Garfield

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Happiness adds and multiplies, as we divide it with others.
A. Nielsen
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Garfield is a popular comic strip created by Jim Davis, as well as the name of the main character of the strip.

From the Comic Strip

Garfield

  • I hate Mondays!
  • Happiness is a warm television set. (23 June 1978) [1]
  • Everything tastes good when you're on a diet. (1 Sept 1978) [2]
  • If God had intended for dogs to bark, he would've given them roots and leaves. (29 Sept 1978) [3]
  • As long as there is one rocking chair left in this world, no cat's tail is safe. (16 Nov 1978) [4]
  • I'm fat, and I'm lazy, and I'm proud of it! (31 Dec 1978) [5]
  • I'm only human. (22 Jan 1979) [6]
  • A true gourmet never shies away from a new taste treat. (8 July 1979) [7]
  • Show me a jogger and I'll show you a strange person with a thing for pain. (23 Aug 1979) [8]
  • Cats are just little people with fur and fangs. (12 Oct 1979) [9]
  • The things I do for this strip. (27 Dec 1979) [10]
  • Frailty, thy name is dog. (6 July 1980) [11]
  • Home is where they understand you. (7 Feb 1981) [12]
  • You know it's Monday when you find sharks circling in your water bowl. (03 Aug 1981) [13]
  • All the world's a cookie jar, and all the men and women merely crumbs. ... I happen to be one of the chocolate chips. (09 Dec 1981) [14]
  • If a dog were a faucet, it would leak. (14 May 1982) [15]
  • I'll get checked-up while the lady vet gets checked-out. (04 Mar 1985) [16]
  • I'm a creature of habit ... All the bad ones. (28 Apr 1985) [17]
  • It is said we were given two ears and only one mouth so that we can tell only half of what we hear. (13 Jun 1985) [18]
  • The only thing active about me is my imagination. (29 Jan 1986) [19]
  • Some people lose weight. I just give it a temporary leave of absence. (4 Dec 1986) [20]
  • Jogging's the disease. I'm the cure. (07 April 1987) [21]
  • Dogs appear friendly, but I'd hate to get caught between one and his appetite. (01 Feb 1987) [22]
  • On Odie: He was bred to be a working dog. Specifically, a paperweight or a doorstop. (16 Sep 1987) [23]
  • Food is a dichotomy...fat people hate to love it...and skinny people love to hate it. (8 Dec 1987) [24]
  • Well, another year is almost under the belt. And I've had 313 pretty good days. The Mondays sucked. (31 Dec 1990) [25]
  • It must be Monday. It's cold... it's dreary... it's raining... even inside the house. (4 Mar 1991) [26]
  • Jon says I have a bad attitude in the morning. Some people have to ease into the day. I feel better after I've killed something. (15 Feb 1993) [27]
  • Dogs are nature's way of telling us we could be worse off. (16 Mar 1991) [28]
  • They should give out awards for dull days. ... We'd have a trophy case the size of Canada. (28 May 1991) [29]
  • You can't rush art you big crybaby. (10 Jan 1992) [30]
  • I may be just a cat, but it doesn't seem to me that life is quite as simple as jon makes it. (1 Mar 2004) [31]
  • Standing is overrated. (29 Sep 2005) [32]
  • Freedom is overrated. (1 Sep 2006) [33]

[40] [41]

  • Beauty is in the eye of the bachelor. (29 Mar 2008) [42]
  • from "Garfield's Good Life Guide" in Readers' Digest ("RDPets," May 2007 issue, p. 226):
    • You never really own a cat. You can only make him happy and hope he won't leave you for someone better, like the pizza guy.
    • When I meet a new human, I know immediately whether he's a cat person. If he pets me and suffocates me with hugs, yuck! It's so over. But if he ignores me or is allergic or terrified, I find him irresistible.
    • If I bring you a dead rodent, I expect thanks. If you're not in the mood for a rodent, get in the mood. Appropriate responses: scratching behind my ear, praising me and putting the gift on some sort of pedestal or perhaps in a well-lit china cabinet.

