Kevin Smith

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Sometimes the path you're on is not as important as the direction you're heading.

Kevin Patrick Smith (born 2 August 1970) American writer, film director and producer; he often appears in his own films as "Silent Bob".


  • Sometimes the path you're on is not as important as the direction you're heading.
    • Readers Digest, Quotable Quotes
  • Mr. Smith Goes To Hollywood : Jay is a creature of the Id, who has no filter as to what to say; he just says what's on his mind. So what's funny about the character is his lack of moral boundary. He says what he says without thinking of the repercussions, and I'm there to just roll my eyes.
    • Interview
  • I really wanted to make a movie where the worst thing that could happen at the end of the day, was somebody would write on a web site that 'Kevin Smith sucks cock' and spell 'cock' wrong.
    • Interview
  • ...That's just how I see male relationships. Just one pleasantry shy of a cock in the mouth.
    • Interview, on whether Randal Graves is gay.
  • In Hollywood, you just kind of fail upwards.
    • On how John Peters became a producer. From the DVD, "An Evening With Kevin Smith".
  • God is a great concept, [but it] doesn't work
    • Interview from the movie Fuck

Clerks (1994)

  • There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but not all of them bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you.
    • Silent Bob
  • What's up, baby? What's up, sluts?
    • Jay
  • Yeah, Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal. Ewww, you fuckin' faggot, I hate guys. I LOVE WOMEN!
    • Jay
  • Come on, Berzerker, girl think sexy.
    • Jay
  • That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl Mom.
    • Randal
  • Well, if we're so fucking advanced, then what are we doing working here?
    • Randal
  • Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat.
    • Dante
  • It's important to have a meaningful job boys, thats why I manually masturbat caged animals for artificial insemination
    • woman
  • What's your encore? Do you like anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?
    • Dante

Mallrats (1995)

  • Fly Fatass! Fly!
    • Jay
  • Silent Bob is an electrical genius. Back in the high school science fair, he turned his mom's vibrator into a cd player useing some chicken wire and shit. Motherfuckers like McGyver, NO motherfucker is better than McGyver!
    • Jay
  • Do it Doug!!
    • Jay
  • Action, excitement; Jedi crave not these things
    • Silent Bob

Chasing Amy (1997)

  • You gotta boil it down to the essentials. It's like Cube says, "Life ain't nothing but bitches and money."
    • Jay
  • [to Holden] What do you look so shocked for, man? Fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks just 'cause he doesn't say anything, it'll have this huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth.
    • Jay
  • Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? You're always yap-yap-yappin' all the time. You're giving me a fucking headache.
    • Silent Bob
  • Bitch pressing charges? I get that a lot.
    • Jay

Dogma (1999)

  • No Ticket
    • Silent Bob
  • I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar.
    • Jay
  • Thanks
    • Silent bob

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

  • In this world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, the monkey will spank US!
    • Jay
  • Fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand, if that money doesn't show, then you owe me owe me owe....My Jungle Love yeah owe owe owe. I think I want to know ya.
    • Jay
  • The sign! On the back of the car! Said 'Critters of Hollywood'! You dumb fuck!
    • Silent Bob
  • I don't know what the fuck you just said, little man, but you touch a brother's heart
    • Pumpkin Escobar

Clerks II (2006)

  • What do you ever add to the fucking preceedings? You've got one answer for everything, “Pussy, Man”.
    • Silent Bob
  • That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.
    • Jay
  • Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
    • Elias
  • Shit! Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?
    • Randal Graves

An Evening With Kevin Smith: Evening Harder (2006)

  • Sir, I just think that's it's fucking brilliant that you somehow managed to tie Chuck Norris, Chewbacca the Wookie, and Jesus Christ together.
  • Guy from audience: "Your wife is your beard!"
    • Kevin: "My wife is my beard isn't she? (silence) Oh sir, who was it? It was you? That was your move. Cause in your head you're going 'I'm gonna yell out your wife is your beard and they'll laugh like they laughed at the rock guy!' And you yelled it out, you got it out there, you had the guts to do it and shit, and then I even echoed it for you just in case the cheap seats didn't hear it, and there was fucking crickets sir."
  • What happened to Riggs?!
    • On how Mel Gibson has gone completely crazy
  • What's your name, new best friend?
    • Talking to a man who's walked up on stage and handed Kevin a bag of donuts


  • It's not like a passionate hobby of mine...
    • On watching his dogs shit - SModcast 21:Little Outhouse on the Prairie
  • There would always be a bunch of fucking grousers and nay-sayers being like "that was uncalled for"
    • On public reaction to The President calling a news conference and subsequently pulling Osama Bin Laden's head out of a brown paper bag. - SModcast 14:On Guard for Thee
  • Look at my dick
    • on what a chicken is likely to say to another chicken were you to successfully hide a microphone in a chicken coop - SModcast 10: Eating a Chicken's Soul
  • Don't get me wrong, I love Schindler's List, but it's not like "Hey man let's get loaded and watch Schindler's List." - SModcast 4: Can I get a (Masturbatory) Witness
  • That's fucked up, he's just sitting there eating...
    • On seeing Jason Bateman eating in public at Baja Fresh - SModcast 4: Can I get a (Masturbatory) Witness
  • Look at him eat soup, that's fucked up...
    • On seeing Sean Connery eating at a Catina in Universal Studios - SModcast 4: Can I get a (Masturbatory) Witness
  • Americans tend to celebrate even the most mediocre or basic accomplishments... It's like weddings to me. Why is that a big deal?... Why do you have to have a big shin-dig were you're like "look we're doing it" and everybody applauds and throws shit in your face. - SModcast 1: Fisting Flipper


  • How lame do you have to be to spend your time like that on the Internet? Can't you do something more constructive, like surf for porn? Or go into the real world and interact with people rather than cyber-sniping.
  • If I had any balls whatsoever, I'd make nothing but Jay and Silent Bob flicks for the rest of my life. However, being a critical whore, I've gotta move on and 'grow' beyond those characters.
  • It's incredibly flattering, and really ironic. I grew up quoting Fletch and Raising Arizona, and now people quote the flicks I've done back to me. Weird, but nice.
  • Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.
  • Now you've gotta spend two thousand bucks to stay at my house. And for five, I'll let you photograph my wife in the shower.
  • On one hand I'll stand up there and think I'm a pretty good storyteller but it has everything to do with the audience. Invariably, I get people telling me that I should do stand-up. Stand-ups generate their own material, but I'm up there answering questions and they lob me softballs.
  • Read the comics, which are probably far better than the film would be if I was involved. Otherwise, my version of Batman would be like him standing around talking for two weeks and not getting anything done. The Bat-A-Rang would never leave the utility belt. It would just be chatting.
  • Sometimes the path you are on is not as important as the direction you are heading. For, no matter if you take the Holland Tunnel or the George Washington Bridge you get to New Jersey, so long as you are heading west. The procedure involved in your path to Nirvana may meander, but a road worth traveling will have its twists and turns.
  • If a fat kid from the Jersey 'burbs could grow up to star opposite one of the biggest movie stars in the world in a summer blockbuster, then anything's possible.

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