Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

From Quotes
When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing.
Rabindranath Tagore
Jump to: navigation, search

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999- present) is a long-running crime drama, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Special Victims Unit, a special squad dealing with sex crimes and crimes against children.

Spoiler warning: Plot, ending, or solution details follow.

Contents

Opening

Narrator: In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

Season 1

=== Payback [1.1] ===
[An investigation into the sexually-motivated stabbing of a cab driver leads the detectives on a trail back through time to Bosnian war crimes.]

Stabler: Okay, so it's not a robbery, but stabbings aren't necessarily sexual. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Is there a specific reason you called us out?
Detective: Whoever did this sliced off his "cigar" and took it with him. Is that specific enough?
[Benson and Stabler look at the victim, then look at each other.]
Benson: Works for me.

Jeffries: Doesn't sound like there's much doubt on the COD.
Munch: Do you think your conclusional pole vaults are personality- or gender-driven?

Cassidy: Sir, if the body's dead, is that considered a sex crime?
Cragen: Just go.

[After testifying in court, during which the defendant flashed the jury and was forcibly removed]
Benson: Hey. How'd it go?
Stabler: He's in Bellevue.
Benson: Jury came back that fast?
Stabler: He waved his flag at them before they had a chance. Nobody saluted.

[Cragen bites off a piece of red licorice.]
Cragen: Why is this ours?
Stabler: Doer sliced off the vic's unit.
[Cragen pauses, then spits out the licorice.]

Benson: Question. Who'd want to cut your penis off?
Victor: Take a number.

Victor: [to Stabler] Hey. You doing anything Saturday night?
[He purses his lips and makes a kissing motion at Stabler. Stabler smiles.]
Stabler: Oh, I'd hurt you.

[Munch picks up a doughnut and studies it. Cragen lifts a half-eaten chocolate one.]
Cragen: Aren't these fabulous?

Cragen: Didn't two of Spicer's married johns take a bust?
Benson: Yeah, about six months ago. Vice was targeting the piers.
Cragen: I'm sure their wives must have been thrilled.
[Munch chuckles behind Cragen. Cragen turns to look at him.]
Cragen: What are you doing?
Munch: Eavesdropping.
Cragen: Good, you're up to speed. What do you say you go interrogate a husband?

Mr. Dupree: You enjoy this, do you?
Cassidy: [laughing] Yeah.

Munch: A military plane drops JFK's coffin into 9,000 feet of water three years after the assassination. You don't find that suggestive, perhaps even a tad disquieting?
Cassidy: No.
Munch: No? The Justice Department waits 33 years before they impart this tidbit on the American people, and then they say they did it because it wasn't evidence? What are you, sheep? Will you believe anything?
Cassidy: [sheep-like] Naaaah.

[Jeffries enters the break room, where Cassidy, Cragen, and Munch are eating lunch.]
Jeffries: You guys going to eat all this?
Munch: Suppose we say yes.
Jeffries: Suppose I'm just being polite.
Munch: That will be a first.
Cassidy: It's cool. John doesn't eat vegetables.
Jeffries: Yeah? The way I heard, that's not all John never gets to...eat.
[Jeffries leaves with a container of Chinese food. Cassidy sucks on his fork.]
Cassidy: Ouch.

Munch: I'm never setting foot in the city of Baltimore again, as long as I'm on this mortal sphere.
Cassidy: Why? You're rich. Did your 20, got your pension, and you're on the job here.
Munch: I earned that pension with the sweat of my mind, while surrounded by intellectual insects. Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only another detective, but a member of my own squad.

Cragen: We don't get to pick the vic.

[Benson is physical ill after visiting a horribly mutilated blind victim of Serbian ethnic cleansing.]
Stabler: Remember that Tom Hanks movie where he managed the girls' team? [hands Benson a piece of gum] "There's no crying in baseball."

Stabler: So you don't think she murdered him.
Benson: [lying] No. I don't think she murdered him. She said she was in her office until around one. That was after he was killed.
Stabler: And no one else was there.
Benson: And no one else was there.
Stabler: And no one else was there. That is an anti-alibi.

Benson: Look. We know there are two killers, so. How are we going to find the other one?
Stabler: You mean the other one who also didn't do it?

[Stabler and Benson emerge from a building.]
Stabler: See, being in Europe? That's an alibi.

Cragen: I read the autopsy report. Now do you really believe that those two ladies were walking around with five and seven-inch knives in their purses every day?
Benson: I think we did the one thing that's going to allow me to sleep tonight.
Cragen: You just used your "Get out of Jail Free" card on this case, Olivia. There's only one in the pack.

A Single Life [1.2]

[The apparent murder of a solitary single woman resonates with Benson, who finds too many similarities between herself and the dead girl.]

[The squad is looking at pictures of the victim.]
Stabler: Eight stories up, eight down.
Cassidy: Looks like she was shot out of a cannon.
Cragen: Guy on steroids?
Munch: No, the Yankees are on a road trip.
Stabler: Yeah, they're down in Baltimore, kicking a little Oriole ass.

Benson: How about plain old testosterone-driven rage?
Jeffries: Her boyfriend?
Munch: Or girl. You could toss 100 pounds without breaking a sweat.
Jeffries: Toss you, you skinny-ass geek.
Munch: See? The rage?

Munch: The whole thing's a pyramid scheme.
Cassidy: What whole thing?
Munch: Laptops. We've become a nation of laptoppers, writing orders on our laptops, more laptops- whatever happened to pens?

Munch: [reading the title of one of the victim's articles] "How to build a better orgasm" in "Cosmopolitan." Somebody might kill for this.

Neighbor: Excuse me. How long does that girl's apartment remain a crime scene?
Benson: Why?
Neighbor's husband: We're next on the list for a one-bedroom.

Benson: Queens is a suburb? Since when?

Benson: Yeah, I'm a regular monk.
Stabler: Monkette.

Lawyer: So you're an expert on sex crimes- is that correct?
Cassidy: Well, we all have something to learn.
Lawyer: I'm sure. Can you tell us the technical or "psycho-sexual" term if you will, for fondling a stranger?
Cassidy: [hesitantly] Fromage...?
[Scattered laughter in the court.]
Lawyer: I believe it's "frottage."
Cassidy: Right. "Frottage."

Stabler: This woman makes J.D. Salinger look like a Shriner.

Dr. Daniels' lawyer: He was in Ms. Quinn's apartment briefly, at lunchtime, at her request, to attend to a crisis.
Benson: Or an erection.
Dr. Daniels: That's insulting.
Stabler: Really. I thought it was the absence of one that was insulting.

Journalist: What happened to Big Fatso? Coronary?
Stabler: Nah, retired and moved to Florida.
Journalist: Ah- Same diff.

[Questioning a news anchor about his relationship with the victim.]
News anchor: "Knew her." Does anybody ever really know anybody?
Stabler: Don't get philosophical with us. You're just a teleprompter jockey; we're just cops.

