Little Nicky

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He is not dead who departs from life with a high and noble fame; but he is dead, even while living, whose brow is branded with infamy.
Johann Ludwig Tieck
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Little Nicky (2000) is a comedy film written by, produced by, and starring Adam Sandler. Nicky, the only good-hearted son of Satan, goes on a quest to save his father from his evil brothers, Adrian and Cassius. On the way, he learns the basic differences between Earth and Hell (after dying several times), discovers what love is, and acquires a certain fondness for Popeye's Chicken.


  • Release the evil!
  • Release the good. Release the awesome!
  • I never been to Earth, Dad! I never even slept over some other dude's house!
  • Popeye's Chicken is fuckin' awesome!
  • [after being killed by a train] From now on, I'm just gonna try to avoid all moving metal objects.
  • Get in the flask!
  • The Prince of Darkness should have a sort of distinguished look to him, and let's face facts, I'm no George Clooney!


  • Kid's got a lot of evil in him just beggin' to come out!
  • [while peeing on Todd's door mat titled "I Love Acting"] You love acting, I love pissing.
  • [After firing an arrow at Adrian through his genitals] Now, that hurt the both of us.
  • Look, it's okay for me to shit in the street, but you gotta use a toilet.
  • The shit has hit the fan, kid!


  • Peeper: I think Victoria just told me her Secret.
  • Blind Deacon: [after sensing Nicky's presence] You make the Lord very nervous.
  • Priest: In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how we should live if we wish to obtain the splendor of heaven... or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a wiffle ball bat!
  • Basketball Audience Member: Now that was some straight up David Copperfield shit!
  • Townie: You can do it, Nicky! Kick him in his hairy balls!
  • Townie: You can do it, Ozzy! Bite his frickin' head off!
  • Gatekeeper: You can't go through there! The fire flows in, not out! You really suck!
  • Gatekeeper: Now you're gonna see what a big, horny bird actually looks Hell!
  • Demon: Popeye's Chicken is the shiznit!
  • Pete: My underwear is so far up my ass, I could taste it!


Satan: But, after much thought and careful consideration, I've decided that the ruler for the next 10,000 years is going to have to
Cassius and Adrian: What?!
Nicky: Hallelujah!
(they stare at Nicky) I mean...that sucks!

[Peeper takes out a cell phone and dials. The son, Scottie, answers.]
Scottie: Hello?
Peeper: Hello, Scottie. Say, why don't you be a good little boy and go downstairs and let your mother get comfy, all right?
Scottie: Who is this?
Peeper: This is a big bird who wants to see the rest of Mommy. Nah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mother: (gasps) Oh my God, Scottie, is that a man up our tree?
Peeper: No, no! Tell her it's just a bird! It's just a big bird! [tries to imitate a bird] Bwak! Bwak, bwak bwak! Bwaaak! Bwaaaaaaaaak! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!

[NFL quarterback Dan Marino tries to strike a bargain with Satan.]
Satan: I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I must respectfully decline.
Dan Marino: I can't stand retirement. Come on, just let me win one Super Bowl.
Satan: In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino.
Dan Marino: You did it for Namath.
Satan: Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways.
Dan Marino: This sucks! I'll just go to the Super Bowl as an announcer, and I'll win myself an Emmy!
Satan: That's the spirit!
Nicky: You're a good devil, Dad!
Satan: And I also happen to be a Jets fan!

Grandpa Lucifer: What's with all those "hoo-hoo" noises?
Satan: Everything's fine, Pop!
Grandpa Lucifer: Everything's fine? Who you bullshittin'? The last time you said everything was fine, the Renaissance happened!
Satan: Please, Pop, go back to your room!
Grandpa Lucifer: Hey, can I take him with me?
[points to Gatekeeper]
Satan: Sure, Pop, whatever you want. Tit-Head, go with my father!

Jimmy: You were gone 10 seconds. What happened?
Nicky: I got hit by this big light that was attached to a lot of metal!
Satan: That's a train, son. Don't stand in front of them.
Nicky: Well, I'll have to take a mulligan on this one!

Nicky: I just wanna find my brothers and be on my way.
Beefy: It's not gonna be easy. Your brothers can possess people, so they probably won't look like themselves. You have to be suspicious of everyone.
Nicky: Alright, "bro". Well, the jig is up, then!
(pulls out the flask) Get in the flask. Come on, slide right in.
Beefy: It ain't me, moron.
Nicky: Sorry, I...
Beefy: Now, there's this blind guy outside you might think is possessed, but he's just crazy!
Nicky: Okay.

[Beefy is teaching Nicky how to eat. Nicky takes one piece of Popeye's Chicken, and looks at it]
Beefy: Put it in your mouth.
[Nicky puts it in his mouth]
Beefy: Now, move your teeth up and down.
[Nicky chews it with his mouth open]
Beefy: Good, Numb Nuts. Now you gotta swallow it. Tilt your head back, and let the meat slide down your throat hole.
[Nicky gags]
Beefy: Easy, don't choke.
Nicky: (swallows) Popeye's Chicken is fuckin' awesome!
Beefy: Mm-hmm! Now, eat up, you're gonna need your energy.
Nicky: I got energy up the ying-yang! Let's go save Dad!
[runs out onto street with flask] Adrian! Cassius!
[gets hit by a bus]
Beefy: Oh, boy.

