Gears of War

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In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there's no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.
Les Claypool
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Gears of War is a 2006 horror/sci-fi 3rd-person shooter game developed by Epic Games. The story takes place on a planet known as Sera, where a war-torn human civilization fights against overwhelming numbers of subterranean creatures bent on exterminating mankind.


Augustus Cole: I'm gonna find me some Locust and I'm gonna ruin their day! You know what I mean? I bring the pain!
Dominic Santiago: Man, don't you ever get tired?
Augustus Cole: Hell to the no!

Augustus Cole: You know it! The Train is a smooth ride!

Marcus Fenix: Let me be the first to salute the world as we enter this golden age of prosperity-
President: ...And peace.
Marcus Fenix: ... And Peace... I guess they all spoke to soon.

Colonel Hoffman: ...I want you to get in there, find those men, and deploy that resonator!
Lieutenant Kim: Will we have air support?
Colonel Hoffman: What? Are you kidding? You are the support, son! Nemacysts are keeping our Ravens out of the air so you'll have to move in on foot.
[Dom overhears him]
Dominic Santiago: We're screwed.

Lieutenant Kim: Here we go men...[to Marcus] You still got it?
Marcus Fenix: Guess we're gonna find out huh?

Child: Do you believe in monsters? Or the thing that lives under your bed? Do you believe that nightmares are real? Are you afraid... of the-
Child and Marcus Fenix: Dark?
Dominic Santiago: That fairy-tale stuff always scares the crap outta' me...
Anthony Carmine: Most of the legends are based on fact...
Marcus Fenix: Tell me about it...
[They all jump out of cover and start shooting at the Locust]

[Dom rescues Fenix from Jail]
Dominic Santiago: Welcome back to the army, soldier.
Marcus Fenix: Shit.

[While in a helicopter]
Marcus Fenix: So what do you think you'll do when this is all over?
Dominic Santiago: I dunno, I might teach philosophy.
Marcus Fenix: Right... today we'll be discussing the philosophy of putting a bullet in someone's head.

[While in a helicopter]
Anthony Carmine: Hey! Are you the Marcus Fenix, the one who fought at Aspho Fields?
Marcus Fenix: Yep...
Anthony Carmine: Wow! Cool!
Marcus Fenix: [to himself] Not really...

[After a large attack from Locusts]
Anthony Carmine: What the hell, man; those holes could pop up anywhere!
Marcus Fenix: You think we would find some sort of god-damned defense by now.
Lieutenant Kim: Command tried everything, but nothing's worked so far. If the Locusts want to come up, they come up.
Anthony Carmine: I used to have nightmares about those things when I was a kid.
Dominic Santiago: Shit, I still do...

[After capturing a Troika]
Lieutenant Kim: You good?
Anthony Carmine: Yeah, but I got a problem. Somethings wrong with this thing! [Tugs at his weapon] It keeps jamming... See?
[A sniper shot rips into Carmine's head as he stands up to show the jammed gun to Kim]

[Preparing to use the Hammer of Dawn on a Seeder]
Marcus Fenix: Alright Dom, let's drop the hammer!

[After meeting Delta Squad and seeing Augustus Cole]
Augustus Cole: Who loves ya, baby?
Damon Baird: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...Group Hug. Where's Rojas? [Cole's mood changes, as Rojas was killed]

[Hearing the Berserker]
Redshirt Gyules: Oh man, we're fucked...we're fucked!!! I'm getting out of here! OH, SHIT!!!
Redshirt Gyules: [runs around a corner, into a Berserker] Ahhh, ahhhhhhhhhh, AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
[Redshirt Gyules is ripped to shreds by Berserker; blood spurts past the corner]
Dominic Santiago: Oh my God...!
Marcus Fenix: Control, we have a Berserker in the vicinity, please advise.

[After a momentary sighting of a creature in a rainstorm]
Dominic Santiago: Did you see that?
Marcus Fenix: Yeah, I did. Kinda wish I hadn't.

[If the player doesn't drive well]
Chap: Next time, I'll stay at the exploding gas station! It's safer.

[A Berserker's roar is heard from a distance]
Dominic Santiago: Now what?
Marcus Fenix: Are you kidding me?! Berserker!
[Scene of Berserker smashing a crate]
Marcus Fenix: Anya! We're using the Hammer Of Dawn, right now!
Lieutenant Anya Stroud: [on radio] Negative, Delta, you can't! Not with all those Nemacyst inking the sky.
Marcus Fenix: Fine. We'll go to Plan B. [to Dom] You got a Plan B?
Dominic Santiago: What? Hell no!
Marcus Fenix: Shit...!