Munch: From the Greek, Cassidy, "Necro-", death, "-philia," love of. You try it.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Again.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Or "Egyptian Love" according to Henry Miller. Necrophilia.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Good man.

Benson: [reading] "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a-"
Cragen: Candiru.
Stabler: Say what?
Cragen: This is beautiful. Tell him.
Benson: "It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines-" Ow.
Stabler: [adjusts his seat] "Erecting sharp spines." There's a fish with a sense of irony.

Cassidy: Did you know necrophilia is not only with dead people?
Benson: [to Munch] Do you see what you started?
Cassidy: No, I got it off the Net. Supposedly some famous actor out in Hollywood, hires hookers to lie in an ice bath. Waits until they turn blue with the cold before diving in.
Munch: Let's move on. "Compulsive onanism."
Cassidy: "Onanism." [chuckles]

Benson: She was molested, you know that. That cold facade of hers?
Stabler: Maybe it's just living in Colorado.
Benson: She dresses more Fifth Avenue than Rocky Mountain.
Stabler: I'm...having a fashion police blackout.

...Or Just Look Like One [1.3]

[When a young model is viciously attacked with a claw hammer and dumped outside a hospital, the SVU teams up with Briscoe and Green to investigate what happened.]

[Briscoe and Green enter the SVU squad room.]
Munch: Hey, Lennie.
Briscoe: It's like a nightmare.

Dr. Olivet: Money, power, respect; supermodels are the Greek goddesses of our time, if you want to believe Camille Paglia.

Briscoe: You are looking at the fruits of four hours of dumpster diving along 59th Street. Nine dumpsters in all.
Stabler: You trying to tell me the two of you went dumpster diving?
Green: Hell, no. We supervised a couple of uniforms. I don't do disposable diapers.

Cragen: Hey Lennie, c'mon. I haven't eaten in an hour. [to Benson and Stabler] You guys go ahead. These guys owe me lunch.
Briscoe: I don't owe him anything. I'm just gonna supervise his doughnut withdrawal.

[Discussing alleged polaroids that Parisi took of underage porn]
Parisi: I have thousands of polaroids. I'm a photographer.
Munch: Yeah. And Larry Flynt's a publisher.

Benson: So where does he hide his dirty pictures?
Stabler: You got three choices: under the bed, in the back of the closet, or amongst boring and unappealing papers.
Benson: I take it that's another guy thing?
Stabler: Yup.

Benson: Munch, do us a favor.
Munch: What?
Benson: Get Parisi to sit in this chair and then suggest to him that Deborah rolled on him.
Munch: Ah, cute. The prisoner's dilemma.
Cassidy: What's that?
Munch: See, we get each to think that the other one confessed.
Cassidy: Damn, I love this job. I'll get Parisi.

Hysteria [1.4]

[The murder of a young woman in provocative clothing leads detectives to uncover the presence of a pattern killer targeting prostitutes in New York City.]
Jeffries: That's an open and shut case, Munch. Try not to screw it up with your insane rambling. And stop looking at my ass.

Stabler: I'd never let my daughters go out dressed like that.
Benson: Yeah, right. Just wait.
Stabler: What does that mean?

Munch: Back to the dead whore.
Jeffries: Jerkwad. Have some respect for the victim.
Munch: Hey, I respect hookers. At least they earn their money up front, unlike ex-wives, who get you with that lucrative back-end deal.
Jeffries: So you're saying all women are whores?
Munch: Don't be ridiculous. I don't know all the women in the world.
Cragen: Children!

Cragen: When you were at the 3-1, did you know a cop named Sal D'Angelo?
Briscoe: The 70s are a blur.
Cragen: Tell me about it. Closest I ever came to time travel.

Briscoe: D'Angelo's a bastard. C'mon. So are you. So am I. We're all bastards.

Wanderlust [1.5]

[The murder of a travel writer brings detectives to concentrate on his landlord and her daughter.]

[After reading aloud an excerpt from a travel book written by the victim.]
Munch: His wanderlust is one adverb short of Robert James Waller.
Jeffries: "The Bridges of Madison County."
Cassidy: That was incredible.
Munch: How about incredibly banal? Short and muscular sentences displaying total absence of original thinking.
Cassidy: I was talking about the movie.

Munch: Unnerving, isn't it? That such a degrading death could overshadow such a remarkable life?
Cassidy: It's like Rockefeller dying on top of his mistress.
Munch: It's still my preferred way to go.

Stabler: Drama's a major food group for teenage girls.

Munch: It's true a good Mrs. Robinson's hard to find, but women maturing faster than men? Conspiracy. The government's been covering up the harmful side-effects of RBGH, a hormone that farmers are using to produce more milk.
Cassidy: Like McGwire taking Creatine to bulk up, right?
Munch: The farmers don't take the hormones, Cassidy. The cows do.
Jeffries: So is there anything you just...accept?
Munch: Yeah. Compliments.
Jeffries: No wonder you're so skeptical.

Cragen: Your feelings will always be a part of your police work. The more you try to deny that, the more control they'll have over you. We work with different permutations of sex all day, sometimes all night long. Don't worry when you feel something. Worry when you don't.

Sophomore Jinx [1.6]

[A rape/murder at Cragen's old school pits detectives against a secretive administration determined to protect their prize basketball team, while Munch finds himself sympathizing with an intelligent suspect.]

Stabler: What do you think we're looking for, a rock, a brick, maybe?
Uniform: Who's going to look for that?
[Stabler and Benson look at him.]
Uniform: Me?
Benson: Yes.

Benson: Blood alcohol level was .27.
Cragen: Wow. Triple the limit. There was a time I yearned for a girl who could drink like that.

[Munch and Cassidy interview Mosley, a college basketball player.]
Munch: So you and Jean studied French literature?
Mosley: Yeah, why?
Munch: Well, I mean, "Communications," "Basics of Broadcasting..." But Rimbaud?
Mosley: Sure. I know that "First Blood" speaks of the existential angst of being jerked around by forces beyond your control.
[Cassidy looks bewildered. Munch and Cassidy leave the interrogation room.]
Cassidy: ...What did he say?
Munch: What a wonderful job he thinks the police are doing.

[On being ordered to produce a semen sample.]
Basketball player: I can't do this.
Stabler: What, you have a fight with your right hand?

Stabler: I never lived in a dorm. That's what I wanted to do. I even knew where.
Benson: Where?
Stabler: Are you ready for this? Everglades University.
Benson: Everglades?
Stabler: Yeah. Playboy magazine rated universities by their sexual temperature. E.U., always at the top of the list.
Benson: Beautiful. I can see you had your priorities in order.
Stabler: Thank you.

[Reporting on a sperm count of the two suspects.]
Jeffries: Cougar and Mosley's little swimmers were shipshape.
Munch: No kidding.
Jeffries: Yeah- remember when, John?
Munch: I could say the same thing to you, babe.

Carmichael: What did they call it before we invented the terms "date rape" and "sexual harassment?"
Cragen: "Boys will be boys?"

