Terrific, Terrific. Now listen you guys, you go inside while I talk to our new friend here. I have nothing but good things for you, my boy...
- Maria: Oh... Asuka, you've got a massager.
- Asuka Kasen: That's not a massager.
- Maria [torturing Miquel]: Do we tighten it some more now... or just wait for it to turn black and fall off?
- Asuka Kasen: Give it a quick prod.
- Maria: Urgh! What is that gooey yellow stuff?!
- Salvatore Leone [to Claude]: Hey, it's my favorite clean-up guy! I'm proud of you, my boy! You kicked the shit out of those grease-balls!
- Misty: Joey! Am I gonna get to play with your big end again?
- Misty: Hey, I'm bored! When ya gonna drill me?
Lazlow: Alright, Liberty City, this is your talk radio show Chatterbox, where your opinion matters. Let's go to the phones...hello caller, you're on Chatterbox.
Caller: Hey, ya ever ate possum, that's some good eatin'.
Lazlow: Naah, I really can't say I have.
Caller: Hell, ya ought to try it sometime, I tell ya man, it's good eating. Possum, raccoon, even zebra meat, cooks up pretty good.
Lazlow: Er, do you have anything else to say, or...
Caller: Pigeons. Pigeons are good too. Sometimes, they come with notes attached, it's like...a fortune cookie with wings. Squirrels...squirrels is not so good, they...taste like goldfish, meat's real stringy...ya know what I mean?
Lazlow: Ermm, actually, I can't say that I do...umm...but if I did eat too much squirrel and put on a few extra pounds, I'd use the Dormatron...unlike those other exercise machines that require you to be awake, the Dormatron actually exercises you over night. Let's learn a little bit more about it.
- [Dormatron commercial]
- Woman: I've tried everything, and I just couldn't keep those extra two-hundred pounds off! It started to affect my marriage.
- Man: She was too big for me, and I'll sleep with anything!
- Woman: The Abdomatrix, the Thigh-asizer, tummy stapling, I've had my mouth sewn up, my hands chopped off, you name it, I've tried it!"
- Man: Except for exercising and eating right, porky!
- Woman: That's right, honey! Then I found the Dormatron! Using a new technology called bio-rhythmic-subconscious-gymnastics, the Dormatron exercises you while you sleep. Just strap in your arms and legs, put on the Dormatron headset, then wrap yourself in the special high-voltage electric blanket. Turn it on to 11 and burn those pounds away while a relaxing nights sleep! Now that I've lost 280 pounds, my husbands all mine again!
- Man: That's right honey, no more escort services for me!
- Male narrator: Don't be fat a day longer than you have to! Remember, being fat can even ruin a romantic cruise! *whooo* Call Dormatron now, at 1-800-sleepofflard. Or visit www.sleepofflard.com, and sleep your way to a thinner, happier you!
- [Maibatsu Monstrosity commercial]
- Man: I'm a marketing manager who lives in the suburbs and commutes to work on the highway. I live alone, so of course I needed a car that can seat twelve and is equipped to drive across arctic tundra...it just makes me feel better!
- Female narrator: The new Maibatsu Monstrosity...mine's bigger!
Lazlow: Oh, that's a good commercial. I love commercials, don't you? This is Chatterbox, we are taking your calls right now. Hello caller, you are on the air.
Caller: Hi Lazlow, is that your real name?
Lazlow: Huh? Of course it's my real name!
Caller: Are you Hungarian?
Lazlow: Heh...nooo, I'm from upstate.
Caller: Are you sure that's not a fake radio name, like Andy or Bobo? I thought all those radio people had fake names!
Lazlow: Do you have a question, or do you wanna just sit here all day and talk about my name?
Caller: No. That's it. Love the show, Lazlow. Or Mark. Or John. Or Beverly, whatever your name is.
Lazlow: Alright, next caller, you're on Chatterbox. What is on your mind?
Caller: Turnips. Root vegetables. You know, albino carrots as they're known back home.
Lazlow: Okay, here's the deal - this isn't gardening with Maurice, that's on later!
Caller: Nooo, he got taken off the air. He lied, I know he did. I been trying to make a hybrid of a peach and a Pekinese midget fighting bitch for the last two years. And it is im-possible...im-possible, I tell ya.
