Moral Orel

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In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
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Moral Orel (2006 - ) is an animated show on Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" segment, which centers around the life of Orel Puppington, a young boy who consistently fails in his attempts to understand and abide by Protestant Christian values.

Season 1

1.10 The Best Christmas Ever

Note: The Pilot episode was also the finale. It was aired first, but is chronologically last.
Orel: Dad isn't Shapey's father!
Bloberta: I know, Orel. I know.

Protesters: Every time you hear a bell, an angel burns in Hell!

1.01 The Lord's Greatest Gift

Orel: Gee, dad, I'm sorry I goofed up. I was just trying to be good, so you could love me more than you do now.
Clay: Oh, Orel. I could never love you more! People only have a certain amount of love in them, and I'm afraid I have to divide mine up between at least a dozen people.
Orel: Oh.
Clay: But remember son, I love you enough.
Orel: I love you enough, too, dad!
Orel: Behave Shapey, we're going to church!
Shapey: Shut up!

1.04 Waste

1.03 Charity

(playing with religious toys; kneeling Jesus, chained Samson, one unidentified one" Orel( engine and gun like gibberish)Ah, look Samson crack, Hooray, mhhh , poor people smoke it, it must be good. I'll say,(Orel voicing Jesus) hey Orel you better try some, its a sin to waste your money.(Orel as himself) Great Idea, I'll smoke the crack.(grabs the pipe and takes a hit)hallelujah ( eyes then dilate) picks up Jesus)(jesus without orel voicing him) "I hope you love it as much as i love you"( orel looks at the doll) Shut up Jesus" (throws Jesus) "Love yay"

1.06 The Blessed Union

1.05 Omniprescence

1.07 God-Fearing

1.09 Maturity

Orel: No Shapey
Shapey: Mine!
Bloberta: Orel play nice with your little brother
Orel: Mom he was pointing the B.B. gun right at his eye.
Bloberta: Well you're the older one deal with it. And for goodness sake give him his toy back. The whole neighborhood's going to think I'm a bad mother.
Orel: Sorry mom. Shapey be careful! Don't blow the tigger!
Shapey: Shut Uuuuupp!
Clay: Orel you know the rule. Don't upset your brother until your dad has had his first highball.
Orel: Sorry Dad, but Shapey..!
Clay: Is only seven. You should know better.
Orel: but
Clay: No buts young man. You need to behave more like an adult around here.
Orel: But I'm only twelve.
Clay: That's no excuse, why your own personal hero Jesus was very mature at your age.
Orel: He was?
Clay: Of course at twelve he was already proving the Jews wrong.
Orel: Wow
(Shapey shoots Orel in the eye)
Orel: Owwww!
Clay and Bloberta: Orel!

Clay: Excuse me family, daddy needs to powder his bladder.

Doughy: Gee why are we sneakin' around this tavern Orel?
Orel: Because Doughy I need to observe maturity and I figure there is no more mature place than...
(Gets cut off by two guys stumbling out of the tavern fighting)
Guy 1: Football!
Guy 2: Hockey!
Guy 1: Football!!!
Guy 2: Hockey!!!
Guy 1: Ahh Football!
Guy 2: Hockey!!!
Orel: Oh! Now's our chance!

Doughy: Gosh Principial Fakey is kissing Nurse Blinkless. I don't understand - isn't he married to Mrs. Fakey?
Orel: Don't question your elders, Doughy. Principial Fakey is in his 50's - he must know the best. We just don't understand yet.

Officer Papermount: Don't get me wrong being alone is great. It's just that I don't know what to do with my money.
Bartender: Oh I can think of a few things honey.
Officer Papermount: That's what I'm saying! I'll give you money!

Clay: That kid gets more action than I do.
Bloberta: I'm still weaning him Clay.
Clay: Bloberta, he's seven! He should not be using your milk to wash down his meatloaf which I pay for by working that stinkin' dead end job.
Bloberta: Ha ha, I'm so sick of your complaining! Why don't you just quit your job and quit being such a crybaby?
Clay: Oh thanks for the sympathy. You have never been on my side!
Bloberta: Why would I be on the side of a self destructive alcholic?
Clay: I can't believe I gave you the privilege of satisfying me every night!