Carmichael: I need physical evidence on the murder.
Cragen: We'll need to recanvass the crime scene.
Carmichael: Do that. Meanwhile, search his home and office.
Cragen: I think I'm falling in love with you, Abby.

Lawyer: C'mon, miss, you're badgering my client.
Benson: It's "Detective," not "miss."

Mrs. Mosley: [welcoming Cassidy and Munch into her home] Charles. It's Mutt and Jeff.
Cassidy: [to Munch] Which one's Mutt?

Uncivilized [1.7]

[The SVU team is hit hard by the molestation and murder of an 8 year old boy, and attention focuses on a registered sex offender living in the neighborhood.]

Cassidy: You ever think about having kids?
Munch: Why, when I have you?

Munch: Look, when something out of the ordinary happens, you look for what else is out of the ordinary before the out of ordinary happens.
Mark: Don't patronize (pronouncing it patron-ize) me.
Munch: Actually, it's pat-ronize.

Munch: When I was a little kid, my parents told me never to eat sweets.
Cragen: So as an adult you overcompensate?
Munch: Yeah.
Cassidy: I'm guessing your parents also said you should never get married.

Advocate: Not all sex offenders are repeat offenders.
Stabler: You show me a first time offender, I'll show you a guy who's never been caught before.

Stalked [1.8]

[An rape-homicide hits close to home when the victim is an Assistant District Attorney, and SVU rallies when the murderer fixates on Benson.]

[Munch gestures to Cassidy.]
Munch: We've only been partners a few months but the man is starting to think like me. Only slower.

Cassidy: Yeah, go ahead. Rain on my parade.
Munch: I don't just want to rain on your parade. I want to blow up all the floats.

[Munch wiggles his finger through a doughnut at a parolee who was convicted of forcible sodomy and is currently working at a doughnut bakery.]
Munch: Does this turn you on?
Parolee: What do you want?
Munch: Isn't it a little dangerous for you to be around all these helpless doughnuts?

Munch: Guys, check this out. Teddy Kennedy lands in the water at Chappaquiddick on July 18th. Neil Armstrong lands on the moon July 20th. Think about that.
Jeffries: And?
Munch: You don't find that amazing?
Jeffries: Nope.
Stabler: You're learning, Jeffries.

Benson: He's stalking her.
Cragen: Impossible. We don't have a stalking statute in New York, ergo there's no way to stalk anyone.

[Upon hearing news that one of their suspects was found dead of an overdose in a small town by the Canadian mounties.]
Munch: Poor guy.
Benson: Poor guy?
Munch: Imagine trying to score smack in a place called Moosonee. Must've been hell. Easier to cop yak turds.

Benson: I sure as hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.
Stabler: Yeah you would.
Benson: Well, that's only because you have a wife and kids.

Stocks & Bondage [1.9]

[The puzzling death of a heavily pierced and scarred investment analyst could be suicide, accident, or homicide. But the course of the investigation opens up a whole different can of worms when the victim's employer comes under scrutiny.]

Cassidy: I don't get S&M. I mean, "Hurt me, that turns me on?" Come on, what's up with that?
Munch: It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.
Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just the gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
[Stabler slings his arm around Cassidy's shoulders and bares his tattooed arm.]
Stabler: You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
Jeffries: Seriously. Did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?
Stabler: No, I get that from working with you.

Munch: The powers that be always protect themselves and the FBI are their hired guns-
Cassidy: [finishes for him] -fronting for the Trilateral Council, the World Bank, and the Mansons.
Cragen: Masons.

Closure [1.10]

[An episode follows an investigation into the dead case rape of a young woman named Harper, from the point the rapist leaves to the identification of the suspect six months later.]


Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious does not lie.
Benson: I'm not lying. Not much.

Benson: Is it that obvious?
Stabler: I'm your partner. For better or worse.

Cassidy: When you get married-
Benson: If I get married.
Cassidy: As long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair.

Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask that you smell the defendant.

Stabler: You get to Tribeca a lot?
Lawyer: You don't have to answer that.
Stabler: What questions can your client answer?
Lawyer: Anything that's a matter of public record. I want to know what my client's being charged with.
Munch: You don't have to answer that.

Bad Blood [1.11]

[The murder of a gay man on the rooftop of a building could be a hate crime that leads back to his own family, the wealthy and influential leaders of a moral coalition that believes homosexuality can be cured.]

[Munch walks into the squad room and finds his colleagues filling out forms.]
Cragen: Police union found us better health insurance.
Cassidy: This form is longer than the last book I read.
Munch: Don't you see what they're doing?
Jeffries: Yeah, they're looking out for you, Munch. Psychiatric coverage increased to 80%.

[Cassidy turns his form back in to Cragen, who looks at it.]
Cragen: Uh, there's two "R"s in "hemorrhoids."
[The rest of the squad looks at Cassidy.]
Cassidy: I'm a desk jockey. What do you want from me?

[Regarding a pending interrogation.]
Munch: More specifically, he's mad at you.
Stabler: Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.
Benson: Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.
[Munch goes in to interrogate the suspect.]
Hale: I am not a homosexual.
Munch: Okay.
Hale: Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.
Munch: Actually, she was a half-sister.
Hale: She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.
Munch: You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?
[Cragen turns away from the window, where he is monitoring the interview.]
Cragen: Anybody know where Cassidy is?
[Cut to new scene. Cassidy is now interviewing the suspect.]

Russian Love Poem [1.12]

[Discussing the embarrassing death scene of the victim.]
Munch: They still didn't have to shove a banana where the sun don't shine. That's just rude.

[Discussing the victim's love life.]
Cassidy: For a 50 year old, this guy had a lot of energy.
Cragen: What's that supposed to imply?
Cassidy: Oh, nothing. I'm sure you and John have just as much.

Katya: This is America. You can't do this.
Benson: Sweetheart, let me let you in on a little secret. Cops are the same everywhere.

Disrobed [1.13]

[The murder of a judge leads SVU to a prison for pay scandal involving the purchase of sentences and paroles for criminals.]

Munch: Nice view.
Cassidy: Yeah, at night, too.
Munch: You've been here at night, too?
Cassidy: Yeah, you know. On a...a case.
Munch: Case of what?
Cassidy: Well, you know, like a...like a date. With a friend.
Munch: What friend is that?
Cassidy: Guy. Buddy of mine. Pal.
Munch: Uh huh.
Cassidy: What?

Munch: I want you to seal this crime scene tighter than an accountant's ass.

Munch: Afternoons he often spent at the library. He told his secretary he needed time alone.
Cassidy: To think deep, legal thoughts behind the wheel of his Caddy, fly open to the breeze.

Munch: "Hello and welcome to Parole Fone. If you want to pay with sex, press one. To make a donation to a phony charity, press two."

Cragen: Let her go.
Stabler: Why?
Cragen: Because her attorney said we have to.
Attorney: Alright. I'm asking.

Cragen: If I could, I would exhume the body and kick his ass.

[To abusive husband in prison hitting on Benson.]
Stabler: Why don't you play "The Dating Game" with someone who shares your clinical diagnosis.