Lazlow: Okay, and speaking of impossible, Jane from Cedar Grove is on the line, and she wants to talk about how difficult it is being a parent today. Hello Jane...
Jane: Hi Lazlow, I love the show, I'm a first time caller. I wanted to say something about these videogames, they are warping our kids minds. My sons dog, Bugle, got hit by a truck, and he says 'Mommy, mommy, where's the reset button?'. Kids these days, they think life is a game. Well it's not a game Lazlow. It is very, very serious. I let my kid play video games, and now, he runs around the house looking for gold coins. This is teaching our children to go chase money. My eldest has been playing this new videogame, called Pogo the Monkey...
Lazlow: Yeah, I've heard of that one.
Jane: The shop teacher called me today, and Sam made a home-made banana cannon in shop class, and was lobbing them across the street at a fast-food restaurant. And it's all because of videogames. Lazlow, life does not have a reset button!
Lazlow: Right, but this show does... *beeeeep* I love that button.
Lazlow: You know, it's never a dull moment on this show. Especially if you're in our key demographic.
- Donald Love: [Imaging] Love Media. Bringing people, and the finest entertainment together.
Lazlow: Alright, hello next caller, you're on Chatterbox.
Caller: I wanna talk about that SPANK stuff. People say it's bad for you. It's not bad for you at all. Why aren't you talking? What, do you think I'm strange? Am I on the air? Hello? Answer me, you pansy!
Lazlow: ...What's your question?
Caller: SPANK?! SPANK SPANK! SPANK!
Lazlow: Heh, what about it? I mean that's not really a question. Questions usually start with words like 'how', and 'why', and they end with your voice going up like this...
Caller: Don't mock me! I know where you work! You're just like all the rest!
Lazlow: How's that?
Caller: Fluoride is evil, dude. In toothpaste, they use it to control us. Why do you think all the commercials tell you to brush twice a day? I've read books!
Lazlow: And what book have you been reading that tells you that toothpaste is evil?
Caller: Dentures, the Devil, and the Great Cavity Cover-up, by Jay Phillip Higginbottom. If you'd seen what I'd seen, and if you've heard what I've heard, you'd never brush your teeth again!
Lazlow: I suppose you're one of those people that says diet soda makes you go crazy in later life...
Caller: I told you before man, don't mock me! My taxes pay your salary, you pansy!
Lazlow: Sir, this is a commercial radio-station owned by Love Media. Advertising revenue pays my salary. And on that note, it's been two full minutes since a commercial, but I'd like to say, if anyone else is stressed, might I recommend Equinox from Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals! We'll be back after these important messages...
Caller: Sell out!
- [Equinox Commercial]
- Woman: I used to be concerned and nervous about the future. Sometimes I'd get scared before an important event such as childbirth, or a family funeral. Hey, sometimes you need a little help navigating life's trouble spots, that's when I discovered Equinox!
- Man: After the divorce and losing little Tommy, life was getting me down! I couldn't focus on anything at work. After trying Equinox, I've been employee of the month three times in a row! I used to fall unconscious for hours at a time; Now with Equinox, I never need to sleep!
- Male narrator: Equinox is new, from Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals. Ask your doctor about Equinox - today.
- [Rapidly spoken disclaimer]: Equinox may cause nausea, loss of sleep, blurred vision, kidney problems and breathing irregularities. Do not take Equinox if you're operating any machinery, driving a car, pregnant, of child bearing age, or have a family history of mental disorders.
- Male narrator: Equinox! Softening life's harsh realities.
- [Liberty City Survivor Commercial]
- Male narrator: Tonight, the TV event that will make history: Liberty City Survivor! This takes reality TV to a whole new level! We'll take twenty recently paroled guys, equip them with grenade launchers and flamethrowers, and let them hunt each other down! It's the reality show where you just might be part of the action!
- Man: I was grabbin' a sandwich at the Happy Blimp, and all of a sudden these two guys crashed through the window and started shooting at each other! I was so excited, I didn't even notice I'd been hit! After that I was hooked on Liberty City Survivor, I watch it every day in the hospital!
- Male narrator: The game doesn't end until there's one man left standing! Tune in nightly, or watch the 24-hour live webcast! Liberty City Survivor, natural selection - has come home. (Sponsored by Ammu-Nation)
Lazlow: Alright, we're back on Chatterbox. Call us on the chatter line and tell us what's on your mind. Line four, you're on Chatterbox, what's on your mind?
