National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.Erica Jong
- Directed by Stephen Kessler.
- That's nothing, it's a...birthmark.
- Hard six coming out.
- It's my long-life food varnish. The FDA finally approved it!
- This is great! They don't have any of these games at the regular casino.
- His name is not Papagiorgio. His name is Rusty Griswold and he's a C+ student!
- Rus, don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin.
- ...and he want's to enter that garden, with a knowlege, and a mulch...
- Oh, Keno! This is easy.
- I'll never fly again.
- Clark, this is a family trip. Can you try to stay with the family.
- Could be worse...you could be pregnant again.
- You find the Clark Griswold that I married and you tell him that I'm at the Mirage!
- I love what you've done with the kitchenette.
- Well, I don't know what you would do with your horses, because, Clark likes to use the garage for the cars and the lawn mower.
- I've got news for you Clark. I haven't said yes, yet.
- Couldn't you just roll us around on the bed again.
- I put a dollar in I won a car, I put a dollar in I won a car, I put a dollar in I won a car, I put a dollar in I won a car.
- Who would have thought my sister had the legs of a thoroughbred. Am I right?
- So I says to him, I said, "Get your own monkey!"
- It's expensive having an entourage.
- No corrective lenses tonight Mr Papagiorgio?
- No sir, I do not require them.
- Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on mom!
- I'll have some of the yellow. And don't get cheap on me.
- Clark, have you ever tried to swim with the dolphins?
- [to Wayne Newton] Do you need a bodyguard? I'd die for you!
- Aw, she's got her mother's looks and her daddy's sense of balance.
- My garden's spittin' out 50-lb tomatoes.
- Hey, kids. Round-up time!
- Oh, yeah. That's from when I sold my kidney. I figured with all the advancements in modern science, I'd better sell it while someone still wanted to buy it. Smartest thing I ever did, Clark.
- Lord, I hate this heat. It's not bad enough it makes your butt stick to the seat. And I want somethin' better...hey, everybody.
- Honey, these boys ain't much to look at, but, if you want a night away from your cat...
- Jilly - That's it, kid. Now all we have to do is teach you how to dress.
- Clark: Eddie, did anyone ever tell you, you're bad luck.
- Eddie: You know, those were my mother's dying words. Course, when you're covered in third degree burns and your leg's caught in a bear trap, you're bound to say weird things.
- Ellen: Clark. Are you feeling lucky tonight, Sparky?
- Clark: Not right now, honey. They're teaching me baccarat.
- Clark: Here, make the seats good.
- [begins pouring coins into the Maitre d's hand]
- Maitre d' : No...gratuity...necessary, sir. Right this way.
- Jilly: Kid, you made me a lot of money tonight. Hey, you like gettin' massages?
- Rusty: By who?
- Jilly: [sarcastically] By who...by me. Meet me in the spa tomorrow at 10 o'clock.
- Clark: You need any help with the grill, Eddie?
- Eddie: No thanks, Clark. Don't have one. [throws chicken onto a rock]
- Audrey: OK, what happened to you last night?
- Rusty: [giggles]
- [Audrey and Rusty sit down to breakfast]
- Audrey: Coffee
- Rusty: Me, too.
- Ellen: Make it three.
- Clark: [to waitress] Four coffees it is.
- Clark: Kids!
- Audrey: Daddy, don't shout.
- Clark: What do you say we each have an 'alone day', where each of us can go out and explore the city of Las Vegas in their own way.
- Ellen: Clark, I don't think that's such a good...
- Rusty: Thanks
- Audrey: See, ya.
- Clark: Don't worry, honey. You're gonna love it. See ya.
- Security: Have you seen a guy named Nick Papagiorgio?
- Clark: Yes, he took my wallet. He's over there.
- [at Club Areola]
- 'Security: Your usual table, Mr. Papagiorgio?
- Rusty: Not today, Jimmy.
- Clark: You're in big trouble, mister.
- Ellen: Clark. Are we lost?
- Rusty: Yeah, dad. What block are we on?
- Clark: Very funny, Rus.
- Rusty: I wanna gamble.
- Clark: Russell. I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again. Gambling is a very serious business.