Kindergarten Cop

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There's night and day, brother, both sweet things; sun, moon, and stars, brother, all sweet things; there's likewise a wind on the heath. Life is very sweet, brother; who would wish to die?
George Borrow
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Kindergarten Cop is a 1990 film about a cop who goes undercover in Astoria to find the ex-wife and son of drug dealer Cullen Crisp (who is in a murder investigation).

Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by Murray Salem, Herschel Weingrod, and Timothy Harris.
Go ahead, you tell him you didn't do your homework.

John Kimble

  • But what about your wife? Remember her? All this hard earned drug money she stole from you? How much was it? Three million dollars? I bet you she would be a much better witness.
  • Hey. I'm a police officer.
  • I'm a cop, you idiot! I'm Detective John Kimble!
  • Bring your toy back to the carpet!
  • I have a witness too, specfically about murder this time. Now you're mine.
  • You lack discipline!
  • Well I've got news for you; you are mine now! You belong to me!
  • Who is your daddy, and what does he do?
  • I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions and I want them answered immediately.
  • Stop it!
  • Shut up!!!
  • Kimble: I have a headache
Lowell: It might be a tumor.
Kimble: It's not a tumor! (pronounced TOOMAH)
  • I'm Detective John Kimble.
  • There (deer) is no bathroom!
  • Take it back!
  • My name is John Kimble [cocks shotgun] and I love my car.
  • [mockingly after the children laugh at him for accidentally sitting on a piano] Ha-ha-ha-ha. Quiet!
  • I'm the party pooper.
  • Hi, Cindy...
  • I want to hang out with you, till the end...of time.
  • You hit the kid, I hit you! [punchs Zach's father in the stomach, but stops after he was spotted by the kids]. You're not worth it. I'm pressing charges against you.
  • Stop whining!
  • I'm back!


  • You can't just walk in here and put a gun in my face. I'm trying to get a manicure. I have witnesses.
  • I know all about you, Kimble. Without me you wouldn't even have a life. My lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn't stand a sight of you.

Detective Phoebe O'Hara

  • You're not so tough without your car, are you?
  • taught them the basics. That's important.


  • Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. ~ Kindergarten student
  • Mrs. Schlowski: I want you to answer one more question, and don't lie. What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch?


  • An undercover cop in a class by himself.
  • Go ahead, you tell him you didn't do your homework.
  • He's the toughest undercover cop in LA. If you're bad he'll know it. If you're hiding something he'll find out. If you cheat he can tell. Now...
  • It's a jungle gym out there.


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