Caller: LIBERTY CITY COCKS RULE!
Lazlow: Aaah, that's lovely, thanks. Next caller, you're on Chatterbox.
Caller: That last guy was sooo full of crap. Everyone knows women are made from sand.
Lazlow: Okay, great, another lunatic. Hello, next caller, you are on Chatterbox.
Caller: Yeah, you were talking about short guys and attitudes; well you know, you'd have an attitude too if you couldn't reach the friggin' cheesy-squirrels at the grocery store.
Lazlow: Yeah, I mean, sometimes it seems like the whole world's against you, I mean...
Caller: You know, we're not talking about you. What kind of ego-maniac are you? You've got your own show, how about letting other people talk for a change? You're all the same, you giants. 'Oh, I'm tall, I'm so important, listen to me talk about my tall stuff. I think I'll put this on the top shelf. Hey what's the weather like down there? How's it going, short stuff? Can you get that? You're closer. Why so sad pee-wee?' who do you think you are?! Short people are people too!
Lazlow: [sarcastic] Alriiight, another award-winning show on Chatterbox. Today we're talking about anything it seems, if you have something to say about anything call now. Hello caller, you're on Chatterbox.
Caller: Yeah, hi, love the show, love hearing people's opinions. That's what made this country great. People, and opinions, and stuff. Most of all guns. I hate it when people whine about 'guns kill people', guns don't kill people, death kills people. Ask a doctor. It's a medical fact, you can't die from a bullet! You can die from a cardiac arrest or organ failure or a major hemorrhage... a small piece of metal ain't the problem! Besides, I only use my machine gun in the safety of my own home or car, I ain't hurtin' nobody. And countries that don't have guns ain't American.
Lazlow: You know, that's a really good point: Countries that don't have guns aren't American... You know, if more people had guns there'd be less shootings in this country. Heh. Alright, we're going over here to line two, hello caller, you are on Chatterbox.
Caller: Yeah I'd like to say something about taxes.
Lazlow: You mean, the lone star state...?
Caller: No, taxes. Well, you know, look; Taxes are really raw, my father worked his whole life, he played the lottery... and now the state wants him to pay taxes on the money he wins from that stuff? Buy your own lottery ticket, you know... hey!
Lazlow: Good point, I think that's a lesson to us all. Alright, hello, you are on Chatterbox.
Caller: Hello Lazlow, I'm a first time caller. I recently moved to Liberty City, from Hampshire, in England.
Lazlow: Oh, really? How do you like it? I mean is it hard to get used to the language? Y-you speak English pretty good...
Caller: Oh, thank you Lazlow. Yes-yes I-I do like it here. There's one thing though t-that's very different and rather worrying. When I was a boy in England, I had a nanny. She was very strict Lazlow.
Lazlow: Yeah, well, I mean there's excellent childcare here in America... you know.
Caller: W-well I'm sure, but the thing is, Lazlow - w-when I was a naughty boy, I-I-I-I would get spanked. Na-nanny would spank me, when I was naughty. And now-now Freddy needs a nanny, because when Freddy's naughty, he needs to get spanked.
Lazlow: Well, there's some child psychologists who'd... probably say that spanking can be harmful to a child's emotional development.
Caller: Ab-ab-absolutely not, Lazlow. It's lovely. Freddy needs a nanny. He needs a nanny Lazlow, because Freddy's been a very naughty boy.
Lazlow: H-how old is your son?
Caller: ...Excuse me?
Lazlow: How old is your son?
Caller: I don't have children, I can't stand the little brats! But Freddy needs a nanny...
Lazlow: [Cuts caller off] Alriiight that's enough of him. God, who gave this guy a green card? This is Chatterbox. We're talking about short guys, nannys, taxes, and anything sane you'd like to bring to the party. Hello, you are on Chatterbox.
Caller: I was listening to that caller about taxes. His views were a little extreme. How do you expect to be a responsible member of society if you don't understand how the government spends your money? Why are people afraid of numbers? Sign and co-sign are some of the most elegant and incredible discoveries of humanity. I mean, the Cartesian coordinate system has an elemental power I find liberating and even sexy, and I'm not ashamed to say it.