Jon Arbuckle

  • GARFIIIIIELD!
  • Never trust a smiling cat. (5 Aug 1978) [43]
  • Cats are nice to have when you're lonely. (14 Oct 1978) [44]
  • I love getting mail. It's just another reminder you're alive. (16 Apr 1979) [45]
  • I think I'll step into the next room and have a nervous breakdown. (9 Apr 1980) [46]
  • I'm going to kill you, Odie! (27 Feb 1983) [47]
  • trying to charm his date: Your hair is like a field of golden wheat in the sun... Your eyes are like limpid pools of blue... Your nose is like an ice pick stuck in a barn door. (23 Nov 1991) [48]
  • With Garfield, the goal of a diet isn't losing weight. It's slowing down the gain. (24 Jul 1992) [49]
  • There are many, many things I will never understand... and they're all women. (16 Mar 2001) [50]
  • I'm an authority on boring. (6 Sept 2006) [51]
  • I may never reach my full potential. (8 Aug 2007) [52]

Dialogues

  • Garfield: (Lying down on the table) No animal is more graceful than a cat.
(Looks at the camera,still lying down and then moves head back to original position)
Garfield: You'll have to take my word for it.
(18 Mar 2008) [53]
  • Garfield: (Sitting in the rain) It must be Monday. It's cold... It's dreary... It's raining...
(Pan out to reveal that Garfield is indoors.)
Garfield: Even inside the house.
(4 Mar 1991) [54]
  • Jon: Our only thought is to entertain you.
Garfield: Feed Me.
(From the very first strip, 19 Jun 1978) [55]
  • Jon: You should start each day with a smile.
Garfield: That's a pretty tall order. Couldn't I start with a smirk and work my way up?
(15 Jul 1991) [56]
  • Jon: (To Garfield, suspiciously) Where's the filling to my sandwich?
Garfield: It's gone to food heaven.
(27 Feb 1991) [57]
  • Jon: Do you know what I love about you, Garfield? You're so unpredictable.
In the space of a few seconds, Garfield, who had been lying peacefully on Jon's lap, rips off the sleeve of Jon's shirt, hits Jon in the face with a pie, yanks Jon's pants off his body, and kicks Jon's chair over backwards.
Jon: Me and my biiiiiiiig mouth.
(14 Jul 1991) [58]
  • Garfield: If you can guess how many cookies are in this jar, you win the entire contents!
Jon: You ate them all, didn't you?
Garfield: WE HAVE A WINNER!
(1 Apr 1991) [59]
  • Jon: You get the house filthy, and I clean it!
Garfield: Ah, the delicate balance of nature.
(2 Feb 1992) [60]
  • Jon: I'm going to start you on your diet slowly, Garfield. For the rest of the week you may have no desserts.
Garfield: Fine and dandy. (Eyeing a double-layered cake) Helloooo, main course.
(22 July 1981) [61]
  • Jon: It isn't healthy for a cat to be as big as you are, Garfield. Why, you could get heart disease, get fallen arches… get harpooned.
Garfield: Couldn't resist, could you.
(17 July 1981) [62]
  • Jon: I have the last of the ice cream, Garfield.
Garfield: Fine.
Jon: I'm going to eat it, and you're not.
Garfield: Enjoy.
(Jon eats a spoonful and makes a terrible face)
Garfield: I replaced it with lard.
(1 Dec 1989) [63]
  • Jon: So, Doc, how's Garfield?
Liz: He'll live.
Jon: And how are my chances of getting a date?
Liz: I'm afraid they're terminal.
(1 Jun 1990) [64]
  • Jon: Let's drink out of each other's glasses.
Jon's Date: How romantic!
Jon: Actually, my last date tried to poison me.
(9 Apr 1993) [65]
  • Jon: It's a beautiful morning!
Garfield: Wake me in the ugly afternoon.
(2 Jan 1993) [66]
  • Jon: Hey Garfield, I've decided to throw a party. I'll invite all of my friends. I'd better start making plans.
Garfield: …And friends.
(8 Dec 1986) [67]