Popeye's employee: Can I help you?
Nicky: Get in the flask!
Popeye's employee: What are you talkin' about, man?
Nicky: I'm talking about an eight piece. Let's go.

Todd: Aren't you boiling hot in that outfit?
Nicky: No.
Todd: It's like 80 degrees in this hallway. Where you from, The South?
Nicky: Yes. The deep South. Ha ha ha ha!
Todd: Why is that funny?
Nicky: I don't know.
Todd: Oh, gross! He just opened his mouth and swallowed that spit!
Beefy: Oh, that turn you on there, RuPaul? Heh-heh-heh!

Father: Yep, the Lord sure did say a lot of hibbity jibbity bibbity swibbity...but, has he ever really done anything for any of us? Has he ever put a Jaguar XJR in my driveway? No.
Man: I love that car.
Father: Has the Lord given any of my enemies the Herpes? No!
Man: The Herpes?
Woman: The Lord gave my son the strength to get off drugs!
Father: Ma'am, I know your son, and believe me, he was better off on the drugs. At least when he was smoking hasish he used to make me laugh occasionally.
Man: After we tried for many years, the Lord finally helped my wife conceive a baby.
Father: No, no, no. Your best friend, Fitzy, helped your wife conceive a baby. He helped her conceive it all night long!
Fitzy: Hey, hey, hey!
Father: How 'bout you, Mayor? Has the Lord ever done anything for you?
Mayor: Well, you know, I...I wished I could think of something, but to be honest with you, I can't! I can't think of a damn thing he's ever done for me! Kind of makes you wonder if there even is a Lord. If there even is an ultimate punishment for our so-called sins! Why don't we all just have fun and do whatever the hell we want?! Hey, hey!
Father: Let the sin begin!
Cassius: "Let the sin begin!" That was a good one!
Adrian: This is so much fun! I never want it to end!
Cassius: Why should it end? Who's gonna stop us?!

Nicky: Your glasses are pretty; they make your eyes look big and sparkly. It's fun looking at them.
Valerie: Oh. My dad's an optometrist.
Nicky: My dad's in Hell and he's falling apart.

[before he makes a shot at a Globetrotters basketball game]
Nicky: (to basketball) I command you not to blow up and go into that metal circle. :[throws the basketball underhand, then at the last second, the ref jumps up and catches it]
Ref: Get that crap outta here!
Nicky: I know you're having fun, Cassius, but you really gotta come back to Hell!
Cassius: Look around you, Nicky! We're in Hell. The new Hell! Ha ha ha!
[Nicky looks over at the audience, and sees two pregnant women with Fitzy raising the roof, then to three men, shirtless, with the word "SIN" on their torsos]
Old lady: [as she swings a shirt around her head] Do it! Do it! Do it! Whee-eeee-eeeeeeeeee!
Cassius: Ha ha ha!
Nicky: I was sent here to take you back, and that's what I'm gonna do!
Cassius: Don't make me take out the shovel again, Trick!
Pete: I think we're about to see a devil showdown!
Nicky: You know, Dad got sick when you guys left!
Cassius: I'm glad he's dyin'...'cause it's my turn now!

[Beefy is having sex with another dog]
Beefy: Say "Mr. Beefy!" Say it! Say it!
Female dog: "Mr. Beefy"
Beefy: Aaaaand...I love you!

Chief of Police: This videotape will show what he did after he left the game.
Nicky: [On the news videotape which is actually Scarface] Say hello to my little friend! My name is Nicky, and I'm gonna kill all you suckers for no reason!
Nicky: That's not me; that's the cock-a-roach Tony Montana!
Chief of Police: It's difficult to watch, I know.
Nicky: This is Adrian's work!
Beefy: He superimposed your head onto Scarface!
Todd: Which is probably De Palma's third best film.

Nicky: Good luck with the nipple rubbing.
Nipple Guy: I don't need luck. I'm good!

[Nicky and Beefy are watching "Live with Regis and Kelly"]
Regis: So, I was driving to work today. Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off. So I followed him. When he got out of his car, I run up behind this guy and I start bashing his brains in with this bat. Did you ever see The Untouchables? I was De Niro!
Audience member: What's happened to you, Regis?!