Lazlow: Okaaay, thanks for calling! Now that we've lost ninety-eight percent of our audience, let's reward the other two percent with a commercial! When we come back we'll have a special studio guest, special because he advertises on this radio station. Remember, it's not a conflict of interests if we own all the radio stations in town. We'll be right back after this message...
Lazlow: What? Hanging around with loads of naked chicks? I mean, I see the fun in it but I just think that clothes give distinct advantages... like not accidentally cooking yourself... or when your're working on a building!
Maria [about Men]: M-E-N, oh, it's a dirty word but there's only three letters.
Maria [about Men]: You broadcasters are all the same, aren't you, I mean I heard about you, you're always out on boys nights!
Lazlow: Whoa, Whoa what are you talking about, I'm married!
Maria: One of those convenience jobs to protect you, I bet? I know what you're all like! You know more about men than I know about leopard-skin furniture!
Caller [about spanking Kids]: I say spanking kids is the only way to teach them right from wrong.
Lazlow: So you think that teaching kids from an early age that violence is the solution to problems will make them valuable members of our society.
Caller: I am the president of a group called Citizens Raging Against Phones!
Lazlow: Your organization is called CRAP? What kind of a moron are you? You wanna round people up for using a phone? You're calling up on a phone to tell the whole world about it? How many people are in this CRAP?
Caller: Citizens Raging Against Phones, Lazlow!
Lazlow: How many people?
Caller: There are three of us! It's hard to organize meetings without phones, though!
Lazlow: What are you speaking to me on? What's that in your hand?
Caller: I am not the problem, YOU ARE! And you are perpetuating the downfall of mankind! Liberty City was great before phones ruined everything.
Lazlow: Liberty City was a church, a cow pasture and three houses when the telephone was invented!
Lazlow: You're the liar!
Caller: Liar liar, pants on fire!
Lazlow: What are you-are you-are you three years old?
Caller: Lazlow's a liar! Lazlow's a liar! I bet that isn't even your real name!
Lazlow: Shut up!
Caller: You shut up!
Caller: Nanny nanny booboo, stick your head in doo-doo!
Lazlow: Ugh, we're going to commercials!
Reed Tucker: Our ancestors didn't eat chicken wings, they lived at one with nature and their eco-system. Existing on a diet of nuts, berries and leafy vegetables.
Lazlow: Yes, and they threw stones at their own shadows and died of old age and fear at twenty-four.
Caller [Ex-Soldier, by his own Account]: These kids don't respect veterans, we fought for your freedom! When I came back from the Australian-American War, I didn't get a heroes welcome... I didn't get a pat on the back from my friends and neighbors saying 'thanks for fighting for our freedom James!' After years of fighting in the trenches, I come back here and everyone's watching TV!
Lazlow: Now, can you tell me what this Australian-American war was... I never really heard of it.
Caller: God, not another one! Have you read a history book lately, son? The Australian-American war the was the biggest war since the big one! I tell ya, I didn't do two tours and take numerous boomerang shrapnel to the head to come back here and have a bunch of hippies deny history! Those Aussies are ruthless. They even wired kangaroos with explosives come hopping into the camps. Knock out ten guys!
Female Imaging Voice: Getting your lips done? You're on Lips 106!
Male Imaging Voice: Liberty City's #1 pop music station! Even old people listen to our station! Lips 106!
Female Imaging Voice: College students love listening to our station! Because we are the best commerical radio station in Liberty City! You're listening to Lips 106!
Blonde prostitute: Damn police!
Blonde prostitute: I've got an itch!
Blonde prostitute: You ever been "down South"?
Blonde prostitute: That's a taste of corn on the cob!
Blonde prostitute: He ain't no gentleman, that one!
Blonde prostitute: Hey, hey! You wanna play?
Blonde prostitute: [Fighting] Hittin' the ladies, now, eh?!
Blonde prostitute: [Fighting] I ain't scared of you!
Black prostitute: Damn, these shoes are killin' me!
Black prostitute: Oh baby, that felt so good!
Black prostitute: I'm a working girl, idiot!
Black prostitute: All I wanna do is knock boots!
Black prostitute: 25 bucks to heaven, Rambo!
Black prostitute: Come to mama!
Black prostitute: [Fighting] My pimp'll kill you!
Black prostitute: [Fighting] You punk-ass bitch!
Pimp: Pimpin', like my daddy.
Pimp: I got what you need...
Pimp: I got a whole string o' them.