  • (Garfield brings Jon a snack.)
Jon: (Tossing a handful of the snacks into his mouth) Why, thank you, Garfield. … DOG FOOD?! QUICK! GIMME SOMETHING TO DRINK!:(Garfield brings Jon a bottle of…)
Jon: HOT SAUCE! I'M BURNING UP!
(Garfield brings Jon some water - in the goldfish bowl. Jon glugs it before he realizes what he's drinking.)
Jon: GOLDFISH WATER! ANTIDOTE! ANTIDOTE!
(Garfield brings Jon…)
Jon: ARRRRGH! ANCHOVIES!
Garfield: (Grinning) This could go on for days.
(9 Nov 1986) [68]
  • Jon: Reading a book of quotations "Time flies when you're having fun."
Garfield: Are you saying this day will never end?
(8 May 1991) [69]
  • Garfield: Never fear, Jon. No mouse will ever get your cheese while I'm around! (Tossing the whole hunk of cheese into his own mouth) No sirree.
Jon: *Sigh*
(6 Nov 1991) [70]
  • Jon: Garfield, there was a pan of lasagna here. Where's the lasagna?
Garfield: (Grinning) Resting comfortably.
Jon: Where's the pan?
Garfield: (Clutching his stomach) Resting not so comfortably.
(9 Feb 1990) [71]
  • Lyman: What's your tennis racket strung with?
Jon: Catgut.
Garfield: (grabs the racket) Aunt Reba!!
(6 Jun 1979) [72]
  • Jon (to the phone): I may not be rich, but remember this: money can't buy happiness.
Garfield: You rent it?!
(8 May 2006) [73]
  • Garfield: (Standing atop Jon's easy chair) From this vantage point, I can survey all that I rule!
Odie walks by, as does Jon, wearing a T-shirt that says "Kiss Me," a pair of heart-print shorts, and bunny slippers.
Garfield: Sigh… I abdicate.
(20 May 1991) [74]
  • Jon: Doc, how are you?
Liz: Fine
Jon: And how's your boyfriend?
Liz: I don't have a boy-
(Jon smiles)
Garfield: Lady, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Liz: -friend…
(26 Jun 2000) [75]
  • Jon: I'm bored.
Garfield You're also boring. (smiles) You do it all!
(21 Nov 2000) [76]
  • Jon: Quiet day today.
Garfield: Did I mention I rolled Odie up in a blanket and stuffed him onto the top shelf of the hall closet?
Jon: Very quiet.
Garfield: Quiet indeed…
(11 Sep 1993) [77]
  • Garfield: Hey, Jon, what's new?
Jon: My life stinks.
Garfield: I said what's NEW?
(2 Aug 1993) [78]
  • Jon: Somewhere out there is the woman for me!… hiding no doubt.
Garfield: That was MY line!
(29 Apr 2002) [79]
  • Garfield: (bragging to Jon) I came within an eyelash of catching that pesky mouse today.
Mouse: I'm back from Hawaii!
Garfield: OK, so it was several eyelashes.
(17 Apr 1997) [80]
  • Jon: How cute! Nermal brought me my newspaper! And my slippers and my pipe! What more could a man want?
Garfield: (dragging in a woman by her legs) How about a woman?
(25 Jan 1984) [81]
  • Garfield: What a dismal day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
Jon: Good morning, Garfield. It's a beautiful day today.
Garfield: What a beautiful day. I think I'll stay in bed all day.
(8 Mar 1982) [82]
  • Jon: Having a girlfriend changes everything, Garfield. The ways things taste, the way things smell. I'm gonna have to change my socks more often.
Garfield: Especially the way things smell.
(8 Aug 2006) [83]
  • Sign: Beware of Dog
(Garfield walks along)
Sign: Or visit me on the web at:
Sign 2 www. (sign goes off the page)
(14 Oct 2006) [84]
  • Jon: I'm in the mood to party!… Or fold laundry.
Garfield: There's little difference in Jon's world.
(15 Aug 2006) [85]
  • Phone (When Garfield picks up) May I speak to the head of the household?
Garfield No…
Phone Hello? Hello?
Garfield Cats can't talk.
(31 Jul 1996) [86]
  • Phone (Garfield picks up) May I speak to the moron of the house?
