Me, Myself & Irene

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If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.
Katherine Mansfield
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Me, Myself & Irene is a 2000 film directed by the Farrelly Brothers.


Hank: Gonna stop skip-roping in the street?
Little Girl: I'm gonna tell my daddy on you, Charlie!
Hank: Wrong answer. And the name's Hank, Fuckface.


Hank: 'Vagiclean' Huh? Whats the matter Honey? Little extra cheese on the taco?
Mrs Bittman: Excuse me?
Hank: No, Excuse me. There's no tag on this.
[Grabs the microphone]
Hank: Price check on Vagiclean, Aisle 5. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, Aisle 5. Thats Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think its sourdough... Put a rush on that...


Hank: Warden, I want my own cell!


Hank: (After smashing the car through the shop window) There you go, Dick. Parked it for you. By the way, (Spits on the back of the ticket and sticks it to the windshield) you've got a headlight out.


Hank: Just because I rock doesn't mean I'm made of stone.


Hank: Hey ringworm...Yeah, I'm talking to you, you toxic waste of life. You gonna pick up that butt, or do I have to glue it to my shoe and stick it up your pimply a-hole?
Baseball Player: Hey buddy, chill out. It's just a cigarette.
Hank: Oh yeah? Well, This is just a fist. But when I start throwing it around I can leave one hell of a mess.


Shonte Junior: Ok, so I add up the atomic masses of the proton and neuron, I see's that, But what do I do with the goddamn electron? Can I bring it over here?


Jamaal: Enrico Fermi would roll over in his motherfucking grave if he heard that stupid shit!


Narrator: It's funny how a man reacts when his heart has been broken. Some men break down and cry like a baby. And some others take an uzi and climb a clock tower.


Jamaal: Man, i bet you 10 dollars i could shove a chicken up that guys ass.


Three Sons: Ya'll come back now. Thanks for watching our motherfuckin' movie!


Whitey: Hey, fellas. I think I got something over here!
(Everyone rushes over, and Whitey watches a fish, underwater, eat Charlie's thumb.)
Whitey: Nevermind, false alarm.
Lee Harvey: Damn, Whitey!

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