Pimp: [Shoved by the player] I only pimp women!
Pimp: [Threatened with a gun] Hey, I like gold, not lead.
Pimp: [Threatened with a gun] Don't shoot ch'daddy, baby.
Old security guard: I fought the war, all of 'em!
Old security guard: I'm sixty-two years old, dammit!
Old security guard: Things used to be better...
Old security guard: Young folks, makin' trouble!
Black criminal: [Fighting] I'm gonna eat ya!
Black criminal: [Fighting] D-O-A.
Black criminal: [Fighting] Kiss your ass goodbye!
Black criminal: [Threatened with a gun] Whoa, easy there partner!
Cab driver [Being carjacked]: That is my damn cab, you!
Cab driver [Being carjacked]: Get in the back, aaah!
Redneck man: My mother's my sister!
Redneck man: You blind, or just dumb?
Redneck man: What? She's my cousin?
Redneck man: I swear I thought she was my second cousin!
Redneck man: You got any bright ideas what to say?
Redneck man: Yep, I've been drinkin' again!
Redneck man: [Stuck in traffic] What you doin', givin birth?!
Redneck man: [Being threatened with a weapon] Here, take my hat!
Redneck man: [Being threatened with a weapon] Have my money!
Redneck man: [Being threatened with a weapon] Take my cigars!
Redneck man: [Being threatened with a weapon] Just don't kill me!
Redneck dock worker: Yee-haw!
Redneck dock worker: Damn foriegners.
Redneck dock worker: Y'ain't from here!
Sailor: Finally, back on land.
Sailor: The sea, she calls me.
Sailor: This is what I call proper shore leave.
Sailor: Man overboard!
Sailor: Thar she blows!
Chinese woman: Do you speak English?
Chinese woman: Me no speak English!
Chinese woman: He no speak Chinese!
Chinese woman: You can look but you can't touch!
Chinese man: Okay, okay, we make deal!
Chinese man: How much you pay?
Chinese man: You want trouble?
Chinese man: I get my cousins!
Chinese man: [Being carjacked] This not for sale!
Chinese man: [Fighting] You gonna know pain!
Chinese man: [Fighting] I'm a black belt!
Old Chinese woman: Me so horny!
Old Chinese woman: Me love you long time!
Old Chinese woman: You so fine!
Old Chinese man: You get rost!
Old Chinese man: Ancient-a Chinese-a secret!
Yuppie female: I need a cigarette!
Yuppie female: Talk... to the hand!
Yuppie female: Talk to my people!
Yuppie female: Shit, I broke a nail!
Yuppie female: Call in a camera crew!
Yuppie female: Watch my implants!
Yuppie female: Move it, loser!
Yuppie female: He's gone postal!
Yuppie female: Don't touch my face!
Yuppie male: I've got a place in the Hamptons.
Yuppie male: Do you know who I am?!
Yuppie male: Hey, you like my watch?
Yuppie male: Here's my card.
Yuppie male: Hey, I'm in IT!
Yuppie male: My name's Brad, but I guess you knew that.
Yuppie male: I'm great, did you know that?
Yuppie male: This tie was really expensive.
Yuppie male: [Looking at a corpse] This city sucks.
Yuppie male: [Looking at a corpse] Been there, done that.
Yuppie male: [Being shoved] You should change your optician.
Yuppie male: [Being carjacked] Sure, sure, take it!
Yuppie male: [Being carjacked] Like I give a shit.
Yuppie male: [Being carjacked] Keep it, it's shit!
Female shopper: Shop shop shop!
Female shopper: I think there's a sale at the mall!
Female shopper: That's so in this season.
Female shopper: Shop 'till ya drop!
Female shopper: [Stuck in traffic] Carpet lover!
Female shopper: [Stuck in traffic] Move it or lose it!
Female shopper: [Stuck in traffic] Out of the way, ya freak!
Female shopper: [Shoved by the player] Get yourself some glasses!
Female shopper: [Being mugged] Ohhh, my credit cards!
Female shopper: [Fighting] I'm gonna squish you like a bug!
Female shopper: [Being carjacked] Noooo, not ma WHEE-EELS!!
Businessman: This place is real dangerous.
Businessman: I'm gonna get a gun.
Businessman: Guns don't kill people.
Businessman: People kill people.
Businessman: Guns help, though.