Garfield (Looking over his shoulder, seeing Jon and Odie) Could you be more specific?
(26 Jun 1998) [87]
  • Garfield sleeps at the doorway
Jon: (Walks in the door and trips over Garfield, spilling his shopping everywhere) ARRRRGH!
Jon GARFIELD! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE NEAR THE DOOR?!:Jon: (Gets up) I'm sick of tripping over you!
Garfield (Walks into the living room) All right! All right!
Jon: (Gets up and puts his shopping back into the bags) Why does this always happen to me?
Jon: (Walks into the living room and trips over Garfield again, spilling his shopping again) ARRRRGH!
Jon: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM?!
Garfield: (Puts paws on head) I can't win.
(7 Jun 1987) [88]
  • Garfield is building a snowman
Jon: (Offscreen) Garfield, hurry up! I'm getting tired!
Garfield: Gripe, gripe, gripe.
Jon: (Offscreen) And I'm freezing, too!
Garfield: You can't rush art, you big crybaby.
Cut to Jon dressed as a "model" for Garfield's snowman, wearing a white cap and a fake carrot on his nose and with his arms spread out wide a la the twig arms on the snowman.
Jon: The things I do for my pets.
Garfield: Hold still.
(10 Jan 1992) [89]
  • Jon: Garfield, why aren't women attracted to me?
Garfield snatches Jon's coffee cup
Jon: Hey! That's my Binky the Clown cup! (Throws temper tantrum) MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!
Garfield: I think I've isolated your problem.
(18 Nov 1991) [90]
  • Jon: So, doc, how's Garfield?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: And how's Odie?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: And how are you?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: Okay if I pay by check?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: How about a date?
Liz: Fine.
Jon: (Cheering) YEEESS!! YEEESS!!
Liz: THAT'S CHEATING!
Garfield: If you can't attract 'em, trick 'em.
Odie: ?
(13 Oct 1991) [91]
  • Jon is whistling offscreen, there is a plate of 4 cookies on the table and Garfield walks in with a cup of coffee
Jon: (Offscreen) Okay, here we go....Aaannnd... (Garfield picks up a cookie)
A loud crash is heard. Garfield takes a bite out of the cookie.
Jon: (Offscreen) Okay, okay, I know what I did wrong... Let's try that againnnnn... (Garfield takes a sip of coffee)
Something falls over, creating a second crash, glass breaks and there is a small tinkling noise is heard. Garfield finishes the cookie.
Jon: (Offscreen) ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY... YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP OR ELSE!! (Garfield takes another sip of coffee)
Something falls over again, creating a third crash.
Jon: (Offscreen) AAARRRGGHH!
Garfield: Christmas Tree: 3. Jon: 0.
(6 Dec 1998) [92]
  • Jon: (Watching Garfield eat) You know, Garfield... I wouldn't say you're fat, but...
Jon is shown with Garfield's food bowl lodged in his mouth.
Garfield: Then don't.
(2 Jun 1987) [93]
  • Garfield: (Showing a single cat hair to Jon) This is all I'll be shedding today.
He leaves the hair on the table and walks away.
Jon: I dread tomorrow.
(10 Oct 2002) [94]
  • Jon: (Showing a plate of food to Garfield) Garfield, see what this tastes like.
Garfield: (Sampling the food) Tastes like an old hyena!
Jon: It's old hyena.
Garfield: Then why don't I feel like laughing?
(24 May 1995) [95]
  • Jon: (On the phone) Hello, Evelyn? This is Jon Arbuckle. Would you care to join me in a little fine dining this evening? I know this cozy little out-of-the-way seafood bistro... Wonderful food... Great atmosphere... Pardon? Stinky Bob's Sushi Bar and Bait Shack.
