Hercules

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Hercules is a 1997 film about the adventures of Hercules, the son of Zeus in Greek mythology.

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker. Written by Ron Clements, Barry Johnson, Don McEnery, Irene Mecchi, John Musker and Bob Shaw.
A Comedy of Epic Proportions

Hercules

  • Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay. And then that, that play, that, that, that Oedipus thing. Man! I thought I had problems.
  • But, Father, I've defeated every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm... I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm... I-I'm an action figure!


The Narrator and the Muses

Narrator: Long ago, in the far away land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extrodinay heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes... was the mighty Hercules. But what is the measure of a true hero? Now that is where our story--
Muse: Would you listen to him?!
Muse 2: He's making the story sound like some Greek tradgedy!
Muse 3: Lighten up, dude!
Muse 4: We'll take it from here, darling.
Narrator: You go, girls.

Meg

  • [about Hercules] He comes on with his big, innocent farm boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.
  • You know how men are. They think "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me. I'm yours."
  • Thanks for everything, Herc. It's been a real slice.
  • [while Hercules stutters for an answer] Are you always this articulate?
  • Bye-bye, Wonderboy.
  • I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.
  • Megara. My friends call me Meg. At least they would if I had any friends. So did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?
  • [getting down from Pegasus] I'll be fine. Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery.
  • [seeing Hercules hiding from fans behind a curtain] Let's see. What could be behind curtain number one?
  • [after a mob of female fans have left Hercules] It's all right. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed.
  • Everyone in Greece thinks you're the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pita.
  • I thought I smelt a rat.
  • [Hades arrives] Speak of the devil.
  • [as she lays dying in Hercules' arms] People always do crazy things... (groan) when they're in love.

Hades

  • How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat!
  • It's a small underworld, after all, huh?
  • Zeusy, I'm home!
  • You are correct, sir!
  • So is this an audience or a mosaic?
  • Memo to me, memo to me: maim you after my meeting.
  • He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey. They bet on the wrong horse, okay?
  • [to the Titans] Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way.
  • I'm about to rearrange the cosmos, and the one schlemiel who can louse it up is WALTZING AROUND IN THE WOODS!!!
  • Alright, so here's the trade-off. You give up your strength for about 24 hours-- Okay, say the next 24 hours, [fast] and-Meg-here-is-as-free-as-a-bird-and-safe-from-harm,-you-dance,-you-kiss,-you-schmooze,-you carry-on,-we-go-home-happy...-Whaddaya-say?-Come-on.
  • I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for eighteen years goes up in smoke, and you...are wearing...His...MERCHANDISE!!!
  • Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet, deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy but ever-so-crucial tiny little detail? I OWN YOU!!
  • [to Meg] You work for me! If I say "Sing", you say "Hey, name that tune!"
  • Baboom. Name is Hades, lord of the dead, hi, howya doin'?
  • Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and kick some Olympian butt!
  • Gotta blaze. I have a whole cosmos out there waiting for me... with, hey, my name on it.
  • [after Pegasus blows out the flames on his head] Whoa! Is my hair out?
  • Game, Set, Match.
  • My favorite part of the game. Sudden death.
  • We were so CLOSE!! We were so close, we tripped at the finish line! Why? Because our little nut Meg had to go all noble.
  • [heard after the credits end] What d'ya say? It's happy ending time! Everybody's got a little taste of somethin' but me. I got nothin'. I'm - I'm here with nothin'. Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm - What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace?! Hello, it's me. Nobody listens.

Phil

  • Two words: I. Am. Retired! [Hercules finger-counts in confusion]
  • I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yusses".
  • And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all; the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! [pause] BUT THAT MESHUGGANEH HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once and kaboom! He's history.
  • One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
  • Keep your toga on, pal.
  • Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathalons, but this is the big leagues!
  • Nymphs, they can't get their hands off me.
  • "It takes more than sinew, comes down to what's in you, you'll have to continue to gro-o-ow! Now that's more like it!..." --One Last Hope

Dialogue

Hercules: Meg, when I'm with you, I-I don't feel so alone.
Meg: Sometimes it's better to be alone.
Hercules: What do you mean?
Meg: Nobody can hurt you.

