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Love is just a system for getting someone to call you darling after sex.
Julian Barnes
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Quotes regarding masturbation


  • I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
  • I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
  • If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't 'taper off'. You've got to quit, cold jerky!
  • The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it
  • The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly.
  • Now put yourself in the shoes of a Muslim. It's Friday night, but you can't have sex, and you can't jack off. There's sand in your eyes and probably in the crack of your ass, and then some cartoon comes along from a country where people are getting laid, and mocks your prophet. Well you know what? I'd be pretty pissed off too!
  • Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.
  • Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to reality.
  • Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners.
  • We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
  • If you're going to gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much.


  • Masturbation is just like procrastination, it's fun at first, but in the end you're just screwing yourself.
  • Marriage is like a game of bridge: if you don't have a good partner you'd better have a good hand.
    • Anonymous Internet proverb

External links

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