Garfield: Cue the crushing rejection.
(1 Sep 2002) [96]
  • Jon and Garfield are racing for the last hot dog. Jon reaches it first.
Jon: HA! BEAT YOU TO IT!...Uh, Garfield, would you mind taking your claws out of my hand?
Garfield: Give me a good reason.
(25 Jan 1990) [97]
  • Jon: Why don't you ever listen to me?
Garfield: Huh?
Jon: Why don't you ever agree with me?
Garfield: That's not true.
Jon: Why don't you show me any respect?
Garfield: I do... bonehead.
Jon: Why don't you ever show affection?
Garfield: Catch me around a mirror sometime.
Jon: Why don't you cause me so much grief?!
Garfield: Because I'm a cat.
Jon: And why do I still love you anyway?
Garfield: See previous answer.
(06 Oct 2002) [98]
  • Jon: Two steak dinners, and make mine medium.
Irma: And your buddy's?
Garfield: Moo.
Jon: Rare.
Irma: Check.
(04 Mar 2002) [99]
  • Jon's mom: (reading a photo album) Here's you, Jonny, in the first grade.
Doc Boy: Awwww...
Jon's mom: And here's Doc Boy, running naked through the soybeans.
Jon: When was that taken?
Jon's mom: This summer.
Jon: (mockingly) Awwww!
(16 Dec 1993) [100]
  • (A spider hits Garfield with one of his legs, so Garfield squishes him with a newspaper, leaving it on top of him.)
Spider: Hey! What happened to "The Far Side"?
(17 May 1995) [101]
  • (Jon is talking to Garfield.)
Jon: I'm trying to decide which would be more exercise: Running around the block... Or running around you.
(Garfield now has an angry look on his face, and is showing his claws to Jon.)
Garfield: How about running from me, smart guy?
(18 Mar 2003) [102]
  • Jon: Cats are mysterious creatures.
Garfield wheels past him on a unicycle, while wearing a pair of underwear on his head, flapping his right arm like a chicken, and holding a pennant that says "I Like Ike" in his left hand.
Jon: And scary.
(30 Nov 1998) [103]
  • Jon: Just one bite of chicken and that's it, Garfield.
Garfield opens his mouth wide and puts the entire bird inside.
Jon: If you swallow, I'll tie a knot in your neck.
(24 Dec 1979) [104]
  • Jon and Garfield are just about to leave the farm.
Jon: Thanks, Mom. We really ha-
Mom: (interrupting) How about taking some food with you?
Jon: Well... maybe just a...
Mom: (interrupting again) Dad!
Cut to Mom tying something big to the roof of the car, while Garfield looks on, clearly pleased.
Dad: Hey, Doc Boy! I think that side of beef will fit in the trunk!
(11 Nov 1989) [105]
  • Jon: (brandishing a letter) This came in the mail for you.
He takes the letter out of the envelope and reads it.
Jon: Maybe now you'll consider dieting. You've been classified as a small planet!
Garfield: Cool!
(15 Apr 2004) [106]
  • Jon: Do you think glasses would make me look smarter?
Garfield: Let's find out. (leaves, then returns, wearing glasses)
Garfield: No, you still look stupid.
(5 Sep 1997) [107]
  • Jon: I'm starting your diet, Garfield. How would you like this head of cabbage prepared?
Garfield: Deep-fry that sucker.
Jon: Boiled it is.
Garfield: What we have here is a failure to communicate.
(4 July 1979) [108]
  • (Garfield chases Odie up a tree.)
Jon: Odie! Dogs can't climb trees!
Garfield: It's amazing what one can do when one doesn't know what one can't do.
  • Jon: Hey, Garfield, how are you going to get out of that tree?
Garfield: (bounces off of Jon and Odie's heads) Why, by using my head... and Jon's, and Odie's.

External links

Wikipedia
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