How the Grinch Stole Christmas (film)

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It is vanity to desire a long life and to take no heed of a good life.
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For the 1966 animated cartoon, see How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (TV special).

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), directed by Ron Howard, book by Dr. Seuss, screenplay by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman.


[The Grinch gets his heart examined by an X-ray machine.]
Grinch: YES! DOWN A SIZE AND A HALF! [Turns to camera] And this time, I'll keep it off.

[The Grinch checks his answering machine.]
Grinch: Any calls?
Answering Machine: [electronic voice] You have no messages.
Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.
Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] "If you so much as utter one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key."
Grinch: Hmm. Hmm! Oh, well.

[Cindy Lou Who enters the Grinch's home to ask him to be Holiday Cheermeister]
Grinch: Hello.......little girl. HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?! THE IMPUDENCE!!! THE AU-DACITY!!! THE UN- MITI-GATED GALL!!! You've called down the thunder, now, get ready FOR THE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! Gaze into the face... of fear! BOOGA-BOOGA!!!
Cindy Lou Who: [perfectly calm] Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.
Grinch: You see, even now, the terror is welling up inside you...
Cindy Lou Who: I'm not scared.
Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of... pure evil. [makes ludicrous growling noises in a vain attempt to scare Cindy]
Cindy Lou Who: I don't think so.
Grinch: [trying to mend his pride] Doubt?! Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now, you're DOOMED! (comes back with a T-shirt and rips it in half while making noises like a pig and howling) RUN FOR YOUR LIFE... BEFORE I KILL AGAIN!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!! I'm a psycho!!!! (growls like a dog and laughs crazy while doing fake growling)

Grinch: Bleeding hearts of the world unite!

Grinch: [hating the Whos] Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!

[After realizing he has been humming Christmas music in his sleep]
Grinch: Blast this Christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant!

Grinch: Suffering snorkel blatz! They're relentless!

Grinch: [about Cindy Lou] Nice kid, baaaaaad judge of character!

Cindy Lou Who: Santa, what's Christmas really about?
Grinch: VENGEANCE!!! ... I mean... presents, I suppose.

Grinch: Oh, the Who-manity!

Grinch: Taxi...!
[A taxi passes but doesn't stop for the Grinch.]
Grinch: It's because I'm green, isn't it?!

Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there. On such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! 4:00, wallow in self pity. — 4:30, stare into the abyss. — 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one! — 5:30, Jazzercize. — 6:30, dinner with me; I can't cancel that again! — 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing — I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and slip slowly into madness. (pause) But what would I wear?!
(walks over to a table, pulls the cloth out without disturbing a single dish, then comes back and pushes everything off table. He puts on the cloth like a dress and studies himself in his mirror.)
Grinch: It's not a dress; it's a kilt! (tears it off) Sicko! (Max moans)
[Later, the Grinch finds a pair Christmas dungarees.]
Grinch: (while looking in the mirror) Ooh. Ah! Mmmm... That's it, I'm not going!
Grinch: (later) All right! I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me, grab a handful of popcorn shrimp and blow outta there. [starts to leave, then hesitates] But what if it's a cruel prank? What if it's a cash bar?! [growling] How dare they! [pause] All right, I'll go. But I shall have to late. No! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! [groans in exasperation] Definitely not. All right! I've made my decision! I'm going! And that's that! [shows his hand] Aw! Had my fingers crossed.
[Max pulls a lever, sending the Grinch sliding towards the party]

Grinch: One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
[Max barks]
Grinch: I dunno, it's some kind of soup!

The Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast,
and they'd feast, and they'd feast.
And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast!!
They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast.
But there's something I just cannot stand in least…
Oh no. I'm speaking in RHYME!!
Year after year,
I've put up with it now.
I must stop Christmas from coming
But how? (realizing he's rhyming) I mean-in what way?

Grinch: [messing with people's mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, blackmail, jury duty...

Grinch: All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas, you're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending; way too commercial. ACTION!

[Max knocks red nose off. A popping sound is heard.]

The Grinch: BRILLIANT!! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism! Why didn't I think of that?! Cut, print, moving on!

Grinch: I'm an idiot!
Cave: You're an idiot!

Grinch: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! HO HO HO! (bursts into song)

Grinch: Are you two still living?

Grinch: Fleas before beauty, thank you!

Grinch: Oh, Max...are you having a holly...jolly...Chirst-mas? (pause) WRONG-O!!!!

Major cast

See also

External links