Panic: He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there.
Pain: You mean if he gets out of there.
Panic: If? "If" is good.

Hercules: You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
Hades: Oh, hmph. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
Hercules: Going once!
Hades: Hmm? Is there a downside to this?
Hercules: Going twice!
Hades: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay! You get her out. She goes, you stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Meg]
Hades: Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?

[Hercules survives the river and saves Meg]
Hades: This is... This is impossible! Y-y-you can't be alive! You'd have to be a...
Pain and Panic: A God?!

Meg: Is Wonderboy here for real?
Phil: What are you talkin' about? Of course he's real. Whoa! And by the way, sweet-cheeks, I'm real too.

Hades: Meg, my little flower, my little bird, my little nut Meg. What exactly happened here? I thought you were gonna persuade the River Guardian to join my team for the uprising, and now here I am, kind of River Guardian-less.
Meg: I gave it my best shot, but me made me an offer I had to refuse.

Panic: Hercules. Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?

Hades: So you took care of him, huh? Dead as a doornail. Weren't those your exact words?
Pain: This might be a different Hercules.
Panic: Yeah! I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays!
Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?!

Hercules: Aren't you, a damsel in distress?
Meg: I'm a damsel. I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.

Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah! I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?

Zeus: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades: Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?

Zeus: You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death!
[everone laughs]
Zeus: Oh, I kill myself!
Hades: [to himself] If only. If only.

[Phil is trying to tell Hercules the truth about Meg.]

Phil: Kid, listen to me! She's...
Hercules: A dream come true?
Phil: Not exactly.
Hercules: More beautiful than Aphrodite?
Phil: Aside from that.
Hercules: The most wonderful...
Phil: SHE'S A FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!!! SHE'S BEEN PLAYIN' YOU FOR A SAP!!
Hercules: Stop kidding around, Phil.
Phil: I'm not kiddin' around!
Hercules: I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to--
Phil: Kid, you're missin' the point!
Hercules: The point is I love her.
Phil: She don't love you!
Hercules: You're crazy.
Phil: She's nothing but a two-timin'...
Hercules: Stop it!
Phil: ... no-good, lyin', schemin'...
Hercules: SHUT UP!!! [Hits Phil]

Hades: Ladies! Hah. I am so sorry that I'm...
The Fates: Late.
Clotho: We knew you would be.
Lakhesis: We know everything.
Clotho: Past.
Lakhesis: Present.
Atropos: And future. [aside, to Panic] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.

[Hercules is fighting Nessus, and losing]
Phil: Come on, kid, concentrate! USE YOUR HEAD!
Hercules: Ah...
[Hercules headbutts Nessus, sending him flying]
Phil: Alright! Not bad, kid! [To himself] Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad...

Meg: Hercules, look out! [shoves him aside, the pillar falling on top of her]
Hercules: Meg! NOOOOOOO!!!!

[rushes over and begins to lift the pillar off of her, his strength suddenly returning as he holds it over his head]

Hercules: What's happening?
Meg: H-hades deal is broken... (gasps in pain)He promised I wouldn't get hurt...
Hercules: [takes Meg into his arms] Meg, why did you...?
Meg: People always do crazy things...(groans)when they're in love.
Hercules: M-Meg... I...
Meg [wryly]: Are you... always this articulate?

Other

Hermes: Fabulous party. You know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself.
Calliope: From that day forward, our boy Hercules could do no wrong. He was so hot, steam looked cool.
Thebians: "All we need now is a plague of locusts." (locust croaks) "That's it. I'm moving to Sparta!"
Hermes: Uh, Hephaestus has been captured, my lord. Everyone's been captured. (Pain and Panic grab him) Ah! I've been captured! Hey, watch the glasses.
Boy: Nice goin', Jerk-ules.
Boy: Call IX-I-I!!! [Note: Roman numerals for "9-1-1"]

Cast

External links

Wikipedia
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