Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it.Josh Jenkins
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- What's the butcher's bill?
- inquiring about casualties
- Do you not know that in the service…one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?
- England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship is England.
- Name a shrub after me— something prickly and hard to eradicate.
- This is the second time he's done this to me. There will not be a third.
- For England, for home, and for the prize!
- Right lads, now, I know there's not a faint heart among you, and I know you're as anxious as I am to get into close action. But we must bring them right up beside us before we spring this trap. That will test our nerve, and discipline will count just as much as courage. The Acheron is a tough nut to crack... more than twice our guns, more than twice our numbers, and they will sell their lives dearly. Topmen, your handling of the sheets to be lubberly and un-navy like. Until the signal calls, you're to spill the wind from our sails, this will bring us almost to a complete stop. Gun crews, you must run out and tie down in double quick time. With the rear wheels removed, you've gained elevation. and without recoil, there'll be no chance for re-load, so gun captains, that gives you one shot from the lardboard battery... one shot only. You'll fire for her mainmast. Much will depend on your accuracy... however... even crippled, she will still be dangerous, like a wounded beast. Captain Howard and the marines will sweep their weather deck with swivel gun and musket fire from the tops. They'll try and even the odds for us before we board. They mean to take us as a prize.
- Down! Down! Everyone down!!
- We do not have time for your dammed hobbies sir!
- You know, I'm very sympathetic of mutineers - men pressed from their homes, their chosen occupations...
- [quoting Samuel Johnson] He who would pun would pick a pocket, sir.
- (is drunk and is insulting Hollom by bringing 'the jonah theory' out into the open) It's like Killick says. Mornin' o' the battle, 'e doesn't 'ave the guts to beat to quarters. Then 'is entire gun crew's killed, 'cept for 'im. Momen' 'e goes up the mizzen, Will falls. And who's watch was it when we lost out wind?
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: Well, Stephen…the bird's flightless?
- Dr. Stephen Maturin: Yes.
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: It's not going anywhere.
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: To wives and sweethearts.
- Officers: To wives and sweethearts.
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: May they never meet.
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: Do you want to see a guillotine in Piccadilly?
- Crew: No!
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: Want to call that raggedy-ass Napoleon your king?
- Crew: No!
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: You want your children to sing the "La Marseillaise?"
- Crew: NO!
- [The crew is watching Dr. Maturin perform brain surgery on the ship's deck.]
- Able Seaman Slade: Is them his brains, Sir?
- Dr. Stephen Maturin: No, that's just dried blood.
- [The crew grumbles in disappointment.]
- Dr. Stephen Maturin: [after wiping away the dried blood] Those are his brains.
- Dr. Stephen Maturin: Well, Mr. Blakeney, it would appear that you have the makings of a naturalist.
- Midshipman Blakeney: Well, Sir, perhaps I could combine them to be a sort of. . . fighting naturalist. . . like you, Sir.
- Dr. Stephen Maturin: By comparison, the Surprise is a somewhat aged man-o-war. Am I not correct?
- [Everyone in the room freezes in horror.]
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: Would you call me an aged man-o-war, doctor? The Surprise is not old; no one would call her old. She has a bluff bow, lovely lines. She's a fine sea-boat: weatherly, stiff and fast... very fast, if she's well handled. No, she's not old; she's in her prime.
- [Capt. Aubrey is briefing his officers.]
- Capt. Jack Aubrey: Right! From now on, no sirs, no salutes, no ayes, no whistles, no bells.
- Officers: [as one man] Aye, Sir.