National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation
The sooner you make your first five thousand mistakes the sooner you will be able to correct them.Kimon Nicolaides
- Directed by Stephen Kessler.
- That's nothing, it's a...birthmark.
- Hard six coming out.
- It's my long-life food varnish. The FDA finally approved it!
- This is great! They don't have any of these games at the regular casino.
- His name is not Papagiorgio. His name is Rusty Griswold and he's a C+ student!
- Rus, don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin.
- ...and he want's to enter that garden, with a knowlege, and a mulch...
- Oh, Keno! This is easy.
- I'll never fly again.
- Clark, this is a family trip. Can you try to stay with the family.
- Could be worse...you could be pregnant again.
- You find the Clark Griswold that I married and you tell him that I'm at the Mirage!
- I love what you've done with the kitchenette.
- Well, I don't know what you would do with your horses, because, Clark likes to use the garage for the cars and the lawn mower.
- I've got news for you Clark. I haven't said yes, yet.
- Couldn't you just roll us around on the bed again.
- I put a dollar in I won a car, I put a dollar in I won a car, I put a dollar in I won a car, I put a dollar in I won a car.
- Who would have thought my sister had the legs of a thoroughbred. Am I right?
- So I says to him, I said, "Get your own monkey!"
- It's expensive having an entourage.
- No corrective lenses tonight Mr Papagiorgio?
- No sir, I do not require them.
- Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on mom!
- I'll have some of the yellow. And don't get cheap on me.
- Clark, have you ever tried to swim with the dolphins?
- [to Wayne Newton] Do you need a bodyguard? I'd die for you!
- Aw, she's got her mother's looks and her daddy's sense of balance.
- My garden's spittin' out 50-lb tomatoes.
- Hey, kids. Round-up time!
- Oh, yeah. That's from when I sold my kidney. I figured with all the advancements in modern science, I'd better sell it while someone still wanted to buy it. Smartest thing I ever did, Clark.
- Lord, I hate this heat. It's not bad enough it makes your butt stick to the seat. And I want somethin' better...hey, everybody.
- Honey, these boys ain't much to look at, but, if you want a night away from your cat...
- Jilly - That's it, kid. Now all we have to do is teach you how to dress.
- Clark: Eddie, did anyone ever tell you, you're bad luck.
- Eddie: You know, those were my mother's dying words. Course, when you're covered in third degree burns and your leg's caught in a bear trap, you're bound to say weird things.
- Ellen: Clark. Are you feeling lucky tonight, Sparky?
- Clark: Not right now, honey. They're teaching me baccarat.
- Clark: Here, make the seats good.
- [begins pouring coins into the Maitre d's hand]
- Maitre d' : No...gratuity...necessary, sir. Right this way.
- Jilly: Kid, you made me a lot of money tonight. Hey, you like gettin' massages?
- Rusty: By who?
- Jilly: [sarcastically] By who...by me. Meet me in the spa tomorrow at 10 o'clock.
- Clark: You need any help with the grill, Eddie?
- Eddie: No thanks, Clark. Don't have one. [throws chicken onto a rock]
- Audrey: OK, what happened to you last night?
- Rusty: [giggles]
- [Audrey and Rusty sit down to breakfast]
- Audrey: Coffee
- Rusty: Me, too.
- Ellen: Make it three.
- Clark: [to waitress] Four coffees it is.
- Clark: Kids!
- Audrey: Daddy, don't shout.
- Clark: What do you say we each have an 'alone day', where each of us can go out and explore the city of Las Vegas in their own way.
- Ellen: Clark, I don't think that's such a good...
- Rusty: Thanks
- Audrey: See, ya.
- Clark: Don't worry, honey. You're gonna love it. See ya.
- Security: Have you seen a guy named Nick Papagiorgio?
- Clark: Yes, he took my wallet. He's over there.
- [at Club Areola]
- 'Security: Your usual table, Mr. Papagiorgio?
- Rusty: Not today, Jimmy.
- Clark: You're in big trouble, mister.
- Ellen: Clark. Are we lost?
- Rusty: Yeah, dad. What block are we on?
- Clark: Very funny, Rus.
- Rusty: I wanna gamble.
- Clark: Russell. I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again. Gambling is a very serious business.