Cassidy: Whatever.
Munch: My generation pioneered that succinct abstraction, but to me it still means diddly.

Limitations [1.14]

Entitled [1.15]

The Third Guy [1.16]

Misleader [1.17]

Chat Room [1.18]

Contact [1.19]

Remorse [1.20]

Nocturne [1.21]

Slaves [1.22]

Season 2

Wrong Is Right [2.1]

Honor [2.2]

Closure: Part 2 [2.3]

Legacy [2.4]

(An abused 7-year-old girl lays comatose as the detectives investigate members of her dysfunctional family to determine the source of the abuse.)


(Munch interviews a young girl)

Munch: Hi Jennifer, I’m Detective Munch.
Jennifer: That’s a funny name, Munch.
Munch: You think that’s funny? I guess if I ever have kids I’ll have to call them "munchkins".

Baby Killer [2.5]

Noncompliance [2.6]

Asunder [2.7]

Taken [2.8]

Pixies [2.9]

Consent [2.10]

Abuse [2.11]

Secrets [2.12]

Victims [2.13]

Paranoia [2.14]

Countdown [2.15]

Cabot: I need you to authorize this deal.
DA: Counselor, I am a public servant, and the public at large does not want this...boil on the butt of humanity living to a ripe old age!
Cabot: Charlie, think of the mother!
DA: I am! And I'm sure that she'd want to see him to die.
Cabot: Maybe. But she probably wants to know what happened to her daughter also.
DA: And what about the mothers of all his other victims? They want him dead. The city wants him dead. Even protesters against the death penalty want to see this guy dead!

Runaway [2.16]

Cabot: I'm willing to speak to you. However, you have no legal authority to compel me to answer any questions.
Internal Affairs Officer: We are well aware of that, Ms. Cabot. We're only trying to get to the truth.
Cabot: Aren't we all.

Folly [2.17]

Manhunt [2.18]

Munch: (to a serial rapist and murderer known as the Bowery Stalker) Shoplifting. Kind of an undignified end to such an ambitious operation.

Munch: (to the Bowery stalker) You had us stumped for over a year, Daryl. Your operations manual reads like a textbook in tactics and resource management. I've offered it to the curriculum committee at the Academy. I think the next generation of cops could learn a lot from you.

Parasites [2.19]

Pique [2.20]

[Warner is conducting the autopsy on the victim with Benson and Stabler in the room.]
Warner: External examination found no traces of semen. Further testing...[pulling out an organ and placing it in a scale dish] showed spermicides usually found in condoms.
[Benson and Stabler look on in disgust]
Stabler: This is fun.

[Benson and Stabler are at a suspect's mother's home, trying to locate his current address, though they avoid telling her that her son's a suspect]
Grace Mayberry: I don't like cryptic conversation. They require a prevaricating nature, which I do not possess. So either you tell me what this is all about...or you can locate Jason using whatever means you have at your disposal.
Benson: Do you know what obstruction is, ma'am? This is a murder investigation, and we need to speak with your son. Now.


Scourge [2.21]

Season 3

Redemption [3.6]

[Investigating a series of rapes/homicides resembling those of the 'Soho Strangler', Stabler is paired with John 'Hawk' Hawkins, who put a man away for those crimes 18 years ago. Unfortunately, it begins to look as if that man was innocent all along.]

Stabler: Oh God bless the Lawyers.

Hawkins: [reviewing old files after he has been drinking] I took 18 years from an innocent man. There's no way I can make that right.
Stabler: So what're you going to do, quit? What are you going to tell the parents of those girls? You made them a promise, and if you're the man I think you are, you'll keep it.

[Hawk has chased the killer to the roof of a building. When Stabler catches up, the suspect is clinging to the ledge as Hawk watches, ready to let him fall.]
Stabler: Don't do this Hawk. Don't let it end this way.
Hawkins: Come on, we both know the system sucks.[He presses his foot on the suspect's hand.]
Stabler: If you do this you're no better than he is.
Hawkins: He's an evil man, Elliot.
Stabler: [Quoting Hawk from earlier in the episode] 'All it takes for Evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.'
[Hawk is silent for some time as he looks down at the man on the ledge. He suddenly bends down to help him.]
Hawkins: [To Stabler] Come on, are you going to let an old drunk do all the work?

Counterfeit [3.14]

[A woman's body is found near her car after she was raped. Detectives Benson and Tutuola are paired to discover what the motive was, as well as why was her car's trunk full of forged drugs.]


Fin: Alright, nice dress.
Benson: Yeah, it was a nice date. Where's Munch?
Fin: He banged in sick.
Benson: He's such a hypochondriac. How many times has he had anthrax this week?

(Munch walks in on crutches)

Fin: I can't wait to hear this.
Munch: Your sympathy is overwhelming.
Benson: What happened to you?
Munch: Skydiving, hard landing.
Stabler: He wiped out riding his friend's Harley.
Cragen: Now the only thing he'll be riding is a desk.

Justice [3.19]

[In investigating the sexual assault of a 16-year-old, it's discovered that the victim is the rebellious stepdaughter of a judge, who is an old friend of Cragen's with dark secrets.]

Donnelly: Need I remind you that I am responsible for the integrity of this entire bureau?
Cabot: A judge has used the power of the court to further his own agenda. If the light we shine on him isn't brighter than the light we shine on the public, then this bureau has no integrity.

Denial [3.21]

[When a junkie is found raped, Tutuola takes an interest in her, but he's not the only one. When they find a finger in her purse, it opens a can of worms that spans back thirteen years, to when the girl witnessed her mother beating her baby sister to death, and even further back, when her grandmother turns her daughter in for the murder of her first-born son years before. The case is emotionally closed when Tutuola does an unexpected, and very rare favour.]

Claire: What kind of a name is "Fin?"
Fin: Mine.

[Benson and Stabler enter to find Dr. Warner inspecting a dessicated finger under a magnifying glass.]
Warner: It's official. The finger's dead.

Judge: Are you proposing to try your case right here, Ms. Cabot?
Cabot: No, I'm simply using rhetoric in order to make my point.
Judge: One of your more endearing qualities.

Claire: You have no idea what it's like to have a mother who doesn't give a damn about you.
Fin: [Reading newspaper] Violin's gonna start in any minute.

Claire: [To Fin] I could hug you, but I can tell you don't like to be touched.

Season 4

Damaged [4.11]

[The SVU team cooperates with a Homicide detective when a 6 year old shooting victim tests positive for gonorrhea.]


Detective: If Missy had kept her mouth shut, could've been a perfect crime.
Cragen: Hey, you don't know there's been a trampoline in the room, you won't dust the ceiling for prints.

Cragen: Tell me this isn't as bad as it seems.
Cabot: Oh, it is.
Cragen: And Missy's immunity is etched in stone?
Cabot: We can't touch her. We're screwed.

Missy: You can't kill me. I'm already dead.

Season 5

Escape [5.11]

[An escaped pedophile takes Benson hostage, and sends the detectives on a search for the truth regarding his case.]

