My Boys

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Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship, never.
Charles Caleb Colton
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My Boys (2006-), created by Betsy Thomas, about a female sports columnist in Chicago. PJ has to deal with her romantic relationships while her world is dominated by her group of male friends.

Season 1

Pilot [1.1]

PJ: I've come to realize that almost everything in dating and relationships has a parallel to sports. Specially baseball. No. That´s probably because that´s what I do. I´m a sportswriter for the Chicago Sun Times. I cover the Cubs. It´s like for example your friends are you team. Okay that was easy.

Mike: After the third date chicks start expecting something.
PJ: Like a fourth date?

Brendan: So guys, I have some uh... yeah, I guess we can call it news.. Well, I was gonna come up and say this...
PJ: You broke up with Wendy
Brendan: Yeah how did you know?
PJ: Dude you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.
Kenny: Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.
Mike: Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.
PJ: It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.

Brendan: You know what I mean, right? Nothing happened.
PJ: Hum... huh.
Brendan: What ´huh´?
PJ: Brendan, you got a bootie-call.
Brendan: What? No, I told you nothing happened. We just talked.
PJ: No I know. See, sex is the guy´s bootie-call, you got the girl bootie-call.
Mike: The girl bootie call?
PJ: Yeah it´s the most complex of all bootie-calls. You see, with the girl bootie-call she needs that emotional fix. You know, the ´hold me I´m scared´, ´I´m so lonely here without you´.The minute she finds somebody else, you´re out.

PJ: Hey, do you wanna see my baseball card collection? It´s in my bedroom!
Bobby: That is some collection!
PJ: Yeah. I´ve been building it for a while.
Bobby: Hum, PJ I just wanna say I really like you and whatever happens tonight..
PJ: Oh, Bobby. You don´t need to give me the speech, okay?
Bobby: What speech?
PJ: Oh you know, the "we will be friends anyway" speech. I know we will be friends.
Bobby: You do?
PJ: Yeah. And let´s be honest, we are both grown ups here, right?
Bobby: Yeah, yeah, uhm... I guess...
PJ: What´s wrong?
Bobby: Uh... I don´t know, you are... you´re kinda freaking me out a little bit.
PJ: Why? Oh, oh God... I´m sorry. Here, come sit down... we´ll take it slower.
Bobby: Oh! That, that, that.. that´s freaking me out. Can you maybe not say that stuff?
PJ: What stuff?
Bobby: The guy's stuff! I mean, guys act like that. Girls say things like, uh.. 'Wait', 'Why is this happening so fast?' or 'How do I know this isn't just one night stand?'
PJ: That would be completely acting.
Bobby: Fine, but that´s hot.
PJ: Okay, fine! Okay, look Bobby... this is really happening so fast, and we don´t know each other very well, and how do I know this isn't just one night stand?
Bobby: So, you´re mocking me?
PJ: Hum, a little bit.

Mixed Signals [1.2]

PJ: When you start dating someone or kinda dating someone, communication is key. Just like in baseball where every play depends on clear signals, one missed sign can cost you the game.

PJ: Oh that´s nice. That´s nice, huh?
Man1: It is. It´s really nice.
Man2: It´s nice
Man1: Nice. Nice
Man2: Nice
PJ: Come on you guys, he´s the new guy. He doesn´t know he´s not supposed to be nice around here. You´ll learn. All right you drunks, let´s go... Thank´s again man.
Bobby: Yeah, no problem... man.

PJ: You don´t know what it´s like okay? I´m the only woman. I can´t have a personal life at work, you know? It would rip me to shreds. I've finally got into a place where they forget I´m a woman.
Stephanie: You have such strange goals.

Stephanie: No no no no no... this is going to be a very bad idea.
Brendan: Oh don´t you start on me now too.. I get enough from her.
Stephanie: You look too good and there´s an ex-girlfriend involved and a wedding
PJ: Wendy is going to take one look at you on that suit and either hating you from breaking up with her or wanting you back and either way it's going to be bad bad bad.
Brendan: You guys are being ridiculous! Alright, look. We are gonna go to the wedding, we are gonna eat our dried out chicken, we are gonna dance the celebration and when the open bar turns to a cash bar, we go on separate ways... oh so the tie works? Cause I wasn't sure to go bow or not.
PJ: My God! You love that you look that good!
Stephanie: Hoping to rub it in.
Brendan: No... no no no no... do you think it will work?

PJ: My point wasn't that I´m not interested, I just didn't want people from work to know.
Bobby: Including me apparently. okay I thought you weren't interested when you said 'Keep it professional'. And why didn't you say what you meant.
PJ: Well, it´s like we are in battle and behind the enemy lines and
Bobby: PJ, PJ! No! No more metaphors okay? I´m saying, I can´t read minds, okay? So when you act like you barely know me in front of the guys and then you say that you don´t want it to be awkward, what am I supposed to think? And my God, why is that every time I talk to you I feel like I´m a chick?

Team Chemistry [1.3]

PJ: Brendooo! Wake up! It´s morning! You left something in the living room.

The Slump [1.4]

Mike: Bottom line is that we need to go out and be piggish without you looking over our shoulders and, let's be honest, judging the prey that we then...snare.
PJ: Oh my God, that's disgusting. And shut up, I would not be judgmental of your women, okay? I never said anything about that total North suburban whore that you went up to Wisconsin...and shut up again, I know what I just did!