Beefy: Your brothers are upsetting the balance between good and evil!
Nicky: Well, what can I do about it?
Beefy: You can't do Jack shit unless you learn your evil powers. Go get a soda out of the fridge.
Nicky: But those are my roommate's sodas.
Beefy: [mockingly] "But those are my roommate's sodas!" Does that sound like a statement the Son of the Devil would make?!
Nicky: All right, take it easy!
Beefy: Nicky, you have the power to change the cola in that can into any other liquid: engine oil, bat's blood, moose piss. You just have to release the evil within!
Nicky: Release the evil?
Beefy: I'm just sayin' there's wickedness in you. I can tell from your snores!
Nicky: Really?
Beefy: Release your evil!
Nicky: Release the evil. [tests his powers on the can of Coke]
Todd: What are you doing?!
Beefy: Oh! I--
Todd: All right, I'm going to pretend I didn't see a dog on the couch, because my brain just can't process that right now, but were you about to drink one of my Cokes?!
Nicky: No. I was just looking at it. It's beautiful.
[Todd opens the can and takes a sip]
Todd: This Coke tastes like Pepsi.
Beefy: You changed a Coke into a Pepsi?! That was your big transformation?!
Nicky: Come on man, give it up a little, I mean it was pretty good for my first try.
Beefy: Do you even care that your brothers are killing your father?!
Nicky: Yes I care! And he is not going to die! [[Flames come in Nicky's eyes then a loud explosion is heard]
Beefy: Atta-boy.
Todd: [Walks out of a hallway filled with smoke] I'm freaked out. My television just blew up.
Nicky: You're damn right it did! I mean, really?

Shop Keeper: Check out my stuff, I got a low price! Uh, I got a pepper shaker! I got a silver doodad from Africa!
Nicky: [approaches the stand]] Hey.
Shop Keeper: See somethin' you like, my man?
Nicky: Yes, I would like my flask back!
Shop Keeper: You callin' me a thief, my man?
Nicky: I'm callin' you the guy who has my flask.
Shop Keeper: How would I have it unless, I was, in fact, a thief?
Nicky: I don't know.
Shop Keeper: Now you've gone and done it. You've done messed with my buisness, bitch!
Nicky: I would appreciate it if you would keep your voice down!
[Flames come in Nicky's eyes]
Shop Keeper: goin' all crazy eyed on me! I'll show you some crazy eye!
[clicks tounge really fast with his fists up]
Shop Keeper: Look at this, c'mon, let's get busy!
Valerie: Excuse me, sir?
Shop Keeper: Who?
Valerie: Does, um, that flask belong to this man?
Shop Keeper: Now you gonna call me a thief, too?! Damn!
Valerie: Okay, look. Today, the guy you ripped off just happened to walk by and bust you, so why don't you just--give him the flask back.
Shop Keeper: What you gonna do if I don't, bite me with your snaggletooth?
Valerie: No...but maybe that policeman over there might have something to say.
Shop Keeper: Aww, take your dumb-ass canteen, Goofy! [turns to Valerie]] And you, get your raggedy ass clothes and find yourself another corner, before I show you what crazy really is!
Valerie: Fine, I will!
Shop Keeper: I'm a business man! Blebleblbelblh!
Nicky: I'll be seein' you in a few years.

John: Hey by the way, Nicky, check this out! [spins Ozzy record backwards, but just makes noise] What's Ozzy trying to say there?
Nicky: John, absolutely nothing. The Blizzard always came straight with his messages. But wrap your minds around this, gentlemen.
Beefy: Oh, no! Heh heh heh!
Nicky: Chicago.
[Nicky plays a song by Chicago.]
Todd: I love this song.
[Nicky spins the "Chicago" album backwards]
Record: I command you in the name of Lucifer to spread the blood of the innocent!
Pete: Oh my God, "Chicago" kicks ass!

[shoots the deacon with water from a fire hydrant]
Blind Deacon: WHOA, DEVIL!!!!
Valerie: Did you do that?
Nicky: Nobody calls my girl an evil slut.

[after being ratted out by Pete and John]
Todd: Judas!
Pete: Yeah, Judas Priest, maybe.

Blind Deacon: Why ya tauntin' me with your darkness?! Your evil, it's stinkin' up our streets! THE END IS NEAR!!!! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!!! [Runs into a lamppost]
Valerie: This town is really going to Hell lately!

Beefy: I used to get messed up like this with my first girlfriend, Heather. We'd get so loopy, she would forget I was a dog!
John: She was a human?
Beefy: No, she was a sewer rat!
(Everyone laughs hysterically)
Beefy: Man, that pissed my parents off!
Todd: You know, I was in love once, but she said I wasn't financially reliable and she needed that.
John: Now, by "she", do you mean "he"?
Todd: No.
Beefy: Busted!

Pete: Hey, how you feelin' over there, Satan Abdul-Jabbar?
Nicky: A little strange. I can't stop thinking about this girl, Valerie.
Todd: Why? Did she hurt you? Do you need to cry on my shoulder?
John: Easy there, Liberace.
Nicky: I was having the best day with her, until Adrian made me tell her she had a heart-shaped heiny.
Beefy: Maybe you love her, but what do I know, I can't even see straight!

Todd: Hey, you guys can crash here. I have an extra futon in the bedroom.
John: Eh, that's a big pass, Elton John.

Satan: That's right! You heard me, Holly!
Holly: What?
Satan: I'm still in love with you!


  • If Your Father Was The Devil, And Your Mother Was An Angel, You'd Be Messed Up, Too.
  • Be Unafraid. Be Very Unafraid.
  • He's Never Been To Earth, He's Never Even Slept Over Another Dude's House!
  • Being Evil Ain't Easy.

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