Cragen: [Introducing a federal marshal] Deputy Eckerson is requesting our assistance.
Stabler: Wow. Pigs really do fly, huh?

[Fin escorts Jeremy in cuffs down the corridor.]
Jeremy: I didn't do anything.
Fin: Sure you did. You obstructed justice, hindering prosecution, plus you're a lying piece of crap. We're not gonna charge you with that one.

Bound [5.23]

[Detectives pursues a serial killer who stalks elderly women.]

Answering machine message: Hey, Spevak. You're late again. You better pay up, Doc, or we're coming over.
Fin: Doesn't sound like Mastercard.

Huang: I looked at the autopsy photos of the first three victims. [Tosses rope to Stabler] Strangle me?
Stabler: [Grinning broadly] I'll try.
Huang: [hastily reaches for the rope] I'll hold the rope.

Judge Terhune: [opening house door to find Novak standing outside] What the hell do you want?
Novak: I'm so sorry to bother you at home, Judge Terhune, but it's urgent.
Terhune: Well, I'm in the middle of something pretty important myself.
Man's voice: [from inside the house] Joe? Are you foldin' this hand?
Terhune: --No! [To Novak] Look. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon in. C'mon.
[Novak follows Terhune into the house.]
Novak: I just need your honor's signature--
Judge Ridenour: You just hit the jackpot, dearie.
[Novak stops at the door of a room. Inside there are several judges playing poker.]
Terhune: [sitting down at the table] I'm in. I believe you all know ADA Novak.
Novak: Judge Ridenour, Judge Petrovsky, Judge Wyler, Judge Bradley. I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked.

Judge Terhune: What was so important that it couldn't wait until morning?
Novak: An exhumation order.
Judge Bradley: Better sign it, Joe. Corpse might be a flight risk.

Judge Terhune: And you want me to disturb the sanctity of the dead on your say so?
Novak: I have a very convincing but long argument, that will disturb the sanctity of your poker game.
'[Terhune signs the order.]
Novak: [sighs in relief] Thank you.
Terhune: Go. Go. Go go. [Throws chips into the pot.]

Head [5.25]

[The discovery of a hidden camera in a public toilet turns into a chase for a pedophile when the voyeur's recordings show a sexual assault on a minor.]

Munch: Gives whole new meaning to "live, streaming video."
Huang: You're either looking for a urophiliac, that's a sexual attraction to urine, or a coprophilia--
Benson: Okay. Let's not go there.

Fin: [On the phone, regarding the toilet cam] To be honest with you, I have no idea how we're gonna identify the victims.

Munch: [Waiting for the voyeur suspect to answer the door] If there's any poetic justice we caught him in the bathroom.

Season 6

Charisma [6.7]

[A pregnant 12-year old puts the SVU unit on the trail of a charismatic cult leader, but when tragedy strikes some of them find there are some horrors they cannot handle.]
Huang: What do you most remember seeing after you entered the house?
Stabler: Dead bodies.
Huang: Anything specific about them?
Stabler: Bunch of dead bodies.

Huang: Then you think this is a big waste of your time.
Munch: Hell, no. I think we should all sit around all day and chat about our feelings.
Huang: Well, what do you want to talk about?
Munch: Well, it doesn't really matter. We can all talk until we're blue in the face. It's not going to change the fact that the human race is ever-evolving and will always come up with elaborate, repulsive, and depraved ways to kill each other.
Huang: And that's really the hard part for you, isn't it?
Munch: What?
Huang: That you can still be repulsed. As cynical as you try to be. You can still be sickened.
[Munch looks away.]

Identity [6.12]

[The death of a gang member seems to be related to a sexual assault, but Benson and Stabler discover when they find the victim that things are not exactly what they seem.]
[Finding a can of paint in an allegedly 'ex'-graffiti artist's locker.]
Munch: Looks like someone's still got the aerosol monkey on his back.

[In interrogation]
Logan: I don't know how to dumb this down for you anymore. It. Wasn't. Me.

Dr. Blair: [Regarding gender reassignment surgery] Any plastic surgeon will tell you, it's easier to dig a hole than to build a pole.

Benson: Dr. Blair, do you realize that disseminating pornography to a minor is a felony?
Dr. Blair: I showed them art books.
Stabler: Doc, I saw the art in your office and even I was uncomfortable at how many phalluses were on display.
Dr. Blair: That's because you're a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.
Stabler: You lost me at bourgeois.

Game [6.14]

[The squad is puzzled at the murder of a random woman until they discover that it is linked to a popular video game.]
[Fin and Munch interview a computer game designer.]
Designer: That sequence was an easter egg.
Fin: A what?
Munch: That's a hidden treat players can access for extra fun.
Designer: You're not as old as you look.

Designer: Stu used to work here. We had to fire him because he snuck copulating bunny rabbits into a children's game we make.

Parts [6.22]


[Upon learning that a disembodied head had traces of semen in her mouth.]
Fin: He didn't even let her gargle.

Huang: He disarticulated her after he killed her.
Munch: What's the fun in that?

[Munch and Fin head into a synagogue to find a suspect.]
Munch: Put this on.
[Munch hands Fin a yarmulke.]
Fin: I look Jewish to you?

Stabler: Cause of death?
Coroner: Heroin trip.
Fin: This girl didn't OD.
Coroner: No, I mean she tripped on the subway stairs because she was high.

Munch: Let's hope the rest of her is in there. Resting in pieces.

Body seller: Listen. It's not what you're thinking.
Stabler: Oh, you have no idea what I'm thinking.

Munch: No one should have to choose between obeying the law and watching their son die.

Season 7

Alien [7.11]

[An investigation into the near-fatal beating of a 12-year old boy uncovers a suspect whose trial becomes about the rights of same-sex parents.]

Small girl: One time, this big boy, he pushed Sean. He fell down.
Fin: What was the big boy's name?
Small girl: I don't know. But he's bad. I saw him smoking.

Boy: Just because I'm a recess monitor, doesn't mean I'm a narc.

Stabler: What'd you do, Charlie?
Charlie: He made fun of me. He said the reason my girlfriend won't have sex with me is that she's afraid I'll squash her.

Cragen: You gonna bring him in?
Benson: We're waiting for the crime scene report before we take another crack at him.
[Munch approaches with a file.]
Munch: Ask and ye shall receive, unless, of course, you're Jewish.
[Cragen takes the file.]
Cragen: I'm not.

CSU: I checked out the security cameras at Marty's Deli across from the school.
Fin: What were you doing at Marty's?
CSU: They got pixie sticks.

CSU: [Displays bagged scissors] Found these in the school dumpster.
Fin: She means I found them under the tuna casserole. All she did is stand and point.

Headmistress: When Emma's mother enrolled her at St. Victor's, she told us she was a single parent. She hid the fact that Emma has another parent. A woman.
Stabler: Emma's mom is gay.
Benson: So what's the big deal? Same sex couples raise children all the time.
Headmistress: Yes, but they don't usually lie about being gay and enroll their children in conservative Catholic schools.

