PAYNE:It's been two whole weeks since I killed me a man, and already I'm starting' to get the itch.
PAYNE: 'Cause killing's my business and business is good
Payne: Want me to show you a little trick to take your mind of that pain?
PAYNE: My name is Major, Benson, Winifred, Payne, I am replacing major Frankfurt as your commanding officer! (boys booing) (Payne fires several bullets into the air) PAYNE: Now what we have here, is a failure to communicate!
STONE:Cadet Alex Stone sir, yes, sir , hey , ho , sir! PAYNE:I see that you have a sense of humor, so do I. (Payne chuckles)
PAYNE: Now you run on back to bed before that man in the closet jumps out and cuts your little head off! (swings machete in front of Tigers face) TIGER: *Gasp* (runs away)
PAYNE: (Facing closet) He in there? TIGER: (nods) PAYNE: (unloads several rounds into the closet) If he's still in there he ain't happy!
PAYNE: (After finishing Tigers bedtime story) To be continued, when I get back, I'll tell you what Bubba used as a penis!
WOLIGER: Achoo! PAYNE: What the hell was that you little freckle faced cartoon? Did I give you permission to sneeze Opie!? WOLIGER: No, sir. PAYNE: Then you hold it before I kick your ass back to Mayberry!
PAYNE: (Yelling at Cadet Fox) What's your damage, muscle head? You stupid? You ignorant or are you just plain old deaf? WOLIGER: Yes, sir, he actually is deaf. PAYNE: Oh, thank you now drop down and give me 25 more for speakingout of line!
PAYNE: [Back to Fox] I'm sorry, Mr. Handicapped Man. I did not mean to offend you. Do you understand sign language? Can you read lips? FOX: (Nods to both) PAYNE: (Using various hand gestures) Let me break it down for you, if you don't answer me when I speak to you, I'm gonna put my foot in your ass, is that clear dummy!? FOX: Sir, yes sir!
PAYNE: You'll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit, and syphilis! Thats where you'll find my sympathy!
PAYNE: (To Emily) Here I got somethin' for ya. (puts a piece of metal in her hand) EMILY: What is it? PAYNE: A bullet. It's somethin' special, from my heart. EMILY: Where did you get it? PAYNE: From my heart, left ventricle, took it out myself with field knife.