Lisa Simpson

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Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
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It has been suggested that this article or section be merged into The Simpsons. (Discuss)
Lisa Simpson is one of the main characters in the animated television series The Simpsons.


  • Do you have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
  • (talking about christianity while reasoning with people who believe that a human skeleton unearthed with wings is an angel) I just think angels are a fantasy. You can either accept science and face reality, or you can believe in angels and live in a childish dreamworld.
  • I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is. All I know is he's more powerful than Mom and Dad put together.
  • (playing hockey goalie): Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way! Jimbo, go for the face! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guards! Hack the bone! Hack the bone!
  • Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.
  • Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
  • Relax? I can't relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God, I'm losing my perspicacity!
  • Do you know what you're doing?
  • No!
  • Shove it.
  • Whaddya got?
  • Wait! Doesn't my father have the right to a fair trial?
  • Hey, you said we were going to Dairy Queen!
  • If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.
  • Are we there yet?
  • [After Bart gets sprayed by a skunk, and rubs the smell off on Lisa's sweater] Just ten more years! Just ten more years! Just ten more years!
  • [Upon seeing Homer's mother for the first time] It's like something out of Dickens or...Melrose Place.
  • Nope, says right there: "School Bus".
  • Bart, what's wrong?
  • And?
  • Excuse me. Bart's a little upset this morning, so could everyone please be extra-nice to him?
  • (moaning) Yes...
  • Dad, do you notice anything strange?
  • Ew, Dad, this is blood!
  • Whoops! Bart and I have to go wash up.
  • You're probably right, let's just go back to--
  • Stop it! I cheated! Cheated, cheated, cheated!
  • Satisfied?
  • Look!
  • (reading) Oh My God!
  • Oh yeah I got my mojo workin now.
  • Because of the Xanax, I’m not overanxious about being a Simpson anymore. I am a little anxious about being on Xanax, but the Zoloft covers that nicely.
  • BART!
  • Prayer... the last refuge of a scoundrel. (Said while spying on Bart as he kneels praying at his bedside, in season 2, episode 14,titled "Bart Gets an F").
  • Please, Bart, I've seen your stupid shemp.
  • Yeah, I've seen your curly too.
  • Mom, Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire and he has Bart!
  • Aah!
  • No, no!
  • (sternly) No dad.
  • You must drive this stake right through his heart.
  • Uh, Dad, that's his crotch.
  • It's so nice having everything back to normal.
  • Grampa's a vampire?
  • But no, we killed Mr. Burns!
  • You're the head vampire?
  • Mom?