Headmistress: How do you teach catechism with Emma in the classroom? "Homosexuality is a sin, kids, but oh, that's okay, Emma. Your moms are good people otherwise.

Stabler: In the six months since Zoe and Kate took St. Victor's to court, the whole family's been harassed. They've even changed their phone numbers twice.
Fin: Didn't do any good. Broken windows, graffiti on the doors. Zoe's filed six reports. Nobody's ever been charged.
Munch: Since when did New York become a red state?

Fin: But Zoe wanted to make a point. Take the school to court. Win one for the cause.
Munch: Someone's got to fight the fight.
Fin: It shouldn't be an eight year old.

Stabler: She's still Emma's guardian while Kate's in the hospital.
Lawyer: De facto guardian, yes. But the state doesn't afford her the right to make decisions for Emma. She's no more her parent or guardian than a babysitter would be.
Benson: You've raised Emma ever since she was born. How can you say that you're nothing more than a babysitter?
Zoe: I should have legal rights over Emma. But I don't. So why should I claim them now when it would only hurt her?
Lawyer: Confession's out. You want to talk to Emma again, go through me.

Novak: How'd it go?
Benson: Great. I love putting 8-year olds in lockup overnight.

Infected [7.13]

[When the accused killer of a teen's mother is released due to lack of evidence, the youth exacts his own justice by killing the man.]

DJ: Man, I ain't carrying, alright? And you can search me.
Munch: (Opens a front-loading washing machine and finds dozens of packets of crystal meth) Look at what I found.
Fin: Oughta be worth a couple of grand.
DJ: Can't pin that on me.
Fin: Yeah, but I might be able to pin a murder on you, DJ.
DJ: What?
Fin: The rape and murder of Monica Phelps.
DJ: No no no. I did not murder her.
Munch: (Studies bottles of detergent on top of the machine) So what should I use? Lemony goodness, or Mount Stream?

DJ: Thought she was working at a hot dog stand. She wouldn't be frying franks if she was dealing. Now wasn't I helpful.
Munch: Very. (He turns on the laundry machine.)

Non-profit worker: Ted has dedicated his life to helping people that other would consider trash. Addicts, whores, and degenerates. And he gets nothing in return. Tell that to the people who sent you. (She storms off.)
Benson: Well, she's got nothing to hide.
Stabler: Nooooooo, not at all.

Ted: (To underage girl in motel room) Why don't you just take off your clothes, and we'll have ourselves a good time.
Stabler: (Bursts into room with a drawn gun) Can we have a good time too?
Fin: (Entering) Me too. I bet we can all have a lot of fun.

Ted's lawyer: He was attempting to have sex with a minor, and you know this because you can read his mind?
Benson: We know this because he paid a minor $2,000 to have sex.

Stabler: Do you know how much you've spent on them, Ted? Have you done the math? Hm? $2 million. $2 million dollars worth of sex?

Ted: I need to say this. I've been unfaithful. Many times. But I've never paid anyone for sex. They were my girlfriends.
Stabler: Wow. You're a busy guy, huh.
Benson: So all the financial transactions that happened after the sex were completely unrelated.
Ted: I wanted to help them. I loved them.

Conrad: This study equates gun violence with an infectious disease. Anyone exposed to it is infected. Now you may not agree or like this study. Gun manufacturers don't like it either. It goes against their mantra: "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." But this study points to something that is almost unspeakable in today's gun culture, and that is that the blame for violence can be directly placed on the gun. Once you see someone squeeze the trigger, it's easier to do it yourself. Nathan saw his mother shot to death in front him, and at that moment he contracted the disease. It wasn't his choice, any more than it is your choice to catch a cold after someone sneezed on you. Violence is the disease. Guns are the virus. And we have an epidemic on our hands.

Novak: Does witnessing a murder justify a murder?
Benson: It doesn't justify it. But it might explain it.

Novak: You gave the jury a reason to acquit.
Benson: I was trying to tell the truth. I'm sorry.

Conrad: He's not testifying, period.
Donnelly: Let him.
Conrad: And let him incriminate himself?
Donnelly: Exactly
Conrad: Are you crazy?
Donnelly: [To Novak] What do you think?
Novak: A jury's been sworn in on a criminal case, a witness has testified. Do you see where this is heading?
Conrad: If you screw us over on this--
Novak: Trust me.

Lawyer: Your honor, this is a setup, perpetrated by the DA's office.
Judge Malloy: Mr. Getty, I'd agree with you, except that you're the one who called Mr. Phelps to the stand. This action is dismissed. Court is adjourned.

Blast [7.14]

[When an 8-year-old girl is kidnapped on her way home from school, DNA tests on the blood found in the abductor's abandoned van reveal she has leukemia.]

Stabler: "Password protected."
Computer Tech: My 6-year old could hack this.

Stabler: No way. You're not doing this.
Warner: I can take care of myself.
Stabler: No offense, but med school doesn't exactly prepare you for something like this.
Warner: The Air Force did. They paid for medical school. I did two tours at Ramstien during Desert Storm. I know how to handle myself around men with guns.

Warner: Give me a gun.

Danny: No. Everybody stays. They're my ticket out of here.
Stabler: You don't need them. You've got me. I'm a cop. So's every guy out there. They're not going to risk my life. As long as you're with me, you're safe.

Warner: He's my patient, Elliott. I'm not leaving without him.

Stabler: You okay?
Warner: Yeah. I got to pick up my daughter from school.

Manipulated [7.15]

[After a woman's body is found, Benson and Stabler delve into her private life and finally learn that in addition to being a respected lawyer, she was also a stripper.]

Fin: Hey, Tim. I hear you got a great wiener.

Stabler: A man's DNA doesn't just pop up inside a woman without his participation.

Benson: What do PNCs do?
Munch: Profit from the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Fin: Don't get him started on Dick Cheney again.

Munch: I miss the day when revenge just meant shooting someone.
Warner: And I miss the days when I never had to say I ran more DNA tests on that semen.

Gone [7.16]

Stabler: You like sea bass. You'll just love what we pulled out of the river.

Season 8

Cage [8.8]

[After a van plows into the river with children aboard, Beck and Stabler find themselves investigating a controversial therapy called rebirthing for out-of-control children.]

[Stabler approaches a van being hoisted out of the river.]
Stabler: John. What've we got?
Munch: Van tried to take a shortcut to Brooklyn. The river got in the way.

Fin: Van was registered to Frank Hovis of Albany. Unmarried, no kids, couple pops for assault.
[Cragen looks at a photograph of the women's shoe recovered at the scene.]
Cragen: Anything on Cinderella?
Fin: Nah. Maybe Frank's a tranny.
[Munch arrives with a tollbooth photo of the van's occupants, a balding male driver and a woman in the passenger seat.]
Munch: Cinderella's definitely a woman. Frank needs to join the Hair Club for Men.

Cragen: Dani doing okay?
Stabler: Yeah.
Cragen: See a future for her here in SVU?
Stabler: Sure.
Cragen: Don't want your old partner back.
Stabler: Since when was that up to me?