Businessman: Buy low, sell high!
Businessman: This isn't the ghetto.
Businessman: Show me the money!
Businessman: [Stuck in traffic] I'm late for a meeting!
Businessman: [Fighting] I used to box at Harvard!
Businessman: [Fighting] I do kickboxing?
Businessman: [Being mugged] Take it all, just leave me my Palm!
Businessman: [Being mugged] Please don't hurt me, I'm important!
Businessman: [Being threatened with a gun] Is that a banana?
Businesswoman: I'm important.
Businesswoman: I'll see you in court!
Businesswoman: 'course I slept my way to the top.
Businesswoman: Like I have time for you.
Businesswoman: I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Businesswoman: Do you know who I am?
Businesswoman: I'm important.
Businesswoman: [Shoved by the player] This is sexual harrassment.
Businesswoman: [Shoved by the player] I will sue you.
Businesswoman: [Carjacked] That's the second time today...
Businesswoman: [Carjacked] I just bought that!
Businesswoman: [Threatened with a weapon] Please don't, I'll pay you!
English businessman: Get your hands off me arse!
English businessman: I want to go home!
English businessman: You nutter!
English businessman: [Stuck in traffic] Oh, you peasant!
English businessman: [Stuck in traffic] Move it, American!
English businessman: [Stuck in traffic] I'm late for a meeting!
English businessman: [Fighting] I'm a Cambridge man, I'll take you!
English businessman: [Fighting] I do kickboxing and yoga!
English businessman: [Looking at a destroyed car] Holy millenium dome!
English businessman: [Being mugged] Just don't take the laptop!
English businessman: [Being mugged] Honestly, I'm an Englishman!
English businessman: [Being mugged] Don't hurt me, I'm from England!
English businessman: [Being carjacked] That's the company car!
English businessman: [Being carjacked] That's my mummy's car!
English businessman: [When threatened with a weapon] Excuse me, must dash!
Redneck woman: I'm hot, and you're nooot!
Redneck woman: Hi, how are you?
Redneck woman: [When being threatened with a weapon] God I'm so sorry! So stupid!
Irish homeless woman: Oh, you look like my daughter!
Irish homeless woman: How's it going there, son?
Irish homeless woman: Give us yer coat!
Irish homeless woman: I used to be a model!
Irish homeless woman: I smell of pish!
Irish homeless woman: I need a bath!
Irish homeless woman: For feck's sake!
Irish homeless woman: Lick my arse!
Scottish homeless man: Eeh, get aff me!
Scottish homeless man: Alright, darlin'?
Scottish homeless man: Alright, son?
Scottish homeless man: Where am I, hen?
Scottish homeless man: I'm gaspin'!
Scottish homeless man: Aye, aye!
Scottish homeless man: Gonnae no!
Scottish homeless man: [Fighting] I'm gonnae eat ye!
Gay construction worker: In the Navy.
Gay construction worker: You can sail the Seven Seas!
Gay construction worker: Young man!
Gay construction worker: There's a place you can go.
Gay construction worker: Call the YMCA!
Gay construction worker: There's no need to feel down
Gay construction worker: Wheres my damn tools?
Gay construction worker: [Being carjacked] My toolbox!
Gay construction worker: [Fighting] C'mon, pretty boy!
Football fan: THOSE COCKS SUCK.
Football fan: BEAVERS - NIL!
Football fan: YOU A BEAVERS FAN?
Football fan: GO LIBERTY CITY COCKS!
Football fan: C'MON COCKERALS!
Football fan: It's only a game!
Female nurse: [Looking at a corpse] Get Dr.Chop.
Female nurse: [Looking at a corpse] Give him CPR.
Female nurse: [Looking at a corpse] Guy's lost a lot of blood.
Female nurse: Do you know who I am?!
Female nurse: I work in healthcare!
Female nurse: Do you know what I've done?!
Male nurse: Whooah!
Male nurse: I've got to scrub - down!
Male nurse: Takes two to party!
Male nurse: Drop your pants, please.
Male nurse: [Stuck in traffic] Coming - throoough!
Male nurse: [Being attacked] Please, I'm a male nurse!
Male nurse: [Fighting] We've got ourselves a bleeder!
Male nurse: [Looking at a corpse] Better call 911.
Male nurse: [Looking at a corpse] Are you an organ donor?
