Love is the extra effort we make in our dealings with those whom we do not like and once you understand that, you understand all. This idea that love overtakes you is nonsense. This is but a polite manifestation of sex. To love another you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny.Quentin Crisp
- I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, AND I'm armed! Don't MESS with me!
- Look, she's gonna cry again. [imitating winner] 'Oh, if I only had a brain."'
- I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.
- There are no words.
- Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.
- [to Gracie Hart] If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.
- Matthews: You old fruitcake! Victor: How dare you, you... cupcake!
- Victor Melling: Why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?
- Gracie Hart: Because "Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" wouldn't fit on a license plate?
- Victor Melling: Your hair should make a statement.
- Gracie Hart: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'!
- Victor Melling: [teaching Gracie how to glide] See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty?
- Gracie Hart: It takes a very secure man to walk like that.
- Eric Matthews: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?
- Gracie Hart: You want me to beat it out of her?
- Eric Matthews: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.
- Gracie Hart: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
- Eric Matthews: Funny, so am I.
- Eric Matthews: All right, here are your new IDs. For pageant identity.
- Gracie Hart: Gracie Lou Freebush?
- Eric Matthews: Yeah, remember, you like that name.
- Gracie Hart: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points.
- Eric Matthews: so I was thinking, you know, when we get back to the city, after we write up our reports, and you get all ugly again, I don't know mayby we could have dinner you know...
- Gracie Hart: What do you mean? Like a date?
- Eric Matthews: No! Just casual dinner... If we happen to have sex afterwards so be it!
- Gracie Hart: you think I'm gorgeus, you wanna date me, love me and marry me!
- Cheryl "Rhode Island" Frasier: Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me - she said they were Satan's panties!
- Eric Matthews: Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.
- Gracie Hart: I would so love to hurt you right now.
- Victor Melling: As long as you smile.
- Victor Melling: What, no armored car?
- Gracie Hart: That would be in my other dress.
- Kathy Morningside: Of course he had a gun. This is Texas! Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!
- Stan Fields: I don't own a gun. My ancestors were Quakers.
- Unpolished. Unkempt. Unleashed. Undercover.
- She's Got A Killer To Catch... Right After The Swimsuit Competition.
- Never Mess With An Agent In A Dress.
- It's light beer and she's going to throw it up anyway
- I stand for world's peace.
- Sandra Bullock - Gracie Hart
- Michael Caine - Victor Melling
- Benjamin Bratt - Eric Matthews
- Candice Bergen - Cathy Morningside
- Ernie Hudson - FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald
- William Shatner - Stan Fields
- Heather Burns - Cheryl Frasier, Miss Rhode Island