Mrs. Hovis: I haven't seen Frank in years.
Munch: We think he may have been in an accident, Mrs. Hovis.
Mrs. Hovis: Well, excuse me if I don't bust out weeping. The only time I hear about that deadbeat is when you cops come looking for him.
Munch: Mind if we check around?
Mrs. Hovis: Yes I do. I'm a respectable woman, I live alone, and I don't want the neighbors talking.
[Fin comes around the corner of the house, holding a pair of men's pants.]
Fin: They already are. Found these on your clothesline. Where'd they come from?
Mrs. Hovis: How should I know? Must've fallen out of a plane on the way into Kennedy.
Munch: I think I hear someone inside.
Fin: Don't worry, ma'am. We'll protect you.
[Munch and Fin push their way past Mrs. Hovis into the house.]
Mrs. Hovis: Hey!

[Fin pushes open the broom closet door and finds Frank in his underwear, crouching inside.]
Fin: Frank, that's pathetic.
Mrs. Hovis: [Acting astonished.] How'd he get in there?

[Stabler is stabbed in the chest with a pen.]
Beck: You gonna faint on me?

Beck: I couldn't have stayed so calm.
Stabler: Yeah you could. You know the right thing to do.
Beck: Just because you know what's right doesn't mean you do it.

Kathleen Stabler: Are you serious, dad? A kid stabbed you?
Kathy Stabler: Your father probably yelled at him.
Kathleen: Yeah, for not doing his homework.

[In the hospital, after Eden sets fire to Beck's apartment.]
Beck: Why'd you do it?
Eden: So you'd never leave me.
Beck: You could have killed us both.
Eden: Then we'd be together.

[Stabler finds Beck distraught outside Eden's hospital room.]
Stabler: Dani. This is not your fault.
Beck: I can't do this.
Stabler: Why?
Beck: I fix things. It's who I am. But I can't fix that little girl.
Stabler: That's not what we do.
Beck: But I wanted to. And I thought I could.

Beck: How do you keep doing this job?
Stabler: Because I have to.
Beck: Why? We don't make a difference.
Stabler: Dani, you can do this.
Beck:Are you asking me to stay?
[Stabler hesitates.]
Stabler: Dani, I can't. You've got to be here for yourself, not for me.
Beck: Yeah.
[Beck looks through the window at Eden.]
Beck: Bye, Elliott.
[Beck walks away.]

Sheherezade [8.10]

[Stabler agrees to hear the dying confession of a cancer patient, but first he and Benson do some digging into what possible crime Tierney's guilty of and come up with an unsolved case that goes back 47 years.]

Benson: It's never too late to help a victim.

Benson: What kind of father molests his daughter and then every year, sends her a birthday card to remind her?
Tierney: I don't know what your dad did to you, sweetie, but you need professional help.

Stabler: Eternal damnation is not a police matter.

Stabler: [To Huang] All you shrinks talk about is closure.

Huang: You can't rush Sheherezade.

[After Stabler tells Mrs. Colino that they found her husband's body, shot in 1971.]
Mrs. Colino: [To poker partners] Girls! I'm a widow!
Old woman: Congratulations. You want in this hand?

Stabler: Well, for once, Catholic guilt's a good thing.
Munch: I thought we Jews had a corner on that market.

Outsider [8.12]

[Fin teams up with a Brooklyn SVU Detective Lake when he's called on to investigate a rape at his son Ken's college.]

[After a rape victim that Ken brought in runs away.]
Ken: I blew it.
Fin: Fix it.

[Fin walks into an Edgar Allen Poe restaurant where the waiters are dressed in outlandish costumes.]
Waiter 1: We're a themed restaurant, sir.
Waiter 2: We dress up as Edgar Allen Poe characters. I'm the raven.
Waiter 1: And I'm the telltale heart!
Fin: [Flashes badge] And I'm the cop.

Lake: My gut says he's lying.
Fin: Your gut's a genius.

Lake: My gut tells me that's not our guy.
Fin: That's not your gut, that's indigestion.

Fin: Dr. Chanoor ever go after you?
Nurse: You kidding? I'd slice his nuts off with a scalpel.

Loophole [8.14]

[An anonymous tip and photographs that look like child porn leads the SVU to something utterly unexpected when Olivia goes down to a poisonous gas being experimented on tenement residents by their landlord.]


Passerby: Yo. What're you doin'?
Fin: Given' the little boy a donut.
Passerby: Why you wanna give the kid a donut?
Fin: Why you have a problem with us giving him a donut?
[Benson flashes her badge.]
Passerby: Oh. Alright. Cop's best friend.

Benson: When was the most recent burglary?
Passerby: I don't know, like, the night before last. How come you guys don't know that?
Fin: We too busy eatin'.

[Discussing a speculation that a robber who broke into an apartment found kiddie porn and forwarded it anonymously to the police]
Fin: Just because a guy makes a living breaking into other people's apartment, doesn't mean he likes kiddie porn.

[When Munch arrives late to a briefing and chimes in with information.]
Fin: Oh. You're late 'cuz you were doing something useful.

[When an suspect in interrogation starts using Q-tips on his ears.]
Fin: You gotta do that in front of us?
Suspect: I got a Cerumen problem.
Fin: You gonna have a face problem if you don't stop, and what the hell is cerumen?
Munch: Earwax.
Suspect: See, he knows.

Fin: On the fifth floor you heard somebody bust into an apartment through five slabs of concrete with a cerumen problem.
Suspect: I must've been having a good ear day.

Cragen: Where did you find this Looney Tune?

Fin: Look, we don't speak your dialect of crazy, okay?

[Regarding Munch]
Fin: Leave it to the prince of paranoia to take it up a notch.

Warner: No. This time, Munch isn't crazy.

Novak: You are thinking like a victim, 'Liv. if you were thinking like a cop, you'd realize that it's not that simple.

[Stabler wanders into the squad room late at night and finds Benson there.]
Stabler: I thought the joint would be empty.
Benson: I thought the doctors said you had to be on house arrest for two weeks.
Stabler: I can't stay away.
Benson: It's almost midnight.
Stabler: I didn't want Cragen to see me.
Benson: Yeah. I know the feeling.

Benson: It's easy to be passionate when you're one of the victims.

Stabler: What do you tell victims? Get help. The problem is you're not following your own advice right now.

Stabler: It means sometimes the only way to beat someone at a dirty fight, is to get right down into the gutter with them.

[The tech is attempting to hack into a corporate wireless network; he and Benson dodge security, looking for a signal. They enter the men's bathroom.]
Tech: I'm in.
Benson: It had to be in the men's room.
Tech: Well, I ... have a signal and nobody can see us.

Season 9

Alternate [9.1]

[The SVU squad deals with unexpected changes, while Benson and Stabler investigate a case of child abuse involving a woman with Multiple Personality Disorder.]