Black man: What's the dealie, yo?
Young black woman: It's not easy looking this good...
Young black woman: I so need a facial...
Young black woman: That's so last season!
Young black woman: Hey, look, but don't touch!
Young black woman: [stuck in traffic] Ho!
Young black woman: [Looking at a corpse] Ohh that's so messy!
Young black woman: [being carjacked] These shoes are new!
Young black woman: [being carjacked] No! These are new shoes!
Middle-aged woman: Cramps, y'know?
Middle-aged woman: Hey, I've been divorced twelve times!
Middle-aged woman: Nice to meet 'chu.
Middle-aged woman: My husband will kill you!
Middle-aged woman: Looks real nice in leopard skin.
Middle-aged woman: His mother's comin', and she hates me.
Middle-aged woman: I hate his freakin' mother.
Middle-aged woman: Do I look fat in this?
Middle-aged woman: [Being attacked] YOU BIG BULLY!
Middle-aged woman: [Being threatened with a gun] HE'S A MANIAC!
Middle-aged woman: [Being threatened with a gun] Mother of Mary!
Middle-aged woman: [Being threatened with a gun] Not me!
Middle-aged woman: [Being carjacked] MY BABY!
Old woman: I gotta get my veins plucked!
Old woman: Dipshit!
Old woman: We're goin' to Aruba!
Old woman: [Being carjacked] Aintcha got respect for ya elders?
Old woman: [Being carjacked] I'm an old lady, for Christ's sake!
Old black woman: No families, no respect...
Old black woman: I'm old!
Old black woman: Oooh if I was fifty years younger...
Old black woman: This place ain't fit to die in.
Old black woman: Wasn't like this in my day.
Old black woman: Damn kids ain't got no respect.
Old black woman: [Looking at a corpse] In all my years...
Old black woman: [Looking at a corpse] ...I ain't never seen that before.
Old black woman: [Being carjacked] Pickin' on old women now?
Old black woman: [Being carjacked] Take it but leave me my dignity.
Old black woman: [Being carjacked] I needed that car!
Old black woman: [Being carjacked] He touched me and took my car!
Old black woman: [Fighting] YOU GOTTA KISS ME!!
Fat woman: Get me another doughnut! I'm hungry!
Fat woman: I don't know where I am and I'm hungry!
Fat woman: Uh, I'm sweatin' all over!
Fat woman: Oooh, look at me, I'm dripping!
Fat woman: You got a diet soda?
Fat woman: Hey, I'll eat your crust.
Fat woman: I'm just big-boned.
Fat woman: I'd chase ya if I could run.
Fat woman: [When threatened with a gun] You hate fat people, doncha?
Fat man: I bet the diner's open!
Fat man: I like barbecues!
Fat man: Are you a druggie?
Fat man: [Being mugged] That's my grocery money!
Fat man: [Being carjacked] I don't like to walk...
Male college student: Like, dude!
Male college student: Let's hackysack!
Male college student: Can you spell 'idiot'?
Male college student: You got no edu-cation!
Male college student: [Fighting] I'm a pacifist, but...
Male college student: I'll fight you if I have to.
Male college student: [Being threatened with a weapon] NO, DUDE!
Female college student: I hate cafeteria food!
Female college student: My dog ate my homework...
Female college student: Heard of driver's ed?!
Female college student: Late for a lecture!
Female college student: I get really high grades.
Female college student: I've got kittens tougher than you.
Female college student: They don't drive like this back home.
Female college student: [Being mugged] That's my homework!
Female college student: [Being carjacked] I need that to go to school!
Psycho suicide bomber: Tick tock, what's on my clock? TNT!
Psycho suicide bomber: SPECIAL DELIVERY, TNT!
Psycho suicide bomber: Come to daddy!
Psycho suicide bomber: Come here, I've got a present for ya!
Gang member dialogue
Triad member: I see pain in your future!
Triad member: Somebody call a Medic!
Triad member: You feelin' lucky, punk?!
Triad member: Pain is my middle name!
Triad member: Mo money, mo problems!
Triad member: Easy, dragon breath!
Triad member: I busta his ass so fast!
Triad member: I get my cousins!
Triad member: Is all fresh!
Mafia member: Fugeddaboudit.
Mafia member: Mamma mia!
Mafia member: Needs more mozzarella.