The Show [1.5]

Clubhouse Poison [1.6]

Free Agent [1.7]

Bobby: Why don't you guys just move it a night?
Mike: Move the Decathalon? Blasphemer!

Andy: (told he can play in the Decathalon) Really? Seriously? Okay.
Mike: You know, uh, two seconds ago I just heard you say that the Decathalon was stupid.
Andy: Yeah, well you know, it is stupid, if I wasn't participating.

Kenny: Are you gonna be good? Because PJ's really good.
Andy: I'm gonna be... I'm gonna try my best.
Kenny: Oh, he's one of those people who says stupid things like that.

PJ: No, you can't start with Jenga, I wanna watch Jenga.
Mike: Wow, you made your choice there, PJ. You know we'd all like to put on a pretty top and go out tonight.

PJ: I mean, what kind of relationship do you have if you can't come clean with the person you're with?
Stephanie: A relationship that will last! Look, it's like faking an orgasm or telling somebody that their baby is cute. These are good lies!

[playing $20,000 Pyramid]

Andy: [sits silent]
Kenny: Okay, just, give me a clue, clock's ticking.
Andy: Uh, uh...
Kenny: Anything, just say anything.
Andy: Uh...
Brendan: Nothin'.

[Kenny points at his watch, fidgets]

Andy: Oh, uh, alright.
Kenny: Okay, you have to say something. You got to, just say any word at this point.
Andy: [talking over each other] Alright.
Kenny: We're running out of...
Andy: Alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, please, a clue.
Andy: Alright, alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, a clue, a clue.
Andy: Alirght. K-k-k-k.
Kenny: You're just going, k-k-k-k, and I don't know if it's a fit or a clue.
Andy: It's... it's round.
Kenny: A basketball, a baseball, the world, a planet.
Andy: No, no, no, no. It's not.. but it's not "round", it's... round.


Kenny: Uh, it's a car without a top.
Andy: Broken car.
Kenny: No. Uh, it's the kind of car you might take to the beach, but it's the car where you push a button and the top comes down.
Andy: Beach car.
Kenny: I don't know if you have a virus... or why you don't work properly.
Andy: You're not still giving me hints, are you?
Brendan: [laughing] Ah, that's money.
Andy: Was it a dunebuggy?
Kenny: A convertible!
Andy: A convertible what?

Hank: When I was in my twenties, I hung out in bars, with a bunch of friends. Everybody goes through that phase.
PJ: Okay, it's actually not a phase.
Hank: No, hey. I know that you're going through a time in your life when you're supposed to screw around, you know. It's fun, do it. But when you... and I don't want to say "grow up."
PJ: Then don't.
Hank: You'll find, as you get older, a lot of that stuff just falls away.

[playing Sorry!]

Brendan and Mike: (together) Soooooooo-rrrrrrrrry.
Kenny: You're not sorry. Okay, you're not sorry at all.
Mike: Yeah!
Andy: You know what, apology not accepted.
Kenny: I would like a sincere apology.
Mike: It's sorry with an exclamation point. There's no apology, it's an "I'm sorry for you."
Andy: Alright. (pulls card) Sooo-rrry. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?

[wake up together in bed]

PJ: I don't know what just happened.
Bobby: Well, sometimes a man and a woman get... a special feeling.
PJ: Shut up!

[playing Family Feud]

Andy: Brendan, tell me your heaviest piece of furniture.
Brendan: Thousand pound bed!
Mike: (echo) Thousand pound... bed. Why would you say thousand pound bed?

[drunk, playing (drinking) Candyland]

Andy: It's too hard!
Kenny: It's for ages three and up.

Mike: Princess Frostine.
Kenny: She's kind of cute.
Mike: Bonjour, princess.
Andy: I hope that's a lollipop...

Stephanie: What were you thinking sleeping with Bobby? And how was it?
PJ: I don't know what I was thinking. And it was a solid B. Perfect attendance, didn't turn in all of his homework.

PJ: But if you don't get my friends... you don't get me.

Mike: Hey, just for the sake of argument... it was *this* week?
PJ: Yes.
Andy: Is that what you called?
Brendan: It is, pay it up! Come on!
Mike: You couldn't hold out until Halloween, could you?
PJ: Wait a second here, you guys bet on when I would break up with Hank?
Brendan: Oh yeah, we do it for all the guys you date.
Andy: It's the first time I lost.
PJ: Oh, I'm so sorry to disappoint you.

Kenny: Well, now that he's history, I think it's safe to tell you that Mike couldn't stand him.
Mike: Oh! I liked him more than you did!
Kenny: That's not saying much.

PJ: Okay, that was Greg Zonar, and I didn't date him, he was stalking me.
Kenny: Mike stalked a girl once. But, Mike stalks a lot of girls.

Kenny: Fine, we start and finish on three. No fingernails, no disengaging your grip early. In the event of a dispute, we're gonna bring in a neutral party...
Mike: I know the rules of a thumb fight!

[Mike wins the thumb fight immediately]

PJ: (to Kenny) Hey, don't feel bad, you did better than last year, okay?
Mike: It was odd, it was like little girl hands.

[Kenny tackles Mike to the floor]

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