[On hearing that Cragen is being reassigned to the Chief of Detective's office due to his squad's poor performance]
Benson: That's insane.
Stabler: You want insane? Guess who they put in charge.
Munch: I had nothing to do with that. If drafted, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.
Fin: You are lying like a pile of tissues. You took the Sergeants' exam right behind our back. What's up with that?
Munch: I took it last year on a bar bet.
Cragen: Enjoy your new office, Sgt. Munch. Don't let the power get to your head.
Lake: It was an honor serving under you, sir.
Cragen: I'm not dead yet, Detective Lake.

Munch: I knew there was something hinky about her. It was so obvious.
Fin: Did superpowers come with that promotion?

Lake: [To Fin] I'm not saying I didn't see crazies in Brooklyn, but you guys are cuckoo magnets.

Avatar [9.2]

Fight [9.8]

[Investigation of a teenage girl's brutal death sends detectives into the testosterone-filled world of cage fighting.]

Fin: [Looking at an internet photo of Lake in a boxing ring.] Get outta here. That's not you.
Lake: Bet your ass it is.
Cragen: [reads] "Naptime Wins in A.C."
Fin: What, they call you Naptime because your boring stories put everybody to sleep?

Fin: Kona woulda beat yo' ass.
Lake: I would've held my own ... for a couple of rounds.
Fin: I would've liked to see that. Don't expect me to cry at your funeral.

Fin: [studying a Confederate flag on a frat house's wall.] 'sup with that flag?
Frat boy: KDA was founded by a direct descendant of Jefferson Davis. We're very proud of our heritage.
Fin: You know you lost the war.

Lake: Why would a young black kid want to pledge this fraternity?
Fin: A certain special interest group made waves.
Lake: You mean Al Sharpton picketed yo' ass.

School Administrator: Ah, Jadon. Yes, he and his brother Ezra exemplify Hudson's commitment to diversity.
Fin: That's rich white guy speak for I'm gonna let a couple of poor ghetto kids get a taste of the high life.

[Fin locks Janelle, the suspects' hooker mother, into a holding cell.]
Janelle: The teacher said they were geniuses.
Fin: They must've gotten it from their father's side.
Janelle: Hey, Uncle Tom! What's it like in the House?
Fin: Least I ain't selling it! [To Lake] --Damn. White, black ... I'm getting it from all sides today.
Lake: Hey, man. Her pimp called me a Mexican.
Fin: Is that good or bad?

[Fin and Cragen and Lake watch Janelle and her son through the observation window.]
Cragen: All she's put him through, and he still loves her.
Fin: When you don't have anything, you take what you can get.

[Lake stares at photos of the suspects in custody. Cragen approaches Fin.]
Cragen: That's great work, guys.
Fin: Thanks, Cap'n.
Cragen: Get your 5s typed and over to Novak so she can start prepping for trial.
Lake: I don't think those boys had anything to do with Julie Donovan's murder.
Fin: [to Cragen] I swear I didn't see him smoking crack.

Hooker: Lookit you throwin' around game, papi, actin' like you know yo' thing.
Fin: Little girl, I was doin' it before you knew what to do with it.

Savant [9.4]

[Detectives attempt to solve the horrible beating of a woman, the only witness to which is her mentally impaired daughter, who has Williams Syndrome.]

Katie: I'm Katie.
Munch: I'm Sergeant Munch.
Katie: Munch. That's funny. Can I have a hug, Munch?
Munch: No you may not. I'm a stranger. You shouldn't even be talking to me.
Katie: Okay, bye.

[After interviewing a group therapy group for parents of neuro-atypical children]
Benson: How's Kathy?
Stabler: Over 40 and having a baby. I just can't stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen.
Benson: So why don't you see a doctor?
Stabler: We're Catholic. Means it's better not to know.

Woman in clinic: [To Fin and Lake] Has the doctor told you if it's a boy or a girl?
Fin: Excuse me?
Woman: It's so hard for gay couples to adopt. A surrogate's really your only option.
[Fin and Lake look at each other.]
Woman: I don't get why they think that it's better to keep kids in the system than to send them into a gay home. You seem like a nice couple to me.
[Lake grins broadly and puts his hand on Fin's thigh. Fin looks incredulous.]

Stabler: And now we can't touch him?
Cragen: The Patriot Act trumps rape and attempted murder every time.

Agent Porter: You'll force me to make a formal complaint.
Fin: Where you shove that is up to you.

Novak: What would I be up against using Katie as a witness?
Munch: Anxiety, ADD, and they have trouble taking criticism.
Fin: That sounds like you, Munch.

Novak: The Patriot Act. This convoluted piece of legislature isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Stabler: Do you care at all or is this guy just a pawn to you?
Agent Porter: You're a bastard.
Stabler: I get that a lot.

Streetwise [9.11]

[The rape and murder of a wealthy teen seems to point detectives to a gang of street kids.]

Lake: The earring was hawked by Sunshine Smith, who lives at 6789 Peekaboo Lane. That's a fairy tale, friend.
Pawn shop owner: Now that you read it back to me, it does sound a tad bit suspicious.

[Reviewing pawnshop tape]
Lake: Man, you know it's illegal for underage kids to pawn.
Pawn shop owner: Hey, guy gotta eat.
Fin: You need to go on a diet.

[As Stabler handcuffs Cole]
Cole: You're gonna break my wrists!
Stabler: I'm Irish, but I'm not that lucky.


Signature [9.12]

[Benson works with FBI profiling agent Lauren Cooper when a dead man and woman are found in central park due to an anonymous tip. The woman is though to have been killed by a serial killer called 'the woodsman'.]

Agent Cooper: I don't think we need to hear anymore.
Dr. Warner: I speak for the dead and I'm not done.

Agent Cooper:[about woman's body] At least he didn't chop her up into little pieces. At least he let her keep her head.

Benson:[to Cooper] Are you okay?
Cooper:[crying] No. I said I wasn't used to dealing with victims.

[Benson is preparing to interrogate Cooper]
Cooper: You must get a lot of confessions in here. Can't wait to unburden the soul, confirm your deepest suspicions. They want absolution. They want to be able to sleep at night.
Benson: Can you sleep at night, Lauren?
Cooper: I sleep. Just. Fine.

Lake: [to himself] I'm gonna blow your freakin' brains out.
CSU Tech: [Overhearing] You better not be talkin' to me.

Benson: Just how close were you two?
Cooper: He was like a father to me!
Benson: Is that what they're calling it these days?

[Benson begs Cooper to make a deal and mitigate her sentence]
Benson: Take the deal, Lauren. It's a way out.
Cooper: No.
Benson: Why the hell not?
Cooper: [Pauses] Because those who fight monsters...better make damn sure they don't become them.[Pulls out gun.]
Lake: Gun!!
[Cooper shoots herself.]

Unorthodox [9.13]

[A 12-year old Jewish boy is sexually assaulted, and the search for his rapist leads Benson and Stabler into the Hassidic community.]

Stabler: You know, I was up all night with the baby. And it got me thinking.
Novak: You want me to send Jack to Family Court.
Stabler: I want to do what's right, Casey.
Novak: Sleep deprivation's making you soft, Elliot.

Principal cast