Mafia member: You wanna die!?
Mafia member: I'll kill you, tough guy
Mafia member: You're dead.
Mafia member: Say goodbye to this world, prick.
Mafia member: He nearly hit me, get him!
Mafia member: Watch the suit!
Mafia member: I suggest you run away - fast.
Mafia member: You're dead - kaput!
Southside Hoods gang member: [To a girl] You so sweet, I'm gettin' a cavity!
Yardies gang member: Easy now 'dere.
Colombian Cartel member: It's no problem to kill you!
Colombian Cartel member: You want the chainsaw gringo!?
Colombian Cartel member: You big tough yankee boy!
Colombian Cartel member: I'm going to kill you!
Colombian Cartel member: You gonna be sorry.
Colombian Cartel member: C'mon! Senor dickhead!
Colombian Cartel member: Run, or die!
Yakuza member: It smells like jizz!
Yakuza member: I keel you!
Yakuza member: Less go to strip club!
Yakuza member: You are a-get dead!
Emergency services dialogue
Paramedic: [Singing] Rush, rush, to the yeyo!
Paramedic: [Singing] You are the one...
Paramedic: [Singing] Bump to the music!
Paramedic: [Singing] She's on fire!
Paramedic: [Singing] Stripe summer...
Paramedic: [Singing] Push it to the limit!
Paramedic: [Singing] I just can't take no more...
Paramedic: Breathe, damn it!
Paramedic: This is serious!
Paramedic: Any more miracles, and I'll be a saint!
Paramedic: Call Dr.Chop!
Paramedic: [When threatened with a weapon] Hey, I can get you SPANK!
Paramedic: [When threatened with a weapon] Whoa, whoa!
Paramedic: [When threatened with a weapon] Is this survivor?!
Paramedic: [When threatened with a weapon] I'm a medic, for Christ's sake!
Policeman: Take him out!
Policeman: GET THAT GUY!
Policeman: MOVE IN!
Policeman: ALRIGHT DROP DOWN!
Policeman: THIS IS THE L-C-P-D!
Policeman: POLICE, FREEZE!
Policeman: You are risking your life!
Policeman: You're goin' down!
Policeman: Your ass is mine, punk!
Policeman: [Arresting Claude] Should we give him a beating?
Policeman: [Arresting Claude] No funny business!
Policeman: [Arresting Claude] Book 'im!
Policeman: [Arresting Claude] HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!
Policeman: [Arresting Claude] STAY DOWN, ASSHOLE!
Policeman: [Arresting Claude] CUFF HIM!
Policeman: [Arresting Claude] Anything you say is shit!
SWAT member: This is special response unit Alpha!
SWAT member: Kill on sight, boys!
FBI agent: FBI, STOP!
FBI agent: You're gonna get yourself killed, boy.
FBI agent: You don't fool with the law!
FBI agent: I'll put you in the pokie, boy.
FBI agent: Who's laughing now, city boy?
Police helicopter co-pilot: Have you read the manual for this thing?!
Police helicopter co-pilot: PREPARE - TO DIE!
Police helicopter pilot: Hey, that's against regulations!
Police helicopter co-pilot: YOU ARE SURROUNDED
Police helicopter pilot: GIVE ME THAT MICROPHONE!
Police helicopter co-pilot:...EAT LEAD!
Police helicopter co-pilot: YOU - ARE - DEAD!
Police helicopter pilot: TURN THAT THING OFF!
Police helicopter co-pilot: YOU WANT A LEAD SALAD?
Police helicopter co-pilot: I prefer moving targets!
Police helicopter pilot: You oughtta get some help, man.
Police helicopter pilot: Put your hands in the air, right now!
Police helicopter co-pilot: I see you, punk!
Police helicopter co-pilot: Keep runnin'!
Police helicopter co-pilot: You're dead, big boy!
Police helicopter co-pilot: This'll stop him!
Police helicopter co-pilot: I'm gonna kill him!
Soldier: I love this job!
Soldier: Do we get medals for this?
Soldier: This is what I joined up for!
Soldier: This is the army!
Soldier: THERE HE GOES, BOYS!
Soldier: SHOOT HIM, SHOOT HIM!
Soldier: THIS IS A WAR!
Soldier: Follow me, let's kill this bastard!
Soldier: This is better than training!
Soldier: Somebody tell my wife I love her!