Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
To live is to go on a journey; to die is to come back home.Source Unknown
- Written and directed by Shane Black.
- Don't worry, I saw Lord of the Rings. I'm not going to end this 17 times.
- [voice over] I tell him about destiny; he's shaking his head. About dreamgirls; he doesn't care. I mention the underwear thing? He has a fucking conniption. And you? How 'bout it, filmgoer? Have you solved the case of the - the dead people in L.A.? Times Square audiences, please don't shout at the screen, and stop picking at that, it'll just get worse.
- This is every shade of wrong.
- I swear to God, it's like somebody took America by the East Coast, and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.
- [voiceover] I was wetter than Drew Barrymore at a grunge club.
- When in doubt, cut up a pig - that was the town's motto.
- Your mouth is a recommended place to put a sock.
- Doesn't that suck? I just hit you for no reason. I don't know why.
- It was the first time I felt how pitying someone and wanting to fuck them can get all tangled up in your head. Overwhelming sadness, meanwhile you got a Rodney. Is that sick? I think… yeah… I think that's sick.
- Don't quit your gay job
- This isn't good cop, bad cop. This is fag and New Yorker. You're in serious trouble.
- [About his Derringer] I call it my "faggot gun", because it's only good for a couple of shots and then you have to drop it for something better.
- I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls.
- He called her a... well, a bad word. [pause] Cunt.
- [to the camera] Thanks for coming, please stay for the end credits, if you're wondering who the best boy is, it's somebody's nephew, um, don't forget to validate your parking, and to all you good people in the Midwest, sorry we said fuck so much.
- Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?
- Bear in TV Ad: I drink Genaro beer. But then, what do I know? I'm a bear. I suck the heads off of fish.
- [After Harry fatally shoots him]:Harlan Dexter: Captain fucking magic.
- Mr. Fire: Well, well, look what we got here. How you doin' tough guy?[Harry grabs a gun] Oh, you got a gun. Damn, you are tough.[Harry shoots Mr. Fire to death.]
- Mr. Frying Pan: No he's the Fire. Fuck you, Mr. Mustard.
- Harry: Still gay?
- Gay Perry: No, knee-deep in pussy. I just love the name so much I can't get rid of it.
- Harry: Do you think I'm stupid?
- Gay Perry: I don't think you'd know where to put food, if you didn't flap your mouth so much. Yes I think you're stupid.
- Gay Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
- Harry: A picture of me?
- Gay Perry: No! The definition of the word "idiot"! Which you fucking are!
- Gay Perry: So she comes to the door with nothing on but the radio. And she leads me inside and I sit down, right? Well, then she sits right on my lap and lights up a spliff.
- Harry: Really? That happened?
- Gay Perry: No. Idiot.
- Harry: I swear to God, it's like somebody took America by the East Coast, and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.
- Harmony: OK, everyone who hates Harry raise your hand!
- [All the girls in the club raise their hands.]
- Gay Perry: See that? Obedient little bitches too.
- [Off-screen girl shouts "Fuck you!" and tosses a glass at Perry which he dodges]
- [Harry catches Agent Type feeling up Harmony, who's passed out.]
- Harry: You know what? You'd better be her doctor.
- [Agent Type looks up, busted.]
- Harry: Walk away, don't think, just do it.
- Agent Type: What are you, her brother or something? It's none of your business, man. I will fuck you up.
- Harry: [coolly] No. You'll try, and that little experiment will end in tears, my friend. So, again for the cheap seats, do not think, walk the fuck away - or let's you and me go outside right now. It's past my bedtime. Make a choice.
- [Cut to Harry getting the crap kicked out of him.]
- B-Movie Actress: So what do you do?
- Harry: I'm retired, I invented dice as a kid.
- Gay Perry: Merry Christmas. Sorry I fucked you over.
- Harry: No problem. Don't quit your gay job.
- Mr. Frying Pan: Well would you look at what we got here? Ike, Mike and Mustard.
- Harry: What the hell's that supposed to mean?
- Mr. Fire: You know I'm with him on that one, man. That was pretty fucking obscure.
- Gay Perry: I want you to picture a bullet inside your head right now. Can you do that for me?
- Gunman: Fuck you. Anyway, that's ambiguous.
- Gay Perry: Ambiguous. No, no, I don't think so.
- Harry: No, I think what he means is that when you say "Picture it inside your head" okay is that that a bullet will be inside your head. Or picture it in your head.
- Gay Perry: Harry will you shut up.
- Harry: Well he's got a point.
- Gunman: Look, I don't know anything about a girl, seriously. I was bluffing.
- [Harry begins unloading his revolver]:Harry: Oh okay, you know what? I think you are bluffing right now.
- Gay Perry: Harry what are you doing?
- [sticks one bullet in the cylinder and spins it.]:Harry: Well what I am doing for the guy who likes tobluff, is I am playing a little game called "Am I bluffing?" Where is she? Where the fuck is Harmony?
- Gay Perry: Harry,
- [Harry spins the cylinder again and closes it]:Harry: You want to play hard ball, I can do that. Where...is...the girl![The gun unexpectedly fires into the gunman's head.]
- Gay Perry: What did you just do!?
- Harry: There was only one bullet in that right?
- Gay Perry: You put a live round into that gun?
- Harry: Well I didn't know, I thought there was like an...eight percent chance.
- Gay Perry: Eight? Who taught you math?
- Harmony: Oh really? Where's Marleia?
- Harry: Marleia? Oh, Marleia fell asleep at my place and I didn't see you leave, so-
- Harmony: I left when you still had your tongue down her throat, Harry!
- Harry: Ooooohhh, wrong throat, wrong one, that's bad!
- Harmony: Yeah, that's baaad. You've got ten seconds, Harry.
(the above text is not correct, and was probably transcribed from dubious memory)
- A bad week in a tough town
- Sex. Murder. Mystery. Welcome to the party.