(Pours a glass of alcholic beverage)
Orel: Yep, Maturity juice

(Orel opens the door and turns on the light)
Everyone: Surprise!
Orel: Great. Another year.
(Orel turns off the light and closes the door)

Bloberta: Have a good day at school, dear!
Orel: Ehh, have a good day yourself.
Bloberta: Hmm... Now where have I seen that behavior before? Have a good day at work dear!
Clay: Ehh, have a good day yourself.

Clay: I don't know what's gotten into you lately, young man. Our talks just don't seem to be helping.
Orel: But Dad - I thought I was doing what you wanted.
Clay: Why on Earth would I ever want you to take my precious alcholic beverages?
Orel: Because you wanted me to be more adult.
Clay: Orel, drinking on a daily basis is not the only way to be an adult.
Orel: Well I tried not talking about my feelings, too.
Clay: Oh son, behaving like a grown up is many things. First and for most it means doing things that you hate doing.
Orel: Like what, pop?
Clay: Well like dealing with people who make you unhappy, being stressed about things you have no control over, working soul-numbing jobs.
Orel: Ooh
Clay: Then gradually as we endure these hardships and accept them as normal, that's when we finally earned the right to get drunk and be emotionally distant from our families.
Orel: Just like my father. I love you dad.
Clay: I'm hungry too. Let's go eat!

Marks Rivers - The Sad Song

Sad, sad, and sadder than sad.
I'm sadder with each passing moment.
I'm much sadder now than a second ago.
Sadly even sadder now still.
I look back at life twenty seconds ago.
When I first sang of my sorrow.
Was a happier time that I'm living through now.
Which is bliss compared with what's to follow.
Sad.

1.09 Loyalty

1.02 God's Chef

Principal:Number one, gold as the sun. Number two, I have to go poo. Number three, set my sperm free. Orel! Were you masturbating?

Reverend: It's been bastardized over the years.
Orel: By who?
Reverend: Bastards! Fatherless bastards.

Season 2

2.01 God's Image

2.18 Love

2.04 Satan

2.07 Elemental Orel

2.05 Offensiveness

2.06 God's Blunders

2.02 Pleasure

2.11 The Lord's Prayer

2.03 Holy Visage

2.13 Be Fruitful and Multiply

Rev. Putty: (praying) Lord, Putty here. Reverend Putty, for what that's worth. I don't know what the deal is with you, but I do and do and do for you, and all I ask is one measly thing in return! Seriously, is a lady really that difficult to conjure up? I mean, you make trees for a living. And I'm saying it could be any lady! Any size, any shape, any colo— I mean, any weight. The point is, I'm not picky. Amen.

Orel: There's just so many ways not to be lonely. There are family, friends, faith... Hey, those are all "F" words. I wonder if there are other ways not to be lonely that also start with "F".
Rev. Putty: (after long pause) Think of any yet?
Orel: Nope.
Rev. Putty: Holy Moley! You are pure pureness in its purest form. It's almost irritating.

Orel: I think that as long as you have at least one of those "F" words in your life, you can't be lonely. For you see, a lot of the problems starts when people get too greedy and want all of the "F" words, and don't appreciate the ones that they have. Then they're just making their live miserable...and who ever heard of somebody actually wanting to make his life miserable. Amen.

Rev. Putty: Let's just cut the reverend stuff, okay?
Stephanie: What would you prefer? Pastor? Minister? Brother? Rod?
Rev. Putty: How about Father?
Stephanie: Sounds a little too Catholic, doesn't it?
Rev. Putty: You're right. Better make it Dad.

2.08 Praying

2.05 Repression

2.14 Turn the Other Cheek

Turn the Other Cheek (revised)

You've got make them turn the other cheek
Turn the other cheek
Anytime anyone makes a fist,
You punch 'em in the beak
It just becomes a reflex
'cause there is no time to think
Stop violence while you wreak
Righteous havoc on their cheek

Then they'll turn the other cheek
Turn the other cheek
They'll learn about the Bible
With your holy violent streak
It's the one-two punch that teaches them
that they should keep it meek
They'll be up Heaven's creek
When they turn their other cheek.