[Reporting the status of the resonance bomb he's carrying]
Augustus Cole: Suited, booted, and ready to get executed!

Dominic Santiago: You hear that? What the hell was that sound?
Marcus Fenix: It's just the wind.
Dominic Santiago: Yeah, right. When was the last time the wind said "Hostiles!" to you?

[New form of Locust peers from behind a pillar and hisses]
Dominic Santiago: Uh... those aren't drones.
Marcus Fenix: Ah, shit. Looks like they upgraded.
Damon Baird: They're called Theron Guards.
Dominic Santiago: You think they know what we're doing?
Marcus Fenix: Well, we're not here to sell cookies. So, they know something's up.

[Cole doesn't know what lambent means]
Augustus Cole: What the hell does "lambent" mean?
Dominic Santiago: Means they glow in the dark.
Augustus Cole: Yeah they do.

Dominic Santiago: Just don't screw up.
Drunken Stranded: Hey, I screw up, I'll never see your ass again, 'cuz you'll be dead!
Dominic Santiago: [muttering] I'm gonna kill this guy.

[Baird and Cole are at a Stranded camp while Marcus and Dom are carrying out a mission.]
Dominic Santiago: How's it going, Baird?
Damon Baird: [on radio] Oh, it's bullshit. Somebody here figured out that Cole played thrashball. Now it's all: [In a girly voice] "Oh, Cole Train, tell us all about that play again!" [normal voice] And, [girly voice again] "Hey Number 83, sign my shirt!" [normal voice] Where the hell are you guys?

Damon Baird: I told you I'd fix it [the APC]. Now we can get out of this shithole. [Realizing he just called his commanding officer's house a shithole] No offense.

Locust Queen: They do not understand. They do not know why we wage this war. Why we cannot stop. Will not stop. Why we will fight and fight and fight. Until we win, or we die... and we are not dead yet.

[When Marcus revives Dom]
Marcus Fenix: Fight through the pain!

[When Dom revives Marcus]
Dominic Santiago: Walk it off, pussy!

[After killing a Locust]
Marcus Fenix: Oh, that smells bad. What are these things made of, shit?

[After using a chainsaw on a Locust]
Marcus Fenix: Ha Ha! I could do that all day!

[After getting a kill or perfect reload on multiplayer].
Anthony Carmine: Shit yeah!

Augustus Cole: Yeah! Woo! Bring it on sucker! This my kinda shit!

[After chainsawing a Locust in half].
Sgt. Marcus Fenix: Hmm, got some on me. Now I've got the cooties.

[At random times throughout the game]'
Dominic Santiago: Eat Shit and Die!

[Talking to Dom from the sewers]'
Damon Baird: Screw you man. See how you'd like it. There's room for one more, it's a fucking party down here.

[After killing a Locust]
Marcus Fenix: Back in your hole!

[While RAAM is approaching Lt. Kim]
Locust Queen: I am pleased with our progress. I understand they located another squad. [RAAM punches Kim] Our strategy remains the same. [RAAM lifts Kim up and stabs him with his sword] Cut off the head and the body dies. [Marcus watches in anger. Kim dies and RAAM discards of his corpse] We will win this war. It's only a matter of time.

[After Lt. Kim is killed]
Dominic Santiago: [Grabs Marcus] No! We're here for Alpha and the Resonator, come on!

[When wounded]
Augustus Cole: I can't die. Mama said I can't die.

[When wounded]
Lieutenant Kim: Goddamnit, somebody help me out here!

[When wounded]
Damon Baird: C'mon, I wouldn't do this to you guys... ok, maybe I would.

[Referring to Marcus and Baird arguing]
Augustus Cole: Aw, ain't that cute.
Dominic Santiago: Like two assholes on their first date.

Marcus Fenix: Where are we going?
Lieutenant Kim: Embassy Square. Colonel Hoffman is waiting for us.
Marcus Fenix: Hoffman? Ah, shit.
Dominic Santiago: This is going to be awesome.

[Boomer enters cave at opposite end]
Boomer: BOOM!
Marcus Fenix: Ah, Shit!

[After Gears deploy the Lightmass bomb and head back to base]
Dominic Santiago: So what are we doing tomorrow?

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