The person who does not know how to live while they are making a living is a poorer person after their wealth is won than when they started.Josiah Gilbert Holland
- You know how some babies are born addicted to drugs? Well, I was born addicted to attention.
- You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.
- I personally think that noodlez is the best thing around, when i saw that 'N' up there I just thought to myself "daRn, that is the best thing around!"
- A little humour goes a long way. Johnny Carson said it's the number one aphrodisiac, so I must be very sexy.
- There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you're gonna eat it. And I'm hungry for rock 24/7,Byoch.
- Where do songs come from? INSPIRADO.
- I WILL catch the bug!
- Hi, I'm Jack Black, you probably know me from my movies and music, that's why you'll understand what I'm here about is very important to me: PIRACY. Look, super mega rock 'n' roll gods and stars are just regular dudes like you guys, we punch the clock, we put on the pants, then we blow people's minds. It's how we make a living! And then these pirates come, and they steal all our internets! I don't know how they do it, but these pirates can break into our entertainers' homes, make us walk the plank, and leave us broke. and you know what that means: no cash, no inspiration. No inspiration, no rocket sauce. No rocket sauce, no kick ass rock n roll, or movies! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT MR. LONG-JOHN SILVER?! WHATS YOUR PARROT GONNA LISTEN TO WHEN YOU GO TOE-TO-TOE AGAINST THE ENGLISH ARMADA?! JAZZ?! I DON'T THINK SO! Don't be a douche, stop piracy!
- I will take on all comers and cum on all takers!
- Hold on to your brain balls
- (On 'Who wants to be a millionaire) I'm going to take my 50/50 now (takes away two wrong answers)... I'm going to go ahead and take my other 50/50.
- I'd rather be the king of kids, than the prince of fools.
2006 MTV Video Music Awards
- Hey guys, there isn't gonna be a Plan B. You called me in to bring the thunder and that's what I'm gonna do.
- It's great to be here at the VMA's! I know this show's been a little sketchy in the past. But there isn't gonna be any problems tonight...is there Eminem?! Not here, someone should've told me.
- You know what I just realized? Jack Black...Jack White! [points to Jack White]
- Y-y-you know what? Fine! Go ahead, join the Black Eyed Peas! I-I-I don't need you...I don't need anybody! [runs away crying]
- [cries] I just want my friend back!
- [sings] Motherfucking friendship!
- No, if anything the band is famous is because of me! I'm like, Jared Leto and you're my 30 Seconds to Mars! [30 Seconds to Mars starts laughing]
- Wayne: Dude, you don't want a chick who'd beat up a mime. JD: Yeah, what does a mime even look like when it's having sex? It's probably like "Uhh..uhh... I'm a mime." Wayne: Dude, mimes don't talk. JD: They do when they're...off duty.
School of Rock
- Dewey Finn: Your kids have all really touched me, and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them.
- Dewey Finn: [raising his middle three fingers] Read between the lines!
- Ned Schneebly: I'm not paying your share of the rent. I don't know...maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.
Dewey Finn: What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?
- Dewey Finn: This is a tough competition. It will test your head, and your mind, and your brain, too.
- "She was like 'I'm gonna burn this mother down!', and I was like 'You better not! You better not!'" "She said it was an electrical fire." "Oh yea, a total electrical fire. It was like the fourth of July in there." "Where are your pants, Joe?" "I had to take them off, to outrun the fire, they were slowing me down!" "We got a sprinter, five foot, brown hair, white t-shirt...no pants....portly." -Orange County
- You might recognize me as 'Nachoooooooooo'
- I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.
- [Losing badly, about to take a big hit] Eagle powers... come to me! Please!
- Those eggs were a lie, Esqueleto. A LIE! They give me no eagle powers! They give me no nutrients!
- GET THAT CORN OUT OF MY FACE!
- Thank you. I mean... these clothes might have the appearance of riches. But beneath the clothes, we find a man. And beneath the man, we find... his... nucleus.
- chonco chonco.....lemme borrow some sweats!
Tenacious D And The Pick Of Destiny
- I gotta be light on my feet like a dancer, like a fuckin ninja.
- I'll rock the casbah and blow ya mind.
- "I'll have a small glass of carrot juice". "we don't have that". "well I'll have nothing.
- Kyle Gass: "How did that feel"." JB: Awesome, how did it look?"." KG: "Amazing..ly bad".
- [About to go on stage]
- Open mic host: Hey guys you're running a little late. We got one spot left, you got any new material?
- Jack Black: What we gots gonna turn your brain into shit!
- Kyle Gasse: Dust of the stage open mic host, step aside!
- (Singing) The mission is clear/I'm going over there/I'm going to do the mission!
- Lee: You guys were awesome! You changed peoples lives tonight!
- Jack Black: Yeah we were awesome...compared to bullshit!
The Goverment total sucks you motherfucker
- KG: 'Dude, it's the time Goblin'
- JB: 'He Gobbles time'
- JB: Yeah? Well there's just one problem with your fuckin' plan you god damn mother fuckin' stupid piece of shit. We're gonna kick the living fuck outta you!