Clay: (as Orel undoes his pants for a "lesson") Forget it, save it.
Orel: But...aren't you going to teach me a lesson?
Clay: No, I'm not.
Orel: So, what does this mean, you're giving up on me, Dad?
Clay: Orel, a father never gives up on his son, because then he's not really a father; and if I'm not a father, all I really am is a husband, and that's practically worthless.
Orel: Uh-huh.
Clay: Also, you did follow my advice, kiddo, so punishing you would be an admission of wrongness on my part, and believe you me, that ain't gonna happen.
Orel: So why did we even come in here?
Clay: Well, we had to cast what's called a smoke-screen.
Orel: A smoke-screen?
Clay: Yes, it's a valuable tool I use in order to give your mother the illusion that I'm actually doing my job as your father.
Orel: Neat! You're the best, Dad. I love you.
Clay: Sure do. Well, we got about one more minute in here. (Orel and Clay just stand and sit there for just over a minute while the credits roll)

2.15 Geniusus

2.17 Courtship

2.09 School Pageant

2.16 Presents for God

2.20 Orel's Movie Premiere

2.12 Nature (Part 1)

2.19 Nature (Part 2)

Orel: (to Clay) "You become a bad person when you drink!"

Orel: "I hate you, Dad."
Clay: (utterly flippant) "Hate away."

Season 3

3.02 Grounded

Orel: I'm a Church!

3.01 Numb

3.08 Innocence

3.03 Alone

3.04 Trigger

3.06 Dumb

3.09 Help

3.05 Passing

Angela: Only God could explain why you stayed here with me, and your brothers and sisters didn't. It must have been all that praying I did during the pregnancy with you. Do you know I didn't even smoke? Imagine being that preoccupied that you forget to even light up a cigarette every once in a while. My stomach was tied in such knots, and...I was so steeped in all my prayers that I couldn't even force down a highball. I mean, if it wasn't for food, I would've wasted away to nothing; and of course, through everything that was going on through my mind, I never had time to horseback ride or go on a roller coaster. And that trampoline out back, that practically went to waste. With all that lack of exercise, it's a wonder you were ever born at all.

3.07 Closeface

Closeface

There's a blurry girl at the end of my nose
Her name is Closeface
And when she backs away, I don't know where she goes
That crazy Closeface

She's really different, but she's kind of like you
But her eyes are bigger and there's not always two
If it ever was not Closeface, I would be so scared

There's a dirty girl and she whispers to me.
Closeface, where is that Closeface
I don't know how much she weighs, but she's as big as I can see
Closeface, got to be Closeface

I think she thinks that I'm a perfect match
Cause I'm just her type when we are attached
And when she backs away, you are always right there

3.10 Sundays

3.11 Sacrifice

Clay: Well well well, Dr. Quentin Xavier Potterswheel!
Potterswheel: Clay.
Clay: Hey Doc, we were just talking about ex-wives.
Potterswheel: Uh, I'm a widower.
Clay: Oh right, right. Must be nice to lose a wife to sickness and death instead of her just plain ol' getting sick of you.
Potterswheel: No... Not so nice, especially when you're a doctor.
Clay: She just loved those painkillers! Probably didn't even realize she was infected, right Doc?
Potterswheel: She was... quite comfortable when she passed.
Clay: "Numb", some call it! Now, me and Jesus, we like to feel the pain. Tell me, doc. Did some of those painkillers protect her against you?
Potterswheel: What does that mean?
Clay: You know. The pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. With that face. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate- those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen. Why even wipe? And when you finally get one of these-- hum-buh-da-daa!-- coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it! But to horde it. To keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory! And you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough! That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all. And that you never acknowledged his existence because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were-- weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. That you love. And the only true justice was to let those dominant jackals feed on you. Survive off you.

Lost Commandments

11 Thou shalt be ashamed of thy natural anatomy.

12 Thou shalt only have sex face-to-face, man on top.

13 Thou shalt not bastardize the American language.

14 Thou shalt always clean thy plate and not waste anything, whether thy stomach is full or not.

18 Thou shalt be loyal to all thy friends at the same time.

19 Thou shall not masturbate.

29 Everything's fine.

38 Thou shalt never hold a gun without anyone to shoot at.

63 Thou shalt never forget thy loaded a gun when thou has an innocent child